Help

[Nisha123]

Hi, my name is anishah, ive ot used these types of forums before and dont really know what kind of help is available. I am having a little difficulty I was hoping you could help me with. I am in love and InshaAllah hoping to get married however there is this one girl that keeps causing trouble between us. She is trying to take him away by offering to buy him things. Is there any type of dua or taweez or something that i can do to keep her away.

 

[~Zaria~]

Hi, my name is anishah, ive ot used these types of forums before and dont really know what kind of help is available. I am having a little difficulty I was hoping you could help me with. I am in love and InshaAllah hoping to get married however there is this one girl that keeps causing trouble between us. She is trying to take him away by offering to buy him things. Is there any type of dua or taweez or something that i can do to keep her away.

Assalamu-alaikum ukthi,

Please realise that the following:

I am in love and InshaAllah hoping to get married

is in contradiction to each other.

Falling in love should only occur within the confines of marriage.
Love outside of marriage can only occur through haraam means - in a manner that is incurring the displeasure of Allah (subhanawataála).

Why then, do we mention the 'will of Allah' if we are not even concerned about transgressing His commandments?

Please reflect on this.

Is there any type of dua or taweez or something that i can do to keep her away.

My sister, this should be the LAST thing on your mind.

Do you wish to ask Allah for assistance in a matter that is incurring His wrath?

Or are you seeking the means of jinn/ jadoo in removing this girl from the picture? - Which is also haraam.

My ukthi, focus your energies on your relationship with Allah.
Life is short and uncertain.
Should this be our final day in this dunya - what would be our position in the qabr and on the Day of Qiyamat?

Dont allow the temptations of a handsome face and sweet words, distance you from your Creator.

Is your love for a creation (who does not even belong to you in a halaal way) greater than that of your Creator?


:wa:

 

[Nisha123]

Our parents are aware and we are at the moment engaged. It is not something that we are doing anything behind there back.
I am not seeking means of jinn or jadoo as I know this is haram in Islam, but was aware that there are some thins available that could help.
Thank you for your advice.

 

[~Zaria~]

Our parents are aware and we are at the moment engaged. It is not something that we are doing anything behind there back.
I am not seeking means of jinn or jadoo as I know this is haram in Islam, but was aware that there are some thins available that could help.
Thank you for your advice.

My sister, please understand that it is not possible to 'be in love' with another before marriage, if we are following the sunnah of our prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam).

If parents have knowledge of pre-marital relationships, and are satisfied - this does not imply that what we are doing is permissible or pleasurable to Allah.

Unfortunately, we have become so modernised nowadays, that even our elders are unable to provide us with the correct guidance in many matters.

May Allah guide us all, as He is the best of Guiders.
Ameen.

 

[جوري]

The Question do you trust him and does he love you and committed to this marriage? You can't cut someone's chest and implant love or faithfulness. I suspect acting funny around either of them would only fuel the situation. If he's a good person that it won't matter about this other girl. She'll be committing sin and you'll have gained reward both ways, one for being patient and the other by being with the one you want to be with.
I don't find jealousy in the way you describe a comfortable thing I wouldn't want to be with a person who wants to do 'ta3weez' to keep others away from me, it would undermine my personal wisdom, it would show lack of trust and deprive me of personal space.. try to think of things from his point of view as well. And if he's none of those things i.e wise, faithful and trustworthy then maybe you shouldn't be with him at all love or not?

fi aman illah

 

[جوري]

it is not possible to 'be in love' with another before marriage,

I disagree with that statement and with calling it not following in sunnah. I have known many people who knew each other as children and grew up to marry one another out of love and were/are very good Muslims. Nothing un-Islamic about that. I am not going to get into the famous people of early Islamic society and their relationships.. I do agree however with the ills of having a pre-marital relationship and that not being consistent with Islam..

 

[Alpha Dude]

^ I think you're being a little unfair to the sister. If she is engaged to somebody then it is not unreasonable for her to have love toward him. It's a feeling of the heart and this is not haram in and of itself (unless accompanied by sinful behaviour).

She feels protective of him and wants advice on how to protect him from the snares of another woman.

Sister Anishah: make plenty of dua for guidance and protection of your husband to be and yourself, recite ayatul kursi and the 4 quls each thrice every morning and evening.

 

[CosmicPathos]

snares of another woman.

:statisfie
aah the snares.

 

[جوري]

If she is engaged to somebody then it is not unreasonable for her to have love toward him. It's a feeling of the heart and this is not haram in and of itself (unless accompanied by sinful behaviour).

I agree with this very much!

She feels protective of him and wants advice on how to protect him from the snares of another woman.

