I'm scared that Allah no longer loves me because I sinned. Sometimes when my self esteem is really low or when I get episodes of small anxiety modes, I freeze up. So many thoughts wash over me and I'm scared. I'm trying to be sinless and I keep making mistakes. I want allah to love me yet I sinned and if though I repent how can I be the same in his eyes when I sinned? How can I make dua to Allah for a perfect pious wife when I'm not perfect?
I know I wanted to get married but I'm scared...I'm starting to think what if I do not deserve marriage or what I hurt my future wife? I'm scared what if i abuse her or hurt her feelings or get bored of her? I would never do that to her but I'm scared of hurting someone and getting hurt by her. Please keep me in ur duas and give me advice on how to stop sinning
Jazakallah khayran
Allah say in the Quran:
And [mention, O Muhammad], when your Lord said to the angels, "Indeed, I will make upon the earth a successive authority." They said, "Will You place upon it one who causes corruption therein and sheds blood, while we declare Your praise and sanctify You?" Allah said, "Indeed, I know that which you do not know.[Quran 2:30]
If Allah only needed someone to be perfect and worship Allah all the time, angels were already doing that. Why would Allah create you and I?
When we read Quran, we also see that even Prophets have made mistakes. Why did Allah tell us these stories in Quran? If is because Allah want to show us that He knows His creation very well. Allah says that He has created human beings who are weak. They will make mistakes and all they need is to repent sincerely and get back on the right path. You may fall 100 or 1000 or countless times, don't loose hope in Allah and keep coming back to Him and keep asking for forgiveness. This is the only way to our salvation.
I suggested this before and let me restate that you should make a list of Allah's blessings on you. Compare that to someone who is lesser than you in wealth, health and faith. You will see that Allah has not forgotten you. Allah is with you and loves you more than anything else. Keep adding on to your list and keep reading it before you go to sleep. This will make you more thankful.
Also read Surah Al-Duha, I am copy/pasting the translation of first few verses below:
1. By the morning brightness
2. And [by] the night when it covers with darkness.
3. Your Lord has not taken leave of you, [O Muhammad], nor has He detested [you].
4. And the Hereafter is better for you than the first [life].
5. And your Lord is going to give you, and you will be satisfied.
7. And He found you lost and guided [you].
Now there are two ways you can understand this Surah. One way is to apply in its historical context and you know this Surah was revealed to console our beloved Prophet Muhammad PBUH. There was a period of time when revelation was stopped and people were making fun of Prophet Muhammad PBUH that his God has left him. In response this Surah was revealed. One can also understand this Surah by applying to your own context when one feels hopeless. Imagine Allah talking to you through this Surah and giving consoling you that He has not left you alone. Indeed, He is testing you so that He can raise your ranks in life after death. Imagine that Allah is saying that He will give you so much in reward for your patience and trust in Allah that you will be satisfied in life after death. If you still have doubts, just look that how lost you were and did not Allah guide you to the right path? Is this not a sign that Allah is with you and love you?
Subhanallah I love reading this Surah whenever any negative thought crosses my mind. Try this and inshallah you will find peace in your heart.
Regarding your fears to get married and the trauma you went through, I would advise that overcome your fears.
Marriage is also a big test and for that you need to in the right state of mind.
Get your confidence back before you commit to marrying anyone. It is very important that you start thinking positively and have a clear vision of who you want to marry and why. May be for now, put this off until you graduate and get a job.
May Allah keep you firm on the right path. Ameen!
May Allah give you a righteous wife in this world! Ameen!
:wa:
