i am married and committed Zina

[Afg]

:wa: Brother, please do things that will bring you closer to Allah, as this will make you fearful of Allah and will make you forget these things. Please ask for sincere forgiveness, very sincere, as you know you regret it. Zina is a big sin, and im sad to hear your story. However brother, pls dont feel like its over. Remember the story of the prostitute who had fed a dog and went to heaven? Remember the story of the man who killed 100 people, but because of his sincerity for forgiveness, went to heaven? Allah is most forgiving brother, when you ask forgiveness, let it be so sincere that you cry and in your heart you are really asking for forgiveness. I truly hope that Allah will forgive you brother and i hope Allah will help you and guide you along the way and protect you and those around you from doing sins. May Allah be with you.

 

[nebula]

grow your beard as well. a big hairy scary one :hiding:

lol...

bro best to ask a scholar about this, but you need to repent as zina is a major sin but abandoning the prayer is a greater sin and a act of kufr. so make sure u dnt stop praying now and keep repenting!

 

[mathematician]

salamu 'alaykum,

First, I really don't understand why you are being told here that you should ask a scholar. You are not trying to create a fatwa. So, really, I don't think a scholar could help you in this case much more.

Secondly, brother it's important that you be very careful in the future. Committing zina once is a very serious sin, especially when one is married!! At that point there is no excuse left for committing zina. For example, a single man might say "I was tempted, I was lonely" but what can a married man say before Allah?
Then on top of that, you went ahead and committed zina TWICE. Subhan Allah.
I really hope that no moderator will erase my reply. I may sound harsh but sometimes people need to be shaked to wake up.

Secondly, insha'Allah you seem genuine in regreting this major sin. Ask Allah for forgiveness and you can give money or food in sadaqa in the hopes that Allah will forgive you.

Brother, regreting is a nice thing, it's a very nice thing, but it doesn't guarantee that you will not commit the same sin again. Your heart was tempted to commit such a grave sin. This is not how the heart of a pious man is. So, you will need to work on making yourself pious my brother. Once you become pious your soul will command you to worship Allah, and nothing else will matter.

To attain taqwa, you can read this article. Please do that for yourself. It is the best thing to happen to a person. Follow the advice carefully.
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/...nglish-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaEAskTheScholar

May Allah ta'ala forgive you, make you and us among the pious.
wa sallam brother

 

[mathematician]

jazakAllahu khairan Alpha Dude. A scholar would say that you should never tell your wife about the zina. No good can come from it. The only time he should tell his wife about it is if he is infected with HIV or some STD. The brother should make sure he didn't pick up any STD.

As for the kurbani, I think sadaqa would suffice.
In case the brother wants to really ask about this, the best website is:
www.islamonline.net Go to the "Ask the Scholar" section. They are not always open but they reply to EVERY question.

wa sallam

 

[aadil77]

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: what you did was despicable. If you were under an Islamic state you would be stoned to death. Make sure you spend you Ramadan wisely and don't let it pass without making serious repentance and increasing your ibaadah. If I were you, I would do itekaf this year as well.

Get tested for STDs before you cohabit with your wife again to make sure you didn't catch anything either.

JazakhAllah^ about time someone gave him reality

I feel sorry for your wife ryaan I hope you feel ashamed everytime you look at her face. SubhanAllah you had a wife, theres loads of us brothers here hoping to get married to avoid these acts.

All you can do now is beg for forgiveness, change your job so you're not around that hoe anymore and sort yourself out. People don't just go from nothing to commiting adultry, you must be a freemixing non-practiing type of person, get that sorted out as well.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

I don't think you should tell your wife. It'll just make her feel more hurt. We should hide our sins.

Repent very sincerely, and pray to Allah to hide your sin. And consider changing your job.