This is questionable to me because mentions:

taweez or something that i can do to keep her away

'taweez or something' I strongly reject that!
just the mere word carried me back to an age of ignorance and shirk. Plus if we put ourselves in the reverse situation we wouldn't like it. I wouldn't feel flattered if a would be significant other put 'taweez or something' to be honest I'd run and never look back!

: make plenty of dua for guidance and protection of your husband to be and yourself

That's is definitely a kudos.

 

[جوري]

:statisfie
aah the snares.

:haha: you seem to like to be baited or am I reading too much into that satisfied smiley?

 

[Alpha Dude]

'taweez or something' I strongly reject that!
just the mere word carried me back to an age of ignorance and shirk. Plus if we put ourselves in the reverse situation we wouldn't like it. I wouldn't feel flattered if a would be significant other put 'taweez or something' to be honest I'd run and never look back!

I think the sister is from the subcontinent and from that culture, people refer to things like rukya and dua etc as being 'tawiz' so I don't necessarily think she meant it from a bad perspective. She did say 'dua or tawiz' and not tawiz exclusively too.

I don't think her intention is malicious in any way... I'm sure as a woman you realise that when it comes to men, women can be 'fiesty' and won't tolerate other women taking their man away. :skeleton:

I think if she just made some sincere dua then InshaAllah it will all be okay.

 

[جوري]

I'm sure as a woman you realise that when it comes to men, women can be 'fiesty' and won't tolerate other women taking their man away.

Generally I don't mind as I tend to get alot of migraines and I would find the whole thing amusing and highly entertaining

 

[Nisha123]

Thank you for understanding a little from my perspective.. And anything I have put I do not mean in a malicious way.
I'm just looking out for my future as I'm sure any one would do.

 

[~Zaria~]

^ I think you're being a little unfair to the sister. If she is engaged to somebody then it is not unreasonable for her to have love toward him. It's a feeling of the heart and this is not haram in and of itself (unless accompanied by sinful behaviour).

She feels protective of him and wants advice on how to protect him from the snares of another woman.

Assalamu-alaikum,

Please advise how it would be possible to 'Be in Love' with a person before marriage.

One may have interest or an inclination to a person that they have been introduced to (with the intention of marriage) - this is not the same as 'being in love' <-- this occurs after spending alot of time with the opposite sex.

How would it be possible to read Istikhaarah (Prayer for Guidance from Allah), when ones heart is already filled with love for the other?
How would one be able to determine if a 'positive sign' is from Allah......or is it the feeling of ones heart?

Just something to think about insha Allah.

 

[Tyrion]

Falling in love should only occur within the confines of marriage.

This is not true. You can fall in love through any number of means, and it's usually not up to you.

 

[~Zaria~]

This is not true. You can fall in love through any number of means, and it's usually not up to you.

I would love to hear more.
How does this one 'fall in love' whilst maintaining a halaal relationship pre-maritally?

 

[جوري]

You can lOve without a relationship no? Do you not love the prophets more intensely that your parents even?
Love is an emotion it's noble and pure - it doesn't come with strings attached or expectations or the desire even to extend it to something else. It's what it is an elusive feeling - with some folks it turns into sickness or sin but you can love secretly in your heart and not lust or act inappropriate!

 

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

Zaria, from what I understand, istikhara essentially is a dua.

You'd be asking Allah to make things easy for you or turn you away from a matter, if you read the meaning. In which case, even if your heart is set on something already but if you make the dua sincerely, it should inshaAllah be of benefit.

"O Allah! I seek goodness from Your Knowledge and with Your Power (and Might) I seek strength, and I ask from You Your Great Blessings, because You have the Power and I do not have the power. You Know everything and I do not know, and You have knowledge of the unseen. Oh Allah! If in Your Knowledge this action ------------------------------------------------ (which I intend to do) is better for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [in this world] and the hereafter then make it destined for me and make it easy for me and then add blessings [baraka'] in it, for me. O Allah! In Your Knowledge if this action is bad for me, bad for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [in this world] and the hereafter then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and whatever is better for me, ordain [destine] that for me and then make me satisfied with it."

 

[~Zaria~]

Wa alaykum salam,

Zaria, from what I understand, istikhara essentially is a dua.

You'd be asking Allah to make things easy for you or turn you away from a matter, if you read the meaning. In which case, even if your heart is set on something already but if you make the dua sincerely, it should inshaAllah be of benefit.

"O Allah! I seek goodness from Your Knowledge and with Your Power (and Might) I seek strength, and I ask from You Your Great Blessings, because You have the Power and I do not have the power. You Know everything and I do not know, and You have knowledge of the unseen. Oh Allah! If in Your Knowledge this action ------------------------------------------------ (which I intend to do) is better for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [in this world] and the hereafter then make it destined for me and make it easy for me and then add blessings [baraka'] in it, for me. O Allah! In Your Knowledge if this action is bad for me, bad for my religion and faith, for my life and end [death], for here [in this world] and the hereafter then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and whatever is better for me, ordain [destine] that for me and then make me satisfied with it."

