He cannot lower his gaze because there are too many women

[Life_Is_Short]

There are just as many men on the streets with no shirts as there are half dressed women. When you see someone coming from a distance, all you have to do is to divert your attention or look down. If you develop this habit. It's really not that difficult.

 

[Muslimeen]

There are just as many men on the streets with no shirts as there are half dressed women. When you see someone coming from a distance, all you have to do is to divert your attention or look down. If you develop this habit. It's really not that difficult.

I wish it was that easy, or maybe it is, I can't rule out the possibility of something being seriously wrong with me.:embarrass

 

[Asiyah3]

Oh it “so hard”, get a grip because there is bigger purpose in life.

It shouldn’t be “manageable”; it should be easy for you by now and much easier after you are married.

Sister I know judging is easy, but please try to be more understanding insha'Allah.

Can you show me a popular packet of biscuit with naked women please?

That's not the point. Women in underwear, bikinis and other transparent and revealing clothes in adversts, commercials or TV programs are a normal view.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

You lot don’t get it? If you have been lowering your gaze over long period of time, it should be habitual. All this, is so hard is from the way in which you have been brought up. If a man is told from a young age that he cannot help but ogle at women or suppress his desires and that women need to cover up completely then he will do nothing to control himself. Many claim it is beyond the control of men to suppress such emotions and often the blame is put upon women, especially in so called Muslim society today.

I have male relatives who live in the west that don’t find it difficult because:

1. They have been lowering their gaze for such a long time, it has become a habit.
2. They have bigger purpose in life, family and religion keep them occupied.

These men do not use excuses such as a man is pre programmed to lust after women and they don’t complain. But instead live their day to day lives whilst respecting the women around them.

Both male and female raise their sons up correctly to be better men and not make excuses for them, but to respect their fellow sisters of every race/religion!

It became such a habit to me that I had problem with my university for not giving “eye contact” to patients during work experiences. These barriers have always been there, but if you have been lowering your gaze for such a long time, these barriers are so easy to get through.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

I cannot sympathise with any man that complains tbh.

Every summer, there always has to be a Muslim man complaining how difficult it is or how a sister is dress and acts. It like you wants us to play violin for hardship of men.

I rather play the violin for greater hardship Muslims come across than lowering one’s gaze! And I embraced to say some Muslim men still stare at those wearing proper hijab and even nigab. As a result, some say women should be staying indoors 24/7

 

[Woodrow]

You lot don’t get it? If you have been lowering your gaze over long period of time, it should be habitual. All this, is so hard is from the way in which you have been brought up. If a man is told from a young age that he cannot help but ogle at women or suppress his desires and that women need to cover up completely then he will do nothing to control himself. Many claim it is beyond the control of men to suppress such emotions and often the blame is put upon women, especially in so called Muslim society today.

I have male relatives who live in the west that don’t find it difficult because:

1. They have been lowering their gaze for such a long time, it has become a habit.
2. They have bigger purpose in life, family and religion keep them occupied.

These men do not use excuses such as a man is pre programmed to lust after women and they don’t complain. But instead live their day to day lives whilst respecting the women around them.

Both male and female raise their sons up correctly to be better men and not make excuses for them, but to respect their fellow sisters of every race/religion!

It became such a habit to me that I had problem with my university for not giving “eye contact” to patients during work experiences. These barriers have always been there, but if you have been lowering your gaze for such a long time, these barriers are so easy to get through.

One of the best replies I have ever seen regarding this subject. It is all about Attitude, intent and habit. Once those are developed to a mature level, this is no longer a major problem Stop and think, most males have no problem in not noticing muscled, scantly dressed males (I hope they don't). The same reason we can avoid looking at them can be used to develop the discipline needed to avoid uneeeded looking at women.

 

[FS123]

sometime people demand to look up. Once I was taking to a lady in registar's office to get the grades, she shouted at me not look down while she is talking :/

 

[Muslimeen]

You lot don’t get it? If you have been lowering your gaze over long period of time, it should be habitual. All this, is so hard is from the way in which you have been brought up. If a man is told from a young age that he cannot help but ogle at women or suppress his desires and that women need to cover up completely then he will do nothing to control himself. Many claim it is beyond the control of men to suppress such emotions and often the blame is put upon women, especially in so called Muslim society today.

