How would a reverts past relations effect finding a Muslim spouse?

[Nonnie]

I have a question for the brothers and sisters on this forum...

If a person has had a crazy lifestyle before Islam, it is my understanding that upon their acceptance of the faith and their Shahadah, that person's sins will be forgiven by Allah. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that the Muslims in the community will accept him or her (not saying that is right, just what might happen)

What if a person has had sex with others (either in a marriage, or not), how would that effect their search for a Muslim spouse in the future? What about if they contracted an STD that couldn't be healed, such as herpes for example, would that completely eliminate the possibility of meeting and marrying a good Muslim?

I think an issue like this would affect a lot of converts, specifically women who have to marry a Muslim man (unlike Men, who have the choice to marry outside the faith). I've wondered this for awhile, and am curious what you have to say.

 

[tigerkhan]

i am waiting for some senior and knowledgeable members to reply......as i dont hve much knowledge......but if they dont i will reply then..
JZK

 

[Woodrow]

As far as the person's past, when the person reverts the past has been erased. There is no need to reveal it.

However in the event the person had contacted an incurable STD or other disease and there is a chance of infecting a spouse, it is a health issue and potential danger and Should not be kept hidden. That holds true even for non-Muslims in my opinion. It also pertains to any communicable catastrophic disease, not just STD

Yes that is going to affect the chances for marriage Muslim or not Muslim.

I do not see why that need be the reason to decide not to revert. Would it not be the moral thing to reveal to any potential spouse even if a person does not revert? Would a person not desire to protect any person they love from the same disease even if it jeopardizes their chance for marriage?

 

[Nonnie]

You're absolutely right -- it would definitely have to be addressed if a person of any religion wanted to get married. And I don't think it would stop many people from reverting (I know if it were me, I wouldn't see it as an obstacle). My question was more along the lines of, would it really be possible for that person to get married? I mean, technically, it would be, but it seems like there would be a bigger problem in the Muslim community than in other groups. In your opinion, would that be true?
Thanks so much! I have been wondering about issues like this for awhile.

 

[Woodrow]

You're absolutely right -- it would definitely have to be addressed if a person of any religion wanted to get married. And I don't think it would stop many people from reverting (I know if it were me, I wouldn't see it as an obstacle). My question was more along the lines of, would it really be possible for that person to get married? I mean, technically, it would be, but it seems like there would be a bigger problem in the Muslim community than in other groups. In your opinion, would that be true?
Thanks so much! I have been wondering about issues like this for awhile.

To be honest I really do not know. I do know quite a few Muslim men who have married women reverts. but I do not know anything about any past the women may have had.

 

[tigerkhan]

What if a person has had sex with others (either in a marriage, or not), how would that effect their search for a Muslim spouse in the future? What about if they contracted an STD that couldn't be healed, such as herpes for example, would that completely eliminate the possibility of meeting and marrying a good Muslim?

wallah i dont know what this STD or herpes is...i am much simple in this sense....blv just a year or 1.5 year back i dont know the meaning of porn....u blv was 25 that time..lol... so cant reply to this..
however

If a person has had a crazy lifestyle before Islam, it is my understanding that upon their acceptance of the faith and their Shahadah, that person's sins will be forgiven by Allah. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that the Muslims in the community will accept him or her (not saying that is right, just what might happen)

about this i want to say some lines....forgive me if u dont agree....
1. regardless of religion, everyone like chastity and purity... so any1 did such either he/she belong to any religion, its wrong....and generally in world its rule when someone make mistake he/she has to suffer a bit......
2ndly the question, if such person came to islam...whether islam give soultion of his problem or not.....i think there is solution of every problem in islam....
the first thing is islam says when someone came to islam, all his sins are forgiven....now when Allah is forgiving him y not we......?????? 2nd in islam no1 is allowed to tell his sins to anyone else....bcz ALLAH SWT is Sattar (mean He knows all about our deeds but He never tell to any1...as we when know something..we tell all)..........3rd all muslim are advised in islam to make good expectation (in arabic husan-e-zaan) of every other muslim deeds...and if we say someone doing wrong...we just make some good reason for that (achy tahweel)....mean in suhaba time, one person commit bad thing...when he was caught to judge...the judje say..u may be mistaken that she is ur wife, he say no...similarly judge asked many question to save him but he say no..so he got punished for that....4th is islam its is not allowed to spy for someone deeds...ALLAH SWt says in quran (wala tajasasu)..mean dont be much suspicious about soem deeds...in time of Suhaba, no1 is allowed to go home in late night if he come back form journey, unless he had informed...mean its also come in tajasus...subhallah...how much allah swt loves us...5th one in prophet PBUH times a person came to him and say he want to divorce her wife bcz she is not much shy..Prophet PBUh stop him from doing this..bcz he like her and in this case if they are seperated that will loss his deen...however in the case they are together, he is not bother for her deeds but he just make her understand politely,,,rest she ahs to answer ALLAH SWT for her deed herself......
so i think u got clear in islam there is a solution for this pbm,,,,but as u say muslim and muslim community..it depend how much deeply they follow islam...my personal idea, if some1 is bit strong to leave all these stuff after islam....and repent allah swt for that...she will be as respectfull as one who never did such bcz one who repent form sin is like one who never did it. there will be no pbm for her unless she told her spouse about that......and in case of some disease as i say maybe she have to suffer a bit in this world as its rule....

