How to ask for a marriage?

[treborskar]

Hello everyone,

I have a question of how to ask for a marriage. But first some history and background...

I'm Dutch, and 4 years ago, when doing humanitarian work in Afghanistan and Pakistan, I, at a certain moment spoke out the Shahada in a local mosque. From then on, during my time in the middle east, I devoted a great portion of my time to the quran.

Now, years later, I decided to stop working, and start going back to college. meanwhile I was back here in Europe, I kind of drifted away from the Quran.

And here is the thing: At my university I met the most beautifull, and smartest Afghan girl I have ever seen. We really go along very well as friends, and studymates.

She is from a very moderate family (e.g. her father drinks alcohol, and a lot more examples). She said, that although they are a very moderate family, her father wants an Afghan man for her.

Well, obviously, I am not Afghan, but still I want to propose to marry her.

(some things are maybe a little vague, but thats for 2 things: she or her family might be read this as well. and secondly, I haven't spoken with her about this, so she doesnt know that I actually want to marry her.

So, my question: how shall I proceed?

 

[BilalKid]

ask her for father detail :Emoji25:

 

[Search]

Welcome to the site, brother! Good to see you here! And thank you for entrusting us with your question.

That's great that you want to approach the sister for a marriage proposal. As our resident and smart IB member BilalKid said to you, you need to be able to get the father's contact details from the sister and then approach the issue in a respectful and humble manner in a face-to-face meeting.

You never indicated that the girl also has shown any interest in you; and therefore, you'll also have to discover whether the girl will be comfortable in having you ask her hand in marriage from her parents. She might have her own ideas of whom she wants to marry; and therefore, it is important you find that out because friendships do not always indicate a romantic bent from the female's side, and therefore you have to absolutely be sure that this is something she also would like and desires before you proceed.

In Islam, please know there is no racism; however, some people are more culturally oriented than oriented in Islam which is evidenced with you saying that the father drinks alcohol and wants an Afghani man to marry her. Therefore, you might face opposition from her father simply on account of you not being an Afghani; so, you must approach the issue with the sensitivity it requires and basically gently and respectfully persuade her father that you will be able the best for his daughter because you will be able to be a good provider for her and care for her and that her happiness will be your top priority. He may consider you then as a prospect for his daughter and you need to make clear that you are asking his daughter's hand in marriage because you also respect him and the Afghani culture and you will act as a son to them once he allows you to marry his daughter. Basically, you need to win his heart and possibly also the mother's. Listen to them and be sensitive to their concerns.

However, any opposition you might face is all speculation at this point; you'll need to first approach and we can then In-sha-Allah (God-willing) advise you based on that as situation unfolds and we know what you're really up against. Also, please make duas (supplications to God) that Allah makes this process extremely easy for you and that if marrying this girl is in your best interests that her parents also agree and give you complete blessings. Also, first and foremost, try to find out if the girl even might consider you as a marital prospect.

Best wishes,

:wa:

Hello everyone,

I have a question of how to ask for a marriage. But first some history and background...

I'm Dutch, and 4 years ago, when doing humanitarian work in Afghanistan and Pakistan, I, at a certain moment spoke out the Shahada in a local mosque. From then on, during my time in the middle east, I devoted a great portion of my time to the quran.

Now, years later, I decided to stop working, and start going back to college. meanwhile I was back here in Europe, I kind of drifted away from the Quran.

And here is the thing: At my university I met the most beautifull, and smartest Afghan girl I have ever seen. We really go along very well as friends, and studymates.

She is from a very moderate family (e.g. her father drinks alcohol, and a lot more examples). She said, that although they are a very moderate family, her father wants an Afghan man for her.

Well, obviously, I am not Afghan, but still I want to propose to marry her.

(some things are maybe a little vague, but thats for 2 things: she or her family might be read this as well. and secondly, I haven't spoken with her about this, so she doesnt know that I actually want to marry her.

So, my question: how shall I proceed?

 

[Muslim Woman]

offer Istekhara salat before u go ahead .

 

[Karl]

What you do is your business but I know I would never miscegenate and I also totally forbid my own sons and daughters doing it too. I only permit them to breed with our own kind otherwise there will be very severe consequences. Hybridizing a North European with an Asian is as incompatible as crossing a Rottweiler with a toy dog, or a Clydesdale with a Shetland Pony. I just hope for her and your sake that her father does forbid this marriage going ahead, politically incorrect and in opposition to the values of Cultural Marxism my statements may be.