If you are having trouble being faithful to just one wife, maybe a second marriage would be a good idea? It would be definitely better than zina again, but only if you are very very sure you can be fair to both your wives. And I don't know how your revert wife would feel about it. :unhappy:

 

[Somaiyah]

Salam,
Seriously I believe our brother has understood his actings and how wrong it is, otherwise he wouldn't tell us and ask for advice. It's no use to make him feel worse for it.
I will send you a message with an e-mail to an imam I often ask questions and find very good, I don't want to write it here in public.

 

[جوري]

I am not going to comment on the religious end of things, and won't ask you intimate details, I do hope that if you weren't 'careful' with this lady, that you at least check yourself out for your wife' sake. I have seen quite a few Muslim women unfortunately get a despicable gift courtesy of their husbands.. so pls take care of that right away as well...

 

[Trn2allah]

You should really really think about getting a Job where you dont have to interact with uncovered women, or women atall. Brother in order for your repentance to be accepted completely you should leave your Job and stay away from temptation!

Pray 5times a day on time (NO QAZA!!)
Learn the meanings of the Salah
Try to sit with some religious brothers and read more Quraan. If you can read it properly try to get some lessons. We need to start living like Muslims in order to be treated like s Muslims on Qiyaamah!! (The Day Of Judgement)

Keep fast on mondays and Tuesdays

May Allah forgive you and curse that DIRTY SLAPPER!!!

 

[limitless]

Subhnallah!

I would like to say something here. A suggestion/opinion type.

If you and your wife have established the basic foundation of marriage, which are: respect, love, honesty, and truth. You should tell her. It is your fault, your choice to commit such a disgusting sin, hence you should face the consequences of it.

For instance, if i was married, and my wife did something like that or I did, I would tell her regardless. And she better tell me. I might forgive my wife, but that suspiousion of her cheating and constantly bringing up how she had an affair and what not would be in my mind. So take that into consideration as well. There will be stigma in your marriage, but thats the consequences you face. We should cover our sins because Allah swt expects us to, however in this case it really depends on you.

I have read that most scholars do suggest you don't tell your wife, but some do suggest that you do. My opinion is that i would tell my wife because it is my fault, i made the choice to commit the sin knowingly that i have a wife and etc. This could've been prevented, but Allah knows.

Heres a question for you: what if your wife did such a thing...would she tell you? Do you expect of her to tell you? how would you react? Would you doubt her ever again? literally keep track on her?

As other brother mentioned, you may browse through islamonline.net because there are questions that have been answered regarding this sin. From a female and male one as well.

You should immdiately get yourself a full checkup because the last thing you want to do is infect your wife.

Do sincere repentence to Allah swt, and change jobs if you are able to, do it immdiately as others suggested. And to prevent from this re-occuring, take the necessary steps to avoid it by spending more time with your wife.

Insha'Allah all goes well with you brother .

 

[touba]

Brother Ryaan do you have children from your wife?

 

[cat eyes]

brother can i ask you something and don't get angry please... but are you and your wife practising muslims? you see when we are constantly reminded of Allah we are even to afraid to look at the opposite sex because we muslims fear Allah that much.

you see another thing is you say that this woman works with you... this also a sin for a brother to work along side females because this is the result of this now, you have commited zina. if you really want forgiveness.. so Allah is not gona forgive untill you ask forgiveness from your wife first as she deserves to know and humans rights comes first Allah says so otherwise you could be facing a punishment for your actions.. because ive seen with my own eyes.

this is what you must do. if you fear your wife will leave you so brother you have to put trust on Allah now.

