Help... I'm driving myself to a unhealthy path

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Being SAD is NOT Encouraged In Our Religion

Salla Purple Cup!

Thank you for your post... it really helps me when I feel sad or down! I thank you for the time you took to help me though this time Jazak Allah Khair!

"Whatever befalls the believer in terms of anxiety, hardship or grief, Allah
will remove his sin"

It
indicates that grief is a trial with which the believer is afflicted,
and through which some of his sins are atoned for. However, it does not
indicate that grief is something to be sought after; the believer should
not seek out means of finding grief, thinking that he is performing an
act of worship.

And as for the alleged hadith, "Verily, Allah loves all sad hearts," the chain
of its narrators is unknown, so it is not an authentic hadith, especially in
view of the fact that the basic
principles of our religion are contrary to it.

That quote is amazing... I know it is not good to make yourself feel sad, but sometimes I can't help it... I feel like I read all this which indicates the profound love Allah has for us, it just sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like I shouldn't be love by no one! Which is really bad.

Thank you Sister!!! I really appreciate it so much, it helps me!!!

 

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Asalamu 3aleykum
Ukthi, I think you should take some time off of relationships, especially after such a traumatic past.
Focus on making repentance and your connection with Allah (swt)
Insh'allah make dua that Allah guides you and grants you a righteous brother.
I pray that Allah accepts your prayers, and the prayers of all Muslims
Asalamu 3aleykum

Salaam sister!!
Thank you for your reply!

I defianltly do not want to get in any time of halal relationship, I am focused on school now... But I guess I speak in terms of future, the fear I may never get married or have children... Its hard thinking like this, as if no man would want me, yet I know I have a good heart. I just need to work on it I guess, and work on my faith, that I am loved, and what happens is in my best interest even thou it is hard to accept.

JazakAllah Khair!

Thank you! :statisfie

 

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Also, I know this is bad... But I am starting to get depressed again! which is really bad considering I am in Grad school. I just feel like giving up and getting away from everything! And it makes me sad, because I feel like I am losing faith, in myself and everything else.
Anyone have ideas what to do?


*** I believe in "Surely, with every difficulty there is relief" But I feel like this past couple years it just been difficult for me, and I just hide it, I don't talk to anyone... I hide it because I know others have it worse. I don't want to whine when others are hurting to, I wish to heal their pain before mine. I just need help I guess, what should I do if I am stuck! I feel embarrassed going to counseling. :/

 

[Scimitar]

Assalaam alaikum warhamatullahi wabarakatuhu sis Flowergarden

I'm not gonna let you dip into this depression again sister

Your brother, is here to make you smile.

Once upon a time, I was overwhelmed by so much guilt because of the heinous sins I had committed in life - which I cannot even mention here because I have blocked them in my mind and heart, simply because they will throw me into a depression once again. I've dealt with that mess, and now I look forward to life, not backward to my past

I've learnt that life is a series of hills. When we climb a hill, i'st really hard and we can lose sight of why we are climbing that hill. But once we are on top, we forget that we have suffered and made sacrifices to get there... then on our way down, we pick up so much momentum that we often stumble and fall.

The point is, to pick ourselves back up again and say "Allahu-Akbar" and trust in HIM with happiness in our hearts, because everything HE does, is for our own benefit - even though we may not know it at that time.

Ka shafallaahu durrak. Wa ghafara zambak. Wa 'aafaaka fee deenika wa jasadik.

Translation: May Allah remove your pain, forgive your sins, and grant you strength in your Deen and your health until your death

You will come thru this sister, just smile and forget your woes because they are not static. Nothing in life is ever static. Everything changes, be flexible in mind and heart, so you can bend your own reality to suit you

You've come thru much worse sister, I know this is a small fry compared to what you've had to face before. So face it with strength. Real strength is not how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and still move forward... you've done it before, you can do it again 7

Finally, eat some fruit, and appreciate it. Fruit always tastes good and is great for battling depression

bro Scimi

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

"Surely, with every difficulty there is relief"

This doesn't always mean that when you face a difficulty the relief comes after. It says WITH difficulty there is relief see? Meaning, there must be something ur not seeing, the relief is right there. If you can see or feel something is difficult and is causing you hardship, surely there is ease and good as well because we cannot see good without bad. You cannot see black without white.

