How do I deal with OCD? URGENT

[Mustafa16]

Recently, my OCD is striking again, and my mind is committing oppression against me. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive–compulsive_disorder
My strand of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is where I feel the need to plan ahead so unexpected things do not happen.
This is a desperate cry for help.
Recently, for Eid, a school principal my sister used to work for, and his wife and 3 young kids came and sat with me and my mother in one room and hung out.
After talking with the school principal and his wife while my mother got ready since they came unexpectantly,
I hung out with his 3 young kids. One of them had just finished the 6th grade and was a girl, (and in the past I was attracted to her, but it was hard to tell if I was confusing feelings out of desperate lonliness, or if I was actually attracted to her. One was a boy, who had just finished the 3rd grade, who I knew back from middle school back when I went to a private school, and he was my teacher's son, and he was in the elementary school side, and I saw him and continue to see him like a little brother. The 3rd was a girl who had just finished the 1st grade, whose name i did not even know the whole time. (I didn't pay much attention to her).
I had lots of fun, and the dad and mom seemed to have lots of fun, and they said we should visit them.....here it starts...
sure enough, I asked my mother, over and over, "when are we visiting them." In my head, I wanted to hang out with someone who had just payed me attention in spite of my being an outcast, and who had disrupted my desperate lonliness, and not to mention the girl seemed to like me as a big brother/friend despite me thinking that she hated me due to my being creepy and eccentric and how she acted with me in front of her friends. I was wrong. And I wanted more. But my mother said, "I'll let you know, stop talking about it." I know by now that if someone tells me to stop talking about something, it only makes the anxiety worse. I kept asking anyway. My mother eventually got mad at me for something, and said we were not visiting for another 6 months. I begged, she lowered it to 5 months (I looked at a video of a girl dancing on YouTube, and my mom said i was a pervert and not safe around those kids. To tell you the truth, i didn't even see the video, because the computer blacked out due to battery issues, despite the computer being charged. I didnt even see the thumbnail.
I had an argument with my mother after compulsively talking about it over and over, and she eventually said we were never going. and i sobbed and threatened to committ suicide or hurt myself. like i often do, when my mother does major things which upset me. This time, i may have been serious, because i spilled a bottle of sleeping pills and got a cup of water on purpose, with the intention of overdosing if necessary. My mother said GO AHEAD AND KILL YOURSELF, WHAT DO I CARE.... I sobbed some more, then called a family friend, an old man, and he was supposed to come, but he never did, and later blamed me saying mothers can not make mistakes and the Qur'an orders people to respect their mothers. I had compulsive worry after that, too, at around the time i was forgetting how much medication (anti depressants) I had taken, and so was often taking either too much or too little. Im better now (with regards to medication), but I still worry, not as much, though. I even called my mother from the driving school and asked some question about it, and promised her it would be my last. sure enough, after class, i asked another question.
i found out some time ago the family is moving, and that it would be rude to ask them when we can come over due to them being busy. i asked the person my mom hired (who was turkish and muslim) if that was the case. she said yes. i worried my mother felt differently, and asked her after calling her while she was at work repeatedly.......please help me. [MENTION=9623]sister herb[/MENTION] [MENTION=21546]ardianto[/MENTION] [MENTION=34923]greenhill[/MENTION] [MENTION=282]*charisma*[/MENTION] [MENTION=20685]Hamza Asadullah[/MENTION]

