i dont feel welcome at the mosque :(

[Asiyah3]

When you say it like that, it makes sense ...

Are women less distractable by such things, you think?

I think it's better to be seperated rooms. Last friday I went to mosque. Well, it was my first time (besides ramadan) and I started using hijab a little time ago - alhamdulillah . I put on a hijab that was moving a lot so during the prayer I had to fix it sometimes. Actually even my clothing was pretty stupid- cauz the shirt I put on didn't cover my neck all (& the skirt was a little short too.)
Luckily There was a screen between the men and women. So I took it off and put it on again better after that. I couldn't have done that if there wasn't the screen. And next time inshallah I'll dress in a better way :statisfie

Besides that I would feel uncomfortable if we prayed in the same hall since there are a lot of men and only about 7 women (though that's good too).

 

[- IqRa -]

Women and men should pray seperately.

 

[NoorInaya]

Asalaamu Alaikam,

Genghis, did you ever get this resolved? Did you find enough reasons to start attending Jummuah?

I don't know if anyone mentioned this or not (so forgive me if they did!), but attending Jummuah is classified as "fardh ayn" for brothers, which means "personal obligation" (it's "personal" because it's not fardh for sisters). Brothers must attend Jummuah, if they have the ability to (some live in such remote areas that the closest masjid may be hundreds of miles away!).

I know how unfriendly and uninviting our Muslim "brothers and sisters" can be at times. Alhamdulilah, I've been Muslim for 7 years now, and I can tell you that there are some masjids filled with people who look at me like I've got three heads when I walk in! (white chick in a scarf?? Is she Muslim?? Or is she just after our men??)

Some masjids are more inviting than others. Masjids are exactly like churches in this regard. The atmosphere depends greatly on the people who are in attendance. We should never expect every masjid in the world to be the same. If you don't like the feeling you get in one, then try another. InshAllah, you will find one where the people will at least give you salaamz.

I understand that you do not wish to socialize, and you have every right to keep to yourself. I must say that there are times when I don't feel like talking, and I enjoy a bit of anonymity. I am just there to listen to the khutbah (one should never be talking during the khutbah, yet women have a real problem with this! I simply ignore them when they try to talk to me!), pray, and then leave.

The time when it's nice to have friends and acquaintances at the masjid is during Ramadhan. It really helps to make the month that much nicer. I like the feeling of community during Ramadhan.

Brother, I hope that this has been resolved, and you are attending Jummuah regularly, inshAllah. Just hang in there, and it will get better. One thing to know is this; the more they see you, and the more you say salaamz to the them (why wait for them to say it? You get more reward for saying it first anyways!), then over time, they will start to accept you. One thing to bear in mind is culture, and the other is suspicion. After Sept 11th, masjids in America were being infiltrated" by spies. This made Muslims highly suspicious. I don't know if the same was happening also in the UK. Perhaps it was, after the July 7th bombings.

wasalaamz

 

[celina]

May i say I am really fascinated by this thread, I am also really fascinated by reverts/converts especially their passion for Islam its beautiful. I have always wanted to be friends with a revert because I admire the way they approach Islam, they really appreciate the gift of Islam. I am however a little taken back from the original part of this thread, especially about the brother who doesn't feel welcome at the mosque. Im my community reverts are really welcomed and appreciated, however theres always ignorant people in the community. I am born muslim, sometimes I feel excluded at the mosque or when I attend talks. Sometimes it depends on the mosque and the type of people who attended, however brother Genghis don't let this put you off from going to the mosque.

 

[glo]

May i say I am really fascinated by this thread, I am also really fascinated by reverts/converts especially their passion for Islam its beautiful. I have always wanted to be friends with a revert because I admire the way they approach Islam, they really appreciate the gift of Islam. I am however a little taken back from the original part of this thread, especially about the brother who doesn't feel welcome at the mosque. Im my community reverts are really welcomed and appreciated, however theres always ignorant people in the community. I am born muslim, sometimes I feel excluded at the mosque or when I attend talks. Sometimes it depends on the mosque and the type of people who attended, however brother Genghis don't let this put you off from going to the mosque.

