Help/advise required.

[anonymous]

This site has benefited me a lot, so I think it would be better if i start off here. I have an issue that I should've addressed earilier, but failed to. My mother has recently started to talk about engagement sort of thing. However, I told her bluntly as i can, I don't want to. Not particularly due to typical circumstances, but the fact I don't think I can handle marriage at all. I am very against it. I can't imagine myself loving a woman, and all of that comes along. I am not gay, just to make things clear. I've seen horrible things happen in marraige, i.e, constant arguments, physical abuse, and worse of al cheating. More women are actually having an affair, becoming more "manly" and think their all that. They annoy me. Not that I would go on a killing-spree or something, but it's just i dont trust them at all. I used to distrust my own mother for some time. I'll always have in mind, that this woman is up to something that is not good, shes plotting to kill me lol, it sounds funny but thats what i think. I don't know what to do. I don't like the idea of marriage due to these issues with me. Most muslim women are cheating, running off, and lying constantly and these are the ones who wear "hijab". Like what is up with that? And think they can do what men can do. Should I even be cocncered as a muslim for marriage? I don't think its necessary for one to marry, well that is what i think anyway.

 

[Muhammad]

Wa Alaykum Assalaam,

May Allaah (swt) make things easy for you and increase you in guidance, Aameen.

Insha'Allaah someone can post some advice about this topic.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

My mother has recently started to talk about engagement sort of thing. However, I told her bluntly as i can, I don't want to. Not particularly due to typical circumstances, but the fact I don't think I can handle marriage at all. I am very against it. I can't imagine myself loving a woman, and all of that comes along.

have you had some kind of childhood disturbances?

I've seen horrible things happen in marraige, i.e, constant arguments, physical abuse, and worse of al cheating.

have you not seen a happily married couple? trust me, there are plenty out there...

More women are actually having an affair, becoming more "manly" and think their all that. They annoy me. Not that I would go on a killing-spree or something, but it's just i dont trust them at all.
alot of women have affoars,

probably becuase they are forced into marrying someone against their will :rollseyes
but if you marry a girl with her consent and pay attention to her and show her the love and respect she deserves, then she wont have a need for that stuff...you teach people how to treat you...

I don't know what to do. I don't like the idea of marriage due to these issues with me. Most muslim women are cheating, running off, and lying constantly and these are the ones who wear "hijab". Like what is up with that?

and alot of other women fear allah too....

 

[Muhaba]

I really think you should see a psychologist/counselor for this problem of yours. you seem to have a phobia, are even paranoid if you think someone would be trying to kill you. this problem can be solved through counseling, i'm sure. the psychologist will dig into your past/subconscious to uproot the main cause of your phobia, which even you may not be aware of. and once the cause is known, it will be much easier for you to overcome your phobia of women.

btw, in some countries women may be having affairs, but not in all. you can marry someone that you or your family knows well, someone from a muslim country. i'm sure you will be able to love your wife very much, once your phobias are removed. May Allah help you overcome your phobias.

 

[Zahida]

Umm ul-Shaheed, put everything very well. I also feel that maybe past events or experiences are making you feel this way. You must put your trust in Allah............... Whatever happens has already been predestined for you.

May Allah ease your difficulties and replace them with ease. Ameen.:bump1:

 

[crayon]

Most muslim women are cheating, running off, and lying constantly and these are the ones who wear "hijab".

Hmmm.. I'm loving the generalizations.:rollseyes

From what you said in your post, you seem to have some sort of issue with the opposite sex, which you should probably sort out before you get married. Otherwise, you would be paranoid, and it would be unfair to your wife.

 

[S_87]

think about the many muslim women who think that of muslim men

 

[nms]

think about the many muslim women who think that of muslim men

I agree with this quote. many muslim woman are good and kind.

 

[Vito]

Should I even be cocncered as a muslim for marriage? I don't think its necessary for one to marry, well that is what i think anyway.

Is Marriage Compulsory in Islam?

A Muslim always has a choice; he is never forced to do things as long as he knows the consequences of his choice and is fully responsible for the outcome of his actions. Applying this basic concept to marriage, the favored option by Allah is to find a good, pious mate and get married.

