Help me understand this

[Anette]

When I previous was working at a school something happened that I’ve been thinking about a lot.

A Muslim boy, 8 years, had been very disobedient during the day. When I met his father later that day I told him what happened and ask him to talk to his son. The father said "Thank you for telling me and I will spank him when we get home". I told him "No, no not spank him just talk to him you are his father so he may listen better to you".

This made me a bit worried about asking parents about help when it was trouble during the day. In our society it is not allowed spanking children at all and the parent could be in trouble if they do.

Now I asked about discipline in a previous thread and found out that in Islam this is a last resort in disciplining the children.

Where did I go wrong? Shouldn’t I tell the parents about disobedience if I do not want the children to be hit or was it just this occasion and this parent that reacted in this way? I will work in school in the future with older children and this is a very important question for me to understand.


Peace

 

[Ansar Al-'Adl]

A Muslim boy, 8 years, had been very disobedient during the day. When I met his father later that day I told him what happened and ask him to talk to his son. The father said "Thank you for telling me and I will spank him when we get home". I told him "No, no not spank him just talk to him you are his father so he may listen better to you".

This made me a bit worried about asking parents about help when it was trouble during the day. In our society it is not allowed spanking children at all and the parent could be in trouble if they do.

Now I asked about discipline in a previous thread and found out that in Islam this is a last resort in disciplining the children.

Where did I go wrong? Shouldn’t I tell the parents about disobedience if I do not want the children to be hit or was it just this occasion and this parent that reacted in this way? I will work in school in the future with older children and this is a very important question for me to understand.

Hi Anette,
I think this is a problem in some cultures. Maybe you could try telling the father in a way that places emphasis on talking to the child, as opposed to hitting. Maybe you could point out that hitting often makes a child more rebellious and distant, making the situation worse. Maybe you get the guy to join Load-Islam forums?

 

[Anette]

Hi Anette,
Maybe you could point out that hitting often makes a child more rebellious and distant, making the situation worse. Maybe you get the guy to join Load-Islam forums?

It's a bit of a culture problem in this also. I do not want it to sound that I believe he WILL hit the child because he is from a different culture. I think I go for the "join Load-Islam forum" solution :giggling:

 

[mahdisoldier19]

Salam alaikam

you did nothing wrong, its the parents fault sometimes how they bring up their child and how they treat their children.

 

[Anette]

Salam alaikam

you did nothing wrong, its the parents fault sometimes how they bring up their child and how they treat their children.

Thank you. I have spending a lot of time trying to figure out about this matter.


Peace

 

[mahdisoldier19]

Salam Alaikam

I know 2 families.

1 Family spoiled their children and such and such with everything and they never did much work

2 Family the father and mother use to STRICTLY Tell the kids to study sometimes abuse them Strictly though and made them work for everything.

1St family kids their kids didnt turn out right Why? because they are so used to their parents being so kind and giving them everything

2ND family, their kids are miliionaires with big business because they were so use to allways working

Now thats not to say to justify beatings or abuse on children or strictness. But sometimes you gotta be hard on the kids so they expect to learn these lessons now rather than later in life. I know of a few parents that hit their kids because of anger but other parents who scream at their kids to develope them later on in life.

Now you ask why dont the parents treat them with kindness? Because they will take what they have for granted, while others who work hard for it will just think its another day at work.

 

[Ghazi]

Salaam

To be honest these days kids do need a spanking, little eight year old mobs running around with knives, there isn't enough disipline

 

[mustafajadeed]

Salam Alay Koom:

It is all According to the Child/ Young Adult you are dealing with, some you can talk to ("If I tell your Parents, you know whats going to happen, so listen for a moment") some really do need to be chastized (spanked) to act "right". In America, you do not have to be "Muslim" to Spank your children, in fact most "Abuse" is just societal irregardless of the laws of the land. If you have 8 year old "Gang Members", they need some spanking. If it is just a "Attention" related thing, sometimes proper "Attention" works and they will appreciate that you saved them a whipping. With Peace.

 

[abdul Majid]

maybe he told you that to assure you he wont do it again you know?.

but a lil disciplin is alright you know like kids are so ammused with the world nowadays and they get lost in the fun and stuff, you gotta wake them up...but every kid is different also

 

[shorouk]

its a dumb thing that some weirdo cultures believe in even some western one they believe hitting is the solutions which of course it is not
so the beatign part i assure u is not a part of islam at all ...

 

[Nabal12]

Well in canada, as most of us already know, it is a nation of multiculturalism. And it's not just muslim cultures that believe in spanking as a last resort, there's lots of others. In canada, you're allowed to use it as a last resort as well. There is no law against spanking your children but if it's constant abuse and torment, then it's a problem. When a child misbehaves continuously, it's a spanking. When they do something good, they get affection. And thats how they learn.

 

[Anette]

Salam Alaikam

I know 2 families.

1 Family spoiled their children and such and such with everything and they never did much work

2 Family the father and mother use to STRICTLY Tell the kids to study sometimes abuse them Strictly though and made them work for everything.

II will ad a possible family to your example:

3 A Family with firm upraising without ever abuse children either verbally or physically.

The question in this case is: What child do you think feel best inside?

I do not believe in hitting children or abuse them verbally. I prefer respect that does not come from fear, pure respect. It is the lack of consequences that is the main thing but the consequences does not have to be physically or psychically the time-out strategy is one of the option you can choose to use for example.


I recommend studies done about this subject comparing American and Swedish children. Sorry can’t find my study book regarding this subject right now but I will refer to this study at a later point. The results are very interesting.

 

[Anette]

maybe he told you that to assure you he wont do it again you know?.

but a lil disciplin is alright you know like kids are so ammused with the world nowadays and they get lost in the fun and stuff, you gotta wake them up...but every kid is different also

I think you can have right in that he told me that to assure me that the kid wouldn't do it again.

I am very found of discipline but I always want it without hitting. I do not mind if the children get lost in fun and stuff as long as they know when it is time for play and when it is time for serious stuff.

 

[Anette]

its a dumb thing that some weirdo cultures believe in even some western one they believe hitting is the solutions which of course it is not
so the beatign part i assure u is not a part of islam at all ...

No I do not think that the hitting part is a part of Islam not according to the text I have read. It ought to be a last resort if I understood it right. Hopefully you can raise a child without ever come to this. I know for a fact that you can because I have never even smacked the fingers of my children and they have a great respect anyway that comes from willing, not fear.

 

[E'jaazi]

Even the Bible says, "spare the rod, spoil the child." There is nothing wrong with spankings. There is a big difference between spanking & child abuse. For those of you who disagree - keep watching as the children today become more and more out of control & disrespectful. Sometimes, it is necessary. All of the parents I know, who are disciplinarians (not always spanking, but they do) have very well behaved and respectful children, who do not talk back like so many children do today.

 

[Anette]

Even the Bible says, "spare the rod, spoil the child." There is nothing wrong with spankings. There is a big difference between spanking & child abuse. For those of you who disagree - keep watching as the children today become more and more out of control & disrespectful. Sometimes, it is necessary. All of the parents I know, who are disciplinarians (not always spanking, but they do) have very well behaved and respectful children, who do not talk back like so many children do today.

Yes, but if I understood it right according to the text I read. The Prophet (S.A.W.) did never hit a child, woman or a servant? If you then are able to get well-behaved and respectful children without spanking, why should you then spank children? I believe in respect but I do believe that there are other ways. It has nothing to do with the spanking part if you get behaved and respectful children. I'm glad I never have been forced to go to a last resort solution in this matter.

Please correct me if I got the text I read wrong.

 

[abdul Majid]

Tru