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Recently, my OCD is striking again, and my mind is committing oppression against me. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive–compulsive_disorder
My strand of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is where I feel the need to plan ahead so unexpected things do not happen.
This is a desperate cry for help.
Recently, for Eid, a school principal my sister used to work for, and his wife and 3 young kids came and sat with me and my mother in one room and hung out.
After talking with the school principal and his wife while my mother got ready since they came unexpectantly,
I hung out with his 3 young kids. One of them had just finished the 6th grade and was a girl, (and in the past I was attracted to her, but it was hard to tell if I was confusing feelings out of desperate lonliness, or if I was actually attracted to her. One was a boy, who had just finished the 3rd grade, who I knew back from middle school back when I went to a private school, and he was my teacher's son, and he was in the elementary school side, and I saw him and continue to see him like a little brother. The 3rd was a girl who had just finished the 1st grade, whose name i did not even know the whole time. (I didn't pay much attention to her).
I had lots of fun, and the dad and mom seemed to have lots of fun, and they said we should visit them.....here it starts...
sure enough, I asked my mother, over and over, "when are we visiting them." In my head, I wanted to hang out with someone who had just payed me attention in spite of my being an outcast, and who had disrupted my desperate lonliness, and not to mention the girl seemed to like me as a big brother/friend despite me thinking that she hated me due to my being creepy and eccentric and how she acted with me in front of her friends. I was wrong. And I wanted more. But my mother said, "I'll let you know, stop talking about it." I know by now that if someone tells me to stop talking about something, it only makes the anxiety worse. I kept asking anyway. My mother eventually got mad at me for something, and said we were not visiting for another 6 months. I begged, she lowered it to 5 months (I looked at a video of a girl dancing on YouTube, and my mom said i was a pervert and not safe around those kids. To tell you the truth, i didn't even see the video, because the computer blacked out due to battery issues, despite the computer being charged. I didnt even see the thumbnail.
I had an argument with my mother after compulsively talking about it over and over, and she eventually said we were never going. and i sobbed and threatened to committ suicide or hurt myself. like i often do, when my mother does major things which upset me. This time, i may have been serious, because i spilled a bottle of sleeping pills and got a cup of water on purpose, with the intention of overdosing if necessary. My mother said GO AHEAD AND KILL YOURSELF, WHAT DO I CARE.... I sobbed some more, then called a family friend, an old man, and he was supposed to come, but he never did, and later blamed me saying mothers can not make mistakes and the Qur'an orders people to respect their mothers. I had compulsive worry after that, too, at around the time i was forgetting how much medication (anti depressants) I had taken, and so was often taking either too much or too little. Im better now (with regards to medication), but I still worry, not as much, though. I even called my mother from the driving school and asked some question about it, and promised her it would be my last. sure enough, after class, i asked another question.
i found out some time ago the family is moving, and that it would be rude to ask them when we can come over due to them being busy. i asked the person my mom hired (who was turkish and muslim) if that was the case. she said yes. i worried my mother felt differently, and asked her after calling her while she was at work repeatedly.......please help me. [MENTION=9623]sister herb[/MENTION] [MENTION=21546]ardianto[/MENTION] [MENTION=34923]greenhill[/MENTION] [MENTION=282]*charisma*[/MENTION] [MENTION=20685]Hamza Asadullah[/MENTION]

What if any professional help or counseling are you receiving for your OCD in the past or present?

 

[sister herb]

As br hamza wrote, some professional can help you much better than we as layman in such matters.

 

[Mustafa16]

What if any professional help or counseling are you receiving for your OCD in the past or present?

I see a licensed clinical social worker, but haven't seen him in a while. I also see a psychiatrist. I generally see the therapist once every two weeks, and the psychiatrist once every month or two months.

- - - Updated - - -

What if any professional help or counseling are you receiving for your OCD in the past or present?

I see a licensed clinical social worker, but haven't seen him in a while. I also see a psychiatrist. I generally see the therapist once every two weeks, and the psychiatrist once every month or two months.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

