dear brathers and sisters
al salam aluikem
i am 27 years old male living in toronto, from middle eastern background,i am writting here after i reach my max ability to think and to reach a decision....i believe that life is short, come fast and go fast, during this we have to take critical decisions, and one day i will stand in front of my god alone, no familly or friends, and that scares me alot, keep thinking what if i take the wrong one...
now i am in front of one of this decisions...i thinked alot and reach no where, i feel dispeart and angery all the time....this is the point where i should take advices but how can i even speak about this....it something i can't speak about face to face...so this is the best place where nobody know who i am...
well i lived in country from where i graduated...i tried my best to stay away from all the big wrong acts, so i never drink or smoke...althought i did some...it is hard in this time not to...after graduation i decided to get married to protect my self..but in such place and time that was hard....when people evaluate u based on how much u have and own....i could't get ajob either...so i can understand...i wasn't in shortage of morals or values just shortage in materials.... my parents did there best and spend all there money on my education...i saw my friends doing all kind of sins, including adultery and fornication and later on get married....it is easy when u lie but hard when u don't...
one day i heard shikh in the tv says if u are not able to marry maybe u can look for sister who is divorced maybe with childern or even little bit older who really just want to protect her self like u....so i went to the internet and looked from all over the world starting places near to me but no hope.....i saw many ads...speaking about what is required in future husband....he has to be good muslim extra ...very beautiful talk but at the end he has to be financially well established.. for 3 years i search....i am not bad looking, young, educated, honest, don't drink or smoke , from good familly but this is not enough if u don't have money...in 3 years maybe 3 or 4 sisters respond positively but they was from others country and have no means to come as me to go
before 1 year and half from now, i send a message and some one respond, she was canadian citizen...converted muslim...from carabian background....we spoked...she had difficult life...she send me some pic and i send some pic....she have childern from previouse relation from before islam. she is 4 years older than me
but look younger..so everything was perfect..she wasn't the perfect match for me but i am sure i wasn't either too for her...but there was general acceptance from both side...she wanted better life then before...she got abused alot in relation....and unfortuantly most of them was muslims brathers...but only by names... because they did everything against that...she also wanted afather to her childern..and i wanted to come to canada and have new life but i that wasn't my only purpes and god is my witness i wanted the whole package come to canda , get married make afamilly, get rewareded for helping new muslimah and for taking care of childern whose their father abandend.....and have history in violance and druges...and tried his best to make her life hard till now.. i know what kind of life she had so i explained to her my purpose in life made it clear that i am trying to be good muslim and that i am not casual person and will not accept any big mistakes, i was clear and keep repeating the same things for monthes just to be sure i know she had difficult time and with childern so i didn't want to make her life harder
she come to where i live i waited in the airport and we got married because she have diffrent life she got me apaper from a dr saying she have no sexual disease her word was just to know that i will not do anything wrong...she was the first women i have physical relation with...so i didn't have difficulty to love heri very short time..but god have other plans and new test for us...after 2 days of marraige i found her sending email to some one else after confrenting her she said that is my privacy, we have abig fight i was still stonished i mean just 2 days of marraige... then she told me she love that person and she tought will marry him and she just want divorce..this was amuslim person who she told me used to abuse her all the time...i was in shock i mean i borrowed money from my familly ... they was in europ in a trip and they was happy for me... i didn't know how can i told them...i wanted to beat her up and throw her out of the hotel but i hold my self as i know her circumstances... she was sick physically with asthma attacks and i was afraid something will happend to her and will be my burden in front of god so i decided to keep things and then when my familly come speak with them and divorce her after that for 2 weeks we spent i saw the big diffrent the first time we spoked about islam face to face she said well maybe i shouldn't be amuslim then that was another shock i married her on the base she is muslim,,, my idea was maybe she doesn't know much about islam but i thought she eagerly want to be muslim...she want back to canada..and after one week she called saying she is coming back and she want us and it was a mistak and that we didn't have time to know each other and nex week she was back again...i was under alot of pressures... and was not able to take the right decision....i mean i just get married and told every one...how can i tell them and what reason i will say...people will think negatively of me i live in aplace where culture and tradition rules your way...so i decided to wait and see...so she camed i relaize that this women have no love for me at all... she didn't want me to be a round all the time i was not just her type...i was too boring for her...that made me angery...i though since we are here now and already married maybe i can give it a try...and there is nothing better to get closer then islam so i start by making her pray with me....she had no idea how to pray so we did it togeather...the first time i saw her praying ...i felt so happy she was struglling to memorize the versus.. and then we spoked about islam and discuss usually that would end with a fight.but we fighted abiut everything in general...it was appearnent that we are from diffrent world..maybe i should be more patient but i loss my nurve when it come to islam... during this period we have alot of fight ...to be honest i wasn't tolerant with her...and attacked her many times...in the relation level we spoked ... she told me about her relations and that she loved some one (not the one she emailed although he is muslim married man) and that she will never love someone else like him....and i saw couple of emails from the past...that was against all what i believe...this made our relation even wors...she went back...we fighted on daily basis..online...but there was improvment...she start praying sometimes and she start learning...she wasn't abad person as she did many good thing for people in need before...things i never did or maybe i will be able to do...i never so such generiousity in many muslim born ...and i wasn't a good person as i have many mistakes....
