How You Know The Right One

[Umar001]

Now, since I jus saw the post by the sis and marriage has been a topic on my mind for a while

I was gonna post thisi n the marriage section but this is more of a problem than anything.

I mean, I cant be happy, I dont know what it is, but its wierd, I think if I do get married and wanna settle down with a wife, I will always feel, 'what if' and 'I should have waited'

My main concern is marrying someone knowledge so they can God willing teach my kids, but it dont seem I can find anyone, and if I do I know I probably end up thinking 'better to hold on and see if I can find a better person'

I dont know what it is in me, the feeling of finding someone special, you know what some say 'the one' (not matrix) but that type of mentality is not in me.

I feel that marriage is jus basically two people making a go and 'love' happens with the other half as long as they are reasonable.

So has anyone had this problem and over come it?
Any end up married and happy?

Salam Aleykum

 

[Lateralus63]

I feel that marriage is jus basically two people making a go and 'love' happens with the other half as long as they are reasonable.

You are 100% correct.

 

[Umar001]

Yo that dont help my situation LOL

By the way I mean, love happens with anyone not jus one person, u can love anyone as long as they are reasonable people.

Although some sisters like to feel special of course

 

[Lateralus63]

Why not?

 

[Mezier]

Ive never felt that way. I am currently engaged and no I dont think I will ever find someone better. I am totally satisfied with her and I know noone like her will come along. And remember noone is ever perfect. Find someone who you are satisfied with, and try to teach her about Islam. That will be more Khir for you.

ANd remember, I am sure she will be thinking of the same thing when she meets you!

 

[Umar001]

She'll be thinking 'I rather wait for someone else' lol thats upsetting, I mean if a sis knew i was thinking that she wouldnt go for me neither would i feel comfortable going for her.

but bro what I mean is, like u and the sis.

See I would start being really picky (not that im a great catch myself or that im knowledgeable) but things like does she know arabic and how much quran she knows and so on, I think the fact that Im a revert and have only a drop of knowledge makes me think about it more.

the scariest thing is that im mento get married ASAP but I cant see myself doing it thought I really would like to.

Thats what upsets me.

 

[Mawaddah]

If you're gonna keep saying ' let me wait in case there's better' you're never gonna get married ;D
Because this one will come and this one will go and another will come and then you'll wait....and wait......and wait......till what?
What about the mentality, ' if I let this one go now, will there be any other? '
Or even better. How about making Du'a and letting Allah show you the right one?

Yes I know that feeling you have bro, and I know many people sometimes their wondering, well how if I waited? Maybe I could have gotten better.
But this usually only happens if there's a problem in the relationship, and then there's no IF because what Allah has decreed has happened, and it was meant to be that way and it could never be any other way.

Make Istikhaarah brother, and beleive me, when the time comes you will see and you will know Insha'allah because Allah will make that path easier for you

When you do get married Insha'allah, what is the important thing now is to concentrate on making that marriage a happy one, and educating both yourself and your family, and then you'll be content!! you'll be happy insha'allah.

See........Malaysians have a saying, Orang Tamak selalu rugi, which means, the greedy person always looses. It's because they always want better and better and more and more.....

Ok I'm not trying to imply that you're that way ok, but I'm just giving an example, if you keep on thinking like that, which way are you going to get? All you have to do is just follow the criteria Islam set down about getting a wife, and when you get that insha'allah, work on it from there
Lets say you get into a problem when you get married....are you going to let this type of thinking over come you? because it will just cause more rifts you know

OK......I know I've gone way off topic lol, but what I'm trying to say is, just make du'a......Allah said he has made us "Azwaajan" into pairs, so we will each have our partner Insha'allah Just pray and pray and pray and do as how the hadeeth says and you'll be straight

 

[Umar001]

Yea I agree with ya, and I kinda have tried just thinking like that, but deep inside I couldnt live with having thoughts like that and then having to speak to my wife, knowing im having such thoughts, thats what I really cant see myself getting married and if I do I would prolly end up feeling angry with myself for having these thoughts or feeling angry because im not givin the sis her proper marriage.

its so wierd

 

[Mezier]

Yea I agree with ya, and I kinda have tried just thinking like that, but deep inside I couldnt live with having thoughts like that and then having to speak to my wife, knowing im having such thoughts, thats what I really cant see myself getting married and if I do I would prolly end up feeling angry with myself for having these thoughts or feeling angry because im not givin the sis her proper marriage.

its so wierd

Get married to an already pious girl. And both of you TOGETHER can learn about Islam. Teach each other, etc... This will be more reward for both of you. Plus it is a VERY bonding experience than can and inshallah bring you and your future-wife even closer! Inshallah you will find the girl of your dreams brother!

 

[Umar001]

Get married to an already pious girl. And both of you TOGETHER can learn about Islam. Teach each other, etc... This will be more reward for both of you. Plus it is a VERY bonding experience than can and inshallah bring you and your future-wife even closer! Inshallah you will find the girl of your dreams brother!

I dont know what it is about ur answer but its made me feel relaxed like everythings gonna be alright. lol for rael no joke

 

[Mezier]

I dont know what it is about ur answer but its made me feel relaxed like everythings gonna be alright. lol for rael no joke

Inshallah brother everything will be alright. Your reply put a smile on my face Jazakallah!
Like I said, make Learning about Islam a bonding activity where you and she can teach each other. Then you can do the same with cooking

 

[Hawa]

everyone seems to equate marriage with happiness...
you should ask around..
in anycase I dont see what you have to worry about you can go up to four..
trust me you wont want anymore..

 

[x Maz x]

SubhanAllah wit marriage breda cumz hapiness InshAllah...I aggree wit all de advice as stated above MashAllah *thumbs up*...Akhi you gotta have patience

".....And bear with patience whatever befalls you..."(Quran 31:17)

Ya will find the right gyal, if not now then a couple of years time InshAllah...and as one of the bruvas on the forum said 'i was born a Muslim but i am a revert'...this is cause he onli practiced his deen a coupla years ago SubhanAllah!...Love that sayin....
Anywho point being the majority of youth get to an extent where they realise their materialistic life aint gonna get em no-where...so really i dont think its a problem the fact your a revert...
Allah grant you a pious partner Ameen...have saabr ma friend Peace out x

 

[Malaikah]

um i think the easiest thing is to do istikhara... thats like when you ask allah to giude you to do waht is best. so if you do istikhara about getting hitched to a certian person and it turns out positive then go for it becuase you know this is god telling you that you should marry this person.

To find out how to perform istikhara please follow this link:
www.islamonline.net/fatwa/english/FatwaDisplay.asp?hFatwaID=30708

hope that helps!

 

[babagrr]

Assallaamu alaykum

Love is definitely a requirement in ISLAM.

I know many females and they're all reasonable people; they are Muslims, they have intelligence, some of them are learnerd, some of them are business-owners, etc. but, I couldn't imagine myself picking one of them to get married to.
I need to have a special bond with them; we would need to have Muhabbat, (Love) in our hearts for one another.

If the prophet (PBUH) was prepared to ficilitate a divorce on the grounds of the female not loving her husband, who are we to force anyone to get married?

****
quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:

“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the
Messenger of Allah . He said to me: ‘Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, ‘I do
not wish to accept what my father has arranged.’ He said, ‘Then this marriage is invalid, go
and marry whomever you wish.’ I said, ‘I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I
wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have
no right to force a marriage on them).'”2
****
Wassallaamu alykum