How stop my bro from doing wrong.

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anonymous

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Assalamualaikum


I am the youngest of five children in my house. I saw mt brother watching porn about 2 months earlier at night when everyone was asleep. I was not sure and after that I saw him the other days what he was doing internet at night. I didn't see it again so I thought that maybe I am acting silly and getting too afraid. I kept quite and all of a sudden I saw my bro doing the same thing on his mobile as he has internet. He was lying on the bed so I could see somewhat.

I just think he is not that much religious. He is studying medicine and was a great topper in hid school days. I know the ill effects of porn and the great punishment but I don't know how I can stop it. Our computer is in the main room and everyone in the room can see it but he mostly does computer at night but he used to watch other English movies and American television dramas.I can't even tell him to stop because he is the second eldest of all the children of our house. I am just getting afraid. How can he get into such a wrong thing.

Maybe I can tell my elder sis but she won't believe it easily. I just want to stop him from doing wrong don't know the correct way.

I know there are many good members here who can help me please give me some ideas and help me in doing this.

Please pray for him and all the family members to move on the straight path of Allah.
 
:sl:

Tell him simply:
bro, I saw you doing something wrong and I'd advise strongly against it.
and leave it at that

:w:
 
Asaalamu Alaikum it is a problem that plagues a lot of people that's including both men and women.I am sure you've heard of the saying an idle mind is the devils playground. Meaning that don't sit around because in life there SO much to do. This is what clearly your brother live is depicting.When you want to eliminate something,you have to eradicate it from roots,so what these ordinary "American Movies and Television Series" are doing is just like adding fuel to fire literally.The little inflammation your brother is getting from heedless society isn't enough to burn it but when the spice of TV added to it,he runs towards the final deal.Sooner or later,it becomes usual as when a person loses his shamefulness,he loses everything.What you need right now is to cut off the supply,as early as possible.As you are younger in family,so get some help from your Mom or Dad.You don't need to blunt at once you can start with things like "mummy,big bro don't pray Salaat or he should pray Salaat in Masjid"what this will do is keep your brother mind occupied,as Salaat stops one from shameless and evil deeds(you have do it first to set an example). Gift him with good books something like Stories of Quran,Seerah of Prophet(PBUH),Boys in their early inspires from words of courage and bravery so perhaps any book on Life of Umar(R.A) or Ali(R.A) or It could Be Salahuddin Ayubi[it would be fantastic as currently Gaza is burning issue and Muslims had a long history associated with Jerusalem].Try not to leave him alone in the room,Shaythan plays with the minds of those who sit around idle and not doing anything.Thats all from me..... God Bless
 
:wasalamex

The first thing you should do is make du'a for your brother and all of your family. Truly, it is Allaah (swt)'s guidance and protection that keeps us away from the temptations and evils of the society around us.

Be careful about who you tell and speak to, because you need to also protect your brother's honour. Maybe he knows he is doing something wrong and just needs a gentle reminder. Perhaps there is a subtle way to approach the issue without him knowing that you saw him. Another thing is, as brother SaneFellow suggested, to try and tackle the causes or the things that worsen the problem and help him to busy himself with good deeds. So instead of raising the specific issue of pornography, you can advise in general about the dangers of TV and encourage your brother to pray all his prayers on time, read Qur'an, get involved in study circles seeking knowledge of Islam... all of these things will help to strengthen him against the evil he is falling into. Fasting is another very special act of worship and one which will help in teaching self-restraint and building taqwa of Allaah (swt). In the winter months when the days are shorter, it is something that is easier to do than at other times. So try to encourage your brother with these things by either speaking to him, giving him good articles/books/lectures/videos to read or watch, or doing something yourself and asking him to participate. So if you join an Islamic study group, ask him to go with you, or if you decide to fast on certain days, encourage him to fast with you, and so on. Insha'Allaah even just a small thing could have a big impact on his heart. May Allaah (swt) guide him and all of your family, Aameen.


Here is a nice article about good deeds we can make the most of during winter months:
http://www.islam21c.com/islamic-tho..._campaign=b5b44e36f4-myanmar&utm_medium=email
 
Assalamu-alaikum,

The only means of drawing one away from such a problem, is the reminder that: "I may be alone, but MY ALLAH is watching me." and that "Death can be approaching at any time.....even as I sit here before this screen".

Apart from being conscious of this, there is very little that is as strong a motivator, to stop one from engaging in something that is self-pleasuring and highly addictive.

If I was in this situation, I would do the following insha Allah:

1. Since he is using the family computer that is situated in the main room, it would not appear too unusual if you paste an ayat from Quraan on the wall directly above it:

e.g.

