AnonymousPoster
Anonymous
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I really don’t know where to start im in a big mess and I know I have my self to blame for everything that I am going through at this moment but here it goes…
(Sorry sorry this is really long)
I know having a relationship outside marriage bounries is haram but about 4years back I met a girl who I became really close to as a friend she was everything I wanted in a girl she was decent humble and had really good attributes she used to prey she was incredibly caring to others and always knew how to make me feel better no matter what problem I faced we helped each other through many obtacles in life believe me when I say obstacles I mean really hard time if that person wasn’t there I don’t know how I could have coped. I know I had allahs help im not denying that but sometimes when some one is there for us everything kinda falls into place. in the middle of our friendship I started growing really strong feelings for eah other I know its wrong I knew its haram but I couldn’t distant my self from her. We both knew it was wrong so we broke up on many ocaasions but we always use to get back together after certain period. She knew it was wrong I knew it was wrong but we got caught up with each other even though were both muslim and we prey but back of my head I always felt guilty about the relationship. But we really wanted to get married but she was different ethnic background and her parents wouldn’t have allowed it neither would mine but hers were much stricter and they would basically disown her. But we always had a hope because of the way we felt. I knew a punishment was waiting but I just didn’t realise how much of a big punishment was waiting for me. Last year we broke up for the longest period and I was about to go abroad for a n emergency few weeks before we kind of got together again.
I only got one parent and im the eldest child and I am very close to my mum she means the world to me. I know yes I am weak and I call my self a man but im very sensitive as a person and the littlest thing affect me. Im not making ecuses for my self but im really not like other guys and im not that strong im very emotional and person who easily gets depressed. My parents have already back of their mind decided who they wanted me to marry my dads niece but I told them I didn’t want to marry her my parents didn’t take it very well but I thought they accepted it. But soon as I got to abroad I could still hear people talking about it and trying to hint it out to me. so everyone started to pressure on to my mum to persuade me. The girl side family were really poor and they were on my mums case because my dad gave them their word when I was little. I was there for a quite long time for first few months I refused but as days passed I just found it really hard to see my mum go through the pain.
I text my friend to explain to her everything that was happening aborad I asked her whether she thinks we will get married and whether her parents would accept the rishta she told me she honestly doesn’t know if she could tell her parents and whether we will have a future. Before I told my friend exactly what was happening and the fact that Im may be going to get married but she wouldn’t response to the way I wanted or I ddnt get a definite answer from her. I wanted her to ask me to wait for her but she wasn’t angry or just didn’t say anything she just says I guess we always knew we wouldn’t end up together. That left me feeling more confused.
One thing after another kept happening no one would give it a rest. Plus the atmosphere was horrible no one would talk to me. Specially when someone says negative things towards my family and when I see people around me upset because of me. I know what you guys will think how a man can be pressured into things but it happens believe when your in the environment your mind is all over the place. I know I may be making excuses for my self. But I really don’t know what was happening to me I couldn’t make sense of any of it. Couldn’t even think straight I never had any time to my self or to get away from it all I never been abroad this was my first time so I didn’t even know my way round to get away. And the people there they all were with the same goal so I couldn’t even talk to anyone.
All our families live together and as I live in the same house as the girl my parents wanted me to marry eventhough I knew they wanted me to marry her but I didn’t have any grudges against her as it wasn’t her fault so we would speak now and than she was being ok with me I thought to my self maybe she not so bad she seems like a nice enough girl and that’s what everyone wants and I just some how agreed to it at the end but I told her how I feel and I also told her that I had feelings for somebody and they had strong feelings for me but I never told her we went out and I also told her that im not ready to get married but she didn’t take it too well however and one thing after another let to the marriage.
Soon as the marriage happen I said to myself I will live my past behind and give this my best go as it’s done now but we just didn’t click we were so different I just couldn’t find anything to talk to each other about our thinking’s and mentality were different but we couldn’t co operate with each other it doesn’t help the fact the she so young and I don’t mean to judge but somedays she used to prey and somedays she would just miss her preyers and just sit there watch tv. I know I need to be patient with her but I just didn’t know what to build on with her. More I time goes pass I started to regret the idea and couldn’t get my self to understand why I did it.
When I came back home things got worse I couldn’t believe the situation that I got my self into I phone her but it just silence we don’t have much to talk about it doest help the we speak different language (but that’s not excuse) Its like I have to try so hard to find something to talk about that puts me off calling her. She some what has the same mentality as her family they think coming to foreign country will resolve all their problems.