 

[Perseveranze]

If a person has had a crazy lifestyle before Islam, it is my understanding that upon their acceptance of the faith and their Shahadah, that person's sins will be forgiven by Allah. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that the Muslims in the community will accept him or her (not saying that is right, just what might happen)

You are forgiven for your past sins once you become a Muslim. It's wrong for any Muslim to hold that against someone who opened their hearts and has been guided to Islam.

Remember, Allah tells us: "You do not guide who you love, Allah Guides who He Wills." [Surah Al-Qasas 28:56]

If Allah(swt) guides someone to Islam, it's then really disrespectful of a person to suddenly critisize that person for their past sins, and if they still continue such sins, then they should still not critisize, instead they should help them correct it.

We are all human beings, even Muslims are and we all make mistakes. One must be fully understanding that someone can't change in an instant. As Muslims we should help them, strengthn their imaan and let go of their bad habits which again doesn't happen in a second. It's been made clear that no one is perfect;

The Prophet Muhammad once said, "Every son of Adam makes mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent". (At-Tirmidhi)

Now lets look at how merciful and forgiving Allah(swt) is and the Muhammad(pbuh) was;

There was an incident during the Prophet's time that could provide Muslims with some guidance. A man came to the Prophet in distress and crying, one of the Prophet's companions, Abu Hurairah narrates "While we were sitting with the Prophet a man came and said, "O God's Apostle! I have been ruined." The Prophet asked what was the matter with him. He replied "I had sexual intercourse with my wife while I was fasting."
The Prophet asked him, "Can you afford to manumit a slave?" He replied in the negative. The Prophet asked him, "Can you fast for two successive months?" He replied in the negative.
The Prophet asked him, "Can you afford to feed sixty poor persons?" He replied in the negative.

The Prophet kept silent and while we were in that state, a big basket full of dates was brought to the Prophet.He asked, "Where is the questioner?" He replied, "I am here." The Prophet said to him, "Take this basket of dates and give it in charity." The man said, "Should I give it to a person poorer than I? By God; there is no family between its two mountains (i.e. Madinah) who are poorer than I."
The Prophet smiled till his pre-molar teeth became visible and then said, "Feed your family with it." (Bukhari)

Anas (radhiallahu anhu) said that he heard the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) say: “Allah the Exalted said: “O son of Adam! As long as you invoke Me and plead to Me, I will forgive you whatever you have committed, and I will not make much of it. O son of Adam! If your evil deeds reach the borders of the sky, and then you ask Me for forgiveness, I will forgive you. O son of Adam! If you bring forth the earth full of errors, then you meet Me while you do not associate anything (or anyone) with Me, I will bring forth for you its full of forgiveness.” [At-Tirmidhee (Shaikh Albanee rendered it as Hasan)]

[Quran 42:40] "The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto (in degree): but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah (God): for (Allah (God)) loveth not those who do wrong."

[Quran 24:22] "Let not those among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means resolve by oath against helping their kinsmen, those in want, and those who have left their homes in Allah (God)'s cause: let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah (God) should forgive you? For Allah (God) is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

So in conclusion it is evident that it's the duty of a Muslim to overlook a persons past mistakes before they became a Muslim (even current mistakes). If Allah(swt) is as incredibly forgiving as proven in the quotes above, then Muslims have nothing to complain about. They should help their fellow companions in correcting (not humuliating) them from their mistakes. It is especially important to help/guide the new converts who would understandably have the more difficult tasks to amend.

