How I became a human devil!

Assalaamu alaikum Repenter,


(mildly) No one knows who is going to paradise, or the fire, and if the fire, for how long. So why discuss this? All we are likely to do is say incorrect things about something only God Knows. (smile) And God is very Loving and Kind.

Our task on this earth is to worship God. And our worship is to get to know Him. And we get to know Him by getting to know ourselves, and trying to develop ourselves into ever greater harmony with Him. To tune into His Beautiful Qualities. (smile) And hardship is part of the equation. You couldn't unfold and become the beautiful person that you have the potential to become without the struggle in this life (and you have those beautiful seeds- this is for sure).

(smile) Would the beautiful oak tree be the strong, majestic thing it is, if the acorn had not cracked open, sent forth frail shoots and roots that got nibbled on? And as it grew, would it have become what is was without being rained on, had wind blowing upon it, had sun shining on it...? (mildly) Sometimes the wind could have been quite rough with the little sapling. And sometimes the rain would have felt like drowning to the sapling, and sometimes the sun may have felt too strong... but all these things helped shape that sapling into the glorious oak, did they not?

(smile) Right now you are confused and buffeted about like a dandelion seed. You need to root somewhere. And perhaps you think that rooting in concrete seems like a good idea; (mildly) But is it?

Pleasure is like a will o' the wisp. It always beckons onwards promising happiness, but... (gently) You can never actually gain the promise of the will o' the wisp. You can only chase it. And it never leads you anywhere safe; just lost and wandering in a dangerous bog.

(gently) You sound like someone who feels betrayed. And you well may have been betrayed. (gently) I wish I could erase this pain from you. But becoming demonic is just the ultimate betrayal. Satan doesn't care about you. You just betray yourself... for nothing. You are worthy of more than this.

(gently) Every human being, no matter what he or she has done, can hope for God's Mercy. All that is needed is a sincere desire to become a better person, and that you start to make efforts in a positive direction, even though the efforts may be small, especially at first (and yes, you will stumble from time to time; we all do).

(smile) The darkest of people can become the greatest of beacons, you know. (smile) If you read the autobiography of Malcolm X (written by Alex Haley)... you will perhaps understand what I mean. Those who have the capacity for great wickedness, also have a capacity for great good. (smile) perhaps you might become a beautiful light for others who also are stumbling, in pain?

(smile) I pray so.


May Allah, the Wise, the Gentle, have Mercy on you.
 
MuslimInshallah said:
Assalaamu alaikum Repenter,


(mildly) No one knows who is going to paradise, or the fire, and if the fire, for how long. So why discuss this? All we are likely to do is say incorrect things about something only God Knows. (smile) And God is very Loving and Kind.

Our task on this earth is to worship God. And our worship is to get to know Him. And we get to know Him by getting to know ourselves, and trying to develop ourselves into ever greater harmony with Him. To tune into His Beautiful Qualities. (smile) And hardship is part of the equation. You couldn't unfold and become the beautiful person that you have the potential to become without the struggle in this life (and you have those beautiful seeds- this is for sure).

(smile) Would the beautiful oak tree be the strong, majestic thing it is, if the acorn had not cracked open, sent forth frail shoots and roots that got nibbled on? And as it grew, would it have become what is was without being rained on, had wind blowing upon it, had sun shining on it...? (mildly) Sometimes the wind could have been quite rough with the little sapling. And sometimes the rain would have felt like drowning to the sapling, and sometimes the sun may have felt too strong... but all these things helped shape that sapling into the glorious oak, did they not?

(smile) Right now you are confused and buffeted about like a dandelion seed. You need to root somewhere. And perhaps you think that rooting in concrete seems like a good idea; (mildly) But is it?

Pleasure is like a will o' the wisp. It always beckons onwards promising happiness, but... (gently) You can never actually gain the promise of the will o' the wisp. You can only chase it. And it never leads you anywhere safe; just lost and wandering in a dangerous bog.