What kind of things make you feel excluded, celina?
Can you try to explain it some more?

 

[celina]

What kind of things make you feel excluded, celina?
Can you try to explain it some more?

Hello glo, hope your ok.

Well when I am at the mosque I feel that people don't really greet you, they frown at you and observe you like a surveilance camera and it makes you feel uncomfortable. People chat at a lot about worldly matters (your not really supposed to do this at the mosque) and sometimes I can't hear what the imaam is saying because people are talking over him and he normally is saying something valuable about islam. At times my mum has asked fellow members to hush, but they really pay no attention and gossip and chat. May I say this is in the women's section. I also attend the mosque for islamic speechs and sometimes I tuck closer to muslim sister so that I can befreind them but in return I get nothing but ignorance. However not all muslim people are like this and maybe there are some flaws in myself that make me feel like this. Allah knows best my intentions are pure.

glo, hope that answers your questions let me know if you want to know more about this I am more than happy to answer anything..;D

 

[glo]

Thank you for your reply, celina. It's very interesting.

I guess I am trying to draw comparisons to why people may feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in places of worship (including churches) - when really those should be the places people are drawn to and welcomed with open arms!

 

[celina]

Thank you for your reply, celina. It's very interesting.

I guess I am trying to draw comparisons to why people may feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in places of worship (including churches) - when really those should be the places people are drawn to and welcomed with open arms!

Your welcome glo..I know people are supposed to connect at places of worship but sadly its not the place but the people. imsad

 

[NoorInaya]

Hello glo, hope your ok.

Well when I am at the mosque I feel that people don't really greet you, they frown at you and observe you like a surveilance camera and it makes you feel uncomfortable. People chat at a lot about worldly matters (your not really supposed to do this at the mosque) and sometimes I can't hear what the imaam is saying because people are talking over him and he normally is saying something valuable about islam. At times my mum has asked fellow members to hush, but they really pay no attention and gossip and chat. May I say this is in the women's section. I also attend the mosque for islamic speechs and sometimes I tuck closer to muslim sister so that I can befreind them but in return I get nothing but ignorance. However not all muslim people are like this and maybe there are some flaws in myself that make me feel like this. Allah knows best my intentions are pure.

glo, hope that answers your questions let me know if you want to know more about this I am more than happy to answer anything..;D

Women talking during the khutbah is one of the greatest annoyances at Jummuah! Do they not know that if they speak during the khutbah they receive no reward for attending? They might as well have just STAYED HOME.

I used to not confront the chatty sisters, but now I do. Even if it's my first time in the masjid, I will go up to them and give them the signal to be QUIET. I am there to listen to the khutbah, and I do not want to listen to them gossiping and chatting.

I really don't mind if this offends some, or they think that I am a bad person. We are there to listen to the khutbah, and we need to keep our mouths shut. I'm embarrassed sometimes, because the brothers may be thinking that we are all idiots.

As for being observed vs being welcomed, it really does just depend on the masjid and the community. Some masjids just seem to attract more ignorant people. I've taken to staring back at the ones who stare at me. That usually gets them to stop.

Whether you are a revert, or born to Muslim parents, or even a non-Muslim visitor, you should feel welcome and relaxed in the masjid. Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise.

wasalaamz,

 

[celina]

Women talking during the khutbah is one of the greatest annoyances at Jummuah! Do they not know that if they speak during the khutbah they receive no reward for attending? They might as well have just STAYED HOME.

I used to not confront the chatty sisters, but now I do. Even if it's my first time in the masjid, I will go up to them and give them the signal to be QUIET. I am there to listen to the khutbah, and I do not want to listen to them gossiping and chatting.

