hw is the best way to control ur anger?

[highway_trekker]

buh the things that get me angry are mostly durin the day that is @ skwl an the things that i gt angry at skwl are the ppl such as my class members my teachers an thats al buh yh il try it out if it helps me

why do they make you angry?

 

[AhlaamBella]

Just found this. Hope it helps, InshAllah

control your anger

 

[leader]

why do they make you angry?

i duno i jus gt frustratd wiw things i duno hw 2 explain buh yh
for example for 1nce in ma lyf i wer bein gud @ skwl an i gt introuble (for bein gud):? so i gt angry an startd throwin things abt
lyk in a couple of subjects @ skwl my teachers r K wiw me an im oryt wiw dem an suprisingly i hardly ever gt angry in there lessons duno why
cuz of my anger my school class has 2 suffer cuz of me an i dnt lyk that i would rather suffer my slf than makin the whole class suffer
an i knw my anger aint gona tke me anywhere in the future but i dnt knw hw 2 control it anymre i jus gt fired up 2 easli hew:scared:

xXxLeaderxXx​

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i duno i jus gt frustratd wiw things i duno hw 2 explain buh yh
for example for 1nce in ma lyf i wer bein gud @ skwl an i gt introuble (for bein gud):? so i gt angry an startd throwin things abt
lyk in a couple of subjects @ skwl my teachers r K wiw me an im oryt wiw dem an suprisingly i hardly ever gt angry in there lessons duno why
cuz of my anger my school class has 2 suffer cuz of me an i dnt lyk that i would rather suffer my slf than makin the whole class suffer
an i knw my anger aint gona tke me anywhere in the future but i dnt knw hw 2 control it anymre i jus gt fired up 2 easli hew:scared:

xXxLeaderxXx​

seriously, jus get in touch wiv ur islam, pray more, think bout Allah.



read ANYTHIN u find interestin about islam, mayb the life of the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam?

wonda what the life of the person whos called the "perfection of humanity" is like? jus read bout it innit, im pretty sure this will help u get rid o this problem



dnt jus ignore this, try it at least once...

 

[Abdul Basit.]

yell at a sister brother when ur mom isnt looking lol

 

[highway_trekker]

i duno i jus gt frustratd wiw things i duno hw 2 explain buh yh
for example for 1nce in ma lyf i wer bein gud @ skwl an i gt introuble (for bein gud):? so i gt angry an startd throwin things abt
lyk in a couple of subjects @ skwl my teachers r K wiw me an im oryt wiw dem an suprisingly i hardly ever gt angry in there lessons duno why
cuz of my anger my school class has 2 suffer cuz of me an i dnt lyk that i would rather suffer my slf than makin the whole class suffer
an i knw my anger aint gona tke me anywhere in the future but i dnt knw hw 2 control it anymre i jus gt fired up 2 easli hew:scared:

xXxLeaderxXx​

Assalaamu-alaykum sister!

Well done on your achievement! You said you have tried to behave in some lessons. On your part, well done!

On the part of your teachers, maybe they are not used to this from you-you did say ‘for once’ right? So give it time, continue with the good performance and behaviour. I am sure with time, all your teachers and not just those that you like will recognise and reward your good behaviour. ‘Progress’ is something teachers cannot miss.

And if for some reason they are being ‘funny’ with you, then let them be. Your goodness should be for Allaah and for no one else. I’m sure you know ukhtee, that the reward we get is based on our sincerity and our intentions. If you make your good behaviour for Allaah because you want to emulate the good character of the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wassalam, then you will be rewarded in this life and the next. That is a guarantee.

As for the teachers you get on with, try talking to one that you particularly like. There is always one teacher who does not mind giving up a few breaks to chat to you. Talk to her about your problem and perhaps she can help you. Talk to your form tutor, head of year, school nurse, anyone who will lend you a listening ear.

But bear in mind that you need to know ‘why’ you get angry. It can’t just be because you are in a particular teacher’s class-that alone should not make you angry. And if it does, without anything else setting it off-it means that it has got very personal with some of your teachers and needs to be sorted at a professional level.

Keep trying on your part. You have already come along way.

If you feel yourself getting angry in class, say the du’aa for anger:

'A'oodhu billaahi minash-Shaytaanir-rajeem'

I seek refuge in Allah from Satan the outcast from that which You provide for us.

