HELP! Friend has changed due to a boy?

  • Thread starter Thread starter noorislite
  • Start date Start date
  • Replies Replies 34
  • Views Views 7K
noorislite said:
Takumi, thanks so much for the letter. I am definitely going to incorporate it. I think that is a much better approach, becuz it is kind yet straightforward.

I do not regret not being close friends with her, although I do miss the sense of belonging I had when I was her friend. Does that make sense? I just think however, perhaps we had cultural differences that makes me feel like I do not fit in with her and him anymore. So although I feel more lonely where I am right now, I also feel more at peace.... I just wish I could find Muslims or a Muslim community where what religion I practiced was first and foremost, not what ethnicity I am.
Click to expand...

It's really comforting to know that you have sorted your own feelings. I am very proud of how you handle the situation. Been there, done that.

I, too, lost many friends in my journey towards Allah, and Allah had replaced them with people who really cared about my deen and will take advice seriously and reciprocate by saying, "thank you for looking out for me".

You gotta take care of yourself. Love yourself enough to increase your obedience towards Allah. You need that spiritual strength to defend youself from sadness, despair and getting discouraged when you're sometimes at your wit's end.

May I suggest that you memorize some Al Quran and increase your superegoratory prayers. Those elements enrich your psyche and will help you make better decisions in the future. It will certainly calm you down.

Always sit down and write down your thoughts and chart them. Prioritize things in your life. You will see it more clearly and you will be able to make good decisions, insha Allah.

I didn't say it was going to be easy, but Allah says, " whomsoever struggles in our path we will indeed guide them. Indeed we are with those who enjoin goodness" (An Nahl, sorry my quran is rusty).
 
Thanks Takumi. May Allah reward you and the other posters for your sincerity.

I've changed so much since last year. However, I tend to isolate myself more. I find that going to school and having to witness inappropriate social actions and talks really brings me down and hurts my iman. I know that last year I would engage it that very same thing. But now, I do not, and so I am by myself.

Is it bad that I do not go to school (I can just prepare the lectures at home on my own)? Do you think Allah wants me to go to school to see if my iman is steadfast in the fast of all this fitrah? I know I feel happier and safer at home, even though I am by myself. But maybe God wants me to go to school as my test. I just feel so sad in school. I do not want to walk around with a depressed face, but at the same time, I do not have the energy to chat up some classmate about something silly. This is not meant to sound arrogant, but there is so much social intermixing in school, that I do not fit in because my stance has changed indeed on that.
 
As I can see it, we have graduated from your issues with your best friend to your difficulty in finding solutions to your social enigma.

I know it's really cheesy to say that you're not alone in this, but there are things that we have to do it ourselves. That's why Islam is so complete. It covers relationship with Allah, with yourself and with others.

Allow me to congratulate you on your being concerned about your spiritual upbringing. Every muslim must be conscientious as you are. That, you have to pat yourself on the back.

Nevertheless, the mission of the prophethood is not to make hermits out of us. If that is the case, than you, the rest of the world and I would probably be worshipping dates and milk. It was due to his propagatory work that Allah has blessed us with Islam.

I don't really know what your goals in life are, but I can suggest that you sit down and write down your priorities. Being filled with iman does not mean that we sit down 24/7 in the masjid and make zikr.

You might not realize it, but we can actually control how we want to feel about something. Think deeply, do you feel happy and safe at home because of you don't mix with social ills or something else?

If your reason is the former, than it'll be good if you reevaluate your stand because Allah created us to use all his bounties and be thankful. There are other muslims out there who crave to go to college but may not do so because of financial constraints and some other reasons. You shouldn't be depressed, because Allah says, "and do not be sad nor be worried while you are in a high position if you are believers" (Ali Imran)

Being with yourself open doors to the whispers of shaitaan. Allah also says, "if we wish it we can send guidance to every nafs" (sajdah). But, muslims are a godsend to cure social ills. Rather than viewing yourself as a victim of social ills, try to flip the coin and see yourself as an agent to reform the society. You have a lot to contribute and you might not know it. You don't have to say a lot, with your good morals and good attitude, I'm sure you will attract many to this deen. Guidance is not in your hand, but to attract people to this deen, is.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, what have I done to alleviate someone's illness, worries or just make someone happy. Maybe that someone is your friend (muslim or non muslim), your neighbor, your college professor/teacher.

