i am married and committed Zina

[Snowflake]

There was an ANNON poster in this thread who said dont tell your wife. Do not listen to this person, he/she is clearly poorly informed in there Islam.


"Forgive him who wrongs you; Join him who cuts you off; Do good to him who does evil to you; And speak the truth even if it be against yourself.
- Inscribed on Prophet Muhammad's sword."

Allahumma salli ala Muhammad wa ala aali Muhammad. But speak the truth in which context? We are told not to reveal our sins.

Taken from another forum..

DO NOT REVEAL YOUR SINS

From among the teachings of Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) is to keep sins a secret matter. If someone commits a sinful act which is against the Commandments of Allah, or is against the moral character, or is such an act that may cause harm to one's honor, then he should keep it a secret and seek forgiveness from Allah in the darkness of night.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O so- and-so! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Saheeh al-Bukhari]

Abdullah Ibn Masoud (May allah be pleased with him) related, `A man came to the Prophet and said: `O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.' Umar Ibn al-Khattab (May allah be pleased with him) then said: `Allah had kept your secret, why did not you keep your secret?' [Sharh Muslim]

Similarly, if one becomes aware of somebody else's sin, he should keep it a secret. Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "He, who relieves a hardship of this Dunya (world) for a believer, Allah will relieve (from him) a hardship of the Day of Resurrection; he who makes easy an indebted person, Allah will make it easy for him in the Dunya and the Hereafter; he who covers a Muslim (meaning his mistakes and shortcomings), Allah will cover him in the Dunya and the Hereafter …" [Sahih Muslim]

 

[cat eyes]

i notice that in your posts, this woman has your number and your email address... is your head working seriously??i would suggest you block your number and block her from your email or even better, close your email. feels like your wife could find out any second so i would just tell her instead of somebody else telling her.. and trust me people do find out, its just a matter of time

as i said the right if a human comes first and if she finds out without you telling her, she might end up cursing you in the anger and tears and if she is a good practising muslim, Allah will have you cursed. the pain of a human from somebody else hands angers Allah greatly

 

[ryaan]

i live in the U.k and my wife was sikh before. i will speak to scholar and see what he says i appretiate all your help and efforts, only allah knows how i feel right now. in my job i have to be smartly dressed everyday clean shaven and no hats unfortunately but i tell you what it aint such a bad idea to that after work.

i hope this thread doesnt cause any arguments amongst any of you guys i appritate all your help i will see a scholar and if he says tell i wont know how to as she trust me 100%it will break her heart she really deserves better. im not a bad guy just sometimes the shaytan gets the best of me unfortunately. i have few muslim friends but they not too practising. i sometimes try to go to masijd for magrib and isha.

i made this mistake as i was trying to get out of this horrible habbit allah has blessed me and unfortunately i get a lot of unwanted attention but alhamdulilah ramadan is around the corner inshalla things will change for me.

 

[Afg]

Salam,

please read verses 68 to 71 of chapter 25, where Allah promises forgiveness to those involved in adultery, if there is true repentance as tested by a changed life in conduct. The verses decribe the qualities of true servents of Allah;

“And the servants of (Allah) Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility.............Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made sacred except for just cause, nor commit fornication; - and any that does this (not only) meets punishment. (But) the Chastisement on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in ignominy, Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful, And whoever repents and does good has truly turned to Allah in repentance;-(25:68-71)

MashaAllah nice verse. Allah is Most-Forgiving.

 

[bamboozled]

i live in the U.k and my wife was sikh before. i will speak to scholar and see what he says i appretiate all your help and efforts, only allah knows how i feel right now. in my job i have to be smartly dressed everyday clean shaven and no hats unfortunately but i tell you what it aint such a bad idea to that after work.

If you cant wear a hat, can you grow a beard. But as someone was saying you gaze has to be at the floor from now on. Also, make sure you seek a Wise scholar, mashallah most are, but always ask for references and tell him everything.

Maybe another job is necessary. Not worth keeping if you have to be even near your mistress. Especially if they dont let you grow a small beard. Tell the Scholar this. WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN, U WILL FORGET OTHERWISE. EVERYTHING.

i hope this thread doesnt cause any arguments amongst any of you guys i appritate all your help i will see a scholar and if he says tell...

There was a debate on page 2 about telling here as someone said what was ingraved in the PBUH sword and someone else said that the Prophet PBUH said one should hide sins. Present both these arguements to the scholar.

If you can try and speak to maybe 2schoalrs, just to make sure their advice match inshallah it should. If it contradicts go back and tell them that it differs and then they will double check. Dont just pick the one u prefer.

i wont know how to as she trust me 100%it will break her heart she really deserves better.

