How can i help her?

[khadijah06]

Assalaamu alaikum,

I need some help. I have a really good friend who i care about alot. She is wonderful Marshallah and she has helped me alot with my deen etc. However there is one problem. She smokes cannabis. I have spoken to her about this issue numerous times but she just makes up excuses. She says that she is not doing anything wrong as she doesn't even believe that smoking is haraam.She also says things like she find is easier to recite Quran! astaghfirullah. I try to stay around her as much as i can so she does not smoke but i cannot be around her 24/7. She has a son and a husband ( who is not aware of her habit). And when i am not around her i often find myself worrying about the baby, as her husband works therefore in the days it is just her and the baby. Although i do not believe she would hurt the child you never know what coul dhappen when she is this state of mind.

I have given her books and cds on the topic but nothing seems to work. I love this sister for the sake of Allah and i really want to help her. I believe that she is starting to feel that i am judging her and i really am not. My hubby says that i should cut her off because she may end up affecting my imaan but how can i do that? she has helped me so much and i feel that it is my duty as her sis in islam to help her. I have tried the abrubt approach but i just feel rude so. i'm at my wits end.

I don't know what to do apart from make dua. Has anyone got any suggestions?

Wasalam

 

[khadijah06]

Any sugestions?.......anyone?

 

[Isra]

Explain to her your concerns for the baby. She is a mother so maybe if you focus on her child, she will understand better. But, unfortunatly she has to learn on her own. You could let her husband know but that would risk your friendshipwith her. Also you could find diferent websites pointing out the harms and why it is Haram. Good luck sister.

Salaam.

 

[khadijah06]

jazakallah sis

 

[Snowflake]

Sis, I can imagine how difficult is is to be firm and not sound rude. But you must tell her that if you didn't care, you wouldnt be worrying about her so much. Maybe she doesnt realise the dangers of this habit. Please show her this:
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Cannabis can affect the short-term memory (whilst stoned). It is still unclear what it can do on the memory of long-term smokers. Smoking Cannabis can also lead to respiratory disorders, lung cancer in the worst case. One other effect is a faster heartbeat, which can be very dangerous for people who have already a heart problem or disease. On some people smoking Cannabis can provoke mental health diseases like schizophrenia.

Tobacco smoke contains over 400 chemicals, and over 60 are known or suspected to be carcinogenic (cancer-causing). Imagine she is passing this smoke to her child. Passive smoking, inhaling the smoke from someone else's cigarettes, can cause headache, cough, sore throat, dizziness, nausea and other symptoms. It may also cause miscarriage, stillbirth, cot death, asthma and other chest problems.

Infants and children of all ages can develop health problems from other people's smoke because:
* Their lungs and body weight are small, so the dangerous substances in smoke are much more harmful
* Children spend a lot of time with parents/carers and if their parents smoke, children are exposed to the harmful effects for long periods of time
* Infants are not able to move away from tobacco smoke
Children don’t realise the danger
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Don't forget that a smoker inhales smoke through a filter. But other people inhaling your smoke are inhaling pure chemicals.

Harming Your Body

On the Day of Qiyyamah every part of our body will testify as to how we treated it. Every part will speak and tell Allah what harm and pain or sin we inflicted on it. Our bodies are not even ours, they are Allah's amaanah and we should be grateful He gave us a healthy body instead of ruining it with harmful things and therefore being ungrateful to Allah.

I pray the sis quits this habit. Please show this post to the sister. She is lucky you care for her so much. Good luck to you both.

 

[arehat]

I guess try ur best explaning to her the harms of it and the last thing u can do for her is make loads of duass that Allah guide her to c the right path. Ameen

 

[Malsidabym]

Although i do not believe she would hurt the child you never know what coul dhappen when she is this state of mind.

Although concern for her own well being is obvious, I sense that the baby is your real concern. If she is not smoking in the same room as the child then secondhand smoke is obviously not an issue. As far as your concern about her harming the baby, I would say the risk is low. No more than if she did not smoke. I do not smoke drugs myself, but I have known people that do, some with children. These people would never harm a child. The concern may be though that she is less watchful when 'high', and the child could harm himself. Some people on the otherhand become paranoid about bad things happening when they are 'high' and become more watchful.
I would say as far as your concern for the child goes, observe your friend. If she is not smoking in front of the child, and is still watchful and loving, then the child will be fine. If not, then tell her what you have observed that concerns you.
As far as her personal well being is concerned, if you are not worried about the child, then a slow gentle persuasion to give up the 'pot' would be more appropriate. There is no hurry if no immediate danger is present.

