Help please!How to deal with such people??

AnonymousPoster

AnonymousPoster

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salam

This is for a friend of mine.

There are those people who are super in criticizing others "negatively" and pointing out all their flaws and don't miss a chance to expose them as bad people even when they are not really bad.

Yet they do the exact same things they always criticize "if not worse".
There is no way for them to admit that on themselves. They may turn the world upside down if someone dare to criticize them or even advise them.

And no! no one can advise them because they are the parent (especially father) who suppose to be what so called "the role model" for their kids! And those parent don't accept such thing as they consider it rudeness from their kids!


pardon my poor english please.
 
وَاصْبِرْ عَلَى مَا يَقُولُونَ وَاهْجُرْهُمْ هَجْرًا جَمِيلًا {10}
[SIZE=-1][Pickthal 73:10] And bear with patience what they utter, and part from them with a fair leave-taking.

:w:
[/SIZE]
 
Had the same problem with girls i used to spend time with, i simply became very "busy" and only say hello when i see them or if some misfortune befalls them like a death in the family i call to give condolences, thats it though. Just spend less and less time with them. Thats all you can really do since you cant change their back biting.
 
they're hypocrites

and they've got nothing beter to do than to pick out flaws in others cos they're either jelous or it makes them feel better

point out the flaws in them, maybe they'll shut up
 
:sl:
you dont deal with them. people aren't stupid, they tend to pick up on these things (if they haven't already) so you dont say or do anything...just let them be and eventually they will humiliate themselves and they will be the only ones who turn people against them.
 
People its not easy to face or criticize your own father and point out the flaws on him.

Any comment from you can be seen as a rudeness toward him, he is so arrogant to accept any comment!
 
:sl:

AnonymousGender said:
People its not easy to face or criticize your own father and point out the flaws on him.

Any comment from you can be seen as a rudeness toward him, he is so arrogant to accept any comment!
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don't judge anyone by listening from one side only. Did u talk to the father ? What's his problem with ur friend ? If parents want to guide children or give them advices , they take it negatively and shout at parents . If parent discuss it with others , children get more angry.

So , what's the exact case ? Why parents are so upset with ur friend ?
 
Muslim Woman said:
:sl:




don't judge anyone by listening from one side only. Did u talk to the father ? What's his problem with ur friend ? If parents want to guide children or give them advices , they take it negatively and shout at parents . If parent discuss it with others , children get more angry.

So , what's the exact case ? Why parents are so upset with ur friend ?
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No sis, its for my friend's father. She asked me what to do and I posted this here.

Her father always think of himself as a unique creature who can never make mistakes. He always judge people and backbite them with many cruel words. May Allah guide him.

Yet he does the exact same things he always criticize, which mean "double standards"
My friend can't face her father, because when she tried it once, a big problem happened and she was accused for being rude and disrespecting her father...blah blah blah, even when she offered him advice in a very good manner.

sorry for confusing you sis at the beginning,
 
We ought to live by moral code as per Quran and sunnah not by our own understanding about the society and this rule applies to every individual who call themselves muslim. living by anything other than that will surely create problems in societies.
 
AnonymousGender said:
salam

This is for a friend of mine.

There are those people who are super in criticizing others "negatively" and pointing out all their flaws and don't miss a chance to expose them as bad people even when they are not really bad.

Yet they do the exact same things they always criticize "if not worse".
There is no way for them to admit that on themselves. They may turn the world upside down if someone dare to criticize them or even advise them.

And no! no one can advise them because they are the parent (especially father) who suppose to be what so called "the role model" for their kids! And those parent don't accept such thing as they consider it rudeness from their kids!


pardon my poor english please.
Click to expand...

yeah it is rudeness you should not speak down to your parents no matter what way they treat you. you should ALWAYS respect them and show them love and kindness. if she feels her parents are doing wrong so she should tell them nicely and not get angry..this is not how we treat our elders in islam
 
Wa alaykum salam,

There is no need for her to 'deal' with her father. She shouldn't have the mentality that she needs to challenge him.

She needs be patient and ignore any actions that are contrary to Islam. Holding ones tongue and remaining patient is often the best response when people say or do crazy things, especially when there is ego involved (that of the father). Face it, it takes a lot for parents to drop their ego when their behaviour is being objected by their own children. It's not going to happen. She needs to realise her place and act accordingly. You can't go into a king's palace and order the king about. Maybe if you went in with some gifts though, he will listen willingly.

The result that she yearns to happen is for him to become a better muslim. If he's not willing to listen directly, then she needs to be indirect about it. Use tact and wisdom to gradually change his view. No need to be aggressive about it.

Has she heard the anecdote of how the Grandsons of the Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu Alaihe Wassalam, Hassan RA and Hussain RA, in their wisdom, rectified the mistake of an old man who was performing ablution in contradiction to the sunnah?

"An old man sat to do his wudhu. But his wudhu was not correct. Hasan and Hussain the grandsons of the Prophet (S.A.W.), then two young boys, watched him. They immediately realized that the old man was not doing his wudhu correctly, but hesitated to tell him directly. Perhaps the old man would feel humiliated by two young boys, or he might even lose interest in the act of worship.

Sitting next to him, they started to do the wudhu and during the wudhu, Hasan said: "Oh Hussain my wudhu is correct and more perfect than yours."

In reply, Hussain insisted that his own wudhu was better than Hasan's.

Finally they said: "Let us refer to this gentleman. He is older than us and should be able to decide."

The old man was listening patiently. The boys performed their wudhu under his supervision, one after the other. And when they had finished, he realized the wudhu done by the boys was methodical and correct. It was his own wudhu which was incorrect. Turning to Hasan and Hussain, he gently said: "The wudhu done by you is correct. I am grateful that you chose to guide me in such a beautiful manner."
Click to expand...
 
aadil77 said:
they're hypocrites

and they've got nothing beter to do than to pick out flaws in others cos they're either jelous or it makes them feel better

point out the flaws in them, maybe they'll shut up
Click to expand...



I agree with the first part, but by pointing out their flaws just to shut them up you are defeating the purpose of the argument. Basically doing what they are doing.
 

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