How should he tell her that he wants to marry her?

[Ummu Sufyaan]

I thought this fatwa was cute, so i figured i should post it!

I was recently informed of this site, ma'shallah. What is the correct way to approach a sister whom you intend to marry ? I've known this sister my entire life, in the same regard as my own blood sister and recently it was brought to my attention that she would be a perfect candidate for marriage. I believe she respects me, but I am unsure if she can accept me as her spouse. How can I know ? And what is the correct, halal way to approach ? I have nothing but the best intentions, yet my entire life I always felt I would marry her, yet out of respect I have never approached. My father and aunt (my mother has passed, allah yarham ha) are very fond of her and encourage me to pursue her, since they know her and her family extremly well.
Praise be to Allaah.

If a man feels that his heart is inclined towards a particular woman, he should follow the way that is permitted in Islam, which is marriage. If a person intends to marry a woman, he has to propose marriage to her through her wali (guardian), who is her father if he is alive, or one of her other close relatives. It is not permissible for a man to propose marriage to a woman who is not his mahram through ways that are not permissible according to sharee’ah, such as getting to know her or meeting her frequently or getting in touch with her often and speaking on the phone; these are means through which Iblees causes people to sin and which lead to regrettable consequences. It is not permissible for a person to justify his relationship with a girl by saying that she is like his sister and other silly excuses. You have to follow the proper channels as prescribed in Islam to marry this woman. When you propose marriage, it is o.k. if you try to win her over by giving her a gift through her wali. We ask Allaah to give us and you strength and to keep us away from haraam things. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

See also question no.2572.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Source



awwww :-[

 

[nebula]

thats a good fatwa, i didn't know you could give her a gift through her wali but now i do.

This reminds me of a friend, he knows this sister he likes and intends to marry her, so hes got her dads phone number and he said hes gonna phone him when he thinks hes ready.

 

[fasih]

hmmm nice jazakillah khayr

 

[Najm]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

So what if i present a gift to the wali, and he rejects to give the gift to the daughter? :exhausted

FiAmaaniAllah:-[

 

[Yanal]

That is the fathers choice,if he does not wish that you get married then you will have to follow him because if you don't and still get married it will be a haaram marriage.

 

[Najm]

That is the fathers choice,if he does not wish that you get married then you will have to follow him because if you don't and still get married it will be a haaram marriage.

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Well maybe i should give the Wali a gift too :-[

Think outside the box bro

FiAmaaniAllah

 

[Yanal]

Yeah to get on his good side...

I'm 13 what do you expect Im doing my best.

 

[Najm]

Yeah to get on his good side...

I'm 13 what do you expect Im doing my best.

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Aww!!! 13....thats sooo young!!! Are you sure you should be answering such delicate issues?

Need any help, send me a PM

FiAmaaniAllah

 

[Yanal]

Need help in what? I think I am mature enough to do so.

 

[Najm]

Need help in what? I think I am mature enough to do so.

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

You think ? Aww!!

I was on about.....Helping you "to get on his good side" :rollseyes

FiAmaaniAllah

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:wasalamex

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

So what if i present a gift to the wali, and he rejects to give the gift to the daughter? :exhausted

FiAmaaniAllah:-[

save it, and give it to her later?

 

[Najm]

:wasalamex


save it, and give it to her later?

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I guess thats a fair comment. So what gift should it be?

FiAmaaniAllah:-[

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:wasalamex
are you getting married?
whatever you think she may like...jewelery? perfume? chocolates?

 

[Sahabiyaat]

...i know this method is prescribed in Islam and all.....but if my dad (or any dad) got a random phonecall one day from a guy wanting to marry his daughter.....first of all i would be in big trouble....get accused of setting this all up,..........even accused of having a haram relationship....and God knows what else...and all the while this guy whos just seen me, and somehow gotten my fathers no., is sitting safely on the other side, oblivious to the hell that hes just let loose.


So this cant be the best fatwa.

I think the best way is for the boys father to first, in person, acquaint himself with the girls father, then they can get talking, and the boys father can express his sons wishes.

So brothers, ringing up her dad yourself, is not a good idea.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^lol true, but not all guys proposing will be random

 

[Sahabiyaat]

..well if it wa sa relative, my dad would be even more freaked out as to why he is not saying this through his parents.


besides, i think no guy would have the guts to ever phone up a wali....


i mean what would you say....

guy : salam
dad: wasalam...whos this
guy: er...my name is muhammed uncle....how you doing....*starts to panic and thinks what the heck am i doing*
dad: who are you...and how did u gt my no.......?
guy: i got ur number (off so and so....),...*here goes*... and i wanted to ask for your daughters hand....


