Help needed.... Being blackmailed

[Alpha Dude]

i'm sorry but i don't see why exactly people are saying you are a good person for having repented and actually giving you advice on how to "get away" especially blackmailing her in return, i mean wow you people are just outrageous. what you did was a horrible thing, you took her virginity, if you were so eager to engage in zina, why didn't you pick someone who you knew was a known zaaniyah and do it with her? you had to pick a poor innocent girl and fool her into being a relationship with you and take advantage of her trust? yes, what she did was stupid, but if you had not been there to do it, she would not have done it either. everyone makes mistakes, you did too, so how can you judge her as being immoral and have no respect for her when YOU yourself did the same thing? in fact she is much better than you because at least she wants to fix this and get married now. what is she supposed to do, go marry someone else? and how easy it is for you to say now "oh i have no respect for her and what i did" well grow up and be a man, own up to the responsibilities of your actions. she is doing well by telling your parents and if you have an ounce of shame you yourself would have said i'm really sorry for what i did to you, i want to marry you and make this halal. you make it sound like you are so innocent and she is a bad girl and you have no respect for her, you were her first partner and i'm sure you were just as much to blame in this, so therefore you become the person who spoilt her innocence, so now don't just walk away like it's so easy to do that. it's a huge freaking deal what you did, it's not as easy as you repenting and just getting away. can you return her virginity and her innocence to her? NO. so marry her now. tell your parents you would like to marry her before she reveals it to your family that you have committed this sin. if she has repented, she is clear of sins inshaAllah, and this is not blackmail, it's her being reasonable and treating you how you should be treated. i do feel sorry for her though, because now she will have to marry a complete idiot like you. just wow. what a coward. have some shame.

I have to agree with this, bro Milad. You have to take responsibility for your actions now that the deed has been done.

It seems the best thing for all parties would be for you to marry this girl. This way, you two who have both indulged in zina end up together and the girl who your marriage is arranged to doesn't have to suffer by having a person who comitted zina as her husband.

 

[Alpha Dude]

The date for my wedding is more or less set - We are now looking for a venue. I am practically married. This is such a huge mess. The girl I am meant to marry - she is such an innocent girl, MA she is hijabi / jilbab ; perfect. How can I hurt her now. I ask ; please all pray for me.

Ask yourself bro, based on your action, do you deserve this person?

Does she deserve you?

You'd be hurting her more by marrying her, imo.

 

[جوري]

Nobody likes to be pressured into something but if she's Muslim and willing to repent, why not give her a chance? If you really don't want to marry her then avoid all contact. To be honest I doubt she'll tell your parents so soon, it seems to be the only hold she has over you. Call her bluff I say. Even if she does tell them, who cares? Everyone makes mistakes.

I have to agree with this and the subsequent posts!
you have lost your virginity and repented and it is all fine and well..
she has lost her virginity and repented .. will all be fine and well?

losing your virginity without marriage in a society that highly values that in a girl is practically a death sentence.
She's probably more desperate than you're.. Do you think it would be OK for her to expose herself as an adulterous to her folks and yours unless she was that desperate? You say you have no respect for her, but have you renewed respect for yourself? You were a willing participant you had your fun and trying to put your life together? How will she put her life together.. I am sorry I can't sympathize with you .. repenting is all nice and good and may Allah swt accept both your repentance but you also have to pay for your crime.. I think at least being known as an adulterer would give any potential mate you might deceive in the future a fair chance to turn you down as I am sure she will be turned down for losing the most valuable thing.. the very citadel that deems her a chaste woman!

 

[Milad10]

It was a moment of weakness. I've always lowered by gaze, never looked at a girl before, nothing. Even with her, I stopped, and she time and time emotionally blackmailed me - I was weak and I went back to her. She promised time and time again it did not mean anything and both reiterated the no strings. I will look after my wife, that's all Ive ever wanted, a chance to look after my family.

I do deserve this girl, I will love her, respect her, honour her , everything. I see why you think I do not deserve her, but this was my past; a silly school boy error.

 

[جوري]

I agree with what the sister said above, you have ruined this girl's life, you think another man is gonna have her after he realizes she's not a virgin and she's never been married? You've condemmed her to an eternity alone, the right thing to do is become a man and take responsibility for your actions and marry her with the condition that you both become pious together.

You shouldn't think low of her cos of what she done with you, cos you're the same. If not worse, cos for her, she thought you were the 1 that she'd probably marry, she really believed you would marry her and that you loved her, thats why she sacrificed her honour for you. I bet she never dreamed that you have such a low opinion of her, she probably thought you worshipped the ground she walked on and really loved you. But for you it was just a bit of play and fun. For her, it was her whole life.

I think she's actually doing the right thing, and if you don't do the honourable thing and marry her, I do hope your family find out because that's minor compared to what she's going to have to face for the rest of her life.

I am so proud of you for writing this.. I was rather upset with the first few responses but I am so glad Muslim men from our midst know what it means to be noble, honorable and keep your word.. Sob7an Allah.. What a grievous sin and a grievous thing to do thereafter..