 

[Muslimah:-)]

I have a question for the brothers and sisters on this forum...

If a person has had a crazy lifestyle before Islam, it is my understanding that upon their acceptance of the faith and their Shahadah, that person's sins will be forgiven by Allah. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that the Muslims in the community will accept him or her (not saying that is right, just what might happen)

What if a person has had sex with others (either in a marriage, or not), how would that effect their search for a Muslim spouse in the future? What about if they contracted an STD that couldn't be healed, such as herpes for example, would that completely eliminate the possibility of meeting and marrying a good Muslim?

I think an issue like this would affect a lot of converts, specifically women who have to marry a Muslim man (unlike Men, who have the choice to marry outside the faith). I've wondered this for awhile, and am curious what you have to say.

Salaam sister,
I was born Muslim but only started practising last year.
I have HSV2, it just means that when I get married Insha Allah I need to marry a Muslim man with the same condition as myself.
There are many Muslims who have STD's due to the fact that some start practicing when Allah guides them and some revert to Islam.
Everything is a test from Allah, Alhamdulillah.

 

[Futuwwa]

Insh'Allah you will find a good husband nevertheless. I'd think though that a truly righteous husband would marry you regardless, accepting contracting the disease to be able to be with you

 

[.iman.]

I don't think that having a STD would necessarily mean that they have no chance of getting married because there are a lot of Muslims that did not start practicing until later in life, and may be in similar circumstances. In regards to a convert, once a person becomes a Muslim, all of their past sins are forgiven. Of course, an STD is something they will have to live with for the rest of their life.

What I am wondering though, how exactly would one disclose that to their future spouse? I know if I were in that situation, I would not want to talk about it with my wali present, but you still have to tell the other person!

On a side note, many people have STDs and they don't even know about it. Men and women can carry the herpes virus without ever having an outbreak or showing any symptoms. If you and your potential spouse have had previous sexual relations in the past, I would recommend both having an STD test done just to be on the safe side.

 

[Who Am I?]

This is something that does bother me from time to time. A few months ago, I had a profile on SingleMuslim.com (which I have since removed) and some of the sisters there specifically stated that they wanted a brother who had never been with a woman. I have had relations with women in my past before Islam and it made me think that I could never find a woman who would love me because of that.

Now I have decided not marry at this time, but for different reasons. But if I ever do decide to marry, this is something that I will have to deal with again.

 

[.iman.]

King of Nines, I think it depends upon the sister. Perhaps you could marry another convert, or someone who didn't start practicing until later in life. Remember, in the Qur'an it says that a chaste woman should only marry a chaste man, and a non chaste man (meaning you've had sexual relations) for non chaste woman. If the woman is still a virgin, she has the right to marry another virgin, makes sense to me.

"Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry and but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden." (24:3)

In any case, Allah SWT knows what is best for you. If He wants you to marry, He will facilitate that, if not now, then maybe in the future.

 

[Who Am I?]

King of Nines, I think it depends upon the sister. Perhaps you could marry another convert, or someone who didn't start practicing until later in life. Remember, in the Qur'an it says that a chaste woman should only marry a chaste man, and a non chaste man (meaning you've had sexual relations) for non chaste woman. If the woman is still a virgin, she has the right to marry another virgin, makes sense to me.

"Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry and but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden." (24:3)

In any case, Allah SWT knows what is best for you. If He wants you to marry, He will facilitate that, if not now, then maybe in the future.

Eh, well right now my focus is on becoming a better man. I need to be a good man before I can be a good husband. Marriage will not solve this problem, whether or not I marry a virgin.

 

[.iman.]

Eh, well right now my focus is on becoming a better man. I need to be a good man before I can be a good husband. Marriage will not solve this problem, whether or not I marry a virgin.

It is good that you are working towards that before you bring another person into it. It takes a very mature person to admit that! May Allah SWT guide you to the right path, and may Allah SWT help you to become the person that He wants you to be.

 

[Who Am I?]

It is good that you are working towards that before you bring another person into it. It takes a very mature person to admit that! May Allah SWT guide you to the right path, and may Allah SWT help you to become the person that He wants you to be.

At least you understand this. I have had arguments with other people, both Muslim and non-Muslim, who think that I should marry as soon as possible. Their argument is that a wife can help me to become a better man. But if I'm not happy with myself, I can't be happy with anyone else, and that's not fair to a sister.

 

[Futuwwa]

Have you considered that being married, you might also help her to become better?

Not claiming to know what you should do, just a thought.