Recently, my OCD is striking again, and my mind is committing oppression against me. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive–compulsive_disorder
My strand of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is where I feel the need to plan ahead so unexpected things do not happen.
This is a desperate cry for help.
Recently, for Eid, a school principal my sister used to work for, and his wife and 3 young kids came and sat with me and my mother in one room and hung out.
After talking with the school principal and his wife while my mother got ready since they came unexpectantly,
I hung out with his 3 young kids. One of them had just finished the 6th grade and was a girl, (and in the past I was attracted to her, but it was hard to tell if I was confusing feelings out of desperate lonliness, or if I was actually attracted to her. One was a boy, who had just finished the 3rd grade, who I knew back from middle school back when I went to a private school, and he was my teacher's son, and he was in the elementary school side, and I saw him and continue to see him like a little brother. The 3rd was a girl who had just finished the 1st grade, whose name i did not even know the whole time. (I didn't pay much attention to her).
I had lots of fun, and the dad and mom seemed to have lots of fun, and they said we should visit them.....here it starts...
sure enough, I asked my mother, over and over, "when are we visiting them." In my head, I wanted to hang out with someone who had just payed me attention in spite of my being an outcast, and who had disrupted my desperate lonliness, and not to mention the girl seemed to like me as a big brother/friend despite me thinking that she hated me due to my being creepy and eccentric and how she acted with me in front of her friends. I was wrong. And I wanted more. But my mother said, "I'll let you know, stop talking about it." I know by now that if someone tells me to stop talking about something, it only makes the anxiety worse. I kept asking anyway. My mother eventually got mad at me for something, and said we were not visiting for another 6 months. I begged, she lowered it to 5 months (I looked at a video of a girl dancing on YouTube, and my mom said i was a pervert and not safe around those kids. To tell you the truth, i didn't even see the video, because the computer blacked out due to battery issues, despite the computer being charged. I didnt even see the thumbnail.
I had an argument with my mother after compulsively talking about it over and over, and she eventually said we were never going. and i sobbed and threatened to committ suicide or hurt myself. like i often do, when my mother does major things which upset me. This time, i may have been serious, because i spilled a bottle of sleeping pills and got a cup of water on purpose, with the intention of overdosing if necessary. My mother said GO AHEAD AND KILL YOURSELF, WHAT DO I CARE.... I sobbed some more, then called a family friend, an old man, and he was supposed to come, but he never did, and later blamed me saying mothers can not make mistakes and the Qur'an orders people to respect their mothers. I had compulsive worry after that, too, at around the time i was forgetting how much medication (anti depressants) I had taken, and so was often taking either too much or too little. Im better now (with regards to medication), but I still worry, not as much, though. I even called my mother from the driving school and asked some question about it, and promised her it would be my last. sure enough, after class, i asked another question.
i found out some time ago the family is moving, and that it would be rude to ask them when we can come over due to them being busy. i asked the person my mom hired (who was turkish and muslim) if that was the case. she said yes. i worried my mother felt differently, and asked her after calling her while she was at work repeatedly.......please help me. @sister herb @ardianto @greenhill @*charisma* @Hamza Asadullah

The advice I'm going to give you is to control your OCD and not so much what others have said or done.

The first thing to know (as you already seem to be aware of) is that OCD creates intense anxiety and a lot of times your behaviour will be a result of your anxiety. A rule of thumb is that you cannot control what happens around you and in the world, but you can control yourself and the things that happen within you.

The first step to controlling your anxiety is to invest in self care - be kind to yourself. Play games, exercise, get enough sleep and breath. This might sound obvious but if you're not investing your time in these things then you won't be able to relax.

The best way to relieve anxiety is to recite Qur'an with attentiveness. This is going to take you some practice if you're not in the habit of reciting frequently, as you may not always feel peace and tranquility instantly. The time that you spend reciting Qur'an will relieve your anxiety like nothing else.

When you're able to control yourself, start challenging your OCD thoughts. Write them down on your phone to see how repetitive they are. It will be much harder to write things then to think them because those thoughts have formed a meaning in your mind. However, when you start to read what you've written even if you've repeated the same sentence 20 times then you'll start to see that those sentences don't really have the power that you thought they had. They'll lose the intensity and they'll be easier to forget. If you're unable to write them down then this might also be good as you'll focus your energy on actually writing the thoughts as opposed to obsessing over them. This will also help you forget.

Finally, be kind to yourself. Don't take criticisms personally as people sometimes say things they don't mean. Your mother may have said something in a moment that she didn't mean because that's what happens when someone feels frustrated. It's not your fault and your mother still loves you. Give her some space and she'll probably come back to you telling you she loves you.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I see a licensed clinical social worker, but haven't seen him in a while. I also see a psychiatrist. I generally see the therapist once every two weeks, and the psychiatrist once every month or two months.

- - - Updated - - -

I see a licensed clinical social worker, but haven't seen him in a while. I also see a psychiatrist. I generally see the therapist once every two weeks, and the psychiatrist once every month or two months.

Have you had CBT and ERP?

