Help needed.... Being blackmailed

  • Thread starter Thread starter Milad10
  • Start date Start date
  • Replies Replies 77
  • Views Views 16K
M

Milad10

Rising Member
Messages
12
Reaction score
0
As salamualikum

I've made a huge mistake in my life and I don't know what to do.

Astagfirullah; I committed zina. I have no excuses; and I am repenting every day. I am ashamed to say for both, it was 'fooling around; no strings'.

My parents have agreed to an arranged marriage; and I have cut all contact with the girl.

She know tells me she is love with me etc. She has threatened to tell my family - and I know it is the least you think I deserve. I was her first 'partner' which makes things worse...

I don't understand how the girl thinks I would marry her.
 
Salaam Brother

First of all, i am happy that you have repented say al hamdulilah because the satan may have gotten into more relationships, that would make the situations even worse, so its a good sign from Allah that you still have a living conscience, which make you feel bad and makes you feel remorsefull.

Keep your repentance and cut any tie with this "partner" because it is obvious that she is trying to weaken you down by her telling you that she is in love with you and all that but i do advise you something , it is very important to realise that if it is true that you are her first partner then you have to make things better by declining this arranged marriage that your parents are planning , and because the fact that you are a male then i think it is much easier you can persuade your parents into leaving this marriage and i honestly think it would be better if you married this girl because you have already taken her innocence and it will make up for the zina, if she's a good girl indirectly try to convince your parents that she will be a very good wife for you and will be a good mother,
 
Jzk for your reply sister.

To be honest, I just want her to move on. I could never love this girl; I had no respect for her and did what I did. I can't help but change the way I feel.

I don't believe a good girl would blackmail someone into marriage. We both made mistakes, why can't she just move on.

I really don't know what to do in regards to my family. She will tell them, and I cannot risk that.

I have started to hate her now; which I know is against Islam, she is making me feel this way.

I am hoping she will go away but she is like a ticking time bomb.

I am scared, but parents will be broken hearted and it would ruin my family. .


I know I sound like a coward, I just do know what to say to make her move on. I can just imagine her knocking on my mother's door just out of spite

May Ayob said:
Salaam Brother



First of all, i am happy that you have repented say al hamdulilah because the satan may have gotten into more relationships, that would make the situations even worse, so its a good sign from Allah that you still have a living conscience, which make you feel bad and makes you feel remorsefull.

Keep your repentance and cut any tie with this "partner" because it is obvious that she is trying to weaken you down by her telling you that she is in love with you and all that but i do advise you something , it is very important to realise that if it is true that you are her first partner then you have to make things better by declining this arranged marriage that your parents are planning , and because the fact that you are a male then i think it is much easier you can persuade your parents into leaving this marriage and i honestly think it would be better if you married this girl because you have already taken her innocence and it will make up for the zina, if she's a good girl indirectly try to convince your parents that she will be a very good wife for you and will be a good mother,
Click to expand...
 
You don't have many options: try and convince her to not do it, marry her if she's muslim or just accept the fact that the truth will come out

Make sure you do plenty of dua and repentance, ask Allah to conceal your sins
 
:wa:

I wouldn't really advice marrying her, especially if she hasn't repented and she's not a good girl.
 
She has given me an ultimatum for Thurs 5pm. I guess I'll have to tell my family. I just don't know how / what to say. Why can she not see she will ruin both her and my life. Any ideas how / what do say to family. I feel sick thinking of it.
 
As far as she's concerned she has repented - She wants to turn something haraam into halal.
 
Milad10 said:
She has given me an ultimatum for Thurs 5pm. I guess I'll have to tell my family. I just don't know how / what to say. Why can she not see she will ruin both her and my life. Any ideas how / what do say to family. I feel sick thinking of it.
Click to expand...

just talk to her and convince her in a nice manner
 
Last edited:
Milad10 said:
She has given me an ultimatum for Thurs 5pm. I guess I'll have to tell my family. I just don't know how / what to say. Why can she not see she will ruin both her and my life. Any ideas how / what do say to family. I feel sick thinking of it.
Click to expand...

