How do I stop blaming myself

[Studentofdeed]

When I was in involved with someone and she was abusive...I started feeling miserable and lonely. To the point where I had desires for other women. I wished that to be with any other women because I knew they would have treated me.better and made me feel important. There were few girls into me but I did not want to leave her. I knew I would never leave her or cheat on her...but I had secret desires to just leave her because of the abuse and felt like I deserved someone better. Does having these thoughts at the time make me an adulterer or promiscuous. Please realize I have realized my mistake but I'm only asking these questions so that I know whether if I'm a bad person and if I should keep blaming myself. Alhamdullah I'm glad, Allah guided me but I'm asking these questions just to get these doubts out of mind. Regarding women that were into me. I was friendly with them.and polite but never made an active attempt to pursue them as I was already committed to someone and could not dare to leave her. Based off what I wrote...does it seem I'm adulterous or promiscuous?

 

[taha_]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamtullahi wa barakuthu.

You must leave that girl immdietately, otherwise door of zina could be opened and you could be in troubles, Allah knows best. Keep your gaze down, marriage is only decreed by Allah, not our hands. Allah has not allowed you yet to get married, He knows best why. it is better to spend some times to be ready for its responsibilites, before finding a girl and getting married. Try to be strong against your challanges and oppressors. Leave all girls, and focus on your deen which is only successful path. No matter what people thinks about you. Allah is always there for you. He is not unjust with you.

Are these girls Muslims?

Your deeds are more important to Allah, not people. Leave these people to be judged by Allah. Allah knows best.

jazakAllah khair

 

[Studentofdeed]

Walkum salaam wb... brother you misunderstood me. I'm not pursuing any girls. Im asking if these thoughts that' I had make me promiscuous or an adulter
Jazakallah khayran

 

[Flawed]

Brother is she your wife? If not I don't think it's beneficial to stay in that relationship because it's already made you feeling low and not good enough maybe that relationship is a barrier between you and Allah swt
Maybe you should learn the lessons from that relationship and move on because that will make you wiser and better person and no other girl will trick you into being in a bad relationship. And insha'Allah you will be on your way to finding a better spouse for your deen

 

[Studentofdeed]

Jazakallah khayran but I'm not with any girls. I'm staying away from them. I'm asking if due to be in an abusive relationship you wish to be with other women or are polite and friendly with other women. I'm was not actively pursuing or anything but I wished to be other women. Did these thoughts make me an adulter or promiscuous.

 

['Abdullah]

When I was in involved with someone and she was abusive...I started feeling miserable and lonely. To the point where I had desires for other women. I wished that to be with any other women because I knew they would have treated me.better and made me feel important. There were few girls into me but I did not want to leave her. I knew I would never leave her or cheat on her...but I had secret desires to just leave her because of the abuse and felt like I deserved someone better. Does having these thoughts at the time make me an adulterer or promiscuous. Please realize I have realized my mistake but I'm only asking these questions so that I know whether if I'm a bad person and if I should keep blaming myself. Alhamdullah I'm glad, Allah guided me but I'm asking these questions just to get these doubts out of mind. Regarding women that were into me. I was friendly with them.and polite but never made an active attempt to pursue them as I was already committed to someone and could not dare to leave her. Based off what I wrote...does it seem I'm adulterous or promiscuous?

Assalam O Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,

Some of the members who replied above probably have no background information about you. But those who have been regular on this forum know that who have already cut your ties from the girl who basically abused you and slandered you. Alhamdulillah, Allah saved you and guided you to practice Islam.

Regarding the statement which I highlighted in bold, it appears that there were other girls who were interested in you but since you did not established any relationship with them. You just have thoughts and Allah does not punish us for anything which crosses our mind. Since ​

you did not act upon your thoughts, you will not be held accountable for what crossed your mind. Al-Bukhaari (6491) and Muslim (131) narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said, relating from his Lord, may He be glorified and exalted:

Allah decreed good deeds and bad deeds, then He explained that. Whoever thinks of doing a good deed then does not do it, Allah will write it down as one complete good deed. If he thinks of doing a good deed and then does it, Allah [may He be glorified and exalted] will write it down between ten and seven hundred fold, or many more. If he thinks of doing a bad deed then he does not do it, Allah will write it down as one complete good deed, and if he thinks of it then does it, Allah will write it down as one bad deed.

Al-Bukhaari (5269) and Muslim (127) also narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will forgive my ummah for whatever crosses their minds so long as they do not act upon it or speak of it.

These are all whispers from shytan because he want you to feel low and give up on practicing Islam. He wants you to loose hope in Allah's Mercy. Just don't pay any attention to such negative thoughts. Thank Allah that He guided you and saved you from these fitnas and continue to put Islamic teachings in practice. May Allah make it easy for you and reward you for the sacrifices you are making and hardships you are going through. Ameen!

Ma’aSalaam

 

[BayAreaWhiteMan]

Escape the relationship. Abuse is intolerable, especially if it seeps into your faith and causes you to think of committing Zina