How do YOU control your anger?

[Vigno]

Asalamu Alekum

Its important to control our anger because our tongue is a dangerous tool of sins. So please everyone, don't take it easy.
Jazakum Allah khair

 

[kite runner]

jazak allah khair interesting

 

[abdussattar]

How do you control your anger?

I dont... :hiding:











































I mean, seriously I always try to, but cant.. I just try to ...leave the room but Ill be angry and fuming even in the other room.....

 

[Beardo]

I dont...

Keep hitting yourself with that hammer.

 

[Woodrow]

Having read this thread several times, it reaffirms my belief that uncontrolled anger is often a very foolish emotion that serves no purpose except to cause a person to self destruct.

While anger can be a prod to push us to correct wrongs, it must be controlled or we become no different than that which we are angry about.

While anger is a necessary emotion it is also a fitnah when uncontrolled. In many ways it is similar to sexual behavior. In it's place and properly used it can be a source of good. But when one succumbs to the desire to enjoy it in an uncontrolled manner it is succumbing to temptation.

Let us admit to ourselves there is a feeling of immediate pleasure when we let our anger explode. We all probably know people we would deeply enjoy drop kicking into the closest pile of cow manure. But the reality is that if we allow our anger to take control, the consequences will hurt us much more than the person we take our anger out on.

Some results I have experienced in the days I allowed my anger to run rampant.

Destroyed friendships

Broken objects of value to me

Very sinful thoughts

Much physical stress upon my body

Irrational thinking

Causing those close to me to distrust me

I could make this a very long list, but I think that is enough to get the idea across.


One of the best examples would be my youngest son. He is quite a remarkable man, but had the misfortune of inheriting my temper. He is quite productive and a very hard worker. Also a very good business man. He was a millionaire by the time he was 21, owned and ran an oil refinery by the time he was 25. He was making a considerable amount of money from the refinery and was bringing home more money monthly than most people earn in their lifetime. But, he had trouble controlling his anger. Anyhow he entered into a contract with Mobile Oil to produce a large quantity of gasoline for them daily. With a bonus for each day he exceeded the quota. It takes quite a few people to operate a refinery. There were a few days when his production dropped. He took it out on his workers and exploded. In his anger he fired every worker he had. When he realized what he had done, he apologized. But it was too late and each and every worker refused to come back and work for him. He failed to meet the demands of his contract with Mobile, got sued for breach of contract, lost his refinery, his home, his savings and investments and his wife divorced him. A brief episode of uncontrolled anger cost him all he had worked for.

Uncontrolled anger only brings grief to those who allow it to be.

While anger is a blessing when used to correct a wrong, it is a tool that a person needs to learn to control and use properly. If you are experiencing pain as a result of your anger, you have not yet learned to control it and it is controlling you. You are allowing something besides Allaah(swt) to be the power in your life. BIG MISTAKE

Anger can be controlled and must be controlled if you are to avoid destroying yourself. Most of us tend to enjoy the immediate gratification of allowing unbridled anger to run rampant. The more we allow that to happen, the longer and more difficult it becomes for us to regain control over it. The next time you get angry, think carefully of how much it is going to hurt you and how far it is going to lead you astray.

 

[Woodrow]

I Received this PM in response to my post above.

uncle,

I hope you don't mind my asking, and feel free to ignore this if I'm asking too much, but how did you then stop letting your anger run rampant, and what was the impetus?

Also, do you have any advice for people who are affected by other's anger, especially when that anger is unjustified, and is directed towards ones (supposedly) loved ones yet at the same time, the person couldn't say boo to a goose outside of the family? And even though it is pointed out to them that they have a problem and that their anger unjustified, they refuse to acknowledge that? The person is otherwise deeply religious but believes that their emotions that cause the anger are justified and righteous and that everyone else is wrong.

As I said, please feel free to ignore this, as I know you have more pressing issues to deal with (I am making dua for aunty Aabidah by name), and also that you may not have an answer to this.

If, and only if you'd like to reply, and if you think it appropriate, you can reply in the thread, quoting my PM without stating who sent it.

May Allah grant our aunty a speedy and complete recovery, may He make these coming days easy on you, and may He guide those helping you to Islam, ameen.

Jazaakallah khayr,

Jazakallahu Khayran and Ameen to the Du'as for Aabidah.

I am only going to try to answer 2 parts.

1.

I hope you don't mind my asking, and feel free to ignore this if I'm asking too much, but how did you then stop letting your anger run rampant, and what was the impetus?

I was/am a very slow learner and it actually took many years to understand how my anger was destroying my own self. I did not have much control over it until after I accepted Islam. Although over the years I did learn to control the out bursts of anger. This came about from learning that anger is actually an exhibition of fear or a strong out cry of wanting my demands met.

While I did gain self control over the years as a result of reaping sorrow as the result of anger, it was after accepting Islam that I came to realize what a strong fitnah ang is and how much it must displease Allaah(swt) when one looses control of their anger. When a person learns to place trust in Allaah(swt) and truly know there is nothing on this earth to fear, a very large amount of anger is removed. Much expression of anger is the result of fear. Discovering there is not one thing in the physical world to fear, removes a great deal of anger. The other big source of uncontrolled anger in my life, was in not having my desires satisfied. What a foolish thing to allow to control me. I cane into life with nothing and I will leave it with nothing. No where was it ever said or guaranteed my own desires would be satisfied on Earth. At best I may gain what I work for, but even that is not guaranteed. Failure to obtain self wants is a foolish thing to loose control over.

So I would say the method of contolling anger for me was the discovery of how destructive it was to me. The impetus was Islam and through Islam learning how foolish uncontrolled anger is.

2.

Also, do you have any advice for people who are affected by other's anger, especially when that anger is unjustified, and is directed towards ones (supposedly) loved ones yet at the same time, the person couldn't say boo to a goose outside of the family? And even though it is pointed out to them that they have a problem and that their anger unjustified, they refuse to acknowledge that? The person is otherwise deeply religious but believes that their emotions that cause the anger are justified and righteous and that everyone else is wrong.

Look carefully at what they are doing and saying and try not to laugh out loud at how foolish they are. Avoid hurting them more than they are already hurt.

Ignore them the best you can and above all do not bother wasting your valuable time by trying to reason with them. After their anger subsides, you may try to gentle show them how foolish their anger makes them look.

You can not reason with a drunk, insane or angry person.

I believe some people enjoy their anger, because it is a form of drunkenness. It is an intoxicant as it does alter the person's ability to think. As an intoxicant it is very addictive and must be treated as an addiction.

 

[kashmirshazad]

In reply to the question:

I just tend to run a few people or goats down in my car, if im angry, and if im really angry then ill use a camper van!!

Works everytime!!

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

i think its best sometimes to try to avoid things that will make you angry in the first place.

 

[MEG]

What works is to remember that being angry doesn't get you anywhere. Dwelling on anger will only make you suffer.

If you are angry at what someone else has done, let God be the judge. When we die, we are either made perfect or punished for our sins. No-one gets away with anything, do don't feel like they do.

Pray for the wisdom to make the best out of every situation.

 

[saf1]

There is a nice video by Numan Ali Khaan on controlling anger on youtube. I'm not able to post the video yet, but you can type Nouman Ali Khan and controlling anger in the youtube search engine.

Enjoy

 

[Salahudeen]

Anger destroys many things including friendships, marriages and family ties. I think it is possible to stop it before hand, like sometimes when I'm about to get angry I think to myself for ages "Just drop it" but I never drop it if I could then I wouldn't get angry, I all ways let the anger consume me eventually even after 2 days of telling myself to forget about it. I find boxing helps to release anger.