What I'm trying to say is, it's NOT all bad, there is good there, you just have to learn to see it. Take the pain and frustration and grow from it sister. Allah tests those he loves, every experience we have is an opportunity to come close to HIM. If you are hurting, ask yourself why. It's usually because we refuse to accept what IS, living in the past, or are worried about what everyone else may think (ie: cultural pressures etc), things that are out of your control. You can only change yourself and your mind, you can choose to be upset or see your situation in a different light. You alive now, Alhamdullilah, every day is an opportunity to correct a wrong we've done, the past is the past and that's where it belongs, the future is unknown to you so no sense in worrying about that either. Youc an only do something about right now.

Hope this helps in some way insha Allah.

May Allah Make it easy for you. Ameen.

- cOsMiC

 

[Signor]

What’s Done Is Done




​

A myriad of matters put weight on your mind. It heaves under the sheer pressure of it. Thoughts, actions, endless precipitant emotions all occupy this undefined space and define your outlook on life. It could be anything and everything: doubts, missed prayers, a glance, a stolen conversation, an act of pride, that shopping spree in which you redefined the word ‘shopaholic’ – the list is near infinite. We travel through each day lugging all this emotional and mental baggage, and our life is spent in a perpetual state of “What if I had done it differently?”

It’s not meant to be like this.

What’s done is done. It is time to move on.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not propagating a carefree existence in which we shovel obliviousness into every recess of our mistakes, effectively burying them under a bed of thorn-less roses and skipping off into an ideal sunset.

What I mean is what the Messenger of Allah ﷺ (peace be upon him) taught us:
“Seek help from Allah, the Most High, and do not lose heart, and if anything (in the form of trouble) comes to you, don’t say: If I had not done that, it would not have happened so and so, but say:
Allah did that what He had ordained to do and you saying “if” opens the (gate) for the Shaytaan.” (Muslim, Book 33: Destiny, Number: 6441)

By moving on, what I mean is that don’t waste your life away in grim contemplation and exhaustion of a million different outcomes of what could have happened.

I understand you. I really do. I am only writing this because I can relate to it. And I am in no way free from the shackles of “what if” any more than you are.

This “what if” – two measly little words – can sow the seeds of doubt, give root to misery and blossom into something that Shaytaan would be proud of displaying in his prize plot of Muslim-downers. First it’s the “what if?”, then it’s the feelings of doubtful evaluation, then the grief, then you feel like slapping yourself and it goes on and on. You find yourself stuck in quicksand and you don’t know how to get out.

It is time for us to sever the root to this problem.

So, what should we do?

Firstly, keep in mind that nothing comes to pass except by the Decree of Allah, the Most Kind. If it happened, then it happened. Nothing could have averted it, nothing could have changed it, and that “anything other” never had a chance to begin with. It came to pass and happen it did. Accept it.

Secondly, know that Allah loves you. More than what the mind can comprehend and what the heart can ponder upon. I mean: this is my Lord and your Lord who has promised us that He will reward us for even the prick of a thorn! Do you think that Allah will not reward you if you persevere in patience?
It happened because He, out of His infinite Wisdom, wanted it to happen. He, the Best of Planners, wanted us to learn something from it – even if we didn’t gain something material at the end of it.

Experience is the best teacher and emotional upheaval is the best landmark to warn us of an impending danger. There is no harm in remembering what you did as long as you now see it as a light to guide you away from the previous mistakes, and not a grim mist to cloud your thoughts and sink you into depression. If your cause of regret is about a sin that you committed then repent and be happy on account of your regret because regret is a form of repentance itself and remember what `Abdullah ibn Mas`ud (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
“The believer sees his sins as if he is sitting at the foot of a mountain fearing that it might fall on him, while the sinner sees his sins as a fly that lands on his nose – he just waves it away.” (Bukhari)
So learn a lesson from what you did because Allah, the Most Kind, is teaching you something.