(gently) You sound like someone who feels betrayed. And you well may have been betrayed. (gently) I wish I could erase this pain from you. But becoming demonic is just the ultimate betrayal. Satan doesn't care about you. You just betray yourself... for nothing. You are worthy of more than this.

(gently) Every human being, no matter what he or she has done, can hope for God's Mercy. All that is needed is a sincere desire to become a better person, and that you start to make efforts in a positive direction, even though the efforts may be small, especially at first (and yes, you will stumble from time to time; we all do).

(smile) The darkest of people can become the greatest of beacons, you know. (smile) If you read the autobiography of Malcolm X (written by Alex Haley)... you will perhaps understand what I mean. Those who have the capacity for great wickedness, also have a capacity for great good. (smile) perhaps you might become a beautiful light for others who also are stumbling, in pain?

(smile) I pray so.


May Allah, the Wise, the Gentle, have Mercy on you.
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The worst can become the best and best can become the good. But you never hear the best becoming the worst then becoming the best again. Im finished.
 
Ah.. if you were content with what you are, you would not feel the need to share..

So that is what you feel..

Usually the shame of a thing keeps us from doing it.

..or the fear of a thing.

People who are a lot more adherent than you or i..

Still struggle sometimes.

But prayer is extremely important..

I think even in todays world i am a fool to downplay its importance..

It will impose itself upon me sooner or later..

But i will pray tonight when i get home.
 
MuslimInshallah said:
Assalaamu alaikum Repenter,


(mildly) No one knows who is going to paradise, or the fire, and if the fire, for how long. So why discuss this? All we are likely to do is say incorrect things about something only God Knows. (smile) And God is very Loving and Kind.

Our task on this earth is to worship God. And our worship is to get to know Him. And we get to know Him by getting to know ourselves, and trying to develop ourselves into ever greater harmony with Him. To tune into His Beautiful Qualities. (smile) And hardship is part of the equation. You couldn't unfold and become the beautiful person that you have the potential to become without the struggle in this life (and you have those beautiful seeds- this is for sure).

(smile) Would the beautiful oak tree be the strong, majestic thing it is, if the acorn had not cracked open, sent forth frail shoots and roots that got nibbled on? And as it grew, would it have become what is was without being rained on, had wind blowing upon it, had sun shining on it...? (mildly) Sometimes the wind could have been quite rough with the little sapling. And sometimes the rain would have felt like drowning to the sapling, and sometimes the sun may have felt too strong... but all these things helped shape that sapling into the glorious oak, did they not?

(smile) Right now you are confused and buffeted about like a dandelion seed. You need to root somewhere. And perhaps you think that rooting in concrete seems like a good idea; (mildly) But is it?

Pleasure is like a will o' the wisp. It always beckons onwards promising happiness, but... (gently) You can never actually gain the promise of the will o' the wisp. You can only chase it. And it never leads you anywhere safe; just lost and wandering in a dangerous bog.

(gently) You sound like someone who feels betrayed. And you well may have been betrayed. (gently) I wish I could erase this pain from you. But becoming demonic is just the ultimate betrayal. Satan doesn't care about you. You just betray yourself... for nothing. You are worthy of more than this.

(gently) Every human being, no matter what he or she has done, can hope for God's Mercy. All that is needed is a sincere desire to become a better person, and that you start to make efforts in a positive direction, even though the efforts may be small, especially at first (and yes, you will stumble from time to time; we all do).

(smile) The darkest of people can become the greatest of beacons, you know. (smile) If you read the autobiography of Malcolm X (written by Alex Haley)... you will perhaps understand what I mean. Those who have the capacity for great wickedness, also have a capacity for great good. (smile) perhaps you might become a beautiful light for others who also are stumbling, in pain?

(smile) I pray so.


May Allah, the Wise, the Gentle, have Mercy on you.
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I wanna Love god and be religious again but i think it's too late for that.
 
Yes I dont,because I cant.I have a though life.But I will try to start doing the night prayer only,secretly.I wish you do the same
 
So what are your issues exactly? I only see a rant. If you want a solution, then you have to outline for us your actual problem and be open to finding a solution. Otherwise, what's the point?
 
