Assalamu Alaikum
For the more *mature single sisters* out there or those sisters whom marriage is no longer an option or not happening as soon as they would like, i would like to ask how do you plan to fill your life and the time you have ?? Married sisters after weddings, usually look forward to the new home, starting a family, travelling etc, and their lifes are mapped out as soon as they've done the nikkah but what about the rest of the singletons ? how can we earn equal rewards firstly and secondly how can you have a life, esp if you've no mehram ? as it seems to be the only way women can have one is to have a husband hanging off their arms, be it either to raise a family, (even if adopting) go travelling or even doing pilgrimage ??
I've lived both sides, as in being single and now married. I'll tell you personally before marriage, I had my life planned out without a husband in mind. My plans consisted of guiding my family and friends towards Islam more; being more respectful to my parents; planning to go to hajj by saving it up for it with no doors open for me to go except through making du'a and having the strong intent to complete it one day, whether it be with my parents, my grandfather, or a group of female friends; finishing school with a PhD; learning different languages so that I may travel one day; and perfecting my personal imaan. Whenever I prayed, I never prayed to be marrying a specific person as many girls do because they become infatuated with one person, but rather I used to pray that Allah send me someone who will complete my iman, just as I'd complete his, and who will love me for all of my imperfections but will help me strive to become the absolute best I could be, and if it is better for my deen to be single then may allah guide me to what is best and protect me from any fitnah. I made this du'a often even after I prayed istikhara, was engaged and in love, and thought I would be wedding my fiance (which believe it or not, did not work out) and 6 months later after going our separate ways, literally feels like a gift from Allah, I was sent someone much better in regards to deen, who completes me in every way, and makes me so happy and whom I now cannot see my life without Alhemdulilah.
You can do so much without being married, and if you're stable like this, you will make a great wife in my opinion. The reason I say this is because you can rely a lot on yourself to become a better person without the reliance on someone else. That might not make sense for a second, but what I mean is that kind of strength is necessary in marriage because when you are married, your mood, emotions, and passion with your husband are connected in a way that is unexplainable by the will of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. If he falls short in something, you have to help pick him up. If he is upset or sad, you learn how to make him happy again. You have to be his inspiration to better himself vice versa, while not changing yourself for the worse if something does go wrong in the marriage because naturally it is very easy to become depressed or angry if the husband gets angry or upset, or to even become disrespectful if he becomes disrespectful. So you have to have your own strength so that you don't succumb to these levels and know that you still can busy yourself with many things to keep your mind off of unhappy thoughts.
Ultimately though, if you are blessed with a good person, having a husband feels more like having a best friend, except there is a greater responsibility because you have committed to this person for the rest of your life and he has rights over you and is someone you must obey. Therefore I suggest those who plan on getting married for the sake of their iman should know what kind of obligations their potential husbands require of them to do and vice versa.
On the other hand, I've seen marriages where people stay together but it is very unhealthy and unhappy, especially marriages that are solely based on lust and the rush of getting married to save themselves from fitnah, because marriage is not all sexual as most people assume. The best way I could put it is after a desire is fulfilled, what qualities are you left with that would make you a great spouse?
Islam is the complete submission to Allah, and as long as you can find ways to keep yourself busy with following Islam, regardless of who is in your life at the time (whether family, husband, friends), then Allah will reward you accordingly. I think you can be happy and follow the deen and get plenty of rewards without being married, but if you are happily married with someone who is on the same path as you, it will just further help you along in your life because you will have someone to remind you to be better. On the other hand, I also think unhealthy relationships cause people to sin and it may be better for them to be single again and just concentrate on their iman because of the injustices they cause to each other. If one spouse feels unhappy, but is patient, respectful, and puts on a happy face for the sake of the relationship, then I'm sure allah will reward that person for that patience. At the end of the day, your reward is with Allah and only he can weigh it.
Live your life the way you feel is best for your iman while at the same time make du'a to allah that He will guide you to what He knows is best for your imam and would yield the greatest reward, and often the greatest rewards rely in hard struggles and not in a perfect, easy life.
For some people, marriage is not always the answer.
fi aman allah
w'salaam