Thirdly, make sure that you do not repeat what caused your grief. This may seem obvious but Shaytaan has known mankind for millions of years and he knows a billion different ways to make you follow the same plot again. So seek help in Allah, be patient and Allah will turn your grief into happiness.
Whenever you feel down, always remember that Allah says:

“And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him – He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.” (Qur’an, 65:2-3)

“…Allah does not wish to impose hardship upon you. Rather, He wishes to purify you; and to complete His blessings upon you; and in order that you may be thankful.” (Qur’an, 5:6)

Thank Allah for giving you the ability to realize you did something wrong. Thank Him for still preserving your faith. Ask Him to help you and guide you. Step on your grief and use it as a launch-pad to propel you to a threshold of servitude towards Allah. And keep strong by reminding yourself of what our beloved Messenger ﷺ taught us from what Allah had taught him:

“No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.” (Bukhari Vol 7, Book 70, Number: 545)

 

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This doesn't always mean that when you face a difficulty the relief comes after. It says WITH difficulty there is relief see? Meaning, there must be something ur not seeing, the relief is right there. If you can see or feel something is difficult and is causing you hardship, surely there is ease and good as well because we cannot see good without bad. You cannot see black without white.

What I'm trying to say is, it's NOT all bad, there is good there, you just have to learn to see it. Take the pain and frustration and grow from it sister. Allah tests those he loves, every experience we have is an opportunity to come close to HIM. If you are hurting, ask yourself why. It's usually because we refuse to accept what IS, living in the past, or are worried about what everyone else may think (ie: cultural pressures etc), things that are out of your control. You can only change yourself and your mind, you can choose to be upset or see your situation in a different light. You alive now, Alhamdullilah, every day is an opportunity to correct a wrong we've done, the past is the past and that's where it belongs, the future is unknown to you so no sense in worrying about that either. Youc an only do something about right now.

Hope this helps in some way insha Allah.

May Allah Make it easy for you. Ameen.

- cOsMiC

Thank you for your reply!! I appreciate all the the insight and the help, it means a lot that sisters and brothers are wiling to help me..

I just don't know what to do anymore... I feel like I have to accept that this is how I will always be it hurts... I hate feeling regret or feeling guilty about this, I don't know what to do
I don't think any man deserves this and it hurt BC I want mini me lol
I just don't want t tink about this anymore, I always somehow do.

 

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Assalaam alaikum warhamatullahi wabarakatuhu sis Flowergarden

I'm not gonna let you dip into this depression again sister

Your brother, is here to make you smile.

Once upon a time, I was overwhelmed by so much guilt because of the heinous sins I had committed in life - which I cannot even mention here because I have blocked them in my mind and heart, simply because they will throw me into a depression once again. I've dealt with that mess, and now I look forward to life, not backward to my past

I've learnt that life is a series of hills. When we climb a hill, i'st really hard and we can lose sight of why we are climbing that hill. But once we are on top, we forget that we have suffered and made sacrifices to get there... then on our way down, we pick up so much momentum that we often stumble and fall.

The point is, to pick ourselves back up again and say "Allahu-Akbar" and trust in HIM with happiness in our hearts, because everything HE does, is for our own benefit - even though we may not know it at that time.

Ka shafallaahu durrak. Wa ghafara zambak. Wa 'aafaaka fee deenika wa jasadik.

Translation: May Allah remove your pain, forgive your sins, and grant you strength in your Deen and your health until your death

You will come thru this sister, just smile and forget your woes because they are not static. Nothing in life is ever static. Everything changes, be flexible in mind and heart, so you can bend your own reality to suit you

You've come thru much worse sister, I know this is a small fry compared to what you've had to face before. So face it with strength. Real strength is not how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and still move forward... you've done it before, you can do it again 7

Finally, eat some fruit, and appreciate it. Fruit always tastes good and is great for battling depression

bro Scimi

Thank you Brother! I feel like I am doing something wrong... That I am healing one day and the next bam. Its horrible.. I just want to be happy. That all, be happy, not distracted and more capable of practicing Islam without thinking I don't deserve Islam, its painful.
I feel like a awful person