Also I am aware and Allah swt knows best that punishment for a sin is expiation for it.. If his punishment is in the form of people knowing so he's equally tainted then so be it!
This thread isn't about the blackmail this thread is about adultery .. it isn't all fine and well I have repented and why can't she leave me alone!

ugh..

 

[جوري]

It was a moment of weakness. I've always lowered by gaze, never looked at a girl before, nothing. Even with her, I stopped, and she time and time emotionally blackmailed me - I was weak and I went back to her. She promised time and time again it did not mean anything and both reiterated the no strings. I will look after my wife, that's all Ive ever wanted, a chance to look after my family.

I do deserve this girl, I will love her, respect her, honour her , everything. I see why you think I do not deserve her, but this was my past; a silly school boy error.

let me tell you something about girls, women in general.. there is no such a thing as 'no strings attached' when it comes to relationships with men, she was probably doing it (I can't for the life of me imagine why) but probably with thoughts that you might fall in love with her if she gives you herself and have a family with you.. Every girl thinks the first guy she meets is the one.. believe me they all do myself included and I like to think of myself as wise and reasoning. If you're not mature enough to think of this past a school boy fling, what makes you think that she is mature enough to have her fun move on and call it a school girl fling? What is wrong with you?

When you propose to a girl will you tell her you were once a fornicator and let her decide whether or not she wants to be with you?

because with her everyone will know, naturally, I think people should know with you too!

 

[CosmicPathos]

tough situation for the girl, not for you though as your new wife wont know that you were a zaani unless you tell her. Not that the membrane is a litmus test for virginity but I guess our societies think it is a very specific test to see membrane for zina. But I dont know if she will be gaining Allah's favors by telling more people that she has committed zina just so they can force you to marry her, especially when Allah swt has hidden your and her sin. Got no other advise really, God help her n yu.

 

[Alpha Dude]

It was a moment of weakness. I've always lowered by gaze, never looked at a girl before, nothing. Even with her, I stopped, and she time and time emotionally blackmailed me - I was weak and I went back to her. She promised time and time again it did not mean anything and both reiterated the no strings. I will look after my wife, that's all Ive ever wanted, a chance to look after my family.

I do deserve this girl, I will love her, respect her, honour her , everything. I see why you think I do not deserve her, but this was my past; a silly school boy error.

We all have moments of weakness and nobody is above making mistakes. However, after realising the error of our ways we should attempt to set right and make ammends for them.

Allah knows best, but it seems the best thing in your case is to marry the girl of your past, in order to set right the wrong that was done. Together, you two can repent and seek to be better muslims.

As for this new girl, if she knew about the other girl, she would likely feel betrayed and no amount of love, respect and honour you give her could make up for that. Just to give you some perspective, bro - would you personally want to marry a girl who slept with another guy, even though she may have repented and promised to love, honour and respect you?

 

[جوري]

tough situation for the girl, not for you though as your new wife wont know that you were a zaani unless you tell her. Not that the membrane is a litmus test for virginity but I guess our societies think it is a very specific test to see membrane for zina. But I dont know if she will be gaining Allah's favors by telling more people that she has committed zina just so they can force you to marry her, especially when Allah swt has hidden your and her sin. Got no other advise really, Godspeed.

indeed many born again virgins even after marriage and especially in the west (not an eastern society thing solely) just to recapture the magic of earlier days. It was the most requested cosmetic surgery in my Ob/Gyne rotation ..

be that as it may, sin indeed shouldn't be displayed, but I think it is highly unfair that he'd drop her like last night's garbage and start fresh because his repentance is well so sincere and hers is questionable at best?

I am willing to go so far to say our OP is from Egypt.. the story almost repeats itself daily..Why these girls think they can land themselves a guy by doing this is beyond me, but what is even more disgusting is that I haven't come across one not a single one that has done the honorable thing after committing such a sin!

 

[جوري]

The date for my wedding is more or less set - We are now looking for a venue. I am practically married. This is such a huge mess. The girl I am meant to marry - she is such an innocent girl, MA she is hijabi / jilbab ; perfect. How can I hurt her now. I ask ; please all pray for me.

the hijabi/jilbab wearing girl deserves a pious husband with no past. You're not it!
you'd be hurting her once you marry her not if you leave her by being forth coming!

 

[Maryan0]

indeed many born again virgins even after marriage and especially in the west (not an eastern society thing solely) just to recapture the magic of earlier days. It was the most requested cosmetic surgery in my Ob/Gyne rotation ..

be that as it may, sin indeed shouldn't be displayed, but I think it is highly unfair that he'd drop her like last night's garbage and start fresh because his repentance is well so sincere and hers is questionable at best?

I am willing to go so far to say our OP is from Egypt.. the story almost repeats itself daily..Why these girls think they can land themselves a guy by doing this is beyond me, but what is even more disgusting is that I haven't come across one not a single one that has done the honorable thing after committing such a sin!

