help plz..younger guy

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miss islam

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oky i hav a problem..but its ntt realli i lov dis guy nd he loves me too..we both do lov each other deeply...nd yeah its true love...we both understnd each other when i tlk to him i feel comfortable..he has alwayz been der for me..nd i cant thnk him enough..nd he wants me as his future wife...but da thing is am 20 his 18 nd whn i tld my firneds dat his yonger den me dey freak out..i knw age doesnt matter but everytime dey be sayin u sld jus leave him cuz his young..but i really dk wht to do..cuz if i leave him it will break him..but i dont want to..it jus mkes me mad dem sayin such thing dey sldnt interfer its my life..HELP!!!! idk wht to do..
 
salam wa 3lykom

its not really about the age .. but as u know any relationship with a guy is harammmmmmmmmm n a huge sin.. so think about it .. if u die today ....was it really worth it....................... believe me its not.. if he wants he should come n ask for ur hand ... n u should do it the rite way... i know sometimes ppl do get carried away .. but u should try to pull ur self out. so either he comes n ask for u n get married or u end it.. n believe me its not worth it.
 
salam alaikum sister

i agree with princess this whole i talk to him and love him and he loves me too... is what you should be more concerned about rather than his age, if you want to marry the brother and he feels the same way then ask him to do things properly and do your istikhara 1st and ask yourself are you really ready for this and furthermore is her ready for this?

firstly as i said the age thing is not an issue, but always bare in mind that women mentality are 5 years more mature for their age and men 5 years immature so do think about the mental compatibility there cos this is marriage we are talking about!!!
and again if its written for you Insha'Allah then you will end up with him.

my husband is ten years my senior and believe me when i say this to you i feel like i am dealing with a 13 year old teenager. and marriage is no joke, it is something that you should be getting in to 100% confident that you will give it your utter all.

does your family know about this?
 
Thankyou Eeman but in the future could you please try to provide advice without degrading the Muslim Brothers. I think that would be more appropriate and better value for readers.
May Allah forgive and bless you InshAllah
 
coddles76 said:
Thankyou Eeman but in the future could you please try to provide advice without degrading the Muslim Brothers. I think that would be more appropriate and better value for readers.
May Allah forgive and bless you InshAllah
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Her advices are highly objective and i like to read them.
 
Tania,

I would be 100% sure that she had the right intentions at heart and I am also sure that her objective views are quite enjoyable. I was just providing my individual advice as a brother in Islam, trying to work together to create a positive outlook to things.
 
The Prophet (SAW) had a wife who was 20? (I think) years older than him. Your friends are jealous.
 
:sl:
Well, I was told that boyfriend and girlfriend, that kind of thing is a sin, forbidden, so let it go, and if he does ask you to marry him, then dont think about the age difference, think...remember Our prophet s.a.w married Hazrat Kadija r.t.a and she was 14 years I think older than him. So if he asks you, you know what to do but apart from that I'd stop seeing him. I hope my advice helps you.
:w:
 
khadija radhiallahu anha was older then the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam by FIFTEEN WHOLE YEARS!


nuff said?


Assalamu Alaikum
 
^ the haram freemixing is always there in these cases bro lol

otherwise they would just flip it and let their parents choose :p but they get attached
 
Eeman said:
salam alaikum sister

i agree with princess this whole i talk to him and love him and he loves me too... is what you should be more concerned about rather than his age, if you want to marry the brother and he feels the same way then ask him to do things properly and do your istikhara 1st and ask yourself are you really ready for this and furthermore is her ready for this?

firstly as i said the age thing is not an issue, but always bare in mind that women mentality are 5 years more mature for their age and men 5 years immature so do think about the mental compatibility there cos this is marriage we are talking about!!!
and again if its written for you Insha'Allah then you will end up with him.

my husband is ten years my senior and believe me when i say this to you i feel like i am dealing with a 13 year old teenager. and marriage is no joke, it is something that you should be getting in to 100% confident that you will give it your utter all.

