husband and wife

[Sitara]

Want to be An Inspirational Muslimah???



Just like the information you have provided here I came across a website which is totally dedicated to sisters and contains lots of useful information as well as inspirational content for the sisters. The website is www.supermuslimwoman.com

 

[Zahida]

The cold shoulder/not talking to her technique from a womans point of view just makes the situation worse. You need to be able to tell her what she has done wrong and be able to deal with it there and then......

An example from experience i did something my husband did not approve of but he would not talk about it or discuss it and didn't talk to me for a few days. Then it was forgotten. Then when there is another arguement that issue is brought up because it was not resolved in the first place. Men are quite stubborn.................................

Also many marraiges in trouble are down to the man (sorry guys!!!!!!!!!!)

Discipline is something that comes from knowing your duties as a husband/wife and fullfilling them. Discipline is something that as a teacher i practise on my students and as a mother on my children..........

 

[halloula]

i agree with you zahida on every single word you say. But there are some couple that agree on running a home discipline for both of them as my friend and her husband she has rules as well that runs at home and if he breaks them she get angry and dont talk to him and he will obviously knows why she did that because they already talk about it and everyone know what he should do. Same her husband. Me personally i dont agree on running any discipline at home with my husband because life between couple should be sharing and if anyone does mistakes it should let it to cool down for couple of hours if men should go have a coffee with friends or something, women should see what duties she has to finish or go have a shower until the heat is off talk about it later and try to solve the problem. My husband when he gets upset of a mistake i did he would talk to me but he will be soooooo cold he will be always saying i dont have anythhing to say or if he bother to talk he will talk seriously and only about serious matter and he wont be aas usual a happy guy, But as i know him very well i mould say what's wrong and he will tell me why he's upset and try to
solve it if i'm being stubborn he would continue acting the same until i realize what i did.

 

[Intisar]

Punish? The wife and husband are supposed to be on the same level, what's this punish talk?

Just be honest with each other, there shouldn't be a need for any sort of punishment in a marriage.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

I do it in 3 steps!

1. A dose of the eery total silence treatment..... for a day...
2. A dose of the hysterical overchatty mood.... which is talking for a whole day non stop... about things that don't make sense
3. shed b so confused that she never repeats the mistake agian...

 

[Vito]

Not married yet but, from what I've seen, marriage is always a 'work in progress' I guess you could say. Of course, no one does mistakes right? BUT, in that rare case someone does a mistake (wife or husband), I think its important that the situation never gets out of hand. Its easy for people to get over emotional when they are angry and people never tend to think ahead or even think at all. I guess it would be hard to say since I'm not in that situation but, like others have said, I think taking time out to have a good talk with the spouse would be the best. No coat hangers, electrical wires, fan blades, nintendo systems, etc. etc. being thrown around

. Just a good, nice talk. Were all adults. Unless of course I get cheated on. In that case, she better be wearing her running shoes!

 

[-Elle-]

Oh, wow interesting thread...o.k. I probably wouldn't punish my husband for doing something wrong, and wouldn't expect him to punish me.

The way I see it is plain and simple; if you're husband/wife does something that upsets you,and they KNEW doing that *thing* would upset you/get you angry, let them know.

Women; don't turn and twist around what's upsetting you; be direct, and if someone tells you"just forget about it.." DONT. It will stay in your heart and you need closure and understanding of your spouse's actions.

Communication is definetly good advice, but it's more how you communicate that makes a real difference in resolving a problem.

I once heard this piece of advice: When communicating with someone about a problem, don't say " you did this and THIS and this, I can't believe you...

Rather, use I

So the conversation would go something like, "I feel upset, I am frustrated with the situation, I need to understand WHY..."

Might sound lame but I thought it was actually a pretty good way of communicating. Usually,when people argue, they put the blame on each other. Focusing on what's hurting you and on how you feel can get the message accross to your partner in a less aggressive and clearer manner.

So yeah, that's my 2 cents

 

[saba muslimah]

oh...
punish?? why? Its not only Sisters fault...well In that case (If wife going opposite to the islam n Suunah..then he should gv punish her or May b simple & exteremset is "Don't tok wid wife" dats better right way.
I agree wid syilla..!

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you all;

Marriage can be tough, and the longer you are married the harder you need to try to keep it together.

The longer you are married the more chances you have of upsetting your partner, there are so many conflicting needs in a marriage. Suffering with PMT. Or being on the receiving end every month is a challenge. Lack of money, lack of time, being tired, demanding kids, conflicting ways of dealing with the kids, the in laws, there are so many pressures on a marriage that cause problems, time after time, year after year.

These things can drive a wedge between you, and the marriage ends in divorce; or you find ways to cope with these recurring problems time after time. I seem to remember in the UK the average length of a marriage is just 11 years, so many kids grow up knowing different step parents; that is so sad.

Talking about the problems is good, forgiving is even better, without forgiveness the marriage cannot grow. Even if it seems that just one of you is doing most of the forgiving, you must persevere for love to find a way. The test to see if you have forgiven your partner is when you have an argument, do you keep bringing up stuff that happened years ago?

We still do things that upset each other; I have known my wife 25 years this week, the first 25 years have been a challenge, we are slowly changing, maybe if we have another 25 years we shall get a few things right.

I became a Christian about ten years ago; and my wife became a Christian seven years ago. This has also caused conflicting needs over the last few years, gradually we are coming to the understanding that we both need to put God first.