I have male relatives who live in the west that don’t find it difficult because:

1. They have been lowering their gaze for such a long time, it has become a habit.
2. They have bigger purpose in life, family and religion keep them occupied.

These men do not use excuses such as a man is pre programmed to lust after women and they don’t complain. But instead live their day to day lives whilst respecting the women around them.

Both male and female raise their sons up correctly to be better men and not make excuses for them, but to respect their fellow sisters of every race/religion!

It became such a habit to me that I had problem with my university for not giving “eye contact” to patients during work experiences. These barriers have always been there, but if you have been lowering your gaze for such a long time, these barriers are so easy to get through.

Jazakallah sister,

I must accept, I have not trained myself from a young age. In fact I was taught by my parents and in madrassah, however it must be my innermost dark self that has led me astray. There are these two conflicting forces/voices within myself that I have to keep on fighting, everyday of my life.

It is not the women that walks past me, it is my eyes that follows her.
It is not the evil that is around me, it is the evil that is within me.
The problem is not with the world around me, the problem is deep down inside me.

I ask that you make dua for my guidance and humanity at large, as long as we keep on making excuses we will never be able to reform ourselves. I wish I had your strength and resolve to do good and forbid evil. May allah keep you on the straight path and make you from amongst the dwellers of paradise. Ameen.

 

[Woodrow]

sometime people demand to look up. Once I was taking to a lady in registar's office to get the grades, she shouted at me not look down while she is talking :/

There is a knack in this. Select a point to look at on the wall behind the person and you will be avoiding gazing at the person.

 

[Muslimeen]

There is a knack in this. Select a point to look at on the wall behind the person and you will be avoiding gazing at the person.

I agree, however, I am still trying to figure out where to look when I am walking in shopping mall, if I look straight ahead, I look at them straight in the face or some other part of the body, and if I look down, all I see is LEGS!! White, black, brown, all colours, thank allah for winter and curse the inventor of the mini skirt.
Maybe I should start looking at the ceiling, oops, just walked into one. Sorry:bump1:
Just kidding.

 

[tango92]

There is a knack in this. Select a point to look at on the wall behind the person and you will be avoiding gazing at the person.

but you still see them in your peripheral vision, i thought that defeats the purpose. i need to gain more knowledge about this.....

 

[FS123]

There is a knack in this. Select a point to look at on the wall behind the person and you will be avoiding gazing at the person.

I wasn't gazing, there was desk in between, and in the registar office it is high. She wanted me to look at her face when she was talking, maybe she thought I wasn't paying attention. Some people prefer to have eye contact when they are talking.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

I cannot sympathise with any man that complains tbh.

Every summer, there always has to be a Muslim man complaining how difficult it is or how a sister is dress and acts. It like you wants us to play violin for hardship of men.

I rather play the violin for greater hardship Muslims come across than lowering one’s gaze! And I embraced to say some Muslim men still stare at those wearing proper hijab and even nigab. As a result, some say women should be staying indoors 24/7

I think you need to have a little more mercy on your brothers - it's not like you actually can relate to what brothers have to go through because you're not inbuilt with the same mental processes. It's not exactly easy to deal with beautiful women when they're not dressed properly, when you're a young man with hot blood, and you're not married so you don't have a halal avenue to channel your desires. This is a reality that you cannot deny because it's what most young men face and it's even confirmed in the Qur'an and it even occurred in front of the Prophet (saw) with a young companion from Quraysh checking out a girl in front of the Prophet and his response and counsel to the young man wasn't the same as what you're suggesting.

