I am also extremely sorry" Who AM I" If I ever have said anything which hurt you, and I must apologize from everyone else's side too, please know that this was not our intention. I will just add that its true that things can become quite difficult once we're on our journey to improve and better ourselves as a muslim; things were quite difficult for the Prophet and his companions as well, they were tortured, thrown sharp rocks at, abandoned by their community without any shelter or food for 3 long yrs in a cave, ridiculed by kaafirs, insulted verbally and socially and etc.
So if it gives you any comfort, you being tested is a great honor from Allah swt since those who were tested tough enough were the ones who raised their ranks much higher in the eyes of Allah swt, it is much much easier being raised a muslim than being a revert one with so much to learn and practice, maybe at this time it seems dark or disappointing, but think of it this way, may be if you just persist, just a little more and instill positive thoughts into your mind, maybe thats all Allah requires from you and you ace this test with flying colors and abundant blessings, inshAllah.
As a sage man once said that whenever we purchase something expensive and of good value from the market, we want that product to withstand all temperatures, pressures and all climatic conditions since we're investing so much in it, we want the best results out of it, and when we do get those results out of it , it becomes our favorite item and we appreciate it to everyone around us. However if it falls short of any of its claim, it loses its value in our eyes.
Same is the case with man, why then , when Allah CHOOSES us as the valuable one , we tend to feel lithargic, dismayed and disappointed when He tests us with what we claim? By Allah , we are not burdened with things that we cannot take, so always know that if you're going through this difficult patch, Allah knows and TRUSTS you to ace it, it is mostly w,e that we loose faith in ourselves in a jiffy and fall short of our own expectations, when Allah swt is actually helping us raise our ranks and our eeman. Trust yourself and trust Allah that He will not leave you, no matter what trials he puts you through.
" Surely, after every trial, there is a relief" a verse from Quran.
MAy Allah swt be with you forever and may you be stead fast in your journey with utmost faith, ameen.
