Having too many friends............

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum

I have copied & pasted this info from a blog but once again i am unable to past the link as i am a new user. So apologies in advance - if you need the link let me know.

Ibn Ismaa’eel Al-Barzaanee reported that he heard Sufyaan ath-Thawri said,“Acquaint yourself with fewer people, and as a result, you will backbite less (frequently).”

Sufyaan ath-Thawri (may Allah have mercy on him) said that, One foolishly compromised one’s religion when one kept too many friends. Having too many acquaintances diverts one from one’s duty towards one’s Lord, for a person who has many friends is always busy socializing with them and fulfilling their rights over him; so he becomes preoccupied with people when he really should be preoccupied with his religious duties. The ill-effects of being too gregarious can last well beyond a social gathering. Sufyaan said, “I might meet a brother and as a result, remain heedless (of what I should be doing) for an entire month.”

Sufyaan once advised someone to test the character of the person he wanted to befriend. Sufyaan said, “Choose whoever you want as your companion. But when you have made your choice, make him angry, and then order someone to go and ask him what he thinks about you-without him knowing that you sent that person.”

Bakr ibn Muhammad Al-’Aabid related that Sufyaan ath-Thawri once said to him, “Direct me to a man with whom I can keep company.” Sufyaan said, “You are searching for something that cannot be found.”

Source: ‘Biography of Imam Sufyaan ath-Thawri ‘. this book is sold by dar-us-salaam and the author is “Salaahud-Deen ibn Ali ibn Abdul-Maujood”

 

[midoooaliii]

I agree with the idea. having many friends without knowing them v well is not safe:hiding:

 

[ardianto]

One thing that made me grateful in my life is my easiness to get friend. It made me have many friends, and I don't see anything wrong with it.

It's okay to have many friends as long as we wise when we select with who we should close.

 

[ardianto]

“Acquaint yourself with fewer people, and as a result, you will backbite less (frequently).”

The backbiter is one type of friend that we should avoid to be close. If only know each other is okay, but don't be close.

I have many friends from various characters, but I know their character after I interact with them, not before.

Basically we cannot choose with who we will be acquainted, but we still can choose with who we should close. Be wise in this matter.

 

[The-Deist]

Sufyaan once advised someone to test the character of the person he wanted to befriend. Sufyaan said, “Choose whoever you want as your companion. But when you have made your choice, make him angry, and then order someone to go and ask him what he thinks about you-without him knowing that you sent that person.”

And what is the good/bad reaction by the one who is made angry.

BTW I don't know if I even have friends...

 

[Patrick]

I would say modest honesty. Meaning saying how it made you feel truthfully but in moderation. Not saying I hate him even if your feelings are drawing you towards that emotion. But saying more along the lines of what is wrong with that person why did he act that way? I wouldn't like him if he allways acts like that.

 

[ardianto]

Never "too many" in having friends, but there always "too many" in having enemies.

If someone had too many friends, would it makes him backbite more?. Absolutely incorrect. People who have many friends never backbite, while people who love backbiting don't have many friends.

The cause was simple. People who love backbiting are people who disliked by the others. That's why they have only few friends.

 

[Patrick]

That's a very valid point. But all cases are different. I would say it could work both ways. Too many friends can work like the case of Solomon where you lose sight and take on too many views which cause you too lose sight of what can be important. Or it can work like the case of muhammad where being loved by many had no wrong in it. I think if there the right friends there's never a problem . I'm not taking away from what you said though it is an excellent statement. I'm just implying a different way of saying there are some people who do keep a closer circle with few friends who are very nice and compassionate to others but are not necessarily friends. Like Malcolm X example he eventually found the right friends who shared the true meaning of islam. But due to his old friends he could never move forward with where that path was going to lead him.

 

[M.I.A.]

I don't agree, IMO even if you attended mosque often you would at least have to give salaam to specific people.

It is no indication of character other than a tenet of faith.

Secondly a person is only of use to god if he can affect the people.

Who is the best of people?

Sitting in a mosque all day is only of use if you can provide comfort and council to the people who pass through its doors.

Thirdly, no man is self sufficient.. You plan your future on good companions.. And bad ones.

Somebody once told me that the world won't let you stay quiet. It simply does not work that way.

IMO everybody has there own natural tendencies, there is no compulsion in religion.

we could all sit at home alone all day, in the modern sense we would not be considered productive members of society..

I'm not saying that's what op is implying we do.. But it is the direction of action.

Although it is easy to say and hard to do when you are struggling.

 

[ardianto]

Having many friends is good. But spend our times only to hang out with friends without doing something productive is not good, of course.

So the question is not how many friends we have, but how good we are in managing our time in friendship.

 

[greenhill]

I think there needs to be a clearer distinction here. Friends is just too general. Perhaps into categories of companions (very close and sharing of intimacy), friends (know well and often meet), acquaintance (do meet in the course of events and know the name but not much else about the person).

I have few companions, and they generally have been around for a long time. Those who know me, grew with me and remained on course (there were those who went off course) and those that just either moved away or drifted apart.

Friends are for occasions...and there are many. activities, sports, celebrations, etc

Eventually, a friend or two may elevate himself into a place amongst the companions in syaa Allah.

If I can remember people's names, I'll have a heck of a lot of acquaintances.. and probably more friends even. But alas, my memory for names and faces is atrocious. People mistake this as aloof and arrogant. I'm very often caught not remembering names of people I have met before. :embarrass

eace:

 

[hisnameiszzz]

This is a really good topic. Thanks to the OP.

I have a lot of acquaintances but only one or two friends. I like to keep it that way. I'm quite a private person so I don't really let everyone know much about me.

I've seen at work where people think they have genuine friends and pour their whole life out to them, only for them to then leave the room and the "friend" to tell everyone else that was told to them in private.

Backbiting is awful, and it's sometimes hard to not get involved. Solely for that reason, I end up biting my inner lip so I can keep my mouth shut and not start moaning about someone even when I really want to.

 

[Eien]

I'm going to post here to test if I can post. I've been having a hard time posting for some reason... which is a pain since I actually wrote alot for 2 previous posts on different threads that don't show up.

Then, my comment on this thread is this: Too many acquaintances can easily lead to one being neglectful of their duties, especially for an more un-disciplined person such as myself. It's a shame though that in this day and age "friends" are more like accessories. Having all these acquaintances might even be detrimental to one's true friendships... I mean, hasn't anyone noticed that it's common to see friends out with one another, yet still glued to their social media and accessory friends? It's bad.

 

[BeTheChange]

As long as we remember we won't be taken our friends or family with us to the grave - as upsetting and devastating as it sounds this is the reality of the situation.

Like you advise sister, we shouldn't lose FOCUS i think that's the key and yes, some individuals do find friends as a form of distraction from their religious duties. On the other hand, some friends serve as an excellent reminder so we just need to be careful who we spend our time with.

Friends habits rub off you whether we're aware of this happening or whether we're not.

May Allah swa keep us safe Ameen.