Muezzin
Bat-Mod
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I took a bit of time to prepare this somewhat long read. I'd really appreciate it if all brothers and sisters read and acted upon it.
1)Multiple posts – On most forums, you only need to post one message at a time to make your point. You don’t need to keep posting consecutive messages, even if you’re quoting different posts. There’s two handy little features which really help out in eliminating multiple posts; firstly, the edit feature of the forum, and secondly, the copy and paste feature of your right mouse button. Do try to put all your thoughts in just the one message, otherwise you’re just wasting space and hogging the thread. And nobody likes a thread-hog.
2)Smiley posts – I’m all for smileys. Some of them are really quite funny, others are even cute. However, do have the courtesy to at least supplement them with words. Instead of merely posting this “
”, also post exactly why it made you grin like a yellow faced ellipse. Furthermore, try to avoid posting multiple smileys. “;D” gets the point across just fine. “;D ;D ;D” is just too much. I mean, think about it logically. Either you’re rolling around on the floor laughing three times, which is odd, since you would have to get up, then fall down, and would look like some sort of strange drugged-up buffoon. The other possibility is that you have cloned yourself twice, and you and both your clones are rolling around on the floor in unison. Which is quite frankly disturbing. Cut a long story short, supplement smileys with words, and whatever you do, do not make posts composed entirely of smileys. A picture might say a thousand words, but a thousand smileys makes you look like an idiot.
3)Too. Many. Words. – Picture the scene. You’re browsing through the forums when you see a really interesting thread title. You click it, wait for it to load… Then break down in utter despair when you see that the first post is a 12 page long dissertation. Sure, it’s okay if you have the patience and the time to sit there and read, but for the rest of us with less time and patience than Keanu Reeves in Speed, a huge freakin’ monster of an article is not our idea of fulfilment. You know what would be grand? If the first poster merely posted selected passages from the article, with a link to the complete thing. Failing that, you can just post the whole thing, highlighting specific areas. Failing that, you can post the whole thing, but at least warn us that it’s a big read. Just be kind to our easily frazzled brains.
4)Aye aye CAPtain – Aah, the Caps Lock. It can be your best friend and your worst enemy. Unfortunately, online, it usually is your worst enemy. If you type in all caps it looks like you’re shouting. CAN YOU SEE? It doesn’t look very nice. It looks kind of rude. And we all know most rude people are complete nincompoops. Also, avoid capitalising certain words in sentences to denote emphasis. See how CRAZY and EXCITABLE I look, just by using a few CAPTIALS in THIS sentence? But if I use italics, I look quite suave, if I do say so myself. You might want to use the bold instead, if you’re feeling particularly masculine, like an even more testosterone-imbalanced Arnold Schwarzeneggar.
5)typ pr0p3r – Text speak. It might work on mobile phones, but on web forums it makes you look like a fool with the vocabulary of a chimpanzee. Is it really so hard to type in the Queen’s English? No one will mind a couple of grammatical or spelling errors here or there, but reading a message that is typed entrly lke ths is nt vry nce 2 our brns, u gt me?
6) Mr T rocks – This has absolutely nothing to do with not being a cyber-butthead, but Mr T does indeed rock, and if you don’t agree, he’ll throw you helluva far. Sucka.
7)Lighten up – Islam is a way of life, but it doesn’t say we have to be boring sods who wouldn’t know what fun is if it slapped us round the face with a wet fish. For every post in a ‘serious’ topic (i.e. just about any topic in World Affairs), go and make a post in a ‘fun’ topic (Halal Fun, here I come). I’m not saying that the fun should overtake the seriousness, but there’s a saying ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.’ I don’t know any brother called Jack (though zAk rhymes with it), but the principle applies here. Similarly, if someone makes a funny remark in an otherwise deadly serious topic, learn to appreciate the levity added to the discussion rather than pouncing on the guy and accusing him of being a kafir.
8)Yeah, I get it already – Make joke topics by all means. But please have the common decency to tell good jokes, rather than rubbish like ‘A horse walks into a bar. The barman says ‘why the long face?’’ Har-dee-har. Furthermore, do not explain the punch lines. Good jokes need no explanations, and the sure-fire way to make a bad joke worse is by explaining it. ‘A horse (an equestrian) walks (verb, to move with the legs and feet) into a bar (an establishment selling alcoholic beverages). The barman (the shopkeeper, the one who you pay), says (expounds; tells) ‘Why the long face?’ (long faces mean sadness, but horses’ faces are naturally long) - har-dee-harr (laughter)’. See?
9)Driveby flaming – Muslims should be tolerant of others’ opinions, even if their opinions are quite frankly absurd. Furthermore we should be tolerant and respectful of others’ religions. So please, let us not pounce on our non-Muslim members simply for not being Muslims because it makes us look like barbarians. And last time I checked, I don’t speak like: ‘Me hungry. Give me food, wench! Or me shall break you as surely as Odin’s beard is long!’
10)Search party, everybody's invited – How many new threads have been merged with existing ones here? Isn’t it kind of cruel to the mods who have to go through looking for old threads? I mean, yeah, it’s their job, but that doesn’t mean we have to make it harder – I mean, yeah, it’s a litter-picker’s job to pick up rubbish, but that doesn’t mean you toss your banana peel on the floor in front of them when you could easily put it in the bin right next to you. Before posting a new thread/article/whatever, run a quick search using the forum tool. If there’s already an existing thread, post there. Don’t be a cyber-butthead.