she filled our case for immagration...she paid all the money(no body did that to me before except my familly)...she decided to come after 3 monthe with the kids this time so i can meet them....before she come in one week..she come to me crying and she told me the dr and that she have (herpes) which is sexuall transimiited disease that was like 5 monthes after married her explanition was that she probably have it from before married and it only appeares now...that was weired..i start readingi read that this can happend so we spoked and i told her that is ok and we will accept god wish...but i was in great doubt by now... so i start looking and i was able to crack her emails and i got another suprise she was contacting with other men..since we married...she invited one to her house and there was someone else following her and she accepted to go to date with him...i felt angery like i never felt befor...i confrent her and decided to get divorce...she cried and keept calling ... she have another explanition for that..she sweard that she never meet any one since we married....and all what she did was the emails..and that this man was horrasing her and she wanted to meet him and get rid of him....frankly i didn't buy that even if i believe it this was enought for me to know...i keept thinking for days...i though maybe i should just come to canada and divorce her..since she think her self smart...that would be a good lesson....then she come with the kids... we fighted alot...i attacked her physically...not too hard but this is bad i know it doesn't matter hard or not...i saw the kids i always wanted to be father....although it was hard to them that they have step father.....but sometimes they will call me as their parent...i looked to them and looked to her ...one lonely women with 2 childern alone in this world...no body to help...actually she is more akid then awomen..harming her self all the time...she tried to suicide before couple of times...this was another world for me...where people have such problems i come from very stable familly......her life was hard and the kids too..they suffer alot...now i have no idea at all ...specially she start changing...not totally...but she start wearing hijab..and praying regulary....and trying to find sisters...which was difficult job ...cause usually people trying to stay in groups relative to their back ground....like arab stay togeather and pikistainian stay togeather...so she wasn't that accepted or at least she felt that way..she was lonly and isolated..and we was fighting alot...and our fights become more ugly
finally i come to canada,i have been here only couple of monthes, i start working and get my position and now i am standing on my feet....now i don't know...the fist month i came there was couple of calles coming to her cell phone and no body answers then the calls dispeard when i decided to make callers ID....she got pregnant too...now i don't know i look i back i see that she change the girl who said in the begning of our marraige maybe i shouldn't be muslim... i saw her now wearing hijab and abya all the time by her choice...one day she stood in her class definding islam against someone was attacking...but life is not black and whait as she always would say about how i see world... i don't know everything have two way of explanition and u need to make decision...it is hard when u have no fact...maybe this child inside her is not mine maybe mine...maybe she is really change maybe not...i go to work come back at night...i have no idea...ofcourse i can't trust her any more but in the same time she did to me what no one did before...she stood in the face to her familly to marry amuslim..and brought him her spending thousand of dollars to come and go back to the other side of the world....now everybody waiting to till her i told u so..she even give me her credit cards and access to her accounts....she cook for me clean my clothes..how i can reward that....i am afraid to be unjustic with her also what if she did something to her self, and now with the pregnancy she is sick and can't even work...but in the same time...i don't want to be ideat...right??i can never know what she is planning, i saw what she is able to do with a cold blood..and we are not happy togeather..because when u break the trust with someone like me then u can't repair that...what should i do?? divorce her...and start anew life... i thought about keep married to her in papers and take care of her and marrying a second wife in the same time but people here feel offended like i am asking something bad so i wasn't able to find.....i work all the week and when i stay home in the week end we defintly fight..there is something broke for ever...what about the baby inside her... i have no idea any more...feel sick from thinking...i want help to decide but i want islamic view point...what god want...i seek no revenge, no harm i just want to know what is the right thing to do...i feel i am torturing her now everyday i also stopped praying...to many things inside my head..i will face my god one day maybe soon i want to be clean with aclear sheet...i tried to be honest and transperance...may god help if and forgive me and guide my steps
al salam aluikem
i am 27 years old male living in toronto, from middle eastern background,i am writting here after i reach my max ability to think and to reach a decision....i believe that life is short, come fast and go fast, during this we have to take critical decisions, and one day i will stand in front of my god alone, no familly or friends, and that scares me alot, keep thinking what if i take the wrong one...