does your family know about this?
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So if your husband is childish then this guy must be childish and every living male also :enough!: the sister that posed the question is only two years older than the brother and those two years are nothing! I am sure she knows for herself if he is the one to marry and she loves him so surely thats enough and without fail you should give her the best advice instead of rambling and possibly deterring her just like her friends:rollseyes


My advice(without discouragement)
Sister if the brother is pious and looks like a loyal person then marry him simple as that and dont allow you're friends or other certain women to make you hesistant by talking to you about that maturity/immaturity crap,the prophet(sas) married an older women 15 years his age so to be honest 2 years is diddly squat
 
Ahmedjunior said:
So if your husband is childish then this guy must be childish and every living male also :enough!: the sister that posed the question is only two years older than the brother and those two years are nothing! I am sure she knows for herself if he is the one to marry and she loves him so surely thats enough and without fail you should give her the best advice instead of rambling and possibly deterring her just like her friends:rollseyes
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Agreed, not every muslim male are childish, i know of many understanding and well-mannered brothers out there. But i also see where the sister is coming from, she is trying to say that you have to be extra cautious when choosing your husband, you cannot just marry someone you just met once or twice.
 
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coddles76 said:
Thankyou Eeman but in the future could you please try to provide advice without degrading the Muslim Brothers. I think that would be more appropriate and better value for readers.
May Allah forgive and bless you InshAllah
Click to expand...

salam alaikum everyone,

dear brothers i apologise from the bottom of my heart if i have said anything in my posts that have seemed degrading Wallah that was never my intention but yet again i am sorry,

yes i understand that it is never the case with all men, but i am merely talking from experience as i said t her she should not be concerned with age more so concerned with the free mixing and making sure that she doesnt cause any fitnah that is the most important thing.

but now come on we have to be realistic at the same time, the brother is 18 years old!!!! how many 18 year olds do you know that is ready to take the responsibility of marriage on???????

what my point is that marriage is not a joke i duont know about you guys but to me and the whole concept of marriage to me has been like this, you get married once Insha'Allah and stick through it through thick and thin unless in situations where doing so is literally becoming impossible. when it comes to marriage you dont make hasty decisions and just get married then if it doesnt work out oh well guess what thats why Allah swt has made ha made talaaq lawful in islam.

it is better for both the brother and sister to be patient and preserve themselves and chastity, believe me its not that hard, life does not evolve around men, free mixing and sex!!!! sorry to put it in those words but it really does not!!!!

all i am saying is that the guy in my opinion and many guys and i mean many are not ready, mentally, emotionally and financially to be getting married at 18!!!

But none the less as i said before sister if its meant to be then Insha'Allah it'll be just read istikhara and see what way Allah swt guides you.

talk to your parents you must speak to your parents and seek advice from them!

before i go i'd just like to point out one thing the prophet saw was a messenger of Allah swt and i can personally wholehearted say that i dont believe or could imagine any human being being on his level or piety status.
yes we look up to him as the biggest role model but sorry to say to me no one is a match or ever could be to him. Allahu Alam.

just like you have nowadays muslim brothers that try to follow his steps by having more than one wives, gosh i suggest you muslim brothers yourself sit there for once and give a lending ear to the wives, the stories you will hear break your heart and i am sorry what anyone says and even if it is allowed in islam i still believe that Allah swt does not encourage such inequality.
this is real life!!! yes no doubt many brothers here Masha'Allah are very pious practising muslims but how many muslim brothers in general are that way????
 
Ahmedjunior said:
So if your husband is childish then this guy must be childish and every living male also :enough!: the sister that posed the question is only two years older than the brother and those two years are nothing! I am sure she knows for herself if he is the one to marry and she loves him so surely thats enough and without fail you should give her the best advice instead of rambling and possibly deterring her just like her friends:rollseyes


My advice(without discouragement)
Sister if the brother is pious and looks like a loyal person then marry him simple as that and dont allow you're friends or other certain women to make you hesistant by talking to you about that maturity/immaturity crap,the prophet(sas) married an older women 15 years his age so to be honest 2 years is diddly squat
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Dear brother i am sorry if you got the message across differently or misunderstood, my husbandis not the only male that i know or have known in my life. look im really sorry to say but ask any female it is a known fact that women mature much faster than men do.

and i am not talking here based on the idea that my husband represents the whole male population cos if that was the case my am in life rather than reaching jannah would be to wipe out the whole male population. lol

islamic ideals and ways of life are beautiful and thats the way life should be lived and everything in islam should be implemented in life.