 

[khadijah06]

As far as i am aware my friend does not smoke weed in gront of her baby BUT to me that is not the only issue. My issue is that it is haraam. She should not be smoking it regardless because in my eyes it is still a drug and it can harm you. Thank you all for your suggestions. I really appreciate it.

 

[Malsidabym]

I would advise you to maybe examine your own reasons for wanting her to stop. No offence intended, I have been guilty myself of this, but you may want her to stop just out of being judgemental of her actions. Not to say your other concerns are not valid, but possibly you may like her as a friend but feel she is not someone you can associate with if she does drugs. And if this is true(it is possible it is not true) you might not want to lose her friendship so you want to stop her. This is a control issue if true, we want to control those around us to fit into the world that we want to exist. If you find that this is true, I would advise you that your friend may need you to be a friend, and be understanding, and not judgemental. Lead her the right way with patience. If you try to change her behavior only to suit your standards, you will lose your friend.
If I am wrong, I offer you my humblest apologies.

 

[mahuruf]

Sister, I might need two ways approach, medical and spiritual. It seems that you are in close touch with her. Increase your closeness and give more and more examples from Qura’n and Hadeeth. Your deep concern and the blessings of Allah (swt) will lead you success, Insha Allah.

A councillor could be helpful for immediate redress. Wish you success in your endeavour.

Wassalaam

 

[papa_smurf]

If you step in you may lose your friend, but if you don't do something to help out, your friend could get seriously hurt or even die and bring misery to their respective family, specially the baby. When a friend's problems include drug abuse, it's worth risking the friendship to save the life. But you also need to take care of yourself. Make sure you talk to someone you trust about your feelings and your friend’s problem. Your parents, a teacher, a guidance counsellor, or another adult in your life can help you understand and sort out your personal feelings. If you don't feel comfortable talking to somebody you know, join a support group for friends and family of addicts (it’s made anonymous, so need to worry). Again, know that you can make a huge difference by reaching out to help a friend, but that it ultimately is up to your friend to help herself succeed. Do “not” feel it is entirely your responsibility, or your fault, if things do not turn out as you hope.

 

[handhuvar]

Assalaamu alaikum,

I need some help. I have a really good friend who i care about alot. She is wonderful Marshallah and she has helped me alot with my deen etc. However there is one problem. She smokes cannabis. I have spoken to her about this issue numerous times but she just makes up excuses. She says that she is not doing anything wrong as she doesn't even believe that smoking is haraam.She also says things like she find is easier to recite Quran! astaghfirullah. I try to stay around her as much as i can so she does not smoke but i cannot be around her 24/7. She has a son and a husband ( who is not aware of her habit). And when i am not around her i often find myself worrying about the baby, as her husband works therefore in the days it is just her and the baby. Although i do not believe she would hurt the child you never know what coul dhappen when she is this state of mind.

I have given her books and cds on the topic but nothing seems to work. I love this sister for the sake of Allah and i really want to help her. I believe that she is starting to feel that i am judging her and i really am not. My hubby says that i should cut her off because she may end up affecting my imaan but how can i do that? she has helped me so much and i feel that it is my duty as her sis in islam to help her. I have tried the abrubt approach but i just feel rude so. i'm at my wits end.

I don't know what to do apart from make dua. Has anyone got any suggestions?

Wasalam

i wish i could help her
but pls advise her to perform all the prayers on time and sunnah as well
and when ever she has some free time she can recite the holy Quran.
im sure she wil b ok in no time insha allah
may almighty allah bless her and family

 

[snakelegs]

I would advise you to maybe examine your own reasons for wanting her to stop. No offence intended, I have been guilty myself of this, but you may want her to stop just out of being judgemental of her actions. Not to say your other concerns are not valid, but possibly you may like her as a friend but feel she is not someone you can associate with if she does drugs. And if this is true(it is possible it is not true) you might not want to lose her friendship so you want to stop her. This is a control issue if true, we want to control those around us to fit into the world that we want to exist. If you find that this is true, I would advise you that your friend may need you to be a friend, and be understanding, and not judgemental. Lead her the right way with patience. If you try to change her behavior only to suit your standards, you will lose your friend.
If I am wrong, I offer you my humblest apologies.

excellent! why are we always so fast to judge?