Can you blame her? You just need to try and make it up to her. This burden is going to be with you forever brother. Its good though that you deeply regret it. Ask yourself was it worth it? Then remeber what ever you feel.

im not a bad guy just sometimes the shaytan gets the best of me unfortunately. i have few muslim friends but they not too practising. i sometimes try to go to masijd for magrib and isha.

Then stay away from those friends. You are the company you keep. Go to the mosque absolutely all the time, whenever you can, even if its not prayer time. Repent, pray read Quran, sit and think, do wuzu, tusbee, nufl, help out with the cleaning, speak to imans, read islamic books in the mosque. People will get to know you at your mosque and you will make better friends that way. Real friends.

Magrib and Isha are mashallah very good starts try to keep it up and slowly go more and more often, reading more nufl etc.

RAMADAN is around the corner indeed, mention this to the scholars. It is an oppurtunity for you to change. just work on lowering your gaze. And make sure these Rosa are the best ones in your life. Repent like mad.

Make sure you tell the scholars everything and ask absolutely everything you need to do. Do not hide anything, they need the full picture.

Always seek advice from high up scholars, this is a serious matter. Make sure they know there stuff.

Brother I also have to say what you done is totally haram. A major sin. A disgusting act. Thank Allah you do not yet have children as they would have been torn apart and dont ever have them if there is a chance that this can happen again, even a chance, would you want your children to behave in such a manner. Mashallah all the brothers and sisters on this forum are trying to help you and give you advice to repent and they are all right. But there is no undermining the massive sin you have commited. Never do it again. Your gaze should be on the floor, all the time.

Inshallah Allah will make us all stronger. Amen.

 

[ryaan]

honestley alll day my gaze has been on the floor and alhamdulilah everything is so much better im able to concentrate more in salat and i feel better. thanks again everyone

 

[AnonymousPoster]

As a wife I would want to know, and have the chance to make my own decision. Is that not my right? He has wronged ME and yet acting as though he has done nothing wrong. He he feels guilt, but I do not think he will ever feel peace until he has gotten forgivness from his wife, and he shouldn't. Yes I agree Allah must be most important one that he seeks forgivness from. But what about this wife that he apparently LOVES? Is this what love is? Is it fair to lead a woman on? Let her think everything is ok in their marraige when it is not? IF it ever came out, the fact that he hid it, will NEVER let her trust him again. BUT if he tells her, is honest and up-front there might be a chance inshaAlllah. Can he base the rest of marraige on secrets? is that what islam teaches? Yes there are some situations where it is best to keep things from others, but I personally feel this is not one of them, as their futures are depending on this.
NB Please note this is just my opinion.
Allahu A'lam
InshaAllah I will make du'a for your poor wife that Allah gives her the happiness she deserves whether that's with you or without you.

 

[Sahabiyaat]

the above is indeed just an opinion....and heres mine....DO NOT TELL HER, u have repented,will never do it againso thats it,the end.....no need to cause her so much pain, as u well know how hurt she will be....good to hear ur lowering ur gaze, keep it up. :wa:

 

[AnonymousPoster]

If it was once, then MAYBE not telling her and repenting is enough...but twice, sister? Who makes the same mistake twice with the same person, in the same situation? The second time it happened because he felt he got away with it the first time.
Anyhow, I am now leaving this thread as it is a topic that is very personal to me.imsad
And I do not want to offend others leaving their advices to the brother.

May Allah keep us away from Haram...always

 

[mathematician]

If it was once, then MAYBE not telling her and repenting is enough...but twice, sister? Who makes the same mistake twice with the same person, in the same situation? The second time it happened because he felt he got away with it the first time.
Anyhow, I am now leaving this thread as it is a topic that is very personal to me.imsad
And I do not want to offend others leaving their advices to the brother.

May Allah keep us away from Haram...always

salamu 'alaykum sister,
Since this topic is personal to you I am sorry for what you went through.
I know what you mean. I think this brother needs to come to his senses. You are right that having done the act twice is something very disturbing. At least that's how I would find it.

It is quite possible that the brother here does not deserve the wife he has. BUT, he deserves one more chance. Just one more. I think if he ever gets close to zina again he needs to tell his wife that he has major problems in that department. Then maybe she will move on and find a better husband.

Since the brother came to us for help, he is trying. You know maybe before he came across islamicboard he wasn't religious (although he says he was).
What I worry about is, let's say the brother tells his wife about it. From then on she might never appreciate him. But Allah controls all of our hearts, so He might guide the brother to be a very good pious man. So at that point you would be dealing with ----a pious man who has an ungrateful wife---.
And yes I say ungrateful because she may not understand that a person who sincerely repents is not the same as the person who did not repent. I can't blame her. I wouldn't forgive my wife for committing zina. It's an act that takes a lot of thought to do. But for the sake of "one more chance" he should not tell his wife about this.

