my english may be bad but i hope you guys do understand what i write.
My name is xx and I am 20 years old. I live in xx with my family. I write to you of several reason. I grew up with my mom and dad but for 10 years I had the worst childhood ever. I have a bad relationship with my father. He doesn’t respect me at all even though I never in my life said anything there could be disrespectful. When I say the worst childhood I mean I have been psychical abused but he has also beaten me several times. I have been through so must that I can’t write anything down. Its hard. Lately he destroyed 3 years of my education. I finished high school which is 3 years in xx. I came out with bad result that prevents me to read or be what I want it to be. Even though it is heartbreaking I try to say it is past and say Alhamdulillah for everything.
As a 20 years old I can’t have friends. I speak with my self because I don’t have the possibility to visit anyone. Simply I can’t get out of my door. He tells me it destroys his reputation or what he calls for honour. I cannot explain it good. But he does all of this to me because he tries to keep his name fine or clear. I never heard about it before that this is how fathers should treat their daughters in Islam. I may not have friends who isn’t muslim. I never heard about that before. Someone told me once that our prophet Muhammed also was friends with all kind of people.
my mother use to be my side and believe in me. The case is that she does not stand by my side anymore. The past one year she has told me many things which have destroyed my totally inside. This bad relationship began for a year ago. When i for the first time told her i want it to do everything to move out of this house. I feel my mother protection of me and relationship was fake. She never actually felt sorry for me, cause if she did, she would do everything for me and say “Move out, I stand by your side no matter what”
furthermore, both my parents treats me differently than my other siblings. In fact, i also have a sister who is 18, but she has never been through the same things as me. She live the life i want to life. Her school is going fine, she has a job, friends, yes even non muslim friends, has a social life. Simply she is the obersite of me. It brooks my heart to see how my life is. I have tried to get help everywhere, but the only thing they tells me is to move out. Everywhere i go, that is the answer.
I never had the chance to take care of my life by myself. They have always take the decisions for me no matter what. I am not strong enough to do anything for myself. I though talk to our imam would be the last chance to solve this problem, but i dont know better.
what I am trying to say is, I am lost. I want to get out of this and live the life I want to live where my soul can get time to pray with my heart and read the quran. I cannot do any of these things because I have destroyed from the inside. I can’t do anything. Its hard to pray eventhough I some time misses a prayer or two because of my unhappy mind. I feel I am in prison. I feel I have killed someone and FBI are holding me from the outside. Mufti I am not a bad person. I never done anything there can be categorized as very haram. Sometimes I do listen to music. That’s it, I just honest. I have prayed to came out of this for so many years and I have lost my hope.
What should I do. ?
Pray for me.
My name is xx and I am 20 years old. I live in xx with my family. I write to you of several reason. I grew up with my mom and dad but for 10 years I had the worst childhood ever. I have a bad relationship with my father. He doesn’t respect me at all even though I never in my life said anything there could be disrespectful. When I say the worst childhood I mean I have been psychical abused but he has also beaten me several times. I have been through so must that I can’t write anything down. Its hard. Lately he destroyed 3 years of my education. I finished high school which is 3 years in xx. I came out with bad result that prevents me to read or be what I want it to be. Even though it is heartbreaking I try to say it is past and say Alhamdulillah for everything.
As a 20 years old I can’t have friends. I speak with my self because I don’t have the possibility to visit anyone. Simply I can’t get out of my door. He tells me it destroys his reputation or what he calls for honour. I cannot explain it good. But he does all of this to me because he tries to keep his name fine or clear. I never heard about it before that this is how fathers should treat their daughters in Islam. I may not have friends who isn’t muslim. I never heard about that before. Someone told me once that our prophet Muhammed also was friends with all kind of people.
my mother use to be my side and believe in me. The case is that she does not stand by my side anymore. The past one year she has told me many things which have destroyed my totally inside. This bad relationship began for a year ago. When i for the first time told her i want it to do everything to move out of this house. I feel my mother protection of me and relationship was fake. She never actually felt sorry for me, cause if she did, she would do everything for me and say “Move out, I stand by your side no matter what”
furthermore, both my parents treats me differently than my other siblings. In fact, i also have a sister who is 18, but she has never been through the same things as me. She live the life i want to life. Her school is going fine, she has a job, friends, yes even non muslim friends, has a social life. Simply she is the obersite of me. It brooks my heart to see how my life is. I have tried to get help everywhere, but the only thing they tells me is to move out. Everywhere i go, that is the answer.
I never had the chance to take care of my life by myself. They have always take the decisions for me no matter what. I am not strong enough to do anything for myself. I though talk to our imam would be the last chance to solve this problem, but i dont know better.
what I am trying to say is, I am lost. I want to get out of this and live the life I want to live where my soul can get time to pray with my heart and read the quran. I cannot do any of these things because I have destroyed from the inside. I can’t do anything. Its hard to pray eventhough I some time misses a prayer or two because of my unhappy mind. I feel I am in prison. I feel I have killed someone and FBI are holding me from the outside. Mufti I am not a bad person. I never done anything there can be categorized as very haram. Sometimes I do listen to music. That’s it, I just honest. I have prayed to came out of this for so many years and I have lost my hope.
What should I do. ?
Pray for me.
eace:
