KittyKat
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Let me preface this by saying that I am not currently Muslim and please bear with me while I give you a little background information on myself.
I was born in the late 1970's, my father who was a Baptist preacher left my mother shortly after she got pregnant to go live with his x-wife whom he already had a son with. I never really got to know him growing up. I tried once when I was 13ish to reconnect with him, like many children do these days when they come up in a broken family. So I never really had a stable father figure in my life until my late teens when my mother remarried a really wonderful man. This man did adopt me and I do see him now as my true father.
My mother who is admittedly spiritual but not very religious did not goto church very much in my youth. My grandmother who was a bit more religious did take me to Baptist church every now and again and my mothers new husband is very devote so during the 1990's I spent alot of time in the Baptist church. So my religious back ground is somewhat limited to Baptist churches for about a period of 10 years. I've always wanted to be closer to God and I've always felt his "call" in my heart. So I tried my best to be a good Christian and Baptist girl. I studied with enthusiasm but as I got older I started questioning the basic principles of the "born again" philosophy. How could someone just simply say "I accept Jesus in my heart" and they the entire slate be completely forgiven? How could child rapists and murders on their death beds, "get religion" and be suddenly saved?
And how could preachers who profess to love Jesus preach nothing but hate messages about how babies will burn in hellfire and how Jews and Islamics, Buddists and whomever else out there, is also doomed to hell?
Jesus's message was of acceptance and Love. Not of hate.
It just really did not make any sense to me.
The last straw was the disillusionment I eventually realized when I saw how "two faced" some of the church goers were. On Sundays they were one person- the other 6 days of the week- Someone else. Now my grandmother told me, that it's better to sit with heathens in church than sit with them in hell but still...if you are a true person of God, shouldn't you at least TRY to practice his words and law outside of the church building as well as within?
So basically for the past 15 years I've been rather lost. I believe in One true god, but I've always thought that Jesus when he said he was the son of God he meant.. "We are all sons and daughters of God." My mother jokingly told me a long time ago and it stuck with me that she thought that perhaps I was a "Jew" at heart. Well that is semi-true! I believe Jesus was a wonderful prophet, messenger and teacher. I'm not 100% sure he was the actually "blood son" of God in that sense.
It wasn't until just recently, when the call in my heart to find God was becoming so strong I couldn't stand it, that I began to search out different religious options for myself that I found Islam. 3 years ago I thought I might be Catholic, but after speaking with a Sister during a few meetings, I discovered that it really wasn't for me. Again, too much veiled hate behind her words. She wouldn't' accept my living situation at the time and to me for a church to turn someone away because of that, was cold and very "un-Jesus" like.
See I love ritual. I believe that everyday you should have prayer and reflect and have your "moment" with God. I believe that you should be moral and respectful and generally "good." Being Baptist...they don't teach that. Catholics do have more daily ritual but they were very closed and un-accepting. I also believe that girls should be girls and act like girls. I don't believe that women should be men or try to fill their roll. This is a very shocking and hard concept to follow these days.
So I tried Paganism. That did not work out. Everytime I even think about a belief in other gods other than one true God, my mind, heart and soul screams that it's wrong. So I couldn't' do that.
It wasn't until I found Islam just a few short months ago that something "clicked" with me. This could be exactly what I've been wanting my entire life. But it is SO very scary for me.
Living in the US, I'm sure you all know the most unfortunate and negative stigma that comes with Islam. But after all the studying, you tubing, blog reading, I cannot find anything remotely similar to what the US media portrays Islam to be to what I believe it actually is.
The beauty in Islam is amazing. I love how the Qur'an tells a completely different story than the "bible." How it doesn't make all women evil etc, how it includes books that the "bible" omitted to what I can only assume are political reasons during that time. I also love the community of Islam and how accepting Islam seems to be of other religions.
That being said, I am still not Muslim. I am too nervous right now to make a decision. My husband is "of the book" but he's not very religious. In fact he's fearing that I might becoming to much of a "zealot" lately. I love him with all my heart so I have to consider him in any decision I make.
I just really need some like minded folks to talk with. It feels like my heart is about to burst lately, crying out seeking fellowship. (I hope that doesn't sound too weird.)
So that's it for now I suppose. I apologize for the extremely long post.