Yes, Alhamdulillah, istikhaara is a duaa that one makes, seeking guidance from Allah (subhanawatáala), with regards to what is permissible for us.

My point is: if there is already strong emotional attachment to a person, and THEN one asks Allah for His guidance in the matter (and for HIM to incline your heart one way or the other), how would one interpret it?

If you have a 'good feeling' or inclination towards that person after istikaarah is read - what would this mean?
The one who is already 'in love' will no doubt already have 'good feelings' about his/her beloved.
How would you know that this is a 'positive sign' from Allah.......or your own feelings about the person, that is clouding your interpretation of the istikharaah prayer?

Also, does Allah (subhanawataa'la) guide those who disregard His commandments and incur His displeasure in a matter......and then, at the last moment - decide to turn to HIM, and ask HIM for guidance?
Can life really work like this?
Just something to think about.

You can lOve without a relationship no? Do you not love the prophets more intensely that your parents even?
Love is an emotion it's noble and pure - it doesn't come with strings attached or expectations or the desire even to extend it to something else. It's what it is an elusive feeling - with some folks it turns into sickness or sin but you can love secretly in your heart and not lust or act inappropriate!

The love we feel for Allah, for His prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) and for our parents - should not be compared to the love that DEVELOPS for ones SPOUSE.

SubhanAllah, we love the prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) without having even met him - not only because we are commanded to do so..... but, how can we not love the one who is the most beloved to our Creator and who was sent to mankind as a mercy, and as our role-model?
Who loved his ummah so much?
Who spent nights standing in duaa, until his blessed ankles would swell .....for who? For US!

Please, lets not compare this love.......for that which is experienced pre-maritally.
They cannot compare.

Love is an emotion it's noble and pure

Yes, love can be noble and pure......if it is allowed to develop between husband and wife.
Not between 2 people - who have no right over each other.

My brothers and sisters who are desirous of marriage, and who would like to have the blessings of Allah over their union,

Do it in a way that is pleasing to Allah.

There is no need for prolonged periods of 'getting to know each other' (that often spans many months to years in some cases).
Brothers ideally should not even be approaching a muslimah directly if he desires to marry her.

(This is not always possible, esp. in the age of people making contact with each other via the net. But still too - a righteous woman would include all correspondence, even her emails, etc. that she has with the boy - with her walli. Anything is possible if we have the correct intention and make the correct effort.)

And then, seek guidance from Allah.
Not from your heart.

Of course you may have an 'inclination' or 'interest' or even like someone based on their character, etc.
But this is not love.......and should only develop into love once the nikkah is made, insha Allah.

Hope this is makes more sense, insha Allah.

:wa:

 

[Alpha Dude]

Assalamu Alaykum,

My point is: if there is already strong emotional attachment to a person, and THEN one asks Allah for His guidance in the matter (and for HIM to incline your heart one way or the other), how would one interpret it?

This is normal for any matter, not just for marriage. I could be heavily inclined to a job and make istikhara and if I was sincere, I'd hope that Allah would guide me away from it if it indeed were bad for me (as the dua says).

Also, does Allah (subhanawataa'la) guide those who disregard His commandments and incur His displeasure in a matter......and then, at the last moment - decide to turn to HIM, and ask HIM for guidance?
Can life really work like this?
Just something to think about.

You have made so many assumptions about the sister. It's not your place to do that. You should have husn al dhaan. Make excuses and have a good opinion of her instead of reaching to the worst conclusion.

You mention that she's turning to Allah at the last moment for guidance. Why do you say that? OP never mentioned anything to do with istikhara. For all we know, she might have been up all night praying for guidance for weeks on end after the guy proposed.

(This is not always possible, esp. in the age of people making contact with each other via the net. But still too - a righteous woman would include all correspondence, even her emails, etc. that she has with the boy - with her walli. Anything is possible if we have the correct intention and make the correct effort.)

I agree with this. A righteous woman would not get in touch with a boy without her wali being present. However, the OP has not given any specifics of any haram act that she might have done. Read her posts again. You are wrong to leap to conclusions. Note: What I'm trying to get across is that you should not automatically have negative thoughts and should try to make positive excuses. Even if it does turn out that she has been talking to him without mahram present (which she does not need to clarify for anyone as that is not the purpose of her thread nor is it anybody's business) it doesn't negate that you are wrong in attacking her for something that is ambiguous to you as an outsider without the full information.

InshaAllah she is doing everything she can to avoid anything haram and being in contact with the boy only under her mahram's supervision. She hasn't said otherwise in a clear fashion so we have no reason to lecture her on it.