help plz..younger guy

  • Thread starter Thread starter miss islam
  • Start date Start date
  • Replies Replies 60
  • Views Views 9K
:sl: ^
The cooling off process isn't something that the Prophet (saw) practiced regularly..its was a rare occurance though wasn't it?
 
^ i dont endorse it to b dun regularly, only during extreme moments.

i really believe it can help, i can think of so many couples who i would recommend it to
 
:sl:
Oh, I agree that in extreme circumstances that it may useful, give both a chance to reflect on their actions, the way you spoke it seemed as though you had plans to make it into regular practice..sorry if I misunderstood. But also where you go? I mean unless you have family close by there's not really many places to live whilst 'cooling off'?
 
:sl:
thats a good idea, that never even occurred to me! Round here its a amazing thing for a (young) guy to attend masjid to pray..let alone anything more than that...
 
^ in london masjid is center for everything these days :) my friends camped in the mosque loads of times lol


oh and i said masjid because thats where the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam went for his retreat... masjid-e-nabawi
 
:sl:
MashaAllah thats great, its important that people have an islamic environment to go to, anytime...and to know that its open anytime.... Guess London does have its good points lol
 
Assalamualaykum

Peace be with you Sister miss islam, if you truly believe that you and this guy are great for one another, what is there to stop you? Prophet Muhammed PBUH married Khadijah RA and Khadija RA was older than the Prophet PBUH.

You and your partner should make dua to Allah, to lead to the right path and Insha'Allah what Allah does, Allah does for the best.

Stay safe, Sister.

Assalamualaykum
*KB*
:coolious:
 
everything's already been said but if you really love each other and want to get married, why not do it the right way, the Islamic way? it doesnt matter how old he is, and you should tell your friends that, if they still continue to talk, don't listen, lol, no but seriously girl, he should ask your parents for your hand in marriage :P
 
well..i think marryin a younger person it jus weried nd odd..doesnt hppen often..but den love is strong whc really matters..
 
well if you 2 can actually hold a marriage then go do it, :) its only 2 years difference, its not like hes 13 and your 20.
 
Just to add to something Sr. Eman said before:

If you can only GIVE in your marriage, without expecting ANYTHING in return, you can take your marriage to the next level, insha'Allah.

Being a martyr in a marriage by just giving and giving, but not getting anything in return (while expecting to get something back) is not something permanent. As time goes by, you won't have that passion and excitement as before.

But if you can SHOW how to GIVE without expecting ANYTHING in return---and do it sincerely out of love, care, and compassion---your spouse will soon start to do the same. He or she just cannot help it.

Well, that's something to practice for those who want to take their marriage to the next level.

==

miss islam, a few things:

1.
Ask married people (those whom you look up to, who are going through a successful married life). Do NOT ask your friends (in most cases). You may know better than your friends. They can only assume things. Get the real scoop for people who've been there.

Ask your friends to FIND OUT more about the person and similar things, but don't rely on their opinions too heavily. Share your feelings and concerns with them, of course; that's why they're there for you. Let them advice you if they want. But check that up with others.

2.
Having some kind of relationship--that goes beyond permissible boundaries--before marriage, is always a recipe for disaster. For those involved, it's hard to tell. But when reality kicks in, that infatuation flies out the window faster than it came in.

3.
If you're deciding between two options (or more), then may I suggest you do a simple exercise?

Take an uninterrupted hour and answer these questions (in writing, of course)--

A. By marrying the 18 year old brother, what are the TOP 10 things I'm trying to ACHIEVE?

B. By marrying the 18 year old brother, what are the TOP 10 things I'm trying to AVOID?

[You'll be surprised to see how many people never ask that second question, which may be give you a better perspective.]

C. By marrying the 23 year old brother, what are the TOP 10 things I'm trying to ACHIEVE?

D. By marrying the 23 year old brother, what are the TOP 10 things I'm trying to AVOID?

Then, go through each answer, and rate each one from 1 to 10 (1 being least important and 10 being most important).

So, you'll have at least 10 ratings for Question A. Add them up.

Do the same for B, C, and D.

See where the scale is heavier.

You can also answer these on the side:

a. What things do you two share in common?
b. What things are TOTALLY different? Can you live with those differences?

It's a must that you be brutally honest with yourself when answering these questions.

Remember, marriage is NOT a test-drive! It's a seriously serious and amazingly amazing matter. Don't let your infatuation get mixed up with real love.

That exercise has given a lot of people some great clarity and balanced perspective during very difficult life-altering situations. It works for any decision where you must choose from two or more options.

So, bounce off your answers (or the primary decision) with someone whose judgment you trust. Hear what they say.

Then, make a final decision.

