i cnt bare My mothers sadness anymore! what can I/WE do?

:sl:
I'm speechless, but don't give up following the pieces of advice posted in this topic & Insha'Allah this nightmare will be over soon.
 
:sl: . actully this may be my first post on this forum as I am member less than a day old here, yet during my peruse of old thread I am grip with emotion and very touch on this thread under discussion. And i feel need to say something to ease your or perharp your mother viscititude of life fitna. Because no one who will read that thread with full of heart pouring, will not ask him or herself how will someone be subjected to oppression of that magnitude. Thanks to all good brothers and sisters here that had offered advice and prayer. In one word I will enjoy you to strive and put to practise all what you have read here, every suggestion so far revlolve around taking practical step to involve external councellor and seeking Allah in prayer to ease the situation.

Besides, if the old woman can read, you can print out some of this tread so that she will know that everyone care for her. i eaqually believe she will benefit from life lesson of those pass pious predecessor.

I pray to Allah to ease her fitna beacuse after every hardship, it is always ease as promise by Allah SWT.

Don't let her loose hope, for Allah help is so near. More, so by her age now (around 60) I think should be hopeful to meet Allah with good faith and more so, whatever she has suffer in the past can not be long in terms of lifespan that perharp remain for her. Let her hope for better future so to live a health and long life.

Indeed she has beared witness to prophetic word that this Life is a prison for a believer' Jannah is so near.

I shall keep your family in my prayer
One lesson I learnt in this: is that wether you are black, white, brown inasmuch you are a human being situation of life is alway akin to each other because your LORD is ALLAH. A similar situation occur here in lagos, Nigeria recently
 
:sl:

It really is heart breaking to see the problems people in our Ummah face...you are not alone, many suffer as you do...and I know that doesn't help, but it is important not to suffer alone. A family friend recently had her house revoked because her drugs abusing sons. She is (probabaly) 55 years old and provides for the family, when if only one of her 3 sons worked full time could provides for her . It's sad that after a Mother has bought up a child after their weakened state still has to support them after they have grown instead of them supporting her when she is in her weakened state. The other day my Mom was saying how a wealthy man goes to visit his elderely mother, who is over 60 years of age and lives alone, every blue moon! When he is rebuked for not visiting her more often as she is alone he said "She is not alone, she has a cat"...
Not too long ago I have also heard an elderely Mothers inheritance being denied by her eldest son and being forced on the streets with her youngest daughter whilst her younger Brother lost his mentality due stress.
We also have Muslims all over the world, in Palestine for example, where the children grow up with deep rooted emotional scars from seeing their parents abused by armed Israel soldiers. Kicked, punched, manhandled for searches in humiliating ways and the child watches helplessly. They are forced out their homes and suffer from famine.
Fatim(RA) when ten years old was subjected to such emotional pains as well, she watched as the utbah abu muyaid? dropped camel instestines etc on Mohammad(SAW) in sujood and others tried to strangle him while he was in prayer other times...

The probelms your Mother is facing is not her fault. The husband has been ordered to support the wife financially and take care of her material, spiritual and physical needs, and to treat her in a proper manner.The husband has no right to be abusive or to oppress the wife (and also visa-versa). This is a tremendous sin, and a form of oppression, which the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) warned against, saying, “Oppression is darknesses on the Day of Judgment.” [Muslim]...Your father and brothers are answerable to Allah Most High for what they have done down to the atoms weight.

[PIE]
According to the Ulema/Scholars:

Common Rights Between the Two

There are some rights which each of the two spouses has over the other. These include:

1)The right to enjoy each other.
2)The right to inherit from each other.
3)The right of confirmation of the lineage of their children.

The rights of the wife over the husband:

1)The dowry
2)Support
3)Kind and proper treatment
4)Marital relations
5)Not to be ill-treated (such as physical or mental abuse)
6)Privacy
7)Justice between multiple wives
8)To be taught her religion
9)Defense of her honor

The rights of the husband over the wife are:

1)Being head of the household
2)To be obeyed in all that is not disobedience to Allah [with the limits mentioned: the wife must obey the husband in anything lawful, related to their marriage, as long as there is no harm or contravention of the Shariah in it, or the taking of others' rights (including her own, such as her right to dispose of her own property as she wishes)].
4)Marital relations
5)That she not allow anyone in the house of whom he disapproves
6)That she not leave the house without his permission
7)That she cook for him and keep his house (Note: Scholars are also of the opinion that this cannot be legally forced on them either, if they refuse to do so the husband must provide cooked food)
8)To be thanked for his efforts
9)That she not fast a voluntary fast without his permission

More advice here:
http://www.familylawweek.co.uk/library.asp?i=2726

[/PIE]

[PIE]"A person should help his brother whether he is an oppressor or an oppressed. If he is the oppressor he should prevent him from doing it, for that is his help; and if he is the oppressed he should be helped (against oppression)." [Sahih Muslim, Book 32, Number 6254]

In light of the above hadith you should take steps if possible to prevent further abuse to your mother, not just for your mothers sake but for the sake of your father and brothers. They are commiting Major sins as your Brothers are abusing their Mother in her old age, stealing etc . Your Father is not fullfilling the rights due to your Mother by not providing the obligated financial support, Acquiring wealth unjustly through her and causing oppression. He has no right over your Mothers land.