 

[ryaan]

salam alikum brotheres and sisters

aliha thanks for your pm i tried to reply but i need 50 posts first.

again i really cant thank you all enough, ok 1st of all the lady i commited a sin with was single and she is a western lady so its perfectly acceptable for her what we did i fully blame myself aswell as her and to be honest i blame myself more as im married and im muslim. now my wife started life as a non muslim she only reverted just before our nikah, we have no children yet, im a practising muslim who prays 5 times a day i sometimes miss fajar doesnt mean im seriously religous brother.i come from a very religous family yet my life has changed a lot since i met my wife i used to drink,gamble,fornicate, smoke cannabis. once i started praying i started to feel guitly about smoking canabis so i stoped smoking after 10 years of hard smoking. then the gambaling stoped then finaly the alchol and just over 2month ago the cigarattes stoped and thats after 15 years, im not even 30 yet. the one curse i couldnt stop was women even before i was married i used to be here there and everywhere but since we got married sometimes i could be driving to work ill see a lady and il say astagfur allah but sometimes my imAn is so weak that i cant avoid the temptation.

now my wife is gorgous and i love everything about her she makes me so happy and i always make her happy since we been married my only goal was to please and do everything she wants to do. i care for her love her make her smile listen to her be there for her. i take her out to cinema dinner etc but my only problem is my weakness with other women. and belive me since ive been married i had to avoid so many situations but this one was hard. and i hope and pray to allah that this also stops like my previous bad habbits.

in regards to the other lady i text her earlier today and told her no more that im married that i love my wife i feel guilty for what i have done and i really wouldnt want to risk what i have.

im so greatfull to god i have such a good job and alhamdulilah allah has blessed me to do well at my job. and were i currently work they let me pray and the majority of them are muslim so alhamdulilah for that. i have been here too long to leave my job becuase of some lady.

but i hope allah forgives me i saw her today i wanted to tell her but she will be so heart broken and she isnt well she has a very rare condition and i cant make her more ill it will kill me to see her suffer. beside her family dont know about reverting if they did they would kill her. is she a practising muslim the answer is NO but thats my fault as i intrudeced islam to her therfore i should guide her and to be honest due to work and social life i havent done as much as i really should may allah forgive me for that.

 

[ryaan]

and yes i am a practising muslim but i need to strengthen my iman as its so weak. i try to read atleast 10 ayats before bed or during the day. i try and keep most of my prayers i give charity i do a lot of good deeds alhamdlilah for giving me the oppourtunity to do so, but my iman is weak at times,

i never disclose what i do to get in to allah good books but as you guys dont know me i know you wont praise me therefore allah inshala will give me the reward. once again thank you all for your support im on many forums and not islamic ones and by far ive never met such welcoming bunch.

im sure the moderator is fine with your comments so dont worry be as harsh as you like as long as it correct then im more than happy to take it on the chin. if you guys cant be honest with me who will. so dont worrry be honest blunt its ok with me as long as its the truth.


j.k

 

[GreyKode]

and yes i am a practising muslim but i need to strengthen my iman as its so weak. i try to read atleast 10 ayats before bed or during the day. i try and keep most of my prayers i give charity i do a lot of good deeds alhamdlilah for giving me the oppourtunity to do so, but my iman is weak at times,

i never disclose what i do to get in to allah good books but as you guys dont know me i know you wont praise me therefore allah inshala will give me the reward. once again thank you all for your support im on many forums and not islamic ones and by far ive never met such welcoming bunch.

im sure the moderator is fine with your comments so dont worry be as harsh as you like as long as it correct then im more than happy to take it on the chin. if you guys cant be honest with me who will. so dont worrry be honest blunt its ok with me as long as its the truth.


j.k

I suggest you always stick to good company, true muslims, not the quasi-muslims that chit-chat with women and go out on dates, avoid the company of women completely 100% percent the Islamic WAY, please, now you can see the harm from that, especially that you have a strong attraction to women.
Wallahi I'm astonished, you can pray 5 times at work and have good muslim company and yet this happens, at work.

"and the majority of them are muslim " is this in an arab country or something.