Nobody likes to be pressured into something but if she's Muslim and willing to repent, why not give her a chance? If you really don't want to marry her then avoid all contact. To be honest I doubt she'll tell your parents so soon, it seems to be the only hold she has over you. Call her bluff I say. Even if she does tell them, who cares? Everyone makes mistakes.
 
i'm sorry but i don't see why exactly people are saying you are a good person for having repented and actually giving you advice on how to "get away" especially blackmailing her in return, i mean wow you people are just outrageous. what you did was a horrible thing, you took her virginity, if you were so eager to engage in zina, why didn't you pick someone who you knew was a known zaaniyah and do it with her? you had to pick a poor innocent girl and fool her into being a relationship with you and take advantage of her trust? yes, what she did was stupid, but if you had not been there to do it, she would not have done it either. everyone makes mistakes, you did too, so how can you judge her as being immoral and have no respect for her when YOU yourself did the same thing? in fact she is much better than you because at least she wants to fix this and get married now. what is she supposed to do, go marry someone else? and how easy it is for you to say now "oh i have no respect for her and what i did" well grow up and be a man, own up to the responsibilities of your actions. she is doing well by telling your parents and if you have an ounce of shame you yourself would have said i'm really sorry for what i did to you, i want to marry you and make this halal. you make it sound like you are so innocent and she is a bad girl and you have no respect for her, you were her first partner and i'm sure you were just as much to blame in this, so therefore you become the person who spoilt her innocence, so now don't just walk away like it's so easy to do that. it's a huge freaking deal what you did, it's not as easy as you repenting and just getting away. can you return her virginity and her innocence to her? NO. so marry her now. tell your parents you would like to marry her before she reveals it to your family that you have committed this sin. if she has repented, she is clear of sins inshaAllah, and this is not blackmail, it's her being reasonable and treating you how you should be treated. i do feel sorry for her though, because now she will have to marry a complete idiot like you. just wow. what a coward. have some shame.
 
Brother; you are a good guy. I am deeply sorry. Your post is full of anger and it is all because of my actions. I am ashamed. I repent every minute of the day. I did not realise she was so pure; her attitude everything was so westernised as if she did not care; I only realised when it was too late.
 
in-the-shadows said:
what you did was a horrible thing, you took her virginity, if you were so eager to engage in zina, why didn't you pick someone who you knew was a known zaaniyah and do it with her? you had to pick a poor innocent girl and fool her into being a relationship with you and take advantage of her trust? yes, what she did was stupid, but if you had not been there to do it, she would not have done it either. everyone makes mistakes, you did too, so how can you judge her as being immoral and have no respect for her when YOU yourself did the same thing? in fact she is much better than you because at least she wants to fix this and get married now. what is she supposed to do, go marry someone else? and how easy it is for you to say now "oh i have no respect for her and what i did" well grow up and be a man, own up to the responsibilities of your actions. she is doing well by telling your parents and if you have an ounce of shame you yourself would have said i'm really sorry for what i did to you, i want to marry you and make this halal. you make it sound like you are so innocent and she is a bad girl and you have no respect for her, you were her first partner and i'm sure you were just as much to blame in this, so therefore you become the person who spoilt her innocence, so now don't just walk away like it's so easy to do that. it's a huge freaking deal what you did, it's not as easy as you repenting and just getting away. can you return her virginity and her innocence to her? NO. so marry her now. tell your parents you would like to marry her before she reveals it to your family that you have committed this sin. if she has repented, she is clear of sins inshaAllah, and this is not blackmail, it's her being reasonable and treating you how you should be treated. i do feel sorry for her though, because now she will have to marry a complete idiot like you. just wow. what a coward. have some shame.
Click to expand...

I agree with this except for the part about her being better than you simply bc you two are in the same boat.
Please forgive me if I offend but you are potraying yourself as being very selfish you have sex with this girl ( its just as much her fault as yours) and you dont want to face the reality of what you have done (yes you repented alhamdulliah) but you still have her to deal with.
You took her innocence so she prob has strong feelings for you.
And your way of handling it is to simply brush her off your shoulder and move on bc you had your fun. That's not right.
You need to talk with her bc if you just up and told her you wanted nothing to do with her or ignored her. She prob has no sense of closure and maybe doesnt even understand why you are treating her this way. So in reture she is black mailing you into being with her bc she has not closure....or simply wants to make a wrong into a right by marrying you.
I'm not agreeing with the way she is handling this situation (by blackmailing you) but can you blame her?
 