now i am in front of one of this decisions...i thinked alot and reach no where, i feel dispeart and angery all the time....this is the point where i should take advices but how can i even speak about this....it something i can't speak about face to face...so this is the best place where nobody know who i am...
well i lived in country from where i graduated...i tried my best to stay away from all the big wrong acts, so i never drink or smoke...althought i did some...it is hard in this time not to...after graduation i decided to get married to protect my self..but in such place and time that was hard....when people evaluate u based on how much u have and own....i could't get ajob either...so i can understand...i wasn't in shortage of morals or values just shortage in materials.... my parents did there best and spend all there money on my education...i saw my friends doing all kind of sins, including adultery and fornication and later on get married....it is easy when u lie but hard when u don't...
one day i heard shikh in the tv says if u are not able to marry maybe u can look for sister who is divorced maybe with childern or even little bit older who really just want to protect her self like u....so i went to the internet and looked from all over the world starting places near to me but no hope.....i saw many ads...speaking about what is required in future husband....he has to be good muslim extra ...very beautiful talk but at the end he has to be financially well established.. for 3 years i search....i am not bad looking, young, educated, honest, don't drink or smoke , from good familly but this is not enough if u don't have money...in 3 years maybe 3 or 4 sisters respond positively but they was from others country and have no means to come as me to go
before 1 year and half from now, i send a message and some one respond, she was canadian citizen...converted muslim...from carabian background....we spoked...she had difficult life...she send me some pic and i send some pic....she have childern from previouse relation from before islam. she is 4 years older than me
but look younger..so everything was perfect..she wasn't the perfect match for me but i am sure i wasn't either too for her...but there was general acceptance from both side...she wanted better life then before...she got abused alot in relation....and unfortuantly most of them was muslims brathers...but only by names... because they did everything against that...she also wanted afather to her childern..and i wanted to come to canada and have new life but i that wasn't my only purpes and god is my witness i wanted the whole package come to canda , get married make afamilly, get rewareded for helping new muslimah and for taking care of childern whose their father abandend.....and have history in violance and druges...and tried his best to make her life hard till now.. i know what kind of life she had so i explained to her my purpose in life made it clear that i am trying to be good muslim and that i am not casual person and will not accept any big mistakes, i was clear and keep repeating the same things for monthes just to be sure i know she had difficult time and with childern so i didn't want to make her life harder
she come to where i live i waited in the airport and we got married because she have diffrent life she got me apaper from a dr saying she have no sexual disease her word was just to know that i will not do anything wrong...she was the first women i have physical relation with...so i didn't have difficulty to love heri very short time..but god have other plans and new test for us...after 2 days of marraige i found her sending email to some one else after confrenting her she said that is my privacy, we have abig fight i was still stonished i mean just 2 days of marraige... then she told me she love that person and she tought will marry him and she just want divorce..this was amuslim person who she told me used to abuse her all the time...i was in shock i mean i borrowed money from my familly ... they was in europ in a trip and they was happy for me... i didn't know how can i told them...i wanted to beat her up and throw her out of the hotel but i hold my self as i know her circumstances... she was sick physically with asthma attacks and i was afraid something will happend to her and will be my burden in front of god so i decided to keep things and then when my familly come speak with them and divorce her after that for 2 weeks we spent i saw the big diffrent the first time we spoked about islam face to face she said well maybe i shouldn't be amuslim then that was another shock i married her on the base she is muslim,,, my idea was maybe she doesn't know much about islam but i thought she eagerly want to be muslim...she want back to canada..and after one week she called saying she is coming back and she want us and it was a mistak and that we didn't have time to know each other and nex week she was back again...i was under alot of pressures... and was not able to take the right decision....i mean i just get married and told every one...how can i tell them and what reason i will say...people will think negatively of me i live in aplace where culture and tradition rules your way...so i decided to wait and see...so she camed i relaize that this women have no love for me at all... she didn't want me to be a round all the time i was not just her type...i was too boring for her...that made me angery...i though since we are here now and already married maybe i can give it a try...and there is nothing better to get closer then islam so i start by making her pray with me....she had no idea how to pray so we did it togeather...the first time i saw her praying ...i felt so happy she was struglling to memorize the versus.. and then we spoked about islam and discuss usually that would end with a fight.but we fighted abiut everything in general...it was appearnent that we are from diffrent world..maybe i should be more patient but i loss my nurve when it come to islam... during this period we have alot of fight ...to be honest i wasn't tolerant with her...and attacked her many times...in the relation level we spoked ... she told me about her relations and that she loved some one (not the one she emailed although he is muslim married man) and that she will never love someone else like him....and i saw couple of emails from the past...that was against all what i believe...this made our relation even wors...she went back...we fighted on daily basis..online...but there was improvment...she start praying sometimes and she start learning...she wasn't abad person as she did many good thing for people in need before...things i never did or maybe i will be able to do...i never so such generiousity in many muslim born ...and i wasn't a good person as i have many mistakes....
