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[~Zaria~]

Akhee, the above post was not directed to the OP at all.

It is discussing this issue in general terms - as the concept of istikharaah has come into the discussion, as has the concept of 'love before marriage'.

I have not mentioned the OP in this post, and if it appears that as such - I do apologise.

The post is rather a reply to the comments that have been made in this thread.

 

[~Zaria~]

I disagree with that statement and with calling it not following in sunnah. I have known many people who knew each other as children and grew up to marry one another out of love and were/are very good Muslims. Nothing un-Islamic about that. I am not going to get into the famous people of early Islamic society and their relationships.. I do agree however with the ills of having a pre-marital relationship and that not being consistent with Islam..

^ I think you're being a little unfair to the sister. If she is engaged to somebody then it is not unreasonable for her to have love toward him. It's a feeling of the heart and this is not haram in and of itself (unless accompanied by sinful behaviour).

She feels protective of him and wants advice on how to protect him from the snares of another woman.

Sister Anishah: make plenty of dua for guidance and protection of your husband to be and yourself, recite ayatul kursi and the 4 quls each thrice every morning and evening.

This is not true. You can fall in love through any number of means, and it's usually not up to you.

Assalamu-alaikum,

Please advise how it would be possible to 'Be in Love' with a person before marriage.

One may have interest or an inclination to a person that they have been introduced to (with the intention of marriage) - this is not the same as 'being in love' <-- this occurs after spending alot of time with the opposite sex.

How would it be possible to read Istikhaarah (Prayer for Guidance from Allah), when ones heart is already filled with love for the other?
How would one be able to determine if a 'positive sign' is from Allah......or is it the feeling of ones heart?

Just something to think about insha Allah.

My previous post is in fact a response to all of the above.

I am still curious to know how it would be possible to 'fall in love' with another before marriage (from an islamic point of view)?

 

[جوري]

The love we feel for Allah, for His prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) and for our parents - should not be compared to the love that DEVELOPS for ones SPOUSE.

Again, you seem to confuse lust for love. You can love without the other stuff right? the feeling itself is a deep emotion not an action.
with a spouse you may or may not want to act on that love in the form you know. With Allah swt you act on the love by fulfilling his rituals and following his commandments with a sibling or a friend you may act on the love by being a good listener or gifting them or whatever. Loving and showing love in the appropriate mannerism for that situation are a different thing. When you make a du3a for a Muslim who requested that is a form of showing love toward them.. etc. etc. well you get what I am driving at..

I hope that clarifies in shaa Allah- I have done my best with accordance to my understanding so feel free to correct me

 

[Alpha Dude]

I am still curious to know how it would be possible to 'fall in love' with another before marriage (from an islamic point of view)?

You see a guy at work who is a Muslim, prays on time, treats everybody with respect, is humble, caring etc and each day that passes the more you see of him, the more favourable he seems in your eyes. You have never talked to him directly. You don't case lustful gazes. Yet, you feel something that attracts you to him and his character. You have a certain amount of love for him.

Maybe your definition of love is more involved but the above is how I would consider it. Nothing more deep and philosophical than that. You have this feeling and love in your heart but don't do anything haram based on it. How can a person have sinned in such a case?

 

[Insaanah]

I think the confusion arises from what we define as love, the usage most prominent being that as we know it in movies and books, going out on dates, meeting secretly etc. In short, empty physical and sexual attraction, and relationships between the sexes that are not sanctioned by sharee'ah. Love is a beautiful word, but unfortunately has been hijacked to denote wrong and immoral behaviour, whereas the word should be used correctly.

[عَنْ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ رضي الله عنهما قَالَ : قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : ( لَمْ نَرَ لِلْمُتَحَابَّيْنِ مِثْلَ النِّكَاحِ ) [ رواه ابن ماجة 1847 وقال البوصيري : رجاله ثقات ، وإسناده صحيح

It was narrated that Ibn 'Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for two who love one another than marriage.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847. al-Busayri said: Its men are thiqaat and its isnaad is saheeh.

أَخْبَرَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الْعَزِيزِ بْنِ أَبِي رِزْمَةَ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا حَفْصُ بْنُ غِيَاثٍ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا عَاصِمٌ، عَنْ بَكْرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ الْمُزَنِيِّ، عَنِ الْمُغِيرَةِ بْنِ شُعْبَةَ، قَالَ خَطَبْتُ امْرَأَةً عَلَى عَهْدِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ أَنَظَرْتَ إِلَيْهَا ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قُلْتُ لاَ ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏"‏ فَانْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا فَإِنَّهُ أَجْدَرُ أَنْ يُؤْدَمَ بَيْنَكُمَا ‏"‏ ‏.‏

Narrated Al-Mughirah bin Shu'bah:
It was narrated that Al-Mughirah bin Shu'bah said: "I proposed marriage to a woman during the time of the Messenger of Allah, and the Prophet said: 'Have you seen her?' I said: 'No.' He said: 'Look at her, for that is more likely to engender love between the two of you.'" (Sahih)

Sunan an-Nasa'i > The Book of Marriage English reference: Vol. 4, Book 26, Hadith 3237, Arabic reference: Book 26, Hadith 3248

حَدَّثَنَا مُسَدَّدٌ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الْوَاحِدِ بْنُ زِيَادٍ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ إِسْحَاقَ، عَنْ دَاوُدَ بْنِ حُصَيْنٍ، عَنْ وَاقِدِ بْنِ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، - يَعْنِي ابْنَ سَعْدِ بْنِ مُعَاذٍ - عَنْ جَابِرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ إِذَا خَطَبَ أَحَدُكُمُ الْمَرْأَةَ فَإِنِ اسْتَطَاعَ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ إِلَى مَا يَدْعُوهُ إِلَى نِكَاحِهَا فَلْيَفْعَلْ ‏"‏

Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah:

The Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: "When one of you asks for a woman in marriage, and he can see what of her will attract him to marry her, he should do so."

Sunan Abi Dawud English reference: Book 11, Hadith 2077, Arabic reference: Book 12, Hadith 2082

 

[~Zaria~]

#Im having problems opening page2, hence the quotes appear a bit disjointed. Maaf.#

The love we feel for Allah, for His prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) and for our parents - should not be compared to the love that DEVELOPS for ones SPOUSE.

Again, you seem to confuse lust for love. You can love without the other stuff right? the feeling itself is a deep emotion not an action.
with a spouse you may or may not want to act on that love in the form you know. With Allah swt you act on the love by fulfilling his rituals and following his commandments with a sibling or a friend you may act on the love by being a good listener or gifting them or whatever. Loving and showing love in the appropriate mannerism for that situation are a different thing. When you make a du3a for a Muslim who requested that is a form of showing love toward them.. etc. etc. well you get what I am driving at..

I hope that clarifies in shaa Allah- I have done my best with accordance to my understanding so feel free to correct me

Assalamu-alaikum,

I speak of love ukthi. There is no reference to lust in my previous statements.

You see a guy at work who is a Muslim, prays on time, treats everybody with respect, is humble, caring etc and each day that passes the more you see of him, the more favourable he seems in your eyes. You have never talked to him directly. You don't case lustful gazes. Yet, you feel something that attracts you to him and his character. You have a certain amount of love for him.

Maybe your definition of love is more involved but the above is how I would consider it. Nothing more deep and philosophical than that. You have this feeling and love in your heart but don't do anything haram based on it. How can a person have sinned in such a case?

There is no sin in this case, MashaAllah.
If only more cases of marriage were initiated in this manner.

As I have mentioned:

Of course you may have an 'inclination' or 'interest' or even like someone based on their character, etc.
But this is not love.......and should only develop into love once the nikkah is made, insha Allah.

 

[Scimitar]

Is there any type of dua or taweez or something that i can do to keep her away.

Yes, but that would negate your Islam... you really wanna do that?

All taweez, talismans etc - are haraam. End of. Anyone who uses these has committed shirk. Bottom line. If you need further proof, I can provide it.

My advise - recognise that it is not love you are feeling, but infatuation. Dangerous emotion that one... makes you feel unsure of a lot of things. Like this other woman... see my point?

Real love provides security, not the opposite sister.

i suggest you re-collect your emotive content within and address it properly - so you may know whether you are acting out of infatuation or genuine concern.
As for the other girl, you confronted her yet? Told her you are engaged to him? Have you spoke to your fiance about this?

or was you just looking for a quick fix to the problem and hoping that some Muslims would tell you it is OK to have taweez because we won't do that...

Scimi