He wants another baby, nut not me

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Marriam

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He wants another baby

Salam,


I have been married for 7 years and have to beautiful kids , two boys. I have ups and downs with my husband but that's just life.


Last week my husband came up to me with the desire of having another baby. I am currently working and not him ( he is in the process of starting his own business). I don't have any financial worry when thinking about a third baby because i know that Allah is the All Provider. I have always dreamt of three kids too , but not longer. My husband is really lazy and doesn't take care of the kids. Everything is my responsibility and cannot ake it anymore. Like i don´t think like western people that it should be 50-50 but i would really like him to be more active etc... I live with my in-laws because of his wish. They are nice to me but cannot/don't help me much. My parents live in another country so there are many factors that make me feel helpless. So therefore, i said to him that i cant afford it. It is way to much struggle for me, mentally and physically.There are small things he could do to ease my life but doesn't.
So as a "punishment" he said he doesn't want any intimacy with me as according to Islam I can not say no to him for a kid. Moreover, he thinks its just like this that its women duty only to take care of kids and that I'm not the only one doing it in this world. Like its not big of a deal.
There are lots of things that i do too for him which are not compulsory either for me to do according to Islam but i just try to be a good wife.


Has anyone known this situation? how to get over it. Divorce is not a possibility for me. Do you thing he is fair/right?
 
Salam,


I have been married for 7 years and have to beautiful kids , two boys. I have ups and downs with my husband but that's just life.


Last week my husband came up to me with the desire of having another baby. I am currently working and not him ( he is in the process of starting his own business). I don't have any financial worry when thinking about a third baby because i know that Allah is the All Provider. I have always dreamt of three kids too , but not longer. My husband is really lazy and doesn't take care of the kids. Everything is my responsibility and cannot ake it anymore. Like i don´t think like western people that it should be 50-50 but i would really like him to be more active etc... I live with my in-laws because of his wish. They are nice to me but cannot/don't help me much. My parents live in another country so there are many factors that make me feel helpless. So therefore, i said to him that i cant afford it. It is way to much struggle for me, mentally and physically.There are small things he could do to ease my life but doesn't.
So as a "punishment" he said he doesn't want any intimacy with me as according to Islam I can not say no to him for a kid. Moreover, he thinks its just like this that its women duty only to take care of kids and that I'm not the only one doing it in this world. Like its not big of a deal.
There are lots of things that i do too for him which are not compulsory either for me to do according to Islam but i just try to be a good wife.


Has anyone known this situation? how to get over it. Divorce is not a possibility for me. Do you thing he is fair/right?
 
Re: He wants another baby

Marriam said:
Salam,


I have been married for 7 years and have to beautiful kids , two boys. I have ups and downs with my husband but that's just life.


Last week my husband came up to me with the desire of having another baby. I am currently working and not him ( he is in the process of starting his own business). I don't have any financial worry when thinking about a third baby because i know that Allah is the All Provider. I have always dreamt of three kids too , but not longer. My husband is really lazy and doesn't take care of the kids. Everything is my responsibility and cannot ake it anymore. Like i don´t think like western people that it should be 50-50 but i would really like him to be more active etc... I live with my in-laws because of his wish. They are nice to me but cannot/don't help me much. My parents live in another country so there are many factors that make me feel helpless. So therefore, i said to him that i cant afford it. It is way to much struggle for me, mentally and physically.There are small things he could do to ease my life but doesn't.
So as a "punishment" he said he doesn't want any intimacy with me as according to Islam I can not say no to him for a kid. Moreover, he thinks its just like this that its women duty only to take care of kids and that I'm not the only one doing it in this world. Like its not big of a deal.
There are lots of things that i do too for him which are not compulsory either for me to do according to Islam but i just try to be a good wife.


Has anyone known this situation? how to get over it. Divorce is not a possibility for me. Do you thing he is fair/right?
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Walikum Salam sister,

I did not read your full thread but few lines. Even If your husband wants another Baby , If Allah does not will its not going to happen. I did not long for 4th baby but did not use contraceptives suddenly after 10 years it was a shock my wife became pregnant, Subhanallah

My Sister controlled it after the 1st baby but after 6-7 years they have been trying for 12 years but nothing is the outcome though she is a Doctor. Subhanallah too
 
It seems your husband only reads the verses and ahadith that relates to duties of wife or rights of husband in Islam.

Tell him to also read the duties of husband, and rights of wife. (Of course, not scolding him, giving him good naseehah).

He is not the only one doing so, in fact we see this very common amongst Muslim husbands as well as wives.

So he is not focusing on what is his duty, i.e. to provide "nafaqah" for his family, to the extent that you have to work.

And he demands from you that you do your duty, i.e. to bear children.

But please tell him this in a good fashion, i.e. naseehah style, not scolding him, or saying that you are lazy.

Secondly, Rasul ullah (SAWS) used to help his wives in household works, so Muslim husbands should emulate this as a Sunnah! It's not correct to say that it's wife's responsibility, and all the wives do it.

Again, use the naseehah style please.

Regarding having another baby, I would highly encourage you to say "yes" to him, not because he is threatening you in different ways (i.e. boycotting intimacy, etc) but because Islam strongly encourages having more children. So you say "yes" to please Allah swt and the Prophet (SAWS), as he encouraged this in many ahadith.

This way you also please your husband, and your relationship gets stronger.

And also remember, that pleasing the husband leads to pleasing Allah (SWT).

And Allah knows best!
 

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