It's never too late for Allah; this is just you being depressed and overwhelmed by your sins, which Allah can forgive if you sit down and sincerely ask. When you do so, and I insist that you do, consider that Allah sees you as having taken a step closer to him, so he's taken a mile closer to you. After this, since you're in the habit of it, you'll probably commit another sin soon thereafter. Go repent again, like before. Even if you were to sin 100 times a day, as long as you came back and were sincere in your repentance and looked to get better each time, Allah will guide and help you. Now go.
 
the repenter13 said:
The worst can become the best and best can become the good. But you never hear the best becoming the worst then becoming the best again. Im finished.
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Assalaamu alaikum again Repenter,


(gently) Perhaps this was the problem? You thought you were the best... but were you? (mildly) Have not terrible tyrants believed themselves to be the best of humanity?

(smile) Your situation now is far better than it was, it seems to me. Now you know yourself to be a weak and sin-prone human being. Could you ever believe yourself to be superior to other sinners after this? Could you now have compassion and love for others who have slipped? Do you not understand things about yourself and others that were not clear to you before, when you believed yourself to be so good?

(gently) When we think ourselves to be the best, we are courting disaster. When we know ourselves to be nothing without the Grace of God... (smile) then the horizon opens.

(smile) Try to be gentle with yourself. Perhaps pray one prayer a day to start with. Perhaps you can find one small thing you can change for the better- and stick to it. (smile) Trying to do everything all in one go, would be like going on a sudden and severe diet after becoming severely overweight; the diet could kill you. (smile) You have those beautiful seeds in you. You have strength. Just start slowly, and try to avoid doing overly much; going to extremes breeds hypocrisy. (smile) Do what you can manage on a difficult day- but stick to it like a limpet.

(gently) The struggle to get ever closer to Allah is a lifelong journey. There are hardships and all sorts of pitfalls all along the way. (smile) But as long as you continue to put one foot in front of the other and inch your way towards Him... there is great hope for you. (smile) Even when you stumble from time to time. Just get up, wash your cuts and scrapes, and keep on doing what you can.


May Allah, the Generous, the Subtle, have Mercy on us all.
 
Now that you have calmed down and you want the Paradise as well as us, Paradise are levels and Allah knows your heart's faith and certainty He knows at any level is your place but your actions can not reach that level so He puts you in these difficulties to be patient and raise you up to your level in Paradise, difficulties in this life is one of our bad deeds Allah wants to purify us, if you want a good life Try to repair your own for the best always. Allah said in surah An Nahl 97((Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer – We will surely cause him to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward [in the Hereafter] according to the best of what they used to do))

and Allah said in surah An Nisa 147(( What would Allah do with your punishment if you are grateful and believe? And ever is Allah Appreciative and Knowing.))
 
Amalalharbi said:
Now that you have calmed down and you want the Paradise as well as us, Paradise are levels and Allah knows your heart's faith and certainty He knows at any level is your place but your actions can not reach that level so He puts you in these difficulties to be patient and raise you up to your level in Paradise, difficulties in this life is one of our bad deeds Allah wants to purify us, if you want a good life Try to repair your own for the best always. Allah said in surah An Nahl 97((Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer – We will surely cause him to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward [in the Hereafter] according to the best of what they used to do))

and Allah said in surah An Nisa 147(( What would Allah do with your punishment if you are grateful and believe? And ever is Allah Appreciative and Knowing.))
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But isn't it too late for me?. I mean the punishment already came to me. Now what?.
 
. You realise the state you're in, a dark place. So make dua and ask for a sign that he's still watching over you. Don't think he has abandoned you. He's the most merciful.