Reference: Al-Bukhari 7/99, Muslim 4/2015.

And do this often along with other simple things that help calm your nerves (like counting backwards, taking a deep breath, focusing on something else, turning away) and Inshaa’Allaah, with time, it will make a difference.

And sister, go and talk to your favourite teacher. Get her to tell you some things she really likes about you. Believe in yourself.

You can change your situation and you will Inshaa’Allaah. The very fact that you posted on here means that you have recognised that you have this ‘problem’ and you want to sort it. The change lies within yourself.

Wassalaamu-alaykum

Your sister,

 

[leader]

As for the teachers you get on with, try talking to one that you particularly like. There is always one teacher who does not mind giving up a few breaks to chat to you. Talk to her about your problem and perhaps she can help you. Talk to your form tutor

u dnt knw wt the teachers r lyk in my school
u tell um 1 thing in private an nxt min u knw al da school knws
lol u knw wt im tryin 2 say?
l8a on THAT TEACHER comes to me an says h i only told um cuz she cres abt me even though i tld er in private.

Progress’ is something teachers cannot miss.

wel it doesnt seem lyk that
wen ever i do suma bad they seem to realise that
but nt wen i do any thing gud. thats wt it seems lyk anywy.
teachers r weird


jazakallah sister for the words of advive anywy:thumbs_up

 

[highway_trekker]

u dnt knw wt the teachers r lyk in my school
u tell um 1 thing in private an nxt min u knw al da school knws
lol u knw wt im tryin 2 say?
l8a on THAT TEACHER comes to me an says h i only told um cuz she cres abt me even though i tld er in private.

I am sure they are not all like that...you said yourself...in some of their classes you are ok

wel it doesnt seem lyk that

You need to keep trying. Progress takes 'time'

wen ever i do suma bad they seem to realise that
but nt wen i do any thing gud. thats wt it seems lyk anywy.

You are not the one in the wrong. Make your good behaviour often and much. They'll get over the past.

teachers r weird

Not all of them!

jazakallah sister for the words of advive anywy

Wayaa'eeki

Wassalaamu-alaykum

 

[leader]

the lessons wich i am gud in that ws the teacher i confided in
so u cnt say al teachers r lyk that

jazakallah sister anyways

 

[leader]

btw sister does uktee mean sister??

 

[highway_trekker]

btw sister does uktee mean sister??

yup...ukhtee means 'my sister'

Hope it all works out for you. And if teachers cannot help you-we can here Inshaa'Allaah!

Take care ukhtee fid-Deen 'my sister in the Deen'

 

[The Ruler]

Start your journey as an airhead.

 

[united]

at tym of anger take a deep breath n shut ur eyes 4 3 secs.
think whether or not the low-life piece of rubbish in front of u is worth u gettin worked up abt or not.
ull generally find they arent worth the energy. besides its more effective to smile/say what you want to say with a clear head and walk away rather then scream and shout and make a scene, which theyll get great pleasure from seeing.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one getting burned. "

 

[leader]

jazakallah sister highway_trekker

 

[leader]

at tym of anger take a deep breath n shut ur eyes 4 3 secs.
think whether or not the low-life piece of rubbish in front of u is worth u gettin worked up abt or not.
ull generally find they arent worth the energy. besides its more effective to smile/say what you want to say with a clear head and walk away rather then scream and shout and make a scene, which theyll get great pleasure from seeing.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one getting burned. "

jazakallah for the advice:statisfie

 

[Yanal]

Asalam alakum here is something which might help

Question:
I have a bad temper, if I was mad or upset, I have moved away from the situation, when I was standing I would sit down, when I were sitting I would lie down, and I have recited the "darood" and "laholawallah kuwatta", but to no avail.

How does one control their temper then?


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Anger is one of the evil whispers of Shaytaan, which leads to so many evils and tragedies, of which only Allaah knows their full extent. For this reason Islam has a great deal to say about this bad characteristic, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) described cures for this "disease" and ways to limit its effects, among which are the following:

(1) Seeking refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan:

Sulayman ibn Sard said: "I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said "I seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan," what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.’" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 6/337)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If a man gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allaah,’ his anger will go away." (Saheeh al-Jaami’ al-Sagheer, no. 695)

(2) Keeping silent:

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 1/329; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 693, 4027).