she filled our case for immagration...she paid all the money(no body did that to me before except my familly)...she decided to come after 3 monthe with the kids this time so i can meet them....before she come in one week..she come to me crying and she told me the dr and that she have (herpes) which is sexuall transimiited disease that was like 5 monthes after married her explanition was that she probably have it from before married and it only appeares now...that was weired..i start readingi read that this can happend so we spoked and i told her that is ok and we will accept god wish...but i was in great doubt by now... so i start looking and i was able to crack her emails and i got another suprise she was contacting with other men..since we married...she invited one to her house and there was someone else following her and she accepted to go to date with him...i felt angery like i never felt befor...i confrent her and decided to get divorce...she cried and keept calling ... she have another explanition for that..she sweard that she never meet any one since we married....and all what she did was the emails..and that this man was horrasing her and she wanted to meet him and get rid of him....frankly i didn't buy that even if i believe it this was enought for me to know...i keept thinking for days...i though maybe i should just come to canada and divorce her..since she think her self smart...that would be a good lesson....then she come with the kids... we fighted alot...i attacked her physically...not too hard but this is bad i know it doesn't matter hard or not...i saw the kids i always wanted to be father....although it was hard to them that they have step father.....but sometimes they will call me as their parent...i looked to them and looked to her ...one lonely women with 2 childern alone in this world...no body to help...actually she is more akid then awomen..harming her self all the time...she tried to suicide before couple of times...this was another world for me...where people have such problems i come from very stable familly......her life was hard and the kids too..they suffer alot...now i have no idea at all ...specially she start changing...not totally...but she start wearing hijab..and praying regulary....and trying to find sisters...which was difficult job ...cause usually people trying to stay in groups relative to their back ground....like arab stay togeather and pikistainian stay togeather...so she wasn't that accepted or at least she felt that way..she was lonly and isolated..and we was fighting alot...and our fights become more ugly
finally i come to canada,i have been here only couple of monthes, i start working and get my position and now i am standing on my feet....now i don't know...the fist month i came there was couple of calles coming to her cell phone and no body answers then the calls dispeard when i decided to make callers ID....she got pregnant too...now i don't know i look i back i see that she change the girl who said in the begning of our marraige maybe i shouldn't be muslim... i saw her now wearing hijab and abya all the time by her choice...one day she stood in her class definding islam against someone was attacking...but life is not black and whait as she always would say about how i see world... i don't know everything have two way of explanition and u need to make decision...it is hard when u have no fact...maybe this child inside her is not mine maybe mine...maybe she is really change maybe not...i go to work come back at night...i have no idea...ofcourse i can't trust her any more but in the same time she did to me what no one did before...she stood in the face to her familly to marry amuslim..and brought him her spending thousand of dollars to come and go back to the other side of the world....now everybody waiting to till her i told u so..she even give me her credit cards and access to her accounts....she cook for me clean my clothes..how i can reward that....i am afraid to be unjustic with her also what if she did something to her self, and now with the pregnancy she is sick and can't even work...but in the same time...i don't want to be ideat...right??i can never know what she is planning, i saw what she is able to do with a cold blood..and we are not happy togeather..because when u break the trust with someone like me then u can't repair that...what should i do?? divorce her...and start anew life... i thought about keep married to her in papers and take care of her and marrying a second wife in the same time but people here feel offended like i am asking something bad so i wasn't able to find.....i work all the week and when i stay home in the week end we defintly fight..there is something broke for ever...what about the baby inside her... i have no idea any more...feel sick from thinking...i want help to decide but i want islamic view point...what god want...i seek no revenge, no harm i just want to know what is the right thing to do...i feel i am torturing her now everyday i also stopped praying...to many things inside my head..i will face my god one day maybe soon i want to be clean with aclear sheet...i tried to be honest and transperance...may god help if and forgive me and guide my steps