*SILENCE*

...A number of scenarios can follow...,

 

[Najm]

..well if it wa sa relative, my dad would be even more freaked out as to why he is not saying this through his parents.


besides, i think no guy would have the guts to ever phone up a wali....


i mean what would you say....

guy : salam
dad: wasalam...whos this
guy: er...my name is muhammed uncle....how you doing....*starts to panic and thinks what the heck am i doing*
dad: who are you...and how did u gt my no.......?
guy: i got ur number (off so and so....),...*here goes*... and i wanted to ask for your daughters hand....


*SILENCE*

...A number of scenarios can follow...,

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I wouldnt mind at all!!! Not my preferred way though. Id rather get my dad to do it, because he sould be able to ask better than me :embarrass

If the guy has done nothing wrong, then i dont see any other reason to panic!!! Plus i would admire the guy's directness, the fact that he doesnt want his marriage process to waffle. He wants to simply get it done without all the unrequired hassle


guy : salam
dad: wasalam...whos this
guy: my name is muhammed ali!!! uncle....how you doing....
dad: who are you...and how did u gt my no.......?
guy: i got ur number from your best friend and i wanted to ask for your daughters hand in marriage....
dad: oh really what qualifications you have etc etc etc

15 mins talk on the phone about the guy and gurl later....

dad: Son when will you be free to sort out the arrangements, ill bring the nikkah papers, and you bring your family over.
guy: Ok uncle, im glad to be part of you family, and i will take care of all you daughters needs, inshaAllah.
Dad: MarshaAllah, ill meet you soon

*JOY!*

:embarrass

FiAmaaniAllah

 

[convert]

...i know this method is prescribed in Islam and all.....but if my dad (or any dad) got a random phonecall one day from a guy wanting to marry his daughter.....first of all i would be in big trouble....get accused of setting this all up,..........even accused of having a haram relationship....and God knows what else...and all the while this guy whos just seen me, and somehow gotten my fathers no., is sitting safely on the other side, oblivious to the hell that hes just let loose.


So this cant be the best fatwa.

I think the best way is for the boys father to first, in person, acquaint himself with the girls father, then they can get talking, and the boys father can express his sons wishes.

So brothers, ringing up her dad yourself, is not a good idea.

Yeah, that would mean converts would never get married. Which is generally what happens anyway. Then again, without the community support, converts generally don't know any sisters' fathers or even sisters, for that matter. Its a vicious, lonely cycle.

 

[Sahabiyaat]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I wouldnt mind at all!!! Not my preferred way though. Id rather get my dad to do it, because he sould be able to ask better than me :embarrass

If the guy has done nothing wrong, then i dont see any other reason to panic!!! Plus i would admire the guy's directness, the fact that he doesnt want his marriage process to waffle. He wants to simply get it done without all the unrequired hassle


guy : salam
dad: wasalam...whos this
guy: my name is muhammed ali!!! uncle....how you doing....
dad: who are you...and how did u gt my no.......?
guy: i got ur number from your best friend and i wanted to ask for your daughters hand in marriage....
dad: oh really what qualifications you have etc etc etc

15 mins talk on the phone about the guy and gurl later....

dad: Son when will you be free to sort out the arrangements, ill bring the nikkah papers, and you bring your family over.
guy: Ok uncle, im glad to be part of you family, and i will take care of all you daughters needs, inshaAllah.
Dad: MarshaAllah, ill meet you soon

*JOY!*

:embarrass

FiAmaaniAllah

Love the optimism, but najm to earth! lol.

Yeah, that would mean converts would never get married. Which is generally what happens anyway. Then again, without the community support, converts generally don't know any sisters' fathers or even sisters, for that matter. Its a vicious, lonely cycle.

what about....a converts daughter?!
bet u didnt think of that one!
He will understand exactly what ur going thru.....now go on a hunt to find one.

 

[convert]

what about....a converts daughter?!
bet u didnt think of that one!
He will understand exactly what ur going thru.....now go on a hunt to find one.

I have, and its hard to find such a sister. Especially given the fact that a great portion of us don't have the community support to know which uncles have daughters or not.

For example: I have been muslim for a few years now and I know no sisters. They have purdah pretty well done at my home masjid.