You see a good muslim is like a good seed. Even if we throw it in a barren land, it will soon be a tree that not only shade travellers from the sun but soon enough will produce fruits that benefit mankind or animals alike.

Are we that seed?
 
I am sorry for asking so many questions and advice. I have never done this before. I think as this thread has proceeded, alot of more of the bigger picture that I am struggling with has come out.
I know I have to work against Shaytan and start going to school. I am scared to go to school, because I dislike seeing my friend and that boy. I get so upset and feel so horrible because sometimes when I see that boy, my mind flashes back to moments I shared with him, ones I needed to truly repent for. I am so ashamed in front of Allah to think this way, I know it is the Shaytan tempting me with memories that "felt good" at the time. This is a big part of why I avoid school. I feel like a terrible dirty person at times, especially since this is now her soulmate/relationship significant other. I know Allah has forgiven my sin, I just wish I could avoid any reminder of them but it is impossible.
I really liked your last post about Muslims being the good seed. I need to work up the courage to be stronger and to not feel lonely at school. I am depressed. This is why I missed my friend so much. I always think if she had just not started a relationship with that boy, I would have someone to go to school with and be strong with. But I know everything happens because it is part of God's decree. I just hate it when my imaan wavers sometimes when I am depressed or sad.
 
Now that you have come clean about the most fundamental underlying cause of your hesitation to go to school, you need to console yourself and move on.

You should be looking for someone else to become your buddy or close friend. If you leave near a mosque and you're able to go at least once a day, that will be good. Maybe your next close friend is waiting for you over there.

I'm afraid, no one can actually force you to change your perception on your friend's relationship except you.

Memories are there to be cherished or as a reminder of our old self. They are like milestones who help you make your future or present decisions. Of course it's impossible to forget your times with the boy. We are not asking you to do that, we are asking you to move on.

Almost everyone here has their own bad times. I know I do.

The difference between you and someone who lives in the past is you have the courage to move on and turn over a new leaf.

That, you have to do on your own and I believe the time is now.
 
wow, sis noorislite, salam n i hope everythin works out inshallah, u have our dua includin our advicz.. INSHALLAH EVERYHTIN WILL BE OKY.. JSUT KEEP UR HEAD UP..
MA SALAM
FIAMANIALLAH.
 
Salamualaikum,

Just a few things i wanted to say, dunno if I'm going off topic because you've started talking about other things but anyway...

Before, you kept saying that you thought that this issue between your friend and this boy was none of your business, but I think that it is because you are trying to help your friend, keep her on the straight path and it shows that you care a lot about her.
Also, I think that you should not be afraid to tell her that being alone with this boy is not good for her and to try and give her advice and be confident in what you say to her.I can see how you may feel afraid as she used to have such strong principles and has taught you a lot but I think you have to be confident in your beliefs and in what you know is right and wrong.

Salam, I hope everything goes well for you:)
 
Tell your friend the truth and how you feel then she might realize her mistakes and make dua for her. Also tell her to act upon what she preaches.
 
1st its harem for ANY1 TO B alone with teh oppsite sex if he is not a mahrem... so she can take her little "its for a good cause" with her to hell!
2nd ur concern is gr8 and also ur hurt is acceptable since ....
well my advice to u is seroiusly tlk to her bt this or ask teh boy if they really do tlk bt islamic themes...
3rd after u advice he rnumerous times thats it .. u did ur part make duaa for her and w/e happens happens but most imp dont leave ur frend in this state if thinsg get abd ull feel gulity for not being bside her to advice her...

yes i noe its ironice that now ur the one advicign her but its a small world after all.... looool
good luck!:D
 
salaam sister ..
if you are still concerned about your friend and still not sure how to talk to her about it..i have an easy solution ..make her read whatever is being said on this forum. This way everything will clear up and you will not be even guilty of talking behind her back! hope this'll help her and you too

wasalam
 
salehah said:
salaam sister ..
if you are still concerned about your friend and still not sure how to talk to her about it..i have an easy solution ..make her read whatever is being said on this forum. This way everything will clear up and you will not be even guilty of talking behind her back! hope this'll help her and you too

wasalam
Click to expand...

I totally agree with you Sis. I think that's the best solution if you dont want to engage in a furious conversation with both of them.:w: :okay:
 

Similar Threads

Back
Top