 

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

.. my wife started life as a non muslim she only reverted just before our nikah,

Was she a chaste Jewish or Christian lady ? In that case , you were allowed to marry her without changing religion. If she was a hindu or Buddish and she reverted just for sake of marriage , then most probably it's not allowed as she is not a Muslim in her heart.

we have no children yet,

That's good . Easy for both of u to take a very important decision . If she is not a good Muslim and if there is a risk that you can cheat on her again and again , may be it's better to give a serious thinking about your married life before u have kids and situation gets worst.

im a practising muslim who prays 5 times a day

It's not enough bro and u must obey commands of Almighty Allah in your daily life as lower your gaze , spend life with a pious partner who will encourage u to obey God.

Besides Ramadan , grow habit of keep fasting regularly . InshaAlah it will help you to control your desire. Else take more wives legally but keep away from illegal relationships.

Where are your parents and other family members ? May be , u can live with them for sometime so that u 2 can live a restricted life . May Allah help you ( I did not read all posts ; sorry If i am repeating )

 

[thetruth2009]

Assalam aleykoum brother Ryaan,


1) You have to ask Allah SWT to forgive you sincerly, and you will never do it again.

2) You have not to look at women again

Sourate 24

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.


30. Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.

Because the danger and desires start at the first looking, all is about your eyes.

Eyes are the gates to your Heart, Heart to love, Love to do bad things.

Sourate 40

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.


19. ((Allah)) knows of (the tricks) that deceive with the eyes, and all that the hearts (of men) conceal.


Do you know why Allah SWT told us LA TAKRABOU ZINA ( do not approach ZINA ), because when we are two persons alone :

1) A man

2) A woman

3) there is automatically a THIRD PERSONNS the Devil, Shaytan


You have always to fight against your desires, by making DIKR to allah SWT.

You have to avoid to stay alone with a woman .

Do you know when you stay alone with a woman its very hard to avoid to do more than only tchating, you say inside you that I will not do anything else, but the Shaytaan is telling you do not worry a kiss its nothing, steep by steep ( Lose control ) Shaytaan get you at the end.

Repentence to Allah SWT, we will ask Allah SWT to help you Insha'Allah my brother.


I do not know what to tell you because its a very hard situation, why do you not fasten when you feel that you are going to do something wrong.


Assalam aleykoum brothers and sisters, I ask Allah SWt to forgive us and to guide us, Ameen.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Salaam,

I am no Iman or anything so I cant give you advice, but can give you my thoughts.

Before you do anything, go to a religous Iman, Scholar, elder that follow the Quran and authentic hadith. Not the internet.!!!!

Then

First of all, Allah is paramount in all your decisions, what ever decision you make be prepared to answer to Allah as to why you choose to do that.

Stick to the Quran and Sunnah. No matter what. Not other peoples opinions, but the Quran and Sunnah, even if it scares you.

2ndly, you should tell your wife. If she leaves you, she leaves you. Support her and give her money understand and help her, apologise and empasis how it was your fault as she will probably blame herself, if Allah wills she will take you back.

If not get a divorce and provide for her as much money as you have and actually ask for her forgiveness and make it up to her, as much as you can. Apologies to her parents. Make her life easy and say sorry.

You cannot have a strong relationship based on a lie that big, in my opinion. Especially if you want kids, trust me.

3dly, get a new job, that doesnt involve working with women and tell your wife that you are staying away and lowering your gaze and actually do it. Get some fear of Allah in you.

4th Lower your gaze MORE.

5 REPENT REPENT REPENT...not just today or 2morro or in 2moths....

Brother, you have indeed committed a major sin. Somone came to the Prophet PBUH and said I have commited zina, the Prophet PBUH looked away, the man repeated this three times and was ignored them the Prophet PBUH said witnesses have now heard it and he was ordered to be stoned to death, he ran away, but was caught up with.

I know thats harsh, but its the reality. Mashallah, you have a heart as you feel guilty but im afraid you are going to have to repent for a lifetime AND CHANGE grow a beard become more islamic and strengthen your Iman (beard acts as a declaration saying your a Muslim, women tend to assume you show a little more self control and inshallah would stay away from you, wear a topei (hat like immans) wear sulvar kameez, do something!!!).