This is because in most cases, the angry person loses self control and could utter words of kufr (from which we seek refuge with Allaah), or curses, or the word of divorce (talaaq) which would destroy his home, or words of slander which would bring him the enmity and hatred of others. So, in short, keeping silent is the solution which helps one to avoid all that.

(3) Not moving:

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down."

The narrator of this hadeeth is Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him), and there is a story connected to his telling of it: he was taking his camels to drink at a trough that he owned, when some other people came along and said (to one another), "Who can compete with Abu Dharr (in bringing animals to drink) and make his hair stand on end?" A man said, "I can," so he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr, with the result that the trough was broken. [i.e., Abu Dharr was expecting help in watering his camels, but instead the man misbehaved and caused the trough to be broken]. Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down, then he laid down. Someone asked him, "O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?" He said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: . . ." and quoted the hadeeth. (The hadeeth and this story may be found in Musnad Ahmad, 5/152; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 694).

According to another report, Abu Dharr was watering his animals at the trough, when another man made him angry, so he sat down . . . (Fayd al-Qadeer, al-Manaawi, 1/408)

Among the benefits of this advice given by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is the fact that it prevents the angry person from going out of control, because he could strike out and injure someone, or even kill - as we will find out shortly - or he could destroy possessions and so on. Sitting down makes it less likely that he will become overexcited, and lying down makes it even less likely that he will do something crazy or harmful. Al-’Allaamah al-Khattaabi, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his commentary on Abu Dawud: "One who is standing is in a position to strike and destroy, while the one who is sitting is less likely to do that, and the one who is lying down can do neither. It is possible that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the angry person to sit down or lie down so that he would not do something that he would later regret. And Allaah knows best." (Sunan Abi Dawud, with Ma’aalim al-Sunan, 5/141)

(4) Following the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):

Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), "Advise me." He said, "Do not become angry." The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told him, "Do not become angry." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath al-Bari, 10/456)

According to another report, the man said: "I thought about what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, and I realized that anger combines all kinds of evil." (Musnad Ahmad, 5/373)

(5) Do not become angry and Paradise will be yours (a saheeh hadeeth, see Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7374. Ibn Hijr attributed it to al-Tabaraani, see al-Fath 4/465):

Remembering what Allaah has promised to the righteous (muttaqeen) who keep away from the causes of anger and struggle within themselves to control it, is one of the most effective ways of extinguishing the flames of anger. One of the ahaadeeth that describe the great reward for doing this is: "Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allaah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection." (Reported by al-Tabaraani, 12/453, see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6518).

Another great reward is described in the Prophet’s words: "Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allaah will call him before all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose of the Hur al-’Iyn whoever he wants." (Reported by Abu Dawud, 4777, and others. It is classified as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami, 6518).

(6) Knowing the high status and advantages offered to those who control themselves:

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling); rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry." (Reported by Ahmad, 2/236; the hadeeth is agreed upon). The greater the anger, the higher the status of the one who controls himself. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The strongest man is the one who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is able to defeat his anger." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 5/367, and classified as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3859)

Anas reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked, "What is this?" They said: "So-and-so is the strongest, he can beat anybody." The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "Shall I not tell you who is even stronger then him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own shaytaan and the shaytaan of the one who made him angry." (Reported by al-Bazzaar, and Ibn Hijr said its isnaad is saheeh. Al-Fath, 10/519)

(7) Following the Prophet’s example in the case of anger:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is our leader and has set the highest example in this matter, as is recorded in a number of ahaadeeth. One of the most famous was reported by Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, who said: "I was walking with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and he was wearing a Najraani cloak with a rough collar. A Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of Allaah that he had. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given something." (Agreed upon. Fath al-Baari, 10/375)

Another way in which we can follow the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is by making our anger for the sake of Allaah, when His rights are violated. This is the kind of anger which is praiseworthy. So the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) became angry when he was told about the imaam who was putting people off the prayer by making it too long; when he saw a curtain with pictures of animate creatures in ‘Aa’ishah’s house; when Usaamah spoke to him about the Makhzoomi woman who had been convicted of theft, and he said "Do you seek to intervene concerning one of the punishments prescribed by Allaah?"; when he was asked questions that he disliked, and so on. His anger was purely for the sake of Allaah.