- - - Updated - - -

the repenter13 said:
But isn't it too late for me?. I mean the punishment already came to me. Now what?.
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Blessings can come too. It's never too late until you die.
 
the repenter13 said:
But isn't it too late for me?. I mean the punishment already came to me. Now what?.
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You're still breathing aren't you

Snap out of this foolishness and turn back to Allah. This line of thinking is several different kinds of stupid. Allah forgives all sins to the one who repents. Who exactly do you think you are to claim otherwise?
 
eesa the kiwi said:
You're still breathing aren't you

Snap out of this foolishness and turn back to Allah. This line of thinking is several different kinds of stupid. Allah forgives all sins to the one who repents. Who exactly do you think you are to claim otherwise?
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It's because I've been blind for the last year and I did so much sins and I spent all my time trying to get rich. Because I was sick for so long and I tried accomplish something in this world. I was angry with God and I said a lot of evil things. Then god punished so severe that all of my dreams are over. I injured my neck severely and Im stuck on my couch in pain. No school, work and severely depressed. And plus I feel hopeless and lost my Iman. And I read a lot of verses in the Quran that says I'm doomed. And I've seen dreams that say I'm going to die. Will god still forgive me after what I did?. I feel hopeless.
 
The problem that you have failed to understand is that this world is temporary and we are here to give a test. The ones loved the most by Allah are the ones who are tested the most. It is out of the question to compare our adversities with those of the Prophets of Allah. Can you bear being put in the stomach of a whale? Can you bear being left to die by your own brothers? Can you bear being subjected to imprisonment without being guilty for 40 years? Can you bear leaving your someone as loved as your new born son and wife in a desert with no food or water? Can you bear having to slaughter someone you love? All without question Allah? You say there was no fitna back then. My brother, back then there was no concept of Islam, therefore Allah had to keep sending Messengers to remind the people of it, that is the extent to which people would lose faith. But the knowledge has been made complete to us and these Messengers are the examples we need to turn to when in need of guidance and patience.

I do not speak without experience. I come from a practicing family. Among my siblings and cousins, I always considered myself the cursed one. I am considered the black sheep of the family and my family members accuse me of sins that I have not committed. I am told to look at my cousins and siblings and learn from then when in truth the family knows of nothing that goes on behind their backs. Furthermore, all my life plans were ruined due to circumstances and no matter what amount of patience I practice something in my life keeps going wrong. Many times I found myself saying, what is the point of turning to Allah when no one respects me, nothing in life goes the way I want it to. How come others who have no or little faith are doing better than I am. Shall I just give up and enjoy this world sinning as according to the people around me, I am a bad person and God is upset with me? No. This is my test and I have to give it. I have spent most of my life searching for happiness but I have not yet found it. For the past three months I have been in a terrible situation and I gave up on life. But that is not the answer to my solutions. I need to endure these tests till the day I die. No matter how painful everything is, and BELIEVE ME, I know the pain. For the past three months I have been waking up every morning crying and begging Allah to end the pain. But it is still there. That does not mean Allah has cursed me, it means He loves hearing the voice of His creation and one day He will show me and you what all this suffering, or curse as you call it, was worth.

All you need to do is turn to Him, and ask Him to forgive you. And since He created you, He will. Keep reciting surahs from the Quran to protect yourself against the whispers of Shaytan for surely he will give you many logic against my words as you read. Trust me, I have hit rock bottom in life and I choose the path of Allah and tawakul in Him, and that is what strengthens me when I fall. Every negative thought is by Satan and your words are soaked in negativity.

Allah loves those who turn back to him. No matter how much you sin, it is never too late to ask him for forgiveness.
 
Now that you've told everyone how you believe you became a human "devil" (satan?) Please do come back with your recovery story then we'll all know how you went from being more a part of the problem to more a part of the solution - that story will be more encouraging after the previous pacifying narration of experiences (pacifying in the fact that i know i'm not the only one who sometimes gets dragged into situations where one wonders how he/she'll ever climb back out into decency, dignity, self respect, and re-develop a will to act passionately and energetically against injustice, so the next world - ETERNITY - feels less scary again and the world which we will leave our kids in is more just and sane than it was in our age of turmoil and confusion so that they don't end up suffering worse than the people of this generation did.
 