Pray istikhaarah.

Put your trust in Allah.

Make MASSIVE du'aa'.

Take MASSIVE actions on your decision.

May Allaah make one of the best of the best!
 
Last edited:
akhee, just wondering....do you have a template for these posts :D lol, they all seem to look similar???

good advice as always!
 
arabianprincess said:
salam wa 3lykom

its not really about the age .. but as u know any relationship with a guy is harammmmmmmmmm n a huge sin.. so think about it .. if u die today ....was it really worth it....................... believe me its not.. if he wants he should come n ask for ur hand ... n u should do it the rite way... i know sometimes ppl do get carried away .. but u should try to pull ur self out. so either he comes n ask for u n get married or u end it.. n believe me its not worth it.
Click to expand...

Assalamu Alaikum Brothers and Sisters,

You see this is the most suitable response as it is islamic and does justice and im sorry but these kind of threads really make me laugh and its suprising how many of these you get on here "oh i love him and i know he loves me but i dont know what to do" :giggling:

JazakAllah.
 
Hamas said:
and its suprising how many of these you get on here "oh i love him and i know he loves me but i dont know what to do" :giggling:

JazakAllah.
Click to expand...
Love its the most old mistery of the world and you are :giggling:
 
Sahabiyaat said:
akhee, just wondering....do you have a template for these posts :D lol, they all seem to look similar???

good advice as always!
Click to expand...

Sahabiyaat, I wish I did have templates, but I don't. :)

You see, when you zoom out from the gritty-nitty details of life, get some perspective and altitude, things become very simple. It's easier to deal with.

That decision-making exercise is one of the MOST powerful exercises I've ever come across in my life. You do istishaarah (you ask those who know better), then you sit down and write out all the options you have, (if things aren't clear still, you do more istishaarah), then you make a decision, and pray istikhaarah. <-- ALL of that is part of tying your camel.

And THEN you just go ahead with your decision with an unwavering tawakkul and trust in Allaah, that no matter what happens, it will turn out to be good for you. Yeah, for beginners, these are all "flowery" talks, but I've done and seen people achieve amazing results and overcome life-death-situations very easily.

Good news is: the more you practice your decision-making and tawakkul muscles, the stronger you'll become, inshaa'Allaah.
 
miss islam said:
thx for all of ur replys sum say even thou his young he can be mature nd he is very well mannerd..nd others say 'childish' well idk..i might gonna leave him cuz derz dis other guy dat liks me and his lik 23 years old..am ntt in love wid him thou :( but his age is perfect..but i still dk..i mean my parent will prob freak out me mayin a guy younger den me..nd my sis will prob say its disgusting..idk
Click to expand...

Do not ASSUME anything. SEE it for what it is.

He "CAN BE" mature? That's not good enough. IS HE mature?

Don't play the "in love" and "out of love" game! It seems very alluring, but it'll drive you nuts at the end. It's difficult, yes, but base your love on things that will LAST!

Take your life seriously. If YOU don't take it seriously, no one else will.

Instead of thinking about "this particular" guy or "that particular" guy, think about what "qualities" do you want to see in your future husband?

Then, ask yourself: "What kind of girl would such a guy want to marry? Hmm..."

Then, BECOME that girl!

I hope that made sense. Did it?
 
Last edited:
coddles76 said:
Thankyou Eeman but in the future could you please try to provide advice without degrading the Muslim Brothers. I think that would be more appropriate and better value for readers.
May Allah forgive and bless you InshAllah
Click to expand...

I have to agree with Eeman!

We have to be man enough to face the brutal facts of reality. Instead of trying to avoid them, we must just face up to them and self-correct.

Whenever we don't like what someone else said, it's most likely that it's going against one of our "own" values or beliefs. Instead of blocking out that person's opinion, why not examine our "own" values and see if they stand up against the test?

If they do, khayr, you've gotta a jewel. If not, it's time to become a goldsmith and turn that bumpy-stony-value into a true jewel! :)
 
thx again..but he wants wht best for me..but i have a feelin dat i wont be able to be with him cuz of my parent..dy neva met him..i jus thing it wont be cuz we came frm diff b.g but dat hpeflly wont matter..but wht if my parent said no to me wn i comfront dem..i mean in islam doesnt a girl has da rite to choose her husband..but den wid da permission of ur parent..sigh life is difficult jus cnfuse
 
sister
as muslims..we are supposed to go 4 charcter and deen
i didnt hear anythin about age
who cares sis??
Honestly..its just a number
dont let it define/shape/destory ur love for each other.
Its about u two..being together as one..cos dats wat marriage is all about..so chin up sis and be happy.
 

Similar Threads

Back
Top