I am a sad Father. Advice please...

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Bro ignore him ^^

And dont be embarassed at making a 'big deal' of things akhee. She's ur daughter and u have every right to worry :)

Allah Ma'ak

WassalamuAlaykum
 
I would like to make an apology. :-[ My wife made me realise that I may have offended some people. :-[

I did not say that people around here are racist. That is not the case at all. The people round here are the nicest people I have ever met.

All my best friends are White and English. I hope people didn't take this the wrong way. I am the last person on the planet to discriminate.

I got a bit carried away I think.

My sincere apologies to everyone. May Allah forgive me.
:w:
 
Aww SubhanAllah.

All I'm going to say is, next time you feel a little upset etc...just look at your avatar, 'have faith' :D

WassalamuAlaykum
 
Hamayun, your wife sounds like a very sensitive and person-centred woman. And you sound like a wonderful husband to take her advice to heart in such a way, by making such a humble apology. :)
You sound like somebody who couldn't offend, even if he tried! :D

I, for one, did not think that you were implying people around you were racist.

Being 'the odd one out' in any society is tough! It makes it harder to gain people's trust and friendship and to overcome prejudiced ideas. It is in our human nature to judge people by first impressions - and to take our time to get to know them better. That's not even necessarily a bad thing ...

But it is tougher still for a little four-year-old. And that - as a loving father - is your concern in this thread.

Please give my regards to your wife. :)

(BTW, I attended a equality and diversity conference this year, and the message was very much that we are all prejudiced to some extend - based on our own life experiences and what we are taught. We can learn to live with our own prejudices, but it should never be acceptable to discriminate against others!)

Salaam
 
Hamayun said:
I would like to make an apology. :-[ My wife made me realise that I may have offended some people. :-[

I did not say that people around here are racist. That is not the case at all. The people round here are the nicest people I have ever met.

All my best friends are White and English. I hope people didn't take this the wrong way. I am the last person on the planet to discriminate.

I got a bit carried away I think.

My sincere apologies to everyone. May Allah forgive me.
:w:
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:sl:

I don't think you have accused anyone of being bigoted.. You made an observation that your daughter is the only brown skinned girl in her class, and she has professed to you, that no one desires to play with her. She doesn't know the reason why, and you from experience perhaps drawn the conclusion that she stands out in a way that others don't and attributed it to the class room having a particular homogeneity..

I'd actually be more concerned if you neglected to respect her feelings on the account you'd be thought of a bigot.

Until such a time you can find her a more nurturing environment either you or your wife have to be more actively involved in her affairs.. You are basically all she has as a guide and champion in this world.

:w:
 
I think it would be best to put her in an islamic school so she can have a true identity, the non-muslim schools are trash and trash is what they teach also. As for islamic schools, some do offer scholarships to those who can't afford it, try looking into that. And yes do talk to the teacher and principle about this to see if they can help. As for her being brow skin, either you can tell her the truth of how ugly the world is and prejudiced these kuffars are or you can continue to protect her, probably be best to protect her for now.
 
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My wife and I have been discussing and Insha'Allah she will go to an Islamic school. My wife will take up weekend work which should easily pay for the fee's.

From the bottom of my heart I thank you all for your kind words. I have run out of reps today but I will do it tomorrow Insha'Allah.

May Allah bless you all. I will remember you in my prayers Insha'Allah.

:w:
 
Hamayun said:
My wife and I have been discussing and Insha'Allah she will go to an Islamic school. My wife will take up weekend work which should easily pay for the fee's.

From the bottom of my heart I thank you all for your kind words. I have run out of reps today but I will do it tomorrow Insha'Allah.

May Allah bless you all. I will remember you in my prayers Insha'Allah.

:w:
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:sl:

lol.. pls don't pay me in reps.. I prefer du3a...

Jazaka Allah khyran and may he make all your affairs easy on you and yours..

:w:
 
Awwwwww, your daughters sounds like a sweetheart. Young children can be so mean these days. Even if you do talk to the teacher, I think placing your daughter in an islamic school seems the best option. She is still very very young, and being rejected by kids will really effect her social behaviour esp cuz she is so genteel and sensitive... being in an islamic environment and wit kids she can relate to will be great for her, and she'll learn more about islam that way too...

I wish you and your family all the best.
 
oH Gosh..! i felt so hurt...this is the lesson of patience!.. but for her to bear hurt like this is so hard...maybe the people in the school are seeing skin color to make friend...no harm..! trying to speak to the headmaster or teachers to solves the problem...u as a father and go to the school and ask for explaination, about why the student or pupil ignored your daughter...or maybe your daughter naughty in class..no one talk to her..! should be coincidence.
be firm, as a father...you need to solve it nicely and patience...dont get so hurt or feel the hardship or sadness...first u must learn to see the what cause your daughter is has been ignored and second what the symptom she has cause and she had did.. with the student there....why your daughter getting so sensitive and depress.. just go and talk to the counselor...for some advice...
and seek physcologist doc.. to help your daughter...the way u raise your daughter is the way to patternize your daughter life...dont make your daughter life and heart full of hatred with people...and u must bring her to school and talk to the parents of the student to discuss why their son/daughter ignored or runaway from your daughter when your daughter near to them..... maybe someone are jealous with your daughter,maybe someone hate your daughter cause getting "A" in the class...no one know your daughter and other kids communication. u will see the big picture...later.

thank u
 
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just one advice brother......if u take ur daughter to another school...dont show here the real reason behind ur decision, that will make things even worse....she will be afraid that it will happened again in her new school, and that's will make her lose her confidence I guess.

be careful with that try to find a simple reason like transportation or something like that..dont talk about the reason with ur wife when she is listening to ur conversation

May allah protect her, and in sha allah she gonna be the happiest in her new school
 
islamirama said:
I think it would be best to put her in an islamic school so she can have a true identity, the non-muslim schools are trash and trash is what they teach also.
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What rubbish. Who exactly is 'prejudiced' here?!