"born again virgins" I don't know if that wording was meant to be funny but lol. I agree with many of the posts but if the brother is about to get married to another lady it's a little too late, unless he's exposed and the other sister chooses to leave him.
Salam

 

[Lonely Gal]

i think u need to talk to her but dont show her how afraid u are of this secret coming out. U cant really tell ur own family especially as u dony want her to be ur wife. There is no point giving into her threats, it will only cause heartache later down the line. She must feel like ur her world and ur destroying it by walking away, hence the action she is willing to take but deep down she's just desprate for u not to leave her, she knows how much shame it will bring to her and her family, tread carefully consider her feelings buy dont show fear... Nor should u be heartless towards her...

 

[جوري]

"born again virgins" I don't know if that wording was meant to be funny but lol. I agree with many of the posts but if the brother is about to get married to another lady it's a little too late, unless he's exposed and the other sister chooses to leave him.
Salam

I think the Hijabi jilbab wearing sister should know about this and the choice to leave or stay would be up to her..it would take care of many things all at once and there would be no deception going into this marriage. I believe that to enter a marriage based on deception will do only the innocent party harm..
Does she deserve this? would you marry a repentant fornicator who left another girl in such a fashion? Let me answer that for you because I once got proposed to by a fornicator and I wasn't supposed to know of the other girl but I did and al7mdlillah I said no.. you'd be also sad to know that the other girl had killed herself!

I am sorry but I have no respect for these repentant types, they mess with people's lives and think they deserve the best!

 

[Lonely Gal]

If the secret doea comes out im sure everyone will see how much u regret it

 

[CosmicPathos]

yes, i dont think that you deserve this really nice hijabi/jilbabi girl that you passionately talk of since you have not really earned her through your deeds. Even if Allah swt has accepted your repentance, it does not mean you are at the same level of emaan (since you are starting anew after repentance) as this new girl you are supposed to marry. But I guess this is the dilemma of our societies, your parents might have convinced her parents that their son (you) is one gem of a person in this whole universe. And i doubt that you slept with her not knowing that she wants to marry you ....

 

[جوري]

yes, i dont think that you deserve this really nice hijabi/jilbabi girl that you passionately talk of since you have not really earned her through your deeds. Even if Allah swt has accepted your repentance, it does not mean you are at the same level of emaan (since you are starting anew after repentance) as this new girl you are supposed to marry. But I guess this is the dilemma of our societies, your parents might have convinced her parents that their son (you) is one gem of a person in this whole universe.

lol your post really offered me my first hearty laugh of the day Jazaka Allah khyran..
here is to the gems and nuggets of our world and the parents who love them..

 

[Tyrion]

I think the Hijabi jilbab wearing sister should know about this and the choice to leave or stay would be up to her..it would take care of many things all at once and there would be no deception going into this marriage. I believe that to enter a marriage based on deception will do only the innocent party harm..
Does she deserve this? would you marry a repentant fornicator who left another girl in such a fashion? Let me answer that for you because I once got proposed to by a fornicator and I wasn't supposed to know of the other girl but I did and al7mdlillah I said no.. you'd be also sad to know that the other girl had killed herself!

This. If you want to go through with this new arranged marriage, you need to tell her and see if she's still willing to go through with it.

 

[Maryan0]

I think the Hijabi jilbab wearing sister should know about this and the choice to leave or stay would be up to her..it would take care of many things all at once and there would be no deception going into this marriage. I believe that to enter a marriage based on deception will do only the innocent party harm..

I agree

Does she deserve this? would you marry a repentant fornicator who left another girl in such a fashion? Let me answer that for you because I once got proposed to by a fornicator and I wasn't supposed to know of the other girl but I did and al7mdlillah I said no.. you'd be also sad to know that the other girl had killed herself!

Subhanallah that is very sad may Allah have mercy on the sister.

I am sorry but I have no respect for these repentant types, they mess with people's lives and think they deserve the best![/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]

I can't help but feel bad for this brother everyone deserves a second chance... but he should face the consequences for his actions not necessarily marrying this girl but the one he wants to marry should know that he is a zani.

Salam

 

[Nájlá]

Subhanallah your running away from your mess? Be a man and go and clean your mess up... I don't get players these days :/

Its a good thing you've repented but shes repented too, you don't deserve this hijaabi girl. Marry her and start a new page if you can't carry on with ur life with her then get a divorce at least this way the girl can move on without having to fear anything and you can also move on too. Afterall the truth will come out if you don't do the right choice to hide your sins. Speak to this hijaabi girl and tell her everything and she will refuse you. end it this way without having to let your parents know.

 

[جوري]

I agree

muwaaaa

Subhanallah that is very sad may Allah have mercy on the sister.

I know I felt terrible that she killed herself.. she lost everything sob7an Allah..

I can't help but feel bad for this brother everyone deserves a second chance... but he should face the consequences for his actions not necessarily marrying this girl but the one he wants to marry should know that he is a zani.

Salam

the one who proposed to me after a series of turn downs especially after her death actually ended up marrying a pretty nice girl and I think he sincerely repented too.. I don't know though why in my heart I can't forgive what became of that other girl especially that she was 17 and he was 23.. much too young and I know she couldn't think of a way out..

sob7an Allah