11)The ‘P’ word – Leave Danish alone. It’s not his fault he’s named after a pastry.
1)Multiple posts – On most forums, you only need to post one message at a time to make your point. You don’t need to keep posting consecutive messages, even if you’re quoting different posts. There’s two handy little features which really help out in eliminating multiple posts; firstly, the edit feature of the forum, and secondly, the copy and paste feature of your right mouse button. Do try to put all your thoughts in just the one message, otherwise you’re just wasting space and hogging the thread. And nobody likes a thread-hog.
2)Smiley posts – I’m all for smileys. Some of them are really quite funny, others are even cute. However, do have the courtesy to at least supplement them with words. Instead of merely posting this “
”, also post exactly why it made you grin like a yellow faced ellipse. Furthermore, try to avoid posting multiple smileys. “;D” gets the point across just fine. “;D ;D ;D” is just too much. I mean, think about it logically. Either you’re rolling around on the floor laughing three times, which is odd, since you would have to get up, then fall down, and would look like some sort of strange drugged-up buffoon. The other possibility is that you have cloned yourself twice, and you and both your clones are rolling around on the floor in unison. Which is quite frankly disturbing. Cut a long story short, supplement smileys with words, and whatever you do, do not make posts composed entirely of smileys. A picture might say a thousand words, but a thousand smileys makes you look like an idiot.3)Too. Many. Words. – Picture the scene. You’re browsing through the forums when you see a really interesting thread title. You click it, wait for it to load… Then break down in utter despair when you see that the first post is a 12 page long dissertation. Sure, it’s okay if you have the patience and the time to sit there and read, but for the rest of us with less time and patience than Keanu Reeves in Speed, a huge freakin’ monster of an article is not our idea of fulfilment. You know what would be grand? If the first poster merely posted selected passages from the article, with a link to the complete thing. Failing that, you can just post the whole thing, highlighting specific areas. Failing that, you can post the whole thing, but at least warn us that it’s a big read. Just be kind to our easily frazzled brains.
4)Aye aye CAPtain – Aah, the Caps Lock. It can be your best friend and your worst enemy. Unfortunately, online, it usually is your worst enemy. If you type in all caps it looks like you’re shouting. CAN YOU SEE? It doesn’t look very nice. It looks kind of rude. And we all know most rude people are complete nincompoops. Also, avoid capitalising certain words in sentences to denote emphasis. See how CRAZY and EXCITABLE I look, just by using a few CAPTIALS in THIS sentence? But if I use italics, I look quite suave, if I do say so myself. You might want to use the bold instead, if you’re feeling particularly masculine, like an even more testosterone-imbalanced Arnold Schwarzeneggar.
5)typ pr0p3r – Text speak. It might work on mobile phones, but on web forums it makes you look like a fool with the vocabulary of a chimpanzee. Is it really so hard to type in the Queen’s English? No one will mind a couple of grammatical or spelling errors here or there, but reading a message that is typed entrly lke ths is nt vry nce 2 our brns, u gt me?
6) Mr T rocks – This has absolutely nothing to do with not being a cyber-butthead, but Mr T does indeed rock, and if you don’t agree, he’ll throw you helluva far. Sucka.
7)Lighten up – Islam is a way of life, but it doesn’t say we have to be boring sods who wouldn’t know what fun is if it slapped us round the face with a wet fish. For every post in a ‘serious’ topic (i.e. just about any topic in World Affairs), go and make a post in a ‘fun’ topic (Halal Fun, here I come). I’m not saying that the fun should overtake the seriousness, but there’s a saying ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.’ I don’t know any brother called Jack (though zAk rhymes with it), but the principle applies here. Similarly, if someone makes a funny remark in an otherwise deadly serious topic, learn to appreciate the levity added to the discussion rather than pouncing on the guy and accusing him of being a kafir.
8)Yeah, I get it already – Make joke topics by all means. But please have the common decency to tell good jokes, rather than rubbish like ‘A horse walks into a bar. The barman says ‘why the long face?’’ Har-dee-har. Furthermore, do not explain the punch lines. Good jokes need no explanations, and the sure-fire way to make a bad joke worse is by explaining it. ‘A horse (an equestrian) walks (verb, to move with the legs and feet) into a bar (an establishment selling alcoholic beverages). The barman (the shopkeeper, the one who you pay), says (expounds; tells) ‘Why the long face?’ (long faces mean sadness, but horses’ faces are naturally long) - har-dee-harr (laughter)’. See?
9)Driveby flaming – Muslims should be tolerant of others’ opinions, even if their opinions are quite frankly absurd. Furthermore we should be tolerant and respectful of others’ religions. So please, let us not pounce on our non-Muslim members simply for not being Muslims because it makes us look like barbarians. And last time I checked, I don’t speak like: ‘Me hungry. Give me food, wench! Or me shall break you as surely as Odin’s beard is long!’
10)Search party, everybody's invited – How many new threads have been merged with existing ones here? Isn’t it kind of cruel to the mods who have to go through looking for old threads? I mean, yeah, it’s their job, but that doesn’t mean we have to make it harder – I mean, yeah, it’s a litter-picker’s job to pick up rubbish, but that doesn’t mean you toss your banana peel on the floor in front of them when you could easily put it in the bin right next to you. Before posting a new thread/article/whatever, run a quick search using the forum tool. If there’s already an existing thread, post there. Don’t be a cyber-butthead.
11)The ‘P’ word – Leave Danish alone. It’s not his fault he’s named after a pastry.
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