 

[Mustafa16]

Have you had CBT and ERP?

I'm not sure if I've had cognitive behavioral therapy, my LCSW is a social worker, not a clinical psychologist, although he has a master's in psychology and a master's in social work. I might have to see a different kind of therapist with a PhD but my mother never brings me. Although just now, as I am writing to you, I called her and she swore to Allah she would bring me. I don't know what ERP is, despite doing a quick google search.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I'm not sure if I've had cognitive behavioral therapy, my LCSW is a social worker, not a clinical psychologist, although he has a master's in psychology and a master's in social work. I might have to see a different kind of therapist with a PhD but my mother never brings me. Although just now, as I am writing to you, I called her and she swore to Allah she would bring me. I don't know what ERP is, despite doing a quick google search.

There are many good practical tips for you to try. Firstly you must realise that you are being tested and Allah only tests those who he wants closest to him. So never ask Allah "why" but just know that he is testing you and that this whole life is a test but the end result in the Hereafter will be to taste the sweetness of our patience for eternity! Most of us will wish we were tested more so we can be given the hugely immense rewards available to those who are patient.

Secondly you should go and see a good reliable local Raqi and also get regular treatment from them. They will also suggest some good self Ruqya you can do. For example reciting last 2 quls morning and evening, ayatul Qursi and Audhubilahi Minashaythanirajeem whenever you get bad thoughts etc. Also always try ensure you are in the state of Wudu.

Recite the Qur'an as much as possible especially surah Baqarah and even leave Surah Baqarah playing in your home. Another important thing is to recite Bismillah before entering your home or anyone elses. There are many things one can recite and you must learn these dua's and recitations immediately. Also to drink zamzam water which is very spiritually beneficial as well as taking blackseed oil and eating 7 ajwa dates morning and evening which protects one from the effects of evil.

Apart from that as mentioned to you before you must regularly see a behavior therapist to get cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) and Exposure and response prevention (ERP) treatments as they are very effective for OCD. And also any other behavior related treatment as different ones work differently for different people.

Also as Brother Abdal Latif mentioned put your thoughts to paper or write them down in a way that is easiest for you so that you can assess your thoughts. Maybe you can write something along the lines of "These thoughts are not me and will not affect me. They are not my thoughts and do not make sense" something along those lines because clearly they are irrational thoughts which do not come from you and so you should try your best to ignore them and not to necessarily fight or resist them as this may have the opposite affect but let them go through your mind and let them pass and think that's fine go through my mind but you are not from me and I will ignore you.

So in summary as with any hardship and trial you have to continuously persevere with all the relevant treatment methods and at the same time continue to beg and ask of Allah and put your full trust, hopes and reliance in him. He is testing you for a reason and that is for you to get closer to him and ask of him. Also trials are a way for a person to get their sins forgiven as well as gain unimaginable rewards as Allah rewards those who are patient through trials and tests without measure.

So my best tips for you:

1. Continue making sincere intense Dua to Allah with patience and perseverence putting your full trust, reliance and hope in him.
2. Continue with all the relevant Adhkars, Dua's, self ruqya, seeing counselor and specialists and any other treatments and also give new methods a try as different methods work differently for different people.
3. Maintain a strong connection with the Qur'an. Continuously recite the Qur'an and also read and learn the meaings and reflect over them and implement them into your daily life. Also memorise as much as you can. Take up Hifdh with a teacher. Even if you die whilst doing it you will die as a Haafidh. Subhanallah!
4. Wake up for Tahajjud prayer each and every night before Fajr begins even if its 15 mins before Fajr so you can pray a 2 rakat Nawafil and make an intense Dua afterwards. This is because Tahajjud prayer and Dua after it is the best way of not only getting closer to Allah and increasing your imaan. But most importantly Dua's are accepted at that time. If you want anything in life then wake up at that time consistently and don't just stop when you have what you want but continue to pray this amazing prayer fr the rest of your life as it will help you in your life.

The following clip is also helpful on OCD/WASWAS:

Five rules to beat OCD

 

[greenhill]

Salam,

I read your posts and often relates to anxieties on matters that is compounded by youthful hormones and energy. In most cases it relates to the development of 'feelings' to a girl. I can't remember how many instances but it appears that you 'fall' for quite a lot of people.

