He Fears Hating His Wife for Her Kufr

[Al Ansari]

A brother I know began to study Islaam I believe in 2002. He got married in 2004 to a highschool sweetheart. They have been together since 2000. He embraced Islaam in 2004 and his wife as he told me was thinking that she had to embrace Islaam as well in order to keep her husband. Supposedly she was not ready for the responsibilties of becoming a Muslim and sacrificing somethings, i.e. holidays, pork, etc.

The brother had so much zeal when embracing Islaam, but he and his wife went through skirmishes with her being lax in the deen and him being very committed. They now have 5 children and being that he is now away from his family for a year with a break to see them during the 6th month, his wife has told him that she believes in Muhammad (saws) as a rasul, but Islaam demands a lot and she is not ready for it.

According to my brother, she wears clothes that are against Islaam and she recently got a tattoo and a tongue ring. He is looking to divorce her, but he does not know. I could not give solid advice and before he goes about making a tough decision he has asked for fatawah, naseeha from forums, masajid, even from non-Muslims, being that where he is there are no Muslims.

His wife does not have an issue with him teaching his children Islaam, but she also wants the children to partake in festivals that she did as a child-not for the religious significance but for the fun activities. She is and was never a spiritual or devout person, but it appears that he is trying to rush her. I told him it has been 6 years and they still cannot seem to get over the issue.

Please provide any advice so that I may advise my brother.

Jazakumullah Khayran

 

[vlamrko]

hating his wife? i don't think that is right. if he seeks to divorce her then it should not be on those grounds, in my opinion, it sounds more like he has grown apart from her in embracing islam. he may not love her anymore but that does not mean that there is any room for disrespect or disapproval, he should remember that he once loved her and it wasn't she who changed in the end. it does seem like he may be trying to rush her or encourage her in a way which she'd prefer not to go, and although that may mean he cannot be married to or in love with her, i think there should still be respect and perhaps even fondness in another medium.

 

[cat eyes]

some scholars would say divorce her and some would say marry a second wife who is a muslim. if she is going against everything then it is a problem obviously you can't ignore this as a husband. obviously there will be not much attraction or love because of the fact she dose not dress or act like a muslim. every husband wants that i am happy the brother embraced islam alhamdulilah. i would leave this question for the scholars as her prayers will not even be accepted either because of that tatoo or dose she even pray?

 

[S_87]

some scholars would say divorce her and some would say marry a second wife who is a muslim.

exactly.

theres the side where he should divorce because she is of no benifit to him islamically and not praying salah and not living the life a muslim even minimally is a grave thing-the majority opinion is a person that doesnt pray salah is a kafir so what does that say?

HOWEVER because he has 5 kids he will also need to be pretty involved in their growing up so that she does not lead them on a wrong path which is a possibility since after their divorcing, she will go have other partners etc. but will she accept a second wife?
the situation itself is sticky and i would advise him speak to someone knowledgable of his situation.

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/98624/wife neglects prayer