(8) Knowing that resisting anger is one of the signs of righteousness (taqwaa):

The righteous (al-muttaqoon) are those praised by Allaah in the Qur’aan and by His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Paradise as wide as heaven and earth has been prepared for them. One of their characteristics is that they (interpretation of the meaning) "spend (in Allaah’s Cause) in prosperity and in adversity, [they] repress anger, and [they] pardon men; verily, Allaah loves al-muhsinoon (the good-doers)." [Aal ‘Imraan 3:134]

These are the ones whose good character and beautiful attributes and deeds Allaah has mentioned, and whom people admire and want to emulate. One of their characteristics is that (interpretation of the meaning) ". . . when they are angry, they forgive." [al-Shooraa 42:47]

(9) Listening to reminders:

Anger is a part of human nature, and people vary in their anger. It may be difficult for a man not to get angry, but sincere people will remember Allaah when they are reminded, and they will not overstep the mark. Some examples follow:

Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that a man sought permission to speak to ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him), then he said: "O son of al-Khattaab, you are not giving us much and you are not judging fairly between us." ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) was so angry that he was about to attack the man, but al-Hurr ibn Qays, who was one of those present, said: "O Ameer al-Mu’mineen, Allaah said to His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning): ‘Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish’ [al-A’raaf 7:199]. This man is one of the foolish." By Allaah, ‘Umar could go no further after al-Hurr had recited this aayah to him, and he a man who was careful to adhere to the Book of Allaah. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 4/304).

This is how the Muslim should be. The evil munaafiq (hypocrite) was not like this when he was told the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and one of the Companions said to him, "Seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan." He said to the one who reminded him, "Do you think I am crazy? Go away!" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 1/465). We seek refuge with Allaah from failure.

(10) Knowing the bad effects of anger:

The negative effects of anger are many; in short they cause damage to one’s own self and to others. The angry person may utter words of slander and obscenity, he may attack others (physically) in an uncontrolled manner, even to the point of killing. The following story contains a valuable lesson:

‘Ilqimah ibn Waa’il reported that his father (may Allaah be pleased with him) told him: "I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when a man came to him leading another man by a rope. He said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, this man killed my brother.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked him, ‘Did you kill him?’ He said, ‘Yes, I killed him.’ He asked, ‘How did you kill him?’ He said, ‘He and I were hitting a tree to make the leaves fall, for animal feed, and he slandered me, so I struck him on the side of the head with an axe, and killed him.’ . . ." (Reported by Muslim, 1307, edited by al-Baaqi).

Anger could lead to less than killing, such as wounding and breaking bones. If the one who caused the anger runs away, the angry person turns his anger in on himself, so he may tear his clothes, or strike his cheeks, or have a fit, or fall unconscious, or he may break dishes and plates, or break furniture.

In the worst cases, anger results in social disasters and the breaking of family ties, i.e., divorce. Ask many of those who divorced their wives, and they will tell you: it was in a moment of anger. This divorce results in misery for the children, regret and frustration, a hard and difficult life, all as a result of anger. If they had remembered Allaah, come to their senses, restrained their anger and sought refuge with Allaah, none of this would have happened. Going against the sharee’ah only results in loss.

The damage to health that results from anger can only be described by doctors, such as thrombosis, high blood pressure, tachycardia (abnormally rapid heartbeat) and hyperventilation (rapid, shallow breathing), which can lead to fatal heart attacks, diabetes, etc. We ask Allaah for good health.

(11) The angry person should think about himself during moments of anger:

If the angry person could see himself in the mirror when he is angry, he would hate himself and the way he looks. If he could see the way he changes, and the way his body and limbs shake, how his eyes glare and how out of control and crazy his behaviour is, he would despise himself and be revolted by his own appearance. It is well-known that inner ugliness is even worse than outer ugliness; how happy the Shaytaan must be when a person is in this state! We seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan and from failure.

(12) Du’aa’:

Du’aa’ is always the weapon of the believer, whereby he asks Allaah to protect him from evil, trouble and bad behaviour and seeks refuge with Him from falling into the pit of kufr or wrongdoing because of anger. One of the three things that can help save him is: being fair at times of contentment and of anger (Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3039). One of the du’aa’s of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was:

"O Allaah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O Allaah, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding fitnah (trials). O Allaah, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds."



Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you leader,

When you make a mistake, or do something stupid or wrong to another person, and you make them angry, how should that person treat you?

In the spirit of praying for peace on Earth

Eric