I desperately long for death

[Studentofdeed]

I wasnt that religous before. I never did anything outright haram and always listened to my mother and tried to do good by people. I always helped my classmates in school because I believe the knowledge Allah gave me , it's my duty to share and not be selfish. Yet countless times people used and backstabbed me.
Then like i said without knowing it was haram. I fell in love and had a haram relationship. I never did any zina or touching of kind but she was my first love. She abused me so much and...still to this day she intentionally tries to grab my attention only to give me the silent treatment. At school she tries to intimidate me. I am a much better Muslim but at times I cant help but cry. How can I love again and marry? I no longer trust any women. And all I can think is the abuse my ex put me through. I feel worthless and wish for death. Obviously I feel never kill myself but I cant help but feel depressed. I feel so lonely and alhamdullah I had a major surgery recently so I do not have to deal with her for while but I still feel depressed and constantly blame myself. I know it's a test but I cant help but feel suicidal

 

[ZeeshanParvez]

Feeling suicidal won't get you into trouble unless you act on it.

Acting does not only include committing suicide but also includes giving up your duties towards Allaah.

So, for starters do not act upon it.

Second, read this Verse:


And that it is He who makes [one] laugh and weep

[Qur'aan 53:43]


Then, make dua every day until it is accepted that Allaah makes you happy.


The Prophet Ya'quub cried for his son until his eyes went white


And he turned away from them and said, "Oh, my sorrow over Joseph," and his eyes became white from grief, for he was [of that] a suppressor.

[Qur'aan 12:84]



But he was patient. And Allaah reunited him with his son, Prophet Yusuf.


Remember, this hadiith as well

Indeed, you do not give up anything for the Sake of Allaah except He replaces you with something better than it.



Dua is your best friend right now.

Make this dua


إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ اللَّهُمَّ أْجُرْنِي فِي مُصِيبَتِي وَأَخْلِفْ لِي خَيْرًا مِنْهَا



Umm Salamah's husband was Abu Salamah. She was in severe distress when he died.

The Prophet (Sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) told her to say this dua.


She herself says: I was replaced with better. I ended up married to the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam). Subhaan Allaah!!!


Read it for yourself



Umm Salama, the wife of the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam), reported Allah's Messenger (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) as saying:


If any servant (of Allah) who suffers a calamity says:" We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it," ' Allah will give him reward for affliction, and would give him something better than it in exchange. She (Umm Salama) said: When Abu Salama died. I uttered (these very words) as I was commanded (to do) by the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam). So Allah gave me better in exchange than him. i. e. (I was taken as the wife of) the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam)

Sahiih Muslim

 

[Bmh2019]

What is meant in this context suppressor?

Who was abu salama

 

[AbdurRahman.]

Suicide is the worst possible way to deal with it as it will take you straight to hell as per the hadith

You just had the bad luck of being acquainted with a very nasty girl

Just forget her and move on, that's all you can do

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Studentofdeed;

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles in life.

Think of life's struggles like going across monkey bars, in order to move forward; you have to constantly let go of the past. ( monkey bars are like a ladder suspended above the ground, when you reach for the rung in front of you, then you have to let go of the one behind to move forwards.)

The person who angers you, controls your mind and thoughts, it is like they have a remote control, and they just press your buttons to make you feel bad. The only person who should control what goes on inside your head is you, and you do not have to give her permission to keep hurting you. If you can come to terms with forgiving her for what she has done to you, then you may come to understand how Allah can forgive you also.

The person who is able to forgive, benefits more than the person who has been forgiven, it is a great sign of strength to be able to forgive and let go of the past; even if she does not say sorry. When you are able to forgive, then you will find peace.

May Allah bless you with the strength and peace to do his will,
Eric

 

[xboxisdead]

I wasnt that religous before. I never did anything outright haram and always listened to my mother and tried to do good by people. I always helped my classmates in school because I believe the knowledge Allah gave me , it's my duty to share and not be selfish. Yet countless times people used and backstabbed me.
Then like i said without knowing it was haram. I fell in love and had a haram relationship. I never did any zina or touching of kind but she was my first love. She abused me so much and...still to this day she intentionally tries to grab my attention only to give me the silent treatment. At school she tries to intimidate me. I am a much better Muslim but at times I cant help but cry. How can I love again and marry? I no longer trust any women. And all I can think is the abuse my ex put me through. I feel worthless and wish for death. Obviously I feel never kill myself but I cant help but feel depressed. I feel so lonely and alhamdullah I had a major surgery recently so I do not have to deal with her for while but I still feel depressed and constantly blame myself. I know it's a test but I cant help but feel suicidal

What a waste masculinity and brotherhood spend on having some female stab you in your heart and do mind manipulation. You have gotten your punishment for doing haraam relationship. So now..stop doing haram relationship and never do it again. Stop thinking about this vile person who is so insecure and evil and find satisfaction in hurting people and devote on yourself first.

First, pray to Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) and ask Allah to forgive you for your sins. Second, go to mosques and pray. Third do zakaat and help the needy. Forth...THERE ARE SO MANY boys out there who need a father figure or brother when they come from abusive fathers or broken homes...maybe you should devote your time and helping them? Help them in getting in their schools, learn Islam better so you can spread the teaching to new generation of men. Do that please. Go to the mosque and interact with your brothers and teach men and children proper recitation of Qura'an, especially for people where Arabic not their first language. Get legit books and teach non-Arabic readers the meanings of Qura'an so that they understand the meanings when they read it and not be parroting the words without understanding what they are parroting?

How many boys who are orphaned out there...sponsor them (adopt) and take care of them. Focus on your education so you can do better in school. You are not competing with anyone when you go to school, you are competing with yourself to achieving better for yourself and have the proper intention that you are doing good in school for Allah's pleasure so you take this knowledge to helping other muslims out there achieve success in this world and afterlife.

Never have ANY INTERACTION WITH FEMALES UNNECESSARY and NEVER HAVE FEMALE friends. NEVER....EVER.....EVER have female friends....EVER It is haram and they can never be your friend. Your only friend is male friend AND BETTER HE BE A MUSLIM THAN NON-MUSLIM..and your brothers/sisters ARE ALSO your friends however EVEN your wife she cannot be your friend. She is your wife. Her friend(s) are other females (if it is done right).

YOU WANT to beat the woman who hurt you (not physically)...DO BETTER THAN HER. Succeed better than her AND AVOID 100% COMMUNICATION WITH HER. Show her you don't need her and you are much happier without her by moving on! If she comes at you again...threaten to call the police against her. That is a terrorist and she is a stocker now. Avoid her and forget her and brush yourself and learn from this experience.