I don't know anymore

[nothingtosee]

I am 17 years old and I just don't know what to do anymore.. I really do believe in Allah swt but I just can't understand why my life is always falling apart. My father left me since I was born, and at that time I didn't question anything, even when he only meet me with me once/twice in my life, never give me the money to raise me, I didn't care. And then this year he died. This is when I started to question myself.. why god hate me so much? I failed with everything in my life.. no one love me even my father hate me.. I wonder.. what kind of sin that I did to make me this pathetic? I always pray to God to take my life and don't let me wake up.. I try to kill myself.. I am hopeless. Why... I always feel like god is far away from me.. I need someone to guide me.. my friends hate me now because of my depression.. I also started to become more and more crazy.. I can't do this anymore.. why.. why does god hate me.. I want to believe that he have something good for me in the future.. but I feel like I was born with bad luck.. I feel like I wasn't even supposed to be born.. if I doesn't exist, will my father stay with my mom? Will this world be better..? I feel like I was a walking bad luck.. and I never understand why I can't see the lights/hope.. will I stay like this forever? Does god write this for me? Will there even be a good future for me?? Anyone.. please help me.. I.. just want hope that's it.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you; and welcome to the forum.

I am saddened to read your story; but you are not to blame. There is a huge difference between a sperm doner and a father. A father stays with his wife and children and nurtures them as they grow. Sadly; and for what ever reason your father was not able to live up to his responsibilities towards your mother and you. As he has now passed away, search for a way to forgive your father; he may well have suffered from his own problems in life.

Allah is different, he cares for all his creation; and that includes you. So never give up hope in Allah, his first two names are - - -


1
الرَّحْمَنُ
Ar-Rahman The Beneficent He who wills goodness and mercy for all His creatures
2
الرَّحِيمُ
Ar-Raheem The Merciful He who acts with extreme kindness


You are much stronger than you think you are; you have fought against these feelings every day; and as destructive as these feelings may seem; you have survived every day with a hundred percent success rate. Life is incredibly hard; and when something is hard; it just means we have to try harder and keep trying.

Allah has given us all a spirit of resilience and perseverance. I am only 72; and my life has been a long and rocky road with one crisis after another. The good news is you can come through this, you don’t have to believe me; but you do need to believe in yourself and put your trust in Allah.

May Allah bless you with the wisdom; the strength and the peace to live through this day and every day, knowing that he holds you in the palm of his hand.

 

[iammuslim98]

Aoa..life has always been unfair. things only get worse with time.better to live in the present and enjoy instead of fixating over things we have no control over

 

[Flos]

Dear little sister,

Did you know that Ibrahim as was adopted and that the father mentioned in Quran is not his biological father?
Did you know that almost all prophets and great persons were orphans? By great persons I mean Maryam as.
Did you know that orphans are the most beloved to Allah?

When it comes to your father, there's nothing wrong with you. Most of men don't care about their children. In the West, that's so typical. And maybe he loved you, but probably didn't know what to do and how to behave he avoided you out of lack of courage.

If you weren't supposed to be born, Allah wouldn't create you. At least, not as human. And probably you would die as a kid if you weren't meant to live in this world as human.

When Allah takes away something from you, He gives something else to you, but we are not aware.

I've lived whole my life alone with Allah. I'm not seen alone as I have a family, friends, etc, but when hard times come I'm fully alone with Allah. Once I was disabled, couldn't walk, get up from bed etc for weeks, but I relied on Allah and I managed to survive and not just that, I was happy. And having Allah with you in easy and hard times is more than enough.

Let me picture something to you in order to understand. For brothers and sisters reading this, please don't consider this as some form of shirk promotion.

Sister, imagine your best and closest friend who really cares about you is a person you consider the strongest, powerful, etc... It could be president of a country, a king, queen, or whatever. Or from fantasy fairy tales magician, like Merlin. Now, Allah is the king of kings and no magician has any power. The Creator is the one with the power to do anything, to create anything, to give anything. To Him, 1$ is same as 1000000000000$ to create. He created cosmos, universe, all the living beings and will cause all of us to die and to raise up again. Can't you imagine what, as someone He cares more than your mother would for at least 40 times do for you?

Now, when He gives you hardships, it's to strengthen you and to make you better. Turn to Him with an open heart and you'll see how beloved you are. You are definitely NOT a bad luck. That's just your idea.

Although I don't know you, Allah put love in my heart for you as if I knew you for a long time. You see, Allah is there for you and He is the most important.