Muslims who want to please Allah must not choose celibacy for no reason while they are capable of getting married. And Muslims who are unable to get married for acceptable reasons are still expected to refrain from premarital sex until Allah wills it for them to afford marriage.

Marriage is compulsory for a man if he has the means to easily pay the dower and to support a wife and children; he is healthy; and he fears that if does not marry he may be tempted to commit fornication.

Marriage is also compulsory for a woman if she has no other means of maintaining herself and she fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication.

But even for a person who has a strong will to control his/her sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him/her away from his/her devotion to Allah, marriage is commendable.

The general opinion is that if a person, male or female, fears that if he/she does not marry he/she will commit fornication, then marriage becomes wajib (obligatory). If a person has strong sexual urges, then it becomes wajib for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed, especially if one has the means.

Marriage is not recommended for a man who does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, who has no sex drive, or who dislikes children.

The Qur’an and the Sunnah clearly show that marriage is a mithaq—a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter that can be taken lightly. One should follow the Islamic rules for selecting a mate for life, and should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one.

Taken from www.readingislam.com

 

[anonymous]

I don't have phobia. However, I suppose I did have a bad childhood. Most females along with males did bully me, verbally. Then you add my parents fighting, mostly my dad. I began to hate girls. They should not exist at all, this is before I came to Islam. I do have a muslim family, its just nobody ever had the time, nor effort to pay attention to me especially regards to Islam. So I found my way through in the end, alhamdulilah.

Typical, for female users to say "men do the same or worse". Not necessarily, according to statistics, its the women.

But thats just another talk, another argument. I suppose, the verbal bullying has created deep hatred. It's not like i would hate those who get abused, mistreated, disrespected, but those who are corrupted.

I wouldn't dare to mistreat a women/girl who is pious, respectful and kind. But the ones who do create trouble just for their selfish "womenly" cause, makes me want to do something about it.

I feel confused many times and I know for sure a psychologist CANNOT resolve my issue, I can reason things out, but this I can not. I've actually gotten proposal from actual sisters, but what did I say to them, you can find someone better im not worth your time.

As far as the marriage goes, yes I already know I shouldn't get involved. My mom disagrees with me, she believes I am not capable of haramming any women. So the issue is, do I just keep making dua and leave it to Allah swt because that is what I do for most of everything. Or is there some way, I should try to stop thinking this way. I barely talked to any girl in high school. I don't think I even had any female friends in my life. I've kept myself distant, that made my friends believe im gay, when I am not. So that is another issue as well. Why does the society fucntion this way now? You must be with a female, unless your "homosexual orientated"?

That just upsets me and annoys me so much. Why are muslim women trying to be so into their career rather than paying attention to their kids and family! I had a grudge with my mom over that, but she said that my dad wouldn't finanicially support us besides providing a house and a meal. Other expensives were not "his responsbility".

=\ I feel completely lost now. Sorry, forget this. It was stupid anyway to attempt at it.

thanks for all youre responeses everyone.

 

[coddles76]

This site has benefited me a lot, so I think it would be better if i start off here. I have an issue that I should've addressed earilier, but failed to. My mother has recently started to talk about engagement sort of thing. However, I told her bluntly as i can, I don't want to. Not particularly due to typical circumstances, but the fact I don't think I can handle marriage at all. I am very against it. I can't imagine myself loving a woman, and all of that comes along. I am not gay, just to make things clear. I've seen horrible things happen in marraige, i.e, constant arguments, physical abuse, and worse of al cheating. More women are actually having an affair, becoming more "manly" and think their all that. They annoy me. Not that I would go on a killing-spree or something, but it's just i dont trust them at all. I used to distrust my own mother for some time. I'll always have in mind, that this woman is up to something that is not good, shes plotting to kill me lol, it sounds funny but thats what i think. I don't know what to do. I don't like the idea of marriage due to these issues with me. Most muslim women are cheating, running off, and lying constantly and these are the ones who wear "hijab". Like what is up with that? And think they can do what men can do. Should I even be cocncered as a muslim for marriage? I don't think its necessary for one to marry, well that is what i think anyway.