i am sorry too if i hurt your feelings. i know you are deeply ashamed and sorry for what you did, may Allah make it easy for you, but the guilt you have in your heart is a sign that you still have imaan, so it is a good thing. it is a bad situation that you are in, and i hope that you can find some remedy for it inshaAllah. the girl who you did this to, yes she may have seemed of a very loose character etc. but that doesn't mean it was ok to go that far with her. think about it, if you had a sister and someone did that to her, would you not want to kill that guy and drag him to the imam and make him marry her somehow? what if God forbid this ever happens to your own daughter? how would you feel? and girls think differently, to you it may have been no strings attached but to her eyes it was you wanting to be with her forever, then only were you going that far with her. would you be fair to the person who you are marrying via arranged marriage? you obviously did like this girl in some sense which is why you decided to have a relationship with her. you have to understand that she is not deserving of hate for what she is doing, she is obviously panicked and sees you are marrying someone else and she is a good girl because she wants to marry you and be with you instead of saying oh well whatever, i will go on and marry some other guy. she could have done that too, but she did not, means she is not a bad person. you can learn to love her too can't you? she obviously have a conscience because she cannot see herself marrying someone else after what happened between you two. she sees this as the last straw to somehow make you marry her. it is still not too late, don't let this mess get worse.
 
in-the-shadows said:
i'm sorry but i don't see why exactly people are saying you are a good person for having repented and actually giving you advice on how to "get away" especially blackmailing her in return, i mean wow you people are just outrageous. what you did was a horrible thing, you took her virginity, if you were so eager to engage in zina, why didn't you pick someone who you knew was a known zaaniyah and do it with her? you had to pick a poor innocent girl and fool her into being a relationship with you and take advantage of her trust? yes, what she did was stupid, but if you had not been there to do it, she would not have done it either. everyone makes mistakes, you did too, so how can you judge her as being immoral and have no respect for her when YOU yourself did the same thing? in fact she is much better than you because at least she wants to fix this and get married now. what is she supposed to do, go marry someone else? and how easy it is for you to say now "oh i have no respect for her and what i did" well grow up and be a man, own up to the responsibilities of your actions. she is doing well by telling your parents and if you have an ounce of shame you yourself would have said i'm really sorry for what i did to you, i want to marry you and make this halal. you make it sound like you are so innocent and she is a bad girl and you have no respect for her, you were her first partner and i'm sure you were just as much to blame in this, so therefore you become the person who spoilt her innocence, so now don't just walk away like it's so easy to do that. it's a huge freaking deal what you did, it's not as easy as you repenting and just getting away. can you return her virginity and her innocence to her? NO. so marry her now. tell your parents you would like to marry her before she reveals it to your family that you have committed this sin. if she has repented, she is clear of sins inshaAllah, and this is not blackmail, it's her being reasonable and treating you how you should be treated. i do feel sorry for her though, because now she will have to marry a complete idiot like you. just wow. what a coward. have some shame.
Click to expand...

I agree with what the sister said above, you have ruined this girl's life, you think another man is gonna have her after he realizes she's not a virgin and she's never been married? You've condemmed her to an eternity alone, the right thing to do is become a man and take responsibility for your actions and marry her with the condition that you both become pious together.

You shouldn't think low of her cos of what she done with you, cos you're the same. If not worse, cos for her, she thought you were the 1 that she'd probably marry, she really believed you would marry her and that you loved her, thats why she sacrificed her honour for you. I bet she never dreamed that you have such a low opinion of her, she probably thought you worshipped the ground she walked on and really loved you. But for you it was just a bit of play and fun. For her, it was her whole life.

I think she's actually doing the right thing, and if you don't do the honourable thing and marry her, I do hope your family find out because that's minor compared to what she's going to have to face for the rest of her life.
 
Last edited:
The date for my wedding is more or less set - We are now looking for a venue. I am practically married. This is such a huge mess. The girl I am meant to marry - she is such an innocent girl, MA she is hijabi / jilbab ; perfect. How can I hurt her now. I ask ; please all pray for me.
 
Milad10 said:
She has given me an ultimatum for Thurs 5pm. I guess I'll have to tell my family. I just don't know how / what to say. Why can she not see she will ruin both her and my life. Any ideas how / what do say to family. I feel sick thinking of it.
Click to expand...

Don't tell your family, you never know Allah may choose to hide your sins, so keep repenting till then
 
Salahudeen said:
I agree with what the sister said above, you have ruined this girl's life.
Click to expand...

I believe it was consensual, he didnt rape her but nonetheless he messed up and the best he could do now is marry her after they repent and get back on track with their faith.

it may not be easy as it sounds so May Allah guide them both and help them
 
Milad10 said:
The date for my wedding is more or less set - We are now looking for a venue. I am practically married. This is such a huge mess. The girl I am meant to marry - she is such an innocent girl, MA she is hijabi / jilbab ; perfect. How can I hurt her now. I ask ; please all pray for me.
Click to expand...

Thats the worst part of it, Allah says in the Qur'an:

The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers. 24:3
 

Similar Threads

Back
Top