how to explain without offending...

[Medina83]

I am only a new Muslima (MashaAllah). I have not told anyone I know of this yet. The reason for this is that I was married before to a Muslim man, and we divorced, and I became a Muslima after this, but I don't want people to think I did for him because I didn't.

Now the problem is, I live with girls that I have known for 6 years, and though you would expect us to be extremely close, we are not really that close at all. This is just because of different personalities etc.

We have booked flights to go visit another friend (with whom I would be much closer) who lives in London. I haven't seen her for about 6 months, so I am looking forward to this.

The problem is, I know they are all going to want to go drinking and maybe clubbing. I do not want to do this. But they don't know that because I have not explained to them I am a Muslim.

Now , I am wondering a) how bad would it be to go with them but just stay on non-alcoholic stuff and keep quiet and mind my own business and dress modestly?

This is what I am more inclined to do because if I tell them I am a Muslim, I know they won't understand and might get annoyed. The other possibility is that they will feel I am attacking them and subsequently they will think Islam is a 'fanatical' religion.

I don't want to ruin the weekend by causing an argument, but equally I want to do the best I can in the circumstances.

If I tell them now that I am a Muslim, I know they will get the wrong idea, and because they are stubborn, I know they won't understand. Or they'll say 'but its not wrong' and then if I have to go 'yes I believe it is' then an argument will start because they will be defensive of their own actions.

Remember that I live with these people and its not really possible to not live with them and to be honest I don't want to live with strangers and alone.

If anyone can think of a good way I can explain it to them without getting them annoyed (particularly in trying to explain why I cannot) then i would be most appreciative.

I know they are not 'friends' if they get annoyed but this is reality, and I must deal with this again and again.

Please help and JazakAllah khayer

 

[Snowflake]

My advice would be not to go. If you go and don't tell them ur a muslim then it's going to cause arguements/tension if you don't go along with their plans. If you tell them.. then there's no point going away with them anyway..unless you're willing to spend most of the time on your own.

Now , I am wondering a) how bad would it be to go with them but just stay on non-alcoholic stuff and keep quiet and mind my own business and dress modestly?

Sis, don't even think about it. It's like playing with fire. Why not arrange a visit for yourself at another time? It'll be fun and you'll have your friend all to yourself and spend your time as you want to.

 

[chris4336]

Oh Sister Medina we have so much in common!!! I just converted to Islam and haven't told anyone and I also had a big group of girlfriends who are into clubbing and drinking and all that stuff. For me it was (is) very sad to say goodbye to all of them cause we have been friends for so long (some like 20 years). But the truth is that I really have distanced myself from them. I have just kind of avoided the invitations to go - made up excuses and stuff. They kind of got the idea. I also told a few of them that I have stopped drinking - but they think its just for health reasons and they respect that. I said that alcohol upsets my stomach (which is true), and that my doctor advised that I give up drinking (also true). This way when they are going out drinking I no longer get invited and its no longer awkard. If one of my girlfriends invites me over for dinner or something, I go, but to be honest those times are getting less and less as we grow more distant.

I understand that its hard and lonely, but I do think its best for you to not go on the trip. Prehaps, as suggested you could go another time. I understand how you feel because I feel the same way a lot of the times, but we have to remember that we should be much more concerned about what Allah thinks of us rather than our friends or family.

I am very worried too about telling my family and friends. I just don't feel strong enough yet to answer to all the things they will ask and defend myself. I will pray that both of us get the strength to be strong in our faith and one day share about our religion, and hopefully bring those we love into Islam.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

may Allah help you both, its great to see muslims sacrifice so much for Allah subhana wata'ala, i hope you see it in jannah inshaAllah

 

[SUMMAYAH]

May Allah make it easy for you and sister chris.

May what u've given up be replaced with something far more greater.

 

[IceQueen~]

your best medicine is the power of prayer
know that Allah is with you always and pray to Him,
confide in Him- He just says to a thing Be- and it IS He has power over all things and is the Hearer and seer of everything

He knows what you are going through and in the Quran it says that those who fear God He grants them a way out from every hardship

and remember that after every hardship comes ease just remember to be patient Insha Allah sis.. (and we're all here for you as well Insha allah if you need to talk to us)

May Allah help you and Guide you to the best decision amiin

 

[Medina83]

Thank you all of you for your helpful and reassuring replies..JazakAllah khayr.

Since posting I have made a bit of progress thank God.

I was worrying and worrying about this, and it was beginning to build up and I was getting very distressed. But Elhamdullilah, I read various replies to other threads and also sought advice from a Muslim friend, and both really asked the same question: Do you want to displease your friends or Allah?

So yesterday I went home and decided I must tell the three girls I live with.
Only two of them are due to go on the trip with me, but the third girl was always very vocal in her opposition to Islam during the period of my marriage.

So Allah gave me the courage to tell her, so one down, two to go.
She's the kind of girl who parties hard so I thought she was gonna go crazy but thank God she didn't. She reacted so calmly that I started crying from the release of nervous tension and she asked me some questions about why I decided to revert. Well thank Allah, He really gave me the words to reply without offending her and to explain my side of things, and so after she sent me a lovely text message saying she can see I've thought it through and she's happy if I'm happy.

Allahu Akbar!!!

Now I have to tell the other two ...but I feel like its gonna be ok, because she was going to be the hardest in my mind....

Chris4336, if you live in Ireland I would love to meet with you!

And thank you for your kind wishes, and encouragement, it does really help.

I suppose if I can tell them and the girl in England, then maybe they will understand if I do go on the trip but stay home at the night time when they want to go out....

 

[Snowflake]

Alhumdulillah! I'm very pleased for you Medina sis.