"He created the heavens and earth in truth and formed you and perfected your forms;
and to Him is the [final] destination.
He knows what is within the heavens and earth and knows what you conceal and what you declare.
And Allah is Knowing of that within the breasts." (64:3-4)
​



^ A reminder of our final return, and the fact that Allah is aware of our actions and thoughts - subhanAllah, all in one verse.
^^ It would probably be best not to include the arabic in this case (as one can not be sure if he will still continue watching such sites.....in which case, this would be the utmost disrespect to the words of Allah.)

2. Start sending him jumah messages - perhaps an ayat of quraan or a hadith, that again will return his remembrance to Allah and our final meeting with him, insha Allah.

3. Make it your duty to find islamic talks/ courses, etc. in your area - and invite your entire family along. (You may need to nag - but thats ok - its for a good course insha Allah).

4. Download islamic lectures from dynamic speakers who address such issues, as well as other topics - e.g Nouman Ali Khan, Mufti Menk, etc......and play it loud enough for the whole family to hear and partake in its benefits. Maybe set a time each day, e.g between Asr and Maghrib - and make it a habit.

5. And as mentioned, make duaa that Allah pours His mercy upon your family and fills your home with the light of His deen.

It may not be possible to for you to make your brother more spiritually inclined (for guidance comes from Allah (subhanawataála) - but it is possible to try and change the enviroment that surrounds him.
Every little action counts - do not doubt this.
It may be something really small and seemingly insignificant, that makes him realise the error in his ways.

May Allah grant us hidayat in finding a solution to rid our homes of this disease, that has been the cause of so many broken marriages and other unmentionable fitnahs.
Ameen.

:wa:
 
:sl:
i blv u should not be very curious abt it. dont spy or suspect him. no1 is perfect. Islam strongly condemn disclosing other sins and spying them. all u need to do is to make dua for him and help him to gain more knowledge of islam. learn more abt the and importance of haya as its base of islam. and Allah SWT dont like 'fhash' and shamelessness.
 
:sl:

Advice and warning to stop watching porn that given by other people usually are not effective. But "ashamed and guilty feeling" that suddenly comes in the heart of those who watch porn, Insha Allah, can make them stop watching porn.

Anon, when you see your brother watching porn, try to perform night prayer, or recite Qur'an, or recite zikr. Make sure your brother know you are performing ibadah, but you should pretend you don't know that your brother is watching porn. Insha Allah, it can raise "ashamed and guilty feeling" in your brother heart.

Just a trick. And Insha Allah, you will also get reward from your ibadah. :)
 
Nothing happened since then I just reminded the prayers and sometimes when I sit in the room he tells me to go out closes the door when he is alone. He have a laptop and got a nice spot to sit where almost no one come. All these days I knew it but I consoled myself that maybe I am thinking too much but its a long time since I wrote this thread and he continues. We went somewhere and I just sat on the laptop to do something in another tab and I saw he was searching some porn video on google. I always knew that porn addiction was a dreadful disease and always wished that countries banned it. Maybe he is not getting effected the other way but it has such a great punishment. I really want to do something. My elder sis got married too. I'll follow all your advice strictly.

Please try to give some more advice and support. imsad
 
And the battle continues.... Between right and wrong, between mind and nafs, to do or not to do etc

If you, the youngest is aware of the 'wrongness' I am sure your brother will be more than aware that he is doing wrong, hence watching the stuff when everyone is asleep. You telling him (even in the nicest possible way) is definitely going to put him on the defensive if not react aggresively.

Apart from some of the tricks as mentioned above to 'possibly' make him feel shameful for his action, I read ( and I can't find it again) somewhere in this forum about the gift of sight Allah gave us. So there are 'conditions' for enjoying this gift. Accidentally seeing something forbidden is ok as long as you 'lower your gaze' immediately, but to take a second look is a sin, what more when you search for it. Allah may just take away your sight.

Dua is always the best. May Allah grant your dua. You have a tough task ahead, but remember, the fate of others are in their own hands.

Peace to you.
 
:sl:


make dua for him after every salat . In'sha Allah ur dua for bro will be accepted.
 
Asalamu Alaykum,

Ukhti, make sincere dua for him, You cant change his heart but the Creator that made it surely can.
Abu Hurairah (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said: 'In the last third of every night our Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer) (Allah (SWT)) descends to the lowermost heaven and says; "Who is calling Me, so that I may answer him? Who is asking Me so that may I grant him? Who is seeking forgiveness from Me so that I may forgive him?."' [Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith Qudsi]

May Allah guide him and the rest of us.
Asalamu Alaykum
 
:sl:

Increasing the Eeman is well and good but along with that, we need some help from authority too, especially when the temptation is too much. If u havent already, you should generally speak to the parents or someone who is in the position, about the dangers of allowing Internet phones, laptops without supervision, perhaps show them a lecture on the topic, persuade them and advise them about the importance of caution and prevention, and hopefully they will put some restrictions on. May Allah guide and protect us all.
 
Last edited:
you dont need to expose him to your parents. just destroy his laptop and blame it on an accident

i woukd :-)
 

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