I really don't mind if this offends some, or they think that I am a bad person. We are there to listen to the khutbah, and we need to keep our mouths shut. I'm embarrassed sometimes, because the brothers may be thinking that we are all idiots.

As for being observed vs being welcomed, it really does just depend on the masjid and the community. Some masjids just seem to attract more ignorant people. I've taken to staring back at the ones who stare at me. That usually gets them to stop.

Whether you are a revert, or born to Muslim parents, or even a non-Muslim visitor, you should feel welcome and relaxed in the masjid. Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise.

wasalaamz,

Aslam Sister you are bang on, however I agree that it does depend on the mosque and community..Whereas the chatting part, it is very annoying and I give you credit for telling people not to talk I think I should start doing that too as I go to the mosque to learn not hear gossip.:statisfie

ws.

 

[Snowflake]

i'm a bloke.

c'mon people!!! positive reinforcement!!!!

i need it.
shaitan attacks the lone sheep......... thats a good enough reason to go to the mosque.
but i need more....

70 * more prayer blessings too....
but i am really not wanting to integrate, i dont want to get to know these people. i may be muslim just like them but i feel worlds apart...

just give me reasons to go. i dont care about socializing.

Pardon me for saying bro, but I'm still learning how to be more sociable and I find that when we feel we don't fit in, it's because it's us who are different.

I watch people's behavior, as really I've never had much social interaction with people in my life either. But from watching others who are confident, outgoing and people's people, I noticed they are the one's who don't worry about how they come across. They just be themselves and people see that and warm to them.

It's help if we aren't afraid to act friendly if we are feeling like it. Maybe your shy and that makes you seize up? Just let go a bit and see how things go for you inshaAllah. May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.

 

[Al Ansari]

Pardon me for saying bro, but I'm still learning how to be more sociable and I find that when we feel we don't fit in, it's because it's us who are different.

I watch people's behavior, as really I've never had much social interaction with people in my life either. But from watching others who are confident, outgoing and people's people, I noticed they are the one's who don't worry about how they come across. They just be themselves and people see that and warm to them.

It's help if we aren't afraid to act friendly if we are feeling like it. Maybe your shy and that makes you seize up? Just let go a bit and see how things go for you inshaAllah. May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.

as salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullah,

At least there is a degree of hayyah. However, extreme in anything is never good. A moderate degree of shyness as directed by Islaam is the way. However, do not disassociate yourself from your brothers/sisters. You are to love them for the sake of Allaah. Do not worry about any outcome--the outcome is up to Allaah. There are times where I spread the salaams amongst others and they did not respond. Be the first to give salaams. Allaah swt sees that and will give you the reward for it. Just worry about what pleases Allaah, because you will never be able to please every created thing.

And Allaah (awj) knows best.

 

[zeerina]

Sadly not feeling welcome seems to be the norm.
I suggest 2 things. 1 keep going even if its hard as everyone will get used to seeing you there. Its your mosque as much as theirs. 2 speak to people, If they dont speak back its on them. Eventually you will find some friendly ones. I promise it happened to me.
Also, Ghengis have you checked out the new muslim project in leicester? google it. there will be loads of people there in the same boat cant promise everyone will be uber friendly but worth a try.

 

[kawaiigardiner]

thats exactly wat I am saying brother. There is almost an expectatio, I feel, that we, as reverts, should act the way and accept the culture of born Muslims. This is my experience anyway. I have been a Muslim now for around 8 years and it is only now I al realising that it is not necessary. It is difficult, and inshallah with the help of fellow Muslims and most importantly Allah I can be strong and become a better person.

I dont quite understand this word "integrate" everyone has their own interpretation of it and its not a word I really like. Pehaps I would prefer just to "get on with" people and accept that in some respects we are alike, yet in others we are completely different. We are all Muslims but we are by no means all the same.