 

[Ayubi]

Assalamu alaykum bro Ryyan,

As sad as I feel to read your post, I also feel happy that you regret your actions. Allah is forgiving, provided you repent and ask for His forgiveness from the bottom of your heart. We should conceal our sins, so don't make mention to your wife of your sin. Also your guilt is feeling like a burden, and you want to find relief by telling your wife. But what will that achieve? Apart from her testifying against you on the Day of Qiayamah, it can ruin your marriage for good. Is that wise when you regret your actions and want to change? You have to carry the burden yourself until Allah makes it easy for you, inshaAllah. On a practical note, I hope you haven't caught anything (STD). If you think there's a chance you should get tested and Allah forbid if something is wrong, you will have to tell your wife.

Please read the following articles relating to zina, repentance and forgiveness inshaAllah.




May Allah accept yor repentance and forgive you. Ameen

I fully agree with you sister. Conceal your sins, ask Allah ta3ala for forgiveness and seek to improve your marriage.

 

[cat eyes]

secrets and lies are evil. islam don't teach us to hide things from the ones we love especially in this situation where the human has every right to know or is she not a human?? he will never feel at peace and comfort until he will ask forgiveness from the person he hurt.. believe me i had to do it myself and it was tough and would you believe that person forgave me

i am probably going to deep into this but anyway lets just say Allah took both there souls and on judgement day, they will be asked there every bad sin which they did, Allah might forgive him what he did on his wifes back but he will never forgive that person who lies..

as Allah has said he watches everything which a person dose, he might be able to fool other people but Allah is all hearer all knower of everything and his hands will even testify against him on the day of judgement at least if hes wife was going to know everything in the life of the world,

lets just say Allah gave the right to the wife to judge her husband and she didn't know what he did with her in the life and Allah told her what he did, mabe she could say i want him to go to hell for what he did with me at least in this worthless life if he was gona tell the truth and ask forgiveness,

Allah will make a quick decision about him and his wife will be able to say yes he asked forgiveness from me and i want him to enter into jannah with me. marriage is precious to Allah and he takes the right of a human very serious

and he is a liar and a cheat infront of his wife.. she deserves to know that she has been wronged.. and believe me she will find out herself that will be your punishment more then likely because it happens to every single person..

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

KEEP A BEARD

START PRAYING AT YOUR WORKPLACE - ALWAYS


and listen

RECITE DHIKR AT YOUR WORKPLACE


KEEP THAT SHAYTAN AWAY




HEED MY ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[pious believer]

this might seem a little dumb but why do men do this?

 

[Pk_#2]

this might seem a little dumb but why do men do this?

The Q isn't dumb sis, dw.

Some women do it too. .. they do it because they're stupid. imsad

 

[pious believer]

what I dont understnd is, why do people cheat on their husband/wife if their really do love him/her so much?:raging:

okay the whole situaion is different if you was forced to marry this person, and you dont love this person, but having love for your spouse and and being unloyal toward them just kills me!!:heated:

can anyone explain why this happens?

 

[syilla]

what I dont understnd is, why do people cheat on their husband/wife if their really do love him/her so much?:raging:

okay the whole situaion is different if you was forced to marry this person, and you dont love this person, but having love for your spouse and and being unloyal toward them just kills me!!:heated:

can anyone explain why this happens?

Because the love is not good/high enough. :hmm:

 

[- IqRa -]

what I dont understnd is, why do people cheat on their husband/wife if their really do love him/her so much?:raging:

okay the whole situaion is different if you was forced to marry this person, and you dont love this person, but having love for your spouse and and being unloyal toward them just kills me!!:heated:

can anyone explain why this happens?

Men have a lot of sexual desire, and sometimes they are not satisfied with 1 woman. They need release and maybe because the woman they married has not got a high level of sexual desire, the same as the man, which is why he is not content with her.

That's what I understand anyway.

 

[zakirs]

what I dont understnd is, why do people cheat on their husband/wife if their really do love him/her so much?

okay the whole situaion is different if you was forced to marry this person, and you dont love this person, but having love for your spouse and and being unloyal toward them just kills me!!

can anyone explain why this happens?

God made us that way.i remember an hadith saying that For men women are the greatest distraction ( greater than wealth and pride).And ofcourse do not forget the evil side

 

[zakirs]

God made us that way.i remember an hadith saying that For men women are the greatest distraction ( greater than wealth and pride).And ofcourse do not forget the evil side

just to clarify women refers to women other than your wife