BUT! lets look at real life and what happens realistically!!! i am talking from experience, through what i have learnt in life and seen with my own eyes.
did you know that a man can walk into a mosque and go to imam and get a talaaq from his wife without his wife's knoweldge? so let me give you an example you have a muslim couple married, the wives at home without the clightest clue as far as she is concerned everything in her marriage is fine yes you have your ups and downs but thats life, next min she is standing there with a piece of paper thats announcing her talaaq for her, she reads the reasons for this and on the paper the imam has written down due to misunderstanding!!!!!!!!!

this is real life brothers not hear say stories but real life! even getting your divorce as in registration divorce is not that simple!!!!!!!!
so it makes you think how can it be so simple in islam, is this what God commanded us to do, is marriage that much of a joke and worthless???

and yes these are muslim brothers, average muslim brothers who pray 5 times a day etc but it comes to a point where either mentally, emoitionally, or financially the strains are too much for them to handle and we must not please object to the fact that men in general are not very good with talking and opening up, if they have a problem they themselves become the mr fix it man and think they are a bit too self sufficient and have a cure or solution to everything no matter how irational the outcome may be, they dont like relying upon other people emotionally or opening up much cos it goes against their cultural believes and makes them seem weak and vulnerable.

being open about your feelings and emotios never has nor will make anyone weak nor vulnerable, but its the male ego thats not allowing them to do so.
i spend much of my time with fellow muslim sisters and unfortunately it breaks my heart and saddens me so much but this is something that you will find in EVERY marital home. so no i am not sitting here giving my unworthy two pence worth babbling and trying to make the idea seem unworthy to the sister, i am merely advising you sis cos marriage is such a beautiful and important aspect in life, its virtues are amazing but make that hasty decision and it only takes that one hasty decision and you spend the rest of your life an unhappy miserable wife, forever commiting sins of nagging whining and being bitter, grudgeful and miserable.
 
And the couple its divorced :? based only one side story :?
 
Ahmedjunior said:
You have right to give advice but you absolutely have no right to purposely influence because of you're past or even present experiences

thank you
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She gave only her opinion, like you did. The sis who asked will ponder the replies and will follow her judgement. She will be influenced by your advice in the same measure like of sis Eeman advice too.

I really don't see why are you quarell with sis Eeman :-[ Everyone has the right to speak and to hide certain facts its very bad.
 
Ahmedjunior said:
Sister, we men are not evil and lethargic creatures maybe you think so but thats your opinion,and i think you have thrown the sister into more confusion,you and her so called friends are deterring her away from the guy for what reason, is he a criminal? neither you or her friends know what kind of personality this person has only she knows and if he was a mentally weak person then believe you me she would of not fallen in love with him but romance dies out quickly when it comes to real life situation and only time will tell what will happen if the bond is still strong or not

If the male brothers you talk about excersice their male egos and on top of that pray five times then either you are lieing and have this agenda against young brothers or the brothers misunderstood the religion because you cant pray five times a day and mentally assault you're wife that is not islam

Young brothers right now need help and advice especially in this crazy society so that they dont fall into committing zina the last thing they need is someone to tell them that they are incompetent because they have too much pride

some young brothers want to marry and are finding it hard to do so they are trying to fulfill half of their deen and there are sisters out there spreading lies and influencing other sisters telling them to not marry young brothers,this leaves the brothers with no way out from the crazy practises they see that some youthfull people indulge in for example girls,clubs and other things,so in a sense brothers who fight these temptations have only one hope and that is to marry a pious sister that he loves and cherishes,so that they can grow into each other build on their relationship.

You have right to give advice but you absolutely have no right to purposely influence because of you're past or even present experiences

thank you
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Jazak'Allah khair :)
peace brother, your right i am lying.

ma salama.
 

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