Sister, I will ask you a question and I hope you will answer sincerily...
Do you want to become a "good muslim" for the sake of Allah (SWT) or for the sake of your parents? Or you want to change to get away from marriage?
Islam is a very beautiful religion, so I believe studying it will help you alot in increasing your faith and in obeying your Rab (Lord). There is a always more to study and in which you can increase your knowledge (Depends on the person). Make du'aa so Allah will help you, read Qur'aan, hadith, lives of the Prophet's (SAAS) companions and the other prophets (AS) , rulings... And one big helpful thing is Islamic lectures, they helped myself A LOT and they are very interesting and wise masha'lLah. Alhamdulil-Lah and may Allah reward them.
You also said:
"So seriously,. someone put me on seeratul mustaqeem and show me the way."
Sister, Allah is the One who guides, what do ya think if you rather ask Him who gives.
Don't get me wrong I don't mean that don't ask or anything, for Allah tells us to Ask them who know, if we know not.
I strongly appreciate the fact that you look at yourself and try to change yourself to better, that is something every single one of us should do.
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“O you who believe! Fear Allaah and keep your duty to Him. And let every person look to what he has sent forth for the morrow, and fear Allaah…”
[al-Hashr 59:18]
Here Allaah commands us twice to fear Him (taqwa), and in between these two commands, He commands us to check ourselves. So look and see what you have sent forth for the Day of Judgement in the way of good deeds and abstaining from evil deeds. This checking is an important means of changing oneself, and the Day of Resurrection will be difficult and long, and will make the faces look horrible (from their extreme dislike of it) (cf. Al-Insaan 76:10). So look at what you have prepared in the way of good deeds and try to do more of them and be sincere in doing them. Give up sin, for it is the worst thing that one can prepare for that Day. Make sure that you go into the Hereafter with the best that you have. And do not forget to make du’aa’ and ask Allaah to guide you to the Straight Path and help you to remain steadfast in it.
We ask Allaah to grant us and you strength and guidance, and a good end. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
Source:
http://islam-qa.com/en/ref/8424/good muslim
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About marriage, it is your and only your's choice, Islam forbits marriyng without the woman's approval.
It is not permissible for a woman to be made to marry someone she does not want. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A previously-married woman should not be married without being consulted, and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given?” He said, “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6455).
‘Aa’ishah reported that a girl came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [I was forced into it].” ‘Aa’ishah said, “Sit here until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women.” (Reported by al-Nisaa’i, 3217).
Source:
http://islam-qa.com/en/ref/4602/force marriage
start small. change your habits. pray, if you dont already. fast sometimes if u can. and try to come closer to Allah. read Quraan, study the lives of the companions of the Prophet(saw). inshAllah by being here on the forum it will increase your iman. I have left the forum twice and each time i come back I feel an immense iman increase alhamdulillah