From your stories it does appear that your mum is quite immune to your 'antics' (possibly caused by your OCD) and is probably tired of having to constantly deal with it. Believe me that a parent can pick up quite easily the signals you send out (even if you think it is well disguised).

Then, she has to deal with your excitement after the fact, your persistence and insistence. It may get a bit annoying for her I guess and rather than helping it be better, your reaction makes her respond opposite to your plans.

The hardest thing to change in anything is oneself. You have to recognise that. Obviously with the OCD and whatever stuff you are having to deal with in this phase of your life it would seem like your priority is to be accepted by a girl and for this you are throwing your heart at the person you think may have interest in you and start to build an illusion in your head about the future.

How to say this? You are not working, you are dependent still and with plenty of growing up to do (and learning to cope with your OCD), don't you think that you should look at personal development first? Why attempt to develop a relationship that is going to be emotionally volatile (adding to more stress) when you cannot handle your own emotions? How much do you think another teenager can bear dealing with your problems? Most likely scenario to happen, you will become very dependent on her emotional support when she might be getting tired of having to deal with it (and decides to leave) and you will be devastated (a far worse off situation than if you never developed that relationship in the first place and learnt to slowly build yourself emotionally).

If OCD it is, the battle is to learn control. With professional help or not, it is that problem that you have to work on. Remember, a relationship is developed by having 2 different people forming one sphere (of relationship). If one half (you) have a faulty sphere, how well is the whole thing going to work? Is it the partner's job to keep you under control because of your OCD? I think she will run away at the first opportunity. So you have to at least have it that your sphere is well under your control before you can look at possibly merging it with others.


eace:

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Mustafa16;

i sobbed and threatened to committ suicide or hurt myself. like i often do, when my mother does major things which upset me.

You seem to be in a very dark place, and I feel you need a spiritual solution rather than blaming OCD. Your suicidal feelings or the need to self harm seem to come from anger, this is common to all people, not just people with OCD.

Anger is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die. If you did harm yourself, then it would be on your mother's conscience for the rest of her life. There is the need to try and forgive your mother for all the things you hold against her. Anger seems to prevent us loving and caring for the people who anger us, and really we should love and care for our parents. Life is just so full of temptations for everyone, especially for those coming into adult life, pray to Allah for help to do his will.

Never give up hope in Allah, may you be blessed and be a blessing to those you love and care for.

Eric

 

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum, young brother Mustafa.

Thanks for calling me. But I am sorry if for this time I do not give you advice because brother Abd-al Latif has represented what I wanted to say. Follow his advice.

 

[ardianto]

Okay, now the time to give advice.

Everyone has his/her own problems that can be similar as some other people, but usually are different. The problems of boys are different the problems of girls. The problems of kids are different that the problems of adult people. There are many problems that happen among adults which younger people haven't understand. In another side, there are many problems among youth which adult people do not realize because those adults do not try to think like the youth.

Yes, Mustafa, from what I have noticed through your posts, seem like your mother has experienced many things in her life which are adult problems. It affects her, and affect her attitude on you which she 'forget' that you are still need special attention from her.

I understand if you felt 'down' when your mother challenged you when you took sleeping pills, instead of giving you attention that you actually expect. Yes, her mistake in that time was she forgot that you haven't think like adult. Challenging with "Go ahead! ... Just do it!", may be effective to make an adult rethink. But if it done by parent to her/his kid, it could make this kid down because if makes this kid feel his parent no longer care on him. Same thing happen too if the kid want to talk with his parent, but his parent tell him to not talking about it.

So what you must do is make your mother realize that you are still a teenager who need special attention from parent. And from my experience, the best way to get attention is through giving attention.

Remember when I advice you to give more attention to your mother through make tea for her when she comes home, or doing some little things for her?. That's what you must do.

And try to understand that as adult, your mother is thinking differently than you. So, if you want to go to a place, try to not say "Mom, when will we visit that place?", that can be regarded as order by the adult way of thinking. But tell your mother that you want to visit that place and you will be happy if you can go there with her.