Ann Onn said:
The problem that you have failed to understand is that this world is temporary and we are here to give a test. The ones loved the most by Allah are the ones who are tested the most. It is out of the question to compare our adversities with those of the Prophets of Allah. Can you bear being put in the stomach of a whale? Can you bear being left to die by your own brothers? Can you bear being subjected to imprisonment without being guilty for 40 years? Can you bear leaving your someone as loved as your new born son and wife in a desert with no food or water? Can you bear having to slaughter someone you love? All without question Allah? You say there was no fitna back then. My brother, back then there was no concept of Islam, therefore Allah had to keep sending Messengers to remind the people of it, that is the extent to which people would lose faith. But the knowledge has been made complete to us and these Messengers are the examples we need to turn to when in need of guidance and patience.

I do not speak without experience. I come from a practicing family. Among my siblings and cousins, I always considered myself the cursed one. I am considered the black sheep of the family and my family members accuse me of sins that I have not committed. I am told to look at my cousins and siblings and learn from then when in truth the family knows of nothing that goes on behind their backs. Furthermore, all my life plans were ruined due to circumstances and no matter what amount of patience I practice something in my life keeps going wrong. Many times I found myself saying, what is the point of turning to Allah when no one respects me, nothing in life goes the way I want it to. How come others who have no or little faith are doing better than I am. Shall I just give up and enjoy this world sinning as according to the people around me, I am a bad person and God is upset with me? No. This is my test and I have to give it. I have spent most of my life searching for happiness but I have not yet found it. For the past three months I have been in a terrible situation and I gave up on life. But that is not the answer to my solutions. I need to endure these tests till the day I die. No matter how painful everything is, and BELIEVE ME, I know the pain. For the past three months I have been waking up every morning crying and begging Allah to end the pain. But it is still there. That does not mean Allah has cursed me, it means He loves hearing the voice of His creation and one day He will show me and you what all this suffering, or curse as you call it, was worth.

All you need to do is turn to Him, and ask Him to forgive you. And since He created you, He will. Keep reciting surahs from the Quran to protect yourself against the whispers of Shaytan for surely he will give you many logic against my words as you read. Trust me, I have hit rock bottom in life and I choose the path of Allah and tawakul in Him, and that is what strengthens me when I fall. Every negative thought is by Satan and your words are soaked in negativity.

Allah loves those who turn back to him. No matter how much you sin, it is never too late to ask him for forgiveness.
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"And of the people is he who worships Allah on an edge. If he is touched by good, he is reassured by it; but if he is struck by trial, he turns on his face [to the other direction]. He has lost [this] world and the Hereafter. That is what is the manifest loss."

It's over for me there's no reason for me to live anymore. The verse is clear and I fit the verse completely.
 
the repenter13 said:
But isn't it too late for me?. I mean the punishment already came to me. Now what?.
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I don’t know why you keep telling yourself this. You act as if everything is sealed from this point on but bro, you ain’t dead yet! Whilst your still alive you hold something very powerful, this is your free will. I don’t know what kind of inner demons your fighting from within but I’ll tell you don’t ever reach such a point of despair, it’s dangerous.

Just listen to what all these nice people are telling you, it’s not over yet. Your name is a paradox to this thread. And your name is what you should do. Repent, and challenge your inner self that your going to somehow change this bad attitude of yours.

You’re somehow acting like somebody has forced you to act in this manner and that you can see your future with your very own two physical eyes. Well I’ll tell you you can’t! And until you take a courage instead of hiding in this despair, your handing it to yourself.

From what I am seeing, I feel as though you believe in god still, and that your name is who you can be. Don’t ever belittle your belief in god, it’s something a lot of people don’t have. Your lucky, there’s something within, these are seeds. Plant them brother.

And may I ask? If you were really doomed to hell, wouldn’t you be dead at this point? Maybe the fact that your still alive and that you actually reached out to this forum is your awakening, and a sign that you still have a chance. Think about it..[emoji848]
 

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