If you choose not to tell your wife and have children, and then she finds out, or guilt takes over it will only be worse.

There was a narration I once read. A worker of the devil comes to Iblees and says I have caused a dispute between two people. Iblees goes, get away from me, stay away (as in thats nothing). Another worker of the Devil comes and says I have caused a man to have an affair. The Devil goes, come here and give me a hug.

Astagfirulaha.

So to summarize;

Get advice of Scholar, elder...
Think about the advice carefully and quickly
Tell your wife, telling her it was ALL your fault.
If she wants a divorce giver her it and support her through it
REPENT
get a job with less women,
lower your gaze.
REPENT
FEAR ALLAH

There was an ANNON poster in this thread who said dont tell your wife. Do not listen to this person, he/she is clearly poorly informed in there Islam.


"Forgive him who wrongs you; Join him who cuts you off; Do good to him who does evil to you; And speak the truth even if it be against yourself.
- Inscribed on Prophet Muhammad's sword."

If that person can find me a single quote from the entire Quran or any Authetic hadith that encourages one to hide such major sins I will apologise. Otherwide, that is ENTIRELY the wrong advice. If people dont know about their Islam, they should not comment with such opinions. If you decided to follow that advice. ALLAH WOULD ASK THAT ANNON POSTER WHY HE/SHE SAID HIDE YOU HAD AN AFFAIR FROM YOUR WIFE! I do not want that burden

Base ALL you decisons on Sunnah and the Quran. ALL of them. If someone gives you an opinion with no such references, either ignore it or find the references.

PARAMOUNT - SPEAK TO SOMEONE RELIGIOUS AND ASK THEM AND TELL THEM EVERYTHING THING YOU WANT TO DO/THINKING ABOUT DOING/FEEL LIKE DOING BEFORE YOU DO IT. EVERYTHING.

Dont just read my post and do it, speak to a religous person first and ask them if you should.

May Allah protect us all from this Sin. Ameen.

btw, my father had an affair and DESTROYED my entire family. Doesnt anyone Fear Allah anymore...

 

[alcurad]

you Will live with this for the rest of your life though, I mean it's not like just breaking her favorite vase or eating the pie before it cools..
in your situation I can't say, it will make her extremely miserable if you tell, but what about her right to know? there is no clear cut solution to this, although remember as long as you don't say anything, you will suffer, on the other hand it might be too much too keep in..if she can take it tell her, if you know she won't the don't. I mean her health both mental & physical are what should be considered first, I think as humans we can live with such things and not tell, but it's really up to you.

 

[optimist]

salam alikum

i have made a massive mistake ive been with my partner 4 years she is a revert, we had done our Nikah over a year ago. i have been stupid enough to commit zina not once but twice with a work collegue she is single not married. i feel so down, sick and guilty as i do love my wife dearly and i feel so bad words cant describe how i feel. i promised myself i will not interact with the lady from work like that again. it botheres me so much that i didnt even sleep that well yesterday. i dont know what to do i know i must seek repentance from allah and i beg him to forgive me for my sin as i know its a big one.

what can i do i know if i tell her she will leave me thats 100% i know she loves me but thats one thing she said will do if she ever found out i cheated. what can i do to make things better should i do a kurbani and just keep praying to allah to forgive me? please help me or advice me on the right path.

jazakum allah keir

Salam,

please read verses 68 to 71 of chapter 25, where Allah promises forgiveness to those involved in adultery, if there is true repentance as tested by a changed life in conduct. The verses decribe the qualities of true servents of Allah;

“And the servants of (Allah) Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility.............Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made sacred except for just cause, nor commit fornication; - and any that does this (not only) meets punishment. (But) the Chastisement on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in ignominy, Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful, And whoever repents and does good has truly turned to Allah in repentance;-(25:68-71)

I would suggest that there is no need to inform your wife what has happened because you have decided to correct yourself. You also have to take a pledge by yourself that if you ever do this again, you will to inform her.

wassalam