In my opinion:
If all forms of reasoning with them failed...You SHOULD get restraining orders etc in my opinion as it seems necessary to stop your brothers and on the possitive side they may change their lifestyle if they realise they can't steal from your Mother to feed their addiction. Your Mother can sell her land, there will be no sin on her part as your father has no rights over it anyway and it will stop him from getting sins, by acquiring money unjustly, on the already accumulated list of many sins he has commited till now. You taking steps to prevent your Brothers and Father from abusing your Mother should NOT be seen as breaking family ties OR giving up on them but rather as a necessary step to be taken to reduce the sins in which they are drowning Insha'Allah. [/PIE]

Resentment and bitterness can tear a person's heart. You don't want to be weighed down by these feelings, so strive to put things in perspective and move on with your life. As Sister PurestAmbrosia and Sister Hawa said, you may want to seek the help of a qualified counselor or therapist to learn some strategies for coping with the pain, learning from it, and moving beyond. Alhamdulillah, You seem to get on well with your sisters and your Mother, Insha'Allah. The man in your family are not helping...unfortunately.

[PIE]The scholars tell us about Allah(SWT):

When He gives us blessings, our duty is to be grateful to Him.
When He sends us hardships, our duty is to be patient.
When He tries us with sin, our duty is to repent.
When He gifts us with acts of good, our duty is to thank Him.

Just some Ayats and hadiths on the importance of being stead fast:

Allah Almighty says, "O you who believe! Be steadfast; be supreme in steadfastness" (3:200),
and the Almighty says, "We will test you with a certain amount of fear and hunger and loss of wealth and life and fruits. But give good news to the steadfast," (W2:154; H2:155)
and the Almighty says, "The steadfast will be paid their wages in full without any reckoning." (W39:11; H39:10)
The Almighty said, "But if someone is steadfast and forgives, that is the most resolute course to follow." (W42:40; H42:43)
The Almighty says, "Seek help in steadfastness and the prayer. Allah is with the steadfast" (W2:152; H2:153)
and the Almighty says, "We will test you until We know the true fighters among you and those who are steadfast" (W47:30; H47:31)

Abu Yahya Suhayb ibn Sinan said, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'What an extraordinary thing the business of the believer is! All of it is good for him. And that only
applies to the believer. If good fortune is his lot, he is grateful and it is good for him. If something harmful happens to him, he is steadfast and that is good for him too.'" [Muslim]

Dua for when faced with hardship:

Anas (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to say:
Allahumma inni a`udhu bika min al-`ajzi wa’l kasal
Wa’l jubni wa’l haram
Wa a`udhu bika min fitnat’il mahya wa’l mamaat
Wa a`udhu bika min `adhab al-qabr.

“O Lord, I seek refuge in You from weakness and laziness,
Cowardliness and feebleness;
I seek refuge in You from the trials of life and death,
And seek refuge in You from punishment of the grave.”
[Bukhari and Muslim]
[/PIE]


Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "Your supplication will be answered if you are not impatient, and if you do not say, 'I supplicated but my supplication was not heard'." (Malik)

The narration of Muslim is: "The supplication of a slave continues to be granted as long as he does not supplicate for a sinful thing or for something that would cut off the ties of kinship and he does not grow impatient.'' It was said: "O Messenger of Allah! What does growing impatient mean?'' He (PBUH) said, "It is one's saying: `I supplicated again and again but I do not think that my prayer will be answered.' Then he becomes frustrated (in such circumstances) and gives up supplication altogether.''

Also of importance is that the one supplicating should not express dissatisfaction if his du'aa is apparently not being answered, for this action in itself is a reason for the du'aa not being answered - as the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "A servants du'aa continues to be answered as long as he does not ask for anything sinful or breaking the ties of relations, and as long as he does not become impatient." It was said: How does one become impatient O Messenger of Allaah? He said: "He says: I have supplicated, I have supplicated, yet it has not been answered. He therefore becomes despondent and abandons supplicating."
So it is not befitting that the one supplicating should become impatient about being answered, then become disappointed and despondent, and thereby abandon making du'aa. Rather, one should call upon Allaah, since every du'aa you make to Allaah is an act of worship, which brings you closer to Him and increases your reward.

YOu can download 30 pages of Dua here, Insha'Allah it may be beneficial:
http://www.islamicboard.com/islamic-multimedia/49638-30-pages-duaa-supplications-pdf.html


I hope your Mother keeps her Sabr, finds comfort in the remembrance of Allah(SWT) and not let the works shaytan overpower her by making her give up on Allah(SWT). As Allah(SWT) says in the Qur'an Surely after hardship there is ease. After hardship indeed there is ease, and Allah(SWT) does not break his promise or burden one more then they can bear. You will be in my Dua...it's the least one can do.

Walaikum Assalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
 
you will be in my every dua and inshallah some how in this crazy world all will work out and you, your mother and your family will be happy
 
Z.AL-Rashid said:
:sl:

I hope your Mother keeps her Sabr, finds comfort in the remembrance of Allah(SWT) and not let the works shaytan overpower her by making her give up on Allah(SWT). As Allah(SWT) says in the Qur'an Surely after hardship there is ease. After hardship indeed there is ease, and Allah(SWT) does not break his promise or burden one more then they can bear. You will be in my Dua...it's the least one can do.

Walaikum Assalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
Click to expand...


:sl: Thank you all for all the advice, prayers/dua's and support. You may not think a thread like this can help, but believe me it Will.

I just want to say, all of the advice given by sisters & brothers are beyond what i thought i'd get. and i want to thank you 4 your support because now i have confidence in trying to help my mother. Many of the advices given will be used, but when it is suitable.

May Allah reward you all, and help those around the world, who are in need ike my mother. :w:
 

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