Now Im not trying to justify a guy checking out girls - but at the same time you need to realize that you're a woman and you cannot understand how men function just like we cannot fathom how you function. You need to cut the guys some slack - it's not exactly easy to deal with immodestly dressed beautiful women especially when theres a lot of them all around you. It's hard, especially in the summer. Stop pointing the fingers on the men. It also is hard when you're trying to deal with a decked out sister. Some guys are not attracted to the scantily dressed women but are attracted to the modestly dressed sisters, even niqabis and when shes decked out in makeup and jewelry, she's not exactly making it easier for her brothers. Or when the Niqabi sister has on contacts or some way to beautify her eyes. Part of the 'blame' so to speak lies on her as well. This is reality.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

I think you need to have a little more mercy on your brothers - it's not like you actually can relate to what brothers have to go through because you're not inbuilt with the same mental processes. It's not exactly easy to deal with beautiful women when they're not dressed properly, when you're a young man with hot blood, and you're not married so you don't have a halal avenue to channel your desires. This is a reality that you cannot deny because it's what most young men face and it's even confirmed in the Qur'an and it even occurred in front of the Prophet (saw) with a young companion from Quraysh checking out a girl in front of the Prophet and his response and counsel to the young man wasn't the same as what you're suggesting.

Now Im not trying to justify a guy checking out girls - but at the same time you need to realize that you're a woman and you cannot understand how men function just like we cannot fathom how you function. You need to cut the guys some slack - it's not exactly easy to deal with immodestly dressed beautiful women especially when theres a lot of them all around you. It's hard, especially in the summer. Stop pointing the fingers on the men. It also is hard when you're trying to deal with a decked out sister. Some guys are not attracted to the scantily dressed women but are attracted to the modestly dressed sisters, even niqabis and when shes decked out in makeup and jewelry, she's not exactly making it easier for her brothers. Or when the Niqabi sister has on contacts or some way to beautify her eyes. Part of the 'blame' so to speak lies on her as well. This is reality.

I would actually be more sympathetic, if I did not hear about it so many times in forums and community even in mosques. I would also be more sympathetic if brothers quit complaining about sisters, it is off putting. I would also be more sympathetic, if people did not focus so much on it! I would also be more sympathetic if brother quit telling me what to do, how to dress and what I can or cannot do, all because I would be fitna to them! I would also be sympathetic if they start to place same level of criticism on themselves.

I would cut men some slack, when they start to change and cut the sisters some slack. And men start being sympathetic towards the sisters, the fact that they have to fully cover up in extremely hot weather or islamicphobic environment.

I also said proper hijab and Nigab, these girls I was talking about don’t even wear makeup.

I am inpatient and quite intolerant person; this is something I am willing to change about myself. But I won’t be getting my violin out just yet tho.

 

[Alpha Dude]

Sweet106, I think you're being a drama queen. Nobody's asking you to get your violin out. Just don't let your hatred of men (as evident by the ''all men are patriarchal' undertones in most of your posts) get in the way of seeing the facts.

It is plainly obvious to anyone that women are one of the biggest fitna for men (nevermind that this also mentioned in hadith).

We're also told that women would be the biggest tool that dajjal will use to attract followers. Obviously, there must something about them that is very alluring to men.

Also, men are allowed to marry four women (even if purely for sake of their desires) and it is permissible for them to have relations with slave-girls. Not to mention the reward of hoors in jannah. You're free to make your own judgements but it's obvious to an unbiased person that women have a seductive power over men.

Anyway, you are just generalising the behaviour of some men and assuming it's true of all. We don't all lock our women up in the kitchen (although I think it would do the ultra feminist ones some good, as a reality check - usually they have a lot of arrogance, some hard work would break that <_<).

So, just chill.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

Salam

And here I thought marrying four women didn’t have anything to with sex...

I did not deny women are fitna to men. I clearly said isn’t as hard as people here make out. Allah (swt) didn’t leave anything impossible on this earth.

I clearly wrote that I was inpatient and intolerant person especially towards men, bitter experiences leave bitter taste. And I am not sorry for my undertone.

But doesn’t mean I said wasn’t true; I would be more sympathetic, if people quit placing our deen on this one issue and same level of criticism was placed on Muslim men too.

