Have feelings for a girl but not sure how to approach her

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snakeisthatyou

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I made a friend 9 years ago and immediately fell for his sister, they're twins. Kept it a secret to myself for 9 years and today, we're both grown and finishing up school and I want to pursue her without overwhelming her or her family as we are all friends. I have had her in mind for years and she fits all of the criteria for what I look for in a girl, I refuse to let her go overlooked. How do I go about approaching a shy, secluded Muslim girl? We're both 21.
 
If you think she fancies you as well, get your parents involved. Don't ask her directly :)
 
Please do not date the western way. Just ask her parents if you can marry her and you can start courting her. Meet with someone supervising, and decide from the get go you are trying to see if want to get married (if you like each other and are compatible). Her wali's permission (in this case, her father if he is alive) is required. Good luck :)
 
snakeisthatyou said:
I made a friend 9 years ago and immediately fell for his sister, they're twins. Kept it a secret to myself for 9 years and today, we're both grown and finishing up school and I want to pursue her without overwhelming her or her family as we are all friends. I have had her in mind for years and she fits all of the criteria for what I look for in a girl, I refuse to let her go overlooked. How do I go about approaching a shy, secluded Muslim girl? We're both 21.
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One important thing that I have to remind you before you try to propose marriage to your friend's sister. If your proposal accepted, Alhamdulillah. But if your proposal rejected, then friendship with your friend would be broken because both parties would feel uncomfortable with this rejection.

So make sure that your friend's sister interested to you too, and your friend would not mind, before you try to propose marriage.
 
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم،
Assalam alaikoum dear brother,

First, I think it's important for you to find out if marriage is something that's on her mind right now and if she is open to meeting a potential spouse. A way to find this out is through mutual friends or maybe even her brother. Try to find out where she stands in life, where she sees herself in the near future and what her view on marriage is (and if it's possible: find out what she thinks of you).
Secondly, before you make this very important decision, I think you should ask yourself if she is worth risking your friendship (of masha Allah 9 years) for. If you truely believe she is, you can take more serious steps...

I would not go behind her brothers back, I would first tell him and ask him how he feels about it. Tell him that you respect him and his family and that his opinion matters to you. If he's okay with it, he could be the one that informs with his sister. If he's not, than you haven't lost the friendship with the whole family... and most likely not even with her brother. Because you handled it in a respectfull way.
Ofcourse it also depends on your relation with her brother... and in the end you are the only one who can judge the situation the best.

Lastly, I advise you to pray salaat al istikhara. No matter what you choose to do, ask Allah for guidance and ease. And hopefully things will work out for you.

The best of luck,
Wa salam

Edit: I'd like to add one thing to my previous post: I'm in no way, shape or form encouraging you to pursue her in a non islamic way. That's why I think you should get one of her mahareem involved: in his case her brother.
 
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:sl: bro

dating and knowing deeply (going outside with her etc) is haram and I 've seen many marriages like that do not have barakah or last long . The best is tell your parents to talk to her parents. Or you yourself approach her dad and ask for her hand in nikkah and since your family know each other Inshallah there will not be much trouble. And even her parents MAY CONVINCE HER MORE THAN YOU IF YOU ARE GOOD WORTHY BOY IN THEIR EYES.

Forget about friendship between opposite sexes its unislamic . You can only speak if its matter of importance or inevitable like in market etc or in the presence of their magram.
 
Welcome to the forum.

Funny that... you have come to an islamic site to ask advise how to approach a member of the opposite sex... and the advice is great!

Wishing you a great stay.


:peace:
 
May Allah reward you for keeping your feelings to yourself for all these years and intending to do the right thing.

May Allah continue to bless your friendship of 9 years.

May Allah open a easy and halal path for you fillies with much love, barakah, and success.

AMEEN
 

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