There are many righteous and very decent females out there. My wife is one of them. Generalising won't help your mental state either and you have to make dua constantly to try to remove this state from your thinking, Allah SWT has created both the man and women for a reason and Allah SWT says:

[Quran 7:189]It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love).

 

[anonymous]

There are many righteous and very decent females out there. My wife is one of them. Generalising won't help your mental state either and you have to make dua constantly to try to remove this state from your thinking, Allah SWT has created both the man and women for a reason and Allah SWT says:

[Quran 7:189]It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love).

Yeah That is what I keep telling myself. I have this doubtfulness in me. I suppose I am a type of person who prefers to know things are going to be done this way and that is that. The uncertainity that is present, is making me this way.

Jazakallah.

 

[alcurad]

it's not as bad as you make it brother, moat women are actually not so bad_really-give it time and any problem is solved, don't fret too much about crossing a bridge you might never have to cross, that is, don't go into dark broodings before knowing enough. it'll be alright, if you want it to be, and remember, how we see others is really a reflection of ourselves.
don't worry, have faith in God and strive to better yourself, the rest is going to fall in place

 

[coddles76]

Yeah That is what I keep telling myself. I have this doubtfulness in me. I suppose I am a type of person who prefers to know things are going to be done this way and that is that. The uncertainity that is present, is making me this way.

Jazakallah.

The doubtfulness is a mixture of insecurity and the shaytaan trying to steer you off the things that could lead you to goodness. Marriage is suppossed to steer you into a path of righteousness and completes half your faith, the shaytaan dislikes that you get married and have a succesful companionship and sends his soldiers everyday trying to break down those successful marriages. Try to seek refuge in Allah SWT from the cursed Shaytaan.
May Allah SWT protect us all from his evil promptings inshAllah

 

[anonymous]

What I hate is this. Not htat I want to pick a certain ethncity i am sure others are same. But recently many and i mean, many pakistani muslim women end up marrying either a sikh guy, or hindu guy. Or they are married with kids, and run away with either of those two. This is what bogs me down. Like, WHY? Why? Especially for married ones! Why do they have to do this? Do they really want to go to hell? and riot in there? Thats why I decided not to get married, regardless. I don't trust any women in these times, they are liars, and commit adultery more than men do. From what I hear and seen, its enough to make me not to marry at all. Its disgusting how these women , pakistani ones can go so far. I feel ashammed of it, yet they don't!

 

[FatimaAsSideqah]

I can understand your feelings brother.

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not harm his neighbors. And I command you to take good care of the women.’ (Bukhari)

Even when women misbehave, tolerance and not violence is recommended, as a way to solve the problem. The Prophet (pbuh) said:

‘No believing man should hate a believing woman, if he hates one of her manners, he should be satisfied with another.’

The same meaning is repeated in a heavenly advice for husbands through the Qur'an - the holy book of Muslims – that says:

... live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good. (Surah 4 Verse 19)

I just put the facts on here.

Not all of women are bad because many many plenty of pious, believers women out there. Trust me.

 

[Cabdullahi]

''More women are actually having an affair, becoming more''

more women are alone at home while their husbands are away spending time in titty bars

 

[seeker-of-light]

sorry, but from my experience guys cheat on their wives much more commonly than women cheat on husbands. this is why i am paranoid about guys and marriage, because i have had an abusive relationship with a man previously that really affected me badly. i would suggest at least getting over your biases towards women though, while right now i am afraid of any kind of commitment to a guy i do have respect for them. while there are some bad women, not ALL women are bad. perhaps you have had some negative experiences, however i would not allow this to develop into dislike or general annoyance against women thinking that they are all like this. i know i am not like this=s

 

[ATHEISTofPEACE]

think about the many muslim women who think that of muslim men

This topic really falls out of the religon. Some men fell this way about woman, some woman about men. I think the op needs a doctor.

 

[ATHEISTofPEACE]

Really is there a point to saying who cheats more and why? It is just going to be stippulation based on stero types and personal expeinces. I think it would be best to say some people cheat.