 

[Alpha Dude]

And here I thought marrying four women didn’t have anything to with sex...

Wa alaykum salam,

It doesn't have to be but don't be under any illusion and think men aren't allowed to marry for that reason either. If a guy is having trouble keeping himself in check and is about to get involved in zina then it actually becomes wajib upon him to marry someone else.

I clearly said isn’t as hard as people here make out. Allah (swt) didn’t leave anything impossible on this earth.

No man says it's impossible. Just very difficult.

I clearly wrote that I was inpatient and intolerant person especially towards men, bitter experiences leave bitter taste. And I am not sorry for my undertone.

Fair enough.

I hope you appreciate that most men don't like women with attitude. You can ask men to do something politely, tell them to do it politely, demand them to do it albeit in a modest polite manner and they are far far more likely to listen to what you have to say than if you were to show even a hint of attitude.

Attitude doesn't really earn you any respect with men. Quite the contrary. I think some women over do it in a bid to 'assert' themselves.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

It doesn't have to be but don't be under any illusion and think men aren't allowed to marry for that reason either. If a guy is having trouble keeping himself in check and is about to get involved in zina then it actually becomes wajib upon him to marry someone else.

Oh I did not know this. Provided that he can afford it and spend the same time with them?

No man says it's impossible. Just very difficult.

Does the difficulties have to be mentioned as much as it is already?

Fair enough.

I hope you appreciate that most men don't like women with attitude. You can ask men to do something politely, tell them to do it politely, demand them to do it albeit in a modest polite manner and they are far far more likely to listen to what you have to say than if you were to show even a hint of attitude.

Attitude doesn't really earn you any respect with men. Quite the contrary. I think some women over do it in a bid to 'assert' themselves.

Trust me, i am not asserting myself. My attitude never developed to gain respect nor was it to teach men anything. Men is what shaped and assisted my attitude. If anything my attitude isn’t really going to change for any man at all but for my son.

 

[Ansariyah]

^Sis sweet106 doesn't need ur respect to be honest she spoke the truth, it hurts? get over it 'man'. Nor did she display any attitude, why are brothers getting all heated up about the simple truth?

Its true some brothers will hit on sistas even if they are dressed properly n are not wearing any make up, that doesn't make it the sisters fault, no1 cares about ur hormones excuses keep that to urself pls.

I was once in a lift wit a brotha who kept saying 'MashaAllah MashaAllah' but trust me it was no sincere mashaAllah, it was a pervy one.

Now I cringe when I hear the word 'MashaAllah'...

 

[Alpha Dude]

Oh I did not know this. Provided that he can afford it and spend the same time with them?

I don't know. However, no woman would really marry someone if he couldn't provide for her and as for the second, that's not something that can be gauged prior to marriage (although he'd be accountable on the day of judgement for any injustices).

Does the difficulties have to be mentioned as much as it is already?

Your sentence had it coming, given that you tried to imply that men say it's impossible when they don't.

Trust me, i am not asserting myself. My attitude never developed to gain respect nor was it to teach men anything. Men is what shaped and assisted my attitude. If anything my attitude isn’t really going to change for any man at all but for my son.

If you are divorced and don't want to marry again, then that's your choice but just for reference: If you'd like a happy marriage, drop this men hating attitude.

^Sis sweet106 doesn't need ur respect

It was general (sincere) advice for her and I think you need it to. If you want your husbands and other men out there to respect you properly and listen to you, then behave modestly, appropriately, politely with little attitude. It would be counter productive to have a guns blazing approach.

Its true some brothers will hit on sistas even if they are dressed properly n are not wearing any make up, that doesn't make it the sisters fault, no1 cares about ur hormones excuses keep that to urself pls.

You've obviously misunderstood what's being discussed. This is about muslim men saying how hard it is to guard their gaze given the way women parade themselves. Not muslim men saying how hard it is to avoid harassing and perving women because they make it so easy. Don't know how you even came to that conclusion?(!)

C'mon 'sista', at least understand something before blindly barging in to offer girl power support.