How should we stop doing sinful things, gradually or all at once?

[Alpha Dude]

I just don't know if it's islamically right or wrong to do that gradually instead of all at once, or even if there is any rules or regulations with regards to it. If anybody knows, that would be much appreciated.

Cold turkey is the ideal but if we could do that for everything, we'd be a saints/angels. While it is the ideal and it would be great if you could do it all at once, being realistic, it's not going to happen is it? Most people would find it difficult. My advise is to take it easy and try to wean yourself slowly but in measured steps with clear goals set (while feeling bad at the times when you see him).

We don't really understand marriage and what it involves (I'm actually going to take a quick course on it), plus he and I are still learning to practice. It would be far too soon. Oh, and we can't get anyone to do the marriage for us. I don't have a wali either, nor anyone who can act as one.

In saying the above, I would argue marriage as a proper solution. I don't buy all these claims of not being ready. There's no big secret about marriage you know, that you have to wait till something clicks in your head. I believe you are blowing it out of proportion. Just learn the rights and duties expected of you in marriage according to Islam and your set - although don't have a strict, dry approach where you believe that marriage is all about rights and duties, have a more selfless and loving approach.

Really, just do it and learn with each other along the way. If you can't bear seperating from this guy, I don't see what the problem is.

You can always travel somewhere in order to have the nikkah done. InshaAllah you'd be able to find an imam willing to be your wali too. Just make sure the ceremony is done properly with proper witnesses.

 

[Faith.]

Assalamu'Alaykum Sis.
It's clear from your post your determined to overcome your problem and you have already taken the first step

I still haven't quite figured out how to turn to Allah for support. Trying still leaves me with a very empty and distressed feeling. Although there is a certain level of comfort in my mind that Allah is always there it's only still budding and very basic, and in this physical lower reality there is no actual sensory stimulus or feedback that we humans tend to turn to other humans for. The lack of it is what I find myself unable to cope with.

I agree with sis Mila that talking to Allah will relieve you of all your worries. As humans we do tend to look for emotional support with others, whether it's by letting off steam, or just being in a person's company. But why not turn to the one who created everyone, who knows everything your going though, who knows your personal strengths and weaknesses, and who is always there to listen to us and help us with whatever problem hits us, no matter how large or small it may be. Talk to Allah, it may feel wierd as we are used to talking to someone who we can see, but know and have faith Allah is listening to every word and ultimatly it is only him who can help us, even when others (freinds and family) can't.
This definatly will help to strenghen your connection with Allah, you'll learn to rely on him alone, when people sometimes get caught up in their own lives and cannot help us and don't really understand our difficulties, you'll know that Allah will always be there for you. I read once read somewhere:

When you put your hope for love, praise, success, happiness, and recognition in the people, you will walk away disappointed with a broken heart. It is only when you put this hope in Allaah will your heart and soul find peace, relief, and pleasure. Indeed Allaah speaks the truth in the Qur'aan: "Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest." [13:28]

in summary, I don't know whether or not I should stop right now or soon

Take things slowly so you don't overwhelm yourself and feel like you have a mountin to climb. If you try to run you'll fall, and if you go too slow you won't reach your destination in time, so take things at a slow pace, one step at a time, everyone's different so go at a pace that you can handle whilst knowing you are actually changing and improving your situation.

May Allah strenghten your heart and help you to rely on him. Ameen

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

Asalamu alaykum
i have not read the whole thread but here is what i believe i think you should make tawbah and we all know that making tawbah has conditions one is hating the sin which it seems you do Alhumdulillah then to leave it which you need to do and try your best to never go back to it and insha Allah you can but if you do then just make tawbah again and if you are sincere in it the all will be good some will say that if you make tawbah you can never go back to that sin which is true and not at the same time it is true for it is a condations but it is not becasue we are humans and make mistakes so if you make tawbah today now this sec and insha Allah never go back to it then Alhumulillah but if you do then you are sinning again and insha Allah make tawbah agains

also sis understand that when you leave somthing for the sake of Allah the reward and the thing you get is greater and having sabr in hard times is rewared sabr is very good and very rewardable understand this is deen Allah and this is his command we must avoid what Allah has forbade for us and enjoin in that what he has ordered us to do

May Allah open you eyes and heart to leave this and may Allah make it easy on you Ameen