Many Blessings to you-
Kitty:><:
I was born in the late 1970's, my father who was a Baptist preacher left my mother shortly after she got pregnant to go live with his x-wife whom he already had a son with. I never really got to know him growing up. I tried once when I was 13ish to reconnect with him, like many children do these days when they come up in a broken family. So I never really had a stable father figure in my life until my late teens when my mother remarried a really wonderful man. This man did adopt me and I do see him now as my true father.
My mother who is admittedly spiritual but not very religious did not goto church very much in my youth. My grandmother who was a bit more religious did take me to Baptist church every now and again and my mothers new husband is very devote so during the 1990's I spent alot of time in the Baptist church. So my religious back ground is somewhat limited to Baptist churches for about a period of 10 years. I've always wanted to be closer to God and I've always felt his "call" in my heart. So I tried my best to be a good Christian and Baptist girl. I studied with enthusiasm but as I got older I started questioning the basic principles of the "born again" philosophy. How could someone just simply say "I accept Jesus in my heart" and they the entire slate be completely forgiven? How could child rapists and murders on their death beds, "get religion" and be suddenly saved?
And how could preachers who profess to love Jesus preach nothing but hate messages about how babies will burn in hellfire and how Jews and Islamics, Buddists and whomever else out there, is also doomed to hell?
Jesus's message was of acceptance and Love. Not of hate.
It just really did not make any sense to me.
The last straw was the disillusionment I eventually realized when I saw how "two faced" some of the church goers were. On Sundays they were one person- the other 6 days of the week- Someone else. Now my grandmother told me, that it's better to sit with heathens in church than sit with them in hell but still...if you are a true person of God, shouldn't you at least TRY to practice his words and law outside of the church building as well as within?
So basically for the past 15 years I've been rather lost. I believe in One true god, but I've always thought that Jesus when he said he was the son of God he meant.. "We are all sons and daughters of God." My mother jokingly told me a long time ago and it stuck with me that she thought that perhaps I was a "Jew" at heart. Well that is semi-true! I believe Jesus was a wonderful prophet, messenger and teacher. I'm not 100% sure he was the actually "blood son" of God in that sense.
It wasn't until just recently, when the call in my heart to find God was becoming so strong I couldn't stand it, that I began to search out different religious options for myself that I found Islam. 3 years ago I thought I might be Catholic, but after speaking with a Sister during a few meetings, I discovered that it really wasn't for me. Again, too much veiled hate behind her words. She wouldn't' accept my living situation at the time and to me for a church to turn someone away because of that, was cold and very "un-Jesus" like.
See I love ritual. I believe that everyday you should have prayer and reflect and have your "moment" with God. I believe that you should be moral and respectful and generally "good." Being Baptist...they don't teach that. Catholics do have more daily ritual but they were very closed and un-accepting. I also believe that girls should be girls and act like girls. I don't believe that women should be men or try to fill their roll. This is a very shocking and hard concept to follow these days.
So I tried Paganism. That did not work out. Everytime I even think about a belief in other gods other than one true God, my mind, heart and soul screams that it's wrong. So I couldn't' do that.
It wasn't until I found Islam just a few short months ago that something "clicked" with me. This could be exactly what I've been wanting my entire life. But it is SO very scary for me.
Living in the US, I'm sure you all know the most unfortunate and negative stigma that comes with Islam. But after all the studying, you tubing, blog reading, I cannot find anything remotely similar to what the US media portrays Islam to be to what I believe it actually is.
The beauty in Islam is amazing. I love how the Qur'an tells a completely different story than the "bible." How it doesn't make all women evil etc, how it includes books that the "bible" omitted to what I can only assume are political reasons during that time. I also love the community of Islam and how accepting Islam seems to be of other religions.
That being said, I am still not Muslim. I am too nervous right now to make a decision. My husband is "of the book" but he's not very religious. In fact he's fearing that I might becoming to much of a "zealot" lately. I love him with all my heart so I have to consider him in any decision I make.
I just really need some like minded folks to talk with. It feels like my heart is about to burst lately, crying out seeking fellowship. (I hope that doesn't sound too weird.)
So that's it for now I suppose. I apologize for the extremely long post.
Many Blessings to you-
Kitty:><:
I'll keep happily reading the threads here. This forum is amazing!