In the spirit of praying to a merciful and forgiving God,

Eric

 

[Vito]

I don't really know the statistics and all but, that is a problem that I see and hear happening more often in todays world. People are quick to leave each other rather than work things out. I see so many single people with kids. Not sure whether they were married at one point or not but, its just sad. Even back home its starting to become a lot more common.

 

[innocent]

I only read the main post and a few answers.
As a lot of others have said talking about it is what would get to the root of the problem, not dishing out punishments.

 

[Zahida]

Brother kai you are so right, i have been in that situation so many times, the threats i will pack my bags and go i will divorce you blah blah blah because you know what????? Men are cowards they cannot admit that when they are in fault they just cannot do it why????????

I do not intend any hurt by my comment but generally have found that men are not really very good at apologising or admitting to something when they are at fault. My husband being one of those ...............;D

I don't really know the statistics and all but, that is a problem that I see and hear happening more often in todays world. People are quick to leave each other rather than work things out. I see so many single people with kids. Not sure whether they were married at one point or not but, its just sad. Even back home its starting to become a lot more common.

 

[Güven]

Call the mother

 

[Nájlá]

hahahaha i could imagine that ;D


Lock her in the room....jus for 2 minutes and u'll see how she says sorry to u the next minute and be's all nice no really that would work.


ladies dont jump on me...

 

[-Elle-]

Call the mother

LOL!!!I am loving the smiley!!!

Brother kai you are so right, i have been in that situation so many times, the threats i will pack my bags and go i will divorce you blah blah blah because you know what????? Men are cowards they cannot admit that when they are in fault they just cannot do it why????????

I do not intend any hurt by my comment but generally have found that men are not really very good at apologising or admitting to something when they are at fault. My husband being one of those ...............;D

I AGREE.AGREE.AGREE. Men have the hardest time admitting they are wrong, even when the situation is CLEAR.

Now of course some women too have the same problem, but I can honestly say, by personal experience, that men are more apt to push on a matter even when they know they are wrong. Why do I believe this? Most men,(teachers,clients,classmates,family members...etc) behave like this! Even if you prove to them that they are mistaken,they will either brush off the subject(yet not admit they are wrong), or get angry.

This can be due to excess pride, or them being too stubborn. although, I know that on my side(please, insh'Allah the bros won't get offended, I am not speaking of all men of course) that arab men would not admit they are wrong to a woman. They just, won't. So,coming back to the main point, whether you are a woman or manD), if you're wrong and you know
you're wrong, admit to it, no matter how embarassed you might be afterwards.

I myself probably befit well(hm..more or less) the traits I gave men here(lol) yet, if I am mistaken, I admit to it right away( and at times I had caused a pretty big scene, only to be proven wrong) I apoligized and said I was wrong and we laughed about it afterwards although,in the heat of the moment, we were truly angry(and if it were a more serious situation, the other person would've probably cooled off seeing you admit to your fault).

Honestly, this is the only mature way to act.

 

[Cabdullahi]

^ men not admitting they are wrong comes back to the way women act....for example if a man admits to wrong doing, then the woman will pick up on that and use it habitually either as a way of getting something she really wants (a form of blackmail),to use the husband's hiccup to win future arguments......or even worse revealing the shameful information to the masses to ridicule

so what if we men conceal our mistakes?!?.......women are very manipulative and are very dangerous creatures in my eyes.....reason being that they are the only species that ply trade on man’s greatest weakness


peace sisters

 

[-Elle-]

^ men not admitting they are wrong comes back to the way women act....for example if a man admits to wrong doing, then the woman will pick up on that and use it habitually either as a way of getting something she really wants (a form of blackmail),to use the husband's hiccup to win future arguments......or even worse revealing the shameful information to the masses to ridicule

so what if we men conceal our mistakes?!?.......women are very manipulative and are very dangerous creatures in my eyes.....reason being that they are the only species that ply trade on man’s greatest weakness


peace sisters

?? lol, brother are you serious?

If a woman does that then No, her actions should NOT be condoned, but I doubt an intelligent, smart and respectable woman would use her husband's rightful actions and maturity( i.e, admitting to his mistake.) as blackmail or reveal her husband's mistake to the world. She IS his wife, he IS dear to her, why would she do such a thing? Do you honestly believe women to be that spiteful???

To resolve a problem, both sides need to be in agreement. A man/woman denying their error will lead absolutly no where, especially if they know they are wrong.

Anyway, I won't be arguing this any further for I believe to have made my point clear enough.

 

[Zahida]

Not necessarily Junior. Not all women are like that very few disclose things about their spouse. However it would take alot for a woman to have to do that. For me it was the last resort. I tried to solve things with my husband and my husband alone..............

Yes women can be manipulative but so can men. They will also find something to use against you...............

Men have more superiority than women constantly remind us of that!!!:hmm:

^ men not admitting they are wrong comes back to the way women act....for example if a man admits to wrong doing, then the woman will pick up on that and use it habitually either as a way of getting something she really wants (a form of blackmail),to use the husband's hiccup to win future arguments......or even worse revealing the shameful information to the masses to ridicule

so what if we men conceal our mistakes?!?.......women are very manipulative and are very dangerous creatures in my eyes.....reason being that they are the only species that ply trade on man’s greatest weakness


peace sisters

 

[halloula]

i agree with you zahida men ty to find any weak point that the womean have to use it against them .women they dont want anything from this life except being happy and have peacful life

 

[Zahida]

True the Koran orders every man to treat his wife with love and respect!!!!!!!:sunny:

i agree with you zahida men ty to find any weak point that the womean have to use it against them .women they dont want anything from this life except being happy and have peacful life