As for her being brow skin, either you can tell her the truth of how ugly the world is and prejudiced these kuffars are or you can continue to protect her, probably be best to protect her for now.
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The children concerned are four!! They will not be 'prejudiced' (at least in the way you mean), bigoted or 'racist'. They are just doing what, sadly, kids always do when someone is different. You can't even blame them, its actually a defence mechanism (think about it). It might be the black kid. It might be the fat kid. The kid with a disability (that's usually the worst). It might even be just the kid with glasses (and I was that child...).

Children of that age don't mix much outside their family circle, who will (usually) have the same skin colour they do. As they grow older; certainly when moving out of infant school, that changes as their experience changes. In a couple of years it will be no problem at all. In the meantime, it might be best to move her to another class or school but, as has been said, in London there should be no need for an 'islamic' or 'international' school.
 
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Jazak Allahu khayran Bro's and Sisters.

Thank you for you for your advice Trumble. I haven't based my decision of an Islamic School on just this one incident.There are several other benefits and factors.

  • The results of the Islamic School on average are a lot higher than normal Schools
  • The children who study in Islamic Schools are less likely to get into Drugs, Vandalism and other common problems with the youth these days
  • Children who study in Islamic schools learn the values of Islam and turn out to be humble and modest
  • Children who go to Islamic School are disciplined and respectful

Everything goes in favour of the Islamic School and not one thing goes against it.

Also contrary to popular belief Islamic Schools do not make children racist because Muslim's come from all different backgrounds so the whole "social integration" is not really an issue.

Insha'Allah she will go to an Islamic School and make us proud as parents.
 
Hamayun said:
Insha'Allah she will go to an Islamic School and make us proud as parents.
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I'm sure she will do that wherever she goes. :)

Everything goes in favour of the Islamic School and not one thing goes against it.
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Just one thought, although I'm certainly not saying it outweighs the 'pro's'. My point was that this sort of thing happens because the white kids don't mix enough with others. They can't do that if the others all go to school somewhere else, and taken to an extreme those attitudes will remain. They are a lot harder to shift at fourteen than four.
 
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Trumble said:
I'm sure she will do that wherever she goes. :)



Just one thought, although I'm certainly not saying it outweighs the 'pro's'. My point was that this sort of thing happens because the white kids don't mix enough with others. They can't do that if the others all go to school somewhere else, and taken to an extreme those attitudes will remain. They are a lot harder to shift at fourteen than four.
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Absolutely Brother :) I agree with you.

Kids are just being kids. They are just innocent and don't do it to hurt or cause offence. They are doing what comes naturally. I do not blame them at all :)
Thank you :)
 
Trumble said:
The children concerned are four!! They will not be 'prejudiced' (at least in the way you mean), bigoted or 'racist'. They are just doing what, sadly, kids always do when someone is different. You can't even blame them, its actually a defence mechanism (think about it). It might be the black kid. It might be the fat kid. The kid with a disability (that's usually the worst). It might even be just the kid with glasses (and I was that child...).
l.
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I don't always see eye to eye with trumble... but I have to endorse what he said above.. That is actually why I personally advocate 'international' schools.. because I believe Allah SWT loves diversity hence he created us different countries and tribes as is mentioned in the Quran

  • "O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honorable of you with Allah (SWT) is that (believer) who has Taqwa (God-consciousness, fearing Allah (SWT)). Verily, Allah (SWT) is All-Knowing, All-Aware." [Soorah al-Hujurat (49): 13]


Maybe and Islamic school is good in all the afore mentioned but.. even if it be, Muslims also come in all colors, shapes sizes and nationalities.. I don't like isolationism.. but that is my own personal opinion..

:w:
 
:sl:

Its sad to hear this. My little sister when she was 4, used to come home nd stay for hours in the bath trying to scrub of her brown skin. I used to find it funny, but it sadning in a way. However kids are kids and it takes time for them to get used to it, eventually my sister did make friends with them :)
 
this has really like hurt me man

in london? subhanallah, im shocked akhi, which school!

move her, its the best option and make a complaint againist these kids, but move her,

in london, one of the best muslim primary schools is al noor, in ilford, but its not free :mmokay: their fees are like £2500 and they do accept fees per term aswell,

and another one i know off is noor ul islam in leyton, but they like weird lol, and im not sure of their fees or anythin, but do check both of them out and do some own research, inshallah the kiddy will find a better school!
 
mashallah brother,

Although I don't really know how to help you, I just want to say that you sound like a wonderful father.

Keep it up and inshallah you and your family will be rewarded.

I wish the best.
 

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