The problem is, what ever happens to be the dominant culture of that particular area will be interpolated with Islam and marketed to reverts/converts as 'the gold standard Islam'. Just remember that being born a Muslim doesn't make them superior and just because they (those in your area) do something a certain way, doesn't make it the 'gold standard' of Islam.

It is our underlying culture, our experiences and so forth that shape our understanding of Islam and at what angle we approach it. We are all different and have different challenges.

Side issue: When I was growing up I loathed going along to church; the people, the music and the hell, fire and brimstone speech from the pulpit (ignoring the cold church and the uncomfortable seats). I slowly realised to block these distractions out of my head - I was more concerned about the peripheral issues instead of focusing on what I was there to do.

 

[Nur-ud-Dean]

I've been Muslim for almost 6 years now, and like others I don't feel entirely comfortable in the mosque. You will always be watched, scrutinised and judged to an extent alien to born Muslims.

I'm used to it now. I have as much right to use the mosque as any of God's creatures, and I do as I please there. If I still feel like a bit of an outsider, that's a reflection on other people rather than me. I attend mosque because I have an obligation to do so, and it does give me a spiritual boost. It's not perfect, but I've learned to live with it.

The only thing that really vexes me is the continue absence of English in many mosques. You can forgive the failings of individuals, but hope that those in charge would take the lead in making newcomers a bit more welcome.

There is no compulsion for you to assimilate; remember that not everything that other Muslims say / do / believe is correct or worthy of emulation. Do your own thing, and you will build friendships with those who have the manners to treat youy properly.

 

[frindlymuslim]

The hard talk is:

Masjids not as required by Islam, your case not a single case, but many may have the same feeling.

In every Masjid you see those have relation and salam in between based on non-Islamic motive i.e. really the relation not for Allah (swt), but for this life only.

Nationality, Money, this donyaa bonds are there in Masjids, but Islamic bond is missing

running Masjids by a small group non-elected, working underground, don't disclose plans, money come in, money go out, these things totally illness in Masjids.

My self born Muslim, never got welcome in any Masjid, never one single smile.

But paid money to them, thats the only thing they accept it.

those running Masjids should be elected, trained, not working like mafia group

 

[Al Ansari]

frindlymuslim:

Has that experience kept you away from the masajid? Also, I do not know what masajid you attended, but the ones that I have went have been friendly, acceptable, and Islaamic.

Also, I assume you know how therse masajid are ran since you are complaining about how they are being run?

 

[Ramadhan]

The hard talk is:

Masjids not as required by Islam, your case not a single case, but many may have the same feeling.

In every Masjid you see those have relation and salam in between based on non-Islamic motive i.e. really the relation not for Allah (swt), but for this life only.

Nationality, Money, this donyaa bonds are there in Masjids, but Islamic bond is missing

running Masjids by a small group non-elected, working underground, don't disclose plans, money come in, money go out, these things totally illness in Masjids.

My self born Muslim, never got welcome in any Masjid, never one single smile.

But paid money to them, thats the only thing they accept it.

those running Masjids should be elected, trained, not working like mafia group

Brother, which country are you living in?

That does not sound like most masjid that i have been to, and i have been to hundreds masjid in my life, mostly in Indonesia, but I have also lived in several western countries as well.

 

[Nur-ud-Dean]

In the UK there is an issue - not just for new Muslims - whereby mosques are run by the community 'elders' whose only real qualification is age - who understand little of the challenges and needs of the younger generation. It's not true everywhere of course, but it is common, and many mosques I have been to are unwelcoming for young people generally.

 

[Ramadhan]

I see, that maybe a common situation in many institutions.

it would be good if younger generation be more pro-active.
In Indonesia, apart from the mosque committee which consist mainly of those with better knowledge of Islam (understandably, they are usually older people), there are also "remaja masjid" (which means "the youth of the mosque) whose members are younger generations who make their own plans and activities.

so, maybe you can find other like-minded individuals who want to be more involved in the mosque activities and get together to take more proactive approach