I made a great big mistake when I came back I called my friend to see if she is ok and explained everything I wanted her to be angry with me I wanted her to shout and me and I wanted her to hate me but she wasn’t angry or anything she was being more understanding saying the she knows me inside out she knows how im like and what affects me. The didn’t help me either I hate the fact that she so understanding. Yes I am ashamed I spoke to her and it brought back memories and it made me feel worse and I wish I never spoke to her. I spoke to her when I first came back back and made me forget everything I wanted to run away from my problem and wished everything was back to the way it was. I don’t speak to her anymore but I always knew my limits even though I spoke to her I never met her and I never intent to see her or let anything happen with her. But im not gonna deny that even when I don’t wanna think of her she always comes into my mind. Eerytime she comes into my mind I say (Astafirullah). But I hate what my life has become every moment every thing around me remind me of this girl I hate remembering her I keep my self occupied I want to forget everything soon as I think im moving forward I always see a dream or come cross an event that remind me of her. Yes I know im married but im still stuck at where I was I cant seem to move forward I still think the person was meant for me I know they not and I know they never will be. But when I look at my future it makes me feel more crap to think I gave up my hope of being happy to end up in this situation I just cant make sense of any of it its driving me mad.
Im trying to get on with things But its hard to get on with things when I just see my marriage as a compromise Its all about who gets the biggest share of the land. I don’t even care about that they could have all my land im not gonna resides here forever so what good are they to me. I want to concentrate on the marriage give it all my effort. But I just see it as all about money money money. No matter how much money we give abroad it doesn’t please them they still talk bad about my mother there is always competition like they did this and we did that. I know im not perfect but my uncle family still doesn’t appreciate all that my mum has done for them they still carry on lying and making up false tales. That really puts me off thinking I sacrificed everything for what there is no pleasing them people so what’s the point. All this is turning me into such a bitter person I hate everything and everyone around me I cant stop blaming my self and others for the situation im in its like I hate the world and yes I know for most of its my fault. Sometimes I just wanna get away from it all and start fresh where no body knows me but I know I cant run away from my problems it will hurt too many people.
Now you know whats happened I just wanted to ask you guys some question you can be harsh as you want maybe sometimes we need to hear the worst things about our selves.
I just wanted to know people always says whatever happens happens for best there is always a reason behind it. But have I caused all this to my self out of my own fault.
People always say good people always get tested but how can I be good person when I have done so many bad things hurt so many people.
Am I going through this test because im a bad person how can this be a test when I brought all this on my self.
Is allah punishing me for everything that I have done I heard that marriage don’t just happen without the will of Allah it happens cause its best for you but why do I see this marriage as an punishment for me. Am I being radicolous to see it as an punishment.
Some people say Allah makes you lose something to get you back in the right track and get you close to Allah but haven’t I just lost everything out of my own fault. Havent I just let it get to all this.
Am I being punished more because I spoke to a girl while I was married is that like really really major sin (like zina)
Is this all my fault I know I hurt so many people and I am continuing to hurt them and my self am I just being punished for the hurt I caused my friend and the girl im married to because of my one decision is hurting so many people is that why im in so much pain.
As you can tell my mind is all over the plae to think straight and I keep going in circle and I cant stop blaming my self.
Am I feeling depressed because that’s what I deserve after everything that has happened have I let my self in this mess am I the only one to blame.
What can I do to move forward I keep preying to Allah to make me forget about the past and relieve me from the pain but I just lost hopes in life I try to be positive but I don’t know how to be positive.
Please please any suggestion
(Sorry sorry this is really long)
I know having a relationship outside marriage bounries is haram but about 4years back I met a girl who I became really close to as a friend she was everything I wanted in a girl she was decent humble and had really good attributes she used to prey she was incredibly caring to others and always knew how to make me feel better no matter what problem I faced we helped each other through many obtacles in life believe me when I say obstacles I mean really hard time if that person wasn’t there I don’t know how I could have coped. I know I had allahs help im not denying that but sometimes when some one is there for us everything kinda falls into place. in the middle of our friendship I started growing really strong feelings for eah other I know its wrong I knew its haram but I couldn’t distant my self from her. We both knew it was wrong so we broke up on many ocaasions but we always use to get back together after certain period. She knew it was wrong I knew it was wrong but we got caught up with each other even though were both muslim and we prey but back of my head I always felt guilty about the relationship. But we really wanted to get married but she was different ethnic background and her parents wouldn’t have allowed it neither would mine but hers were much stricter and they would basically disown her. But we always had a hope because of the way we felt. I knew a punishment was waiting but I just didn’t realise how much of a big punishment was waiting for me. Last year we broke up for the longest period and I was about to go abroad for a n emergency few weeks before we kind of got together again.
I only got one parent and im the eldest child and I am very close to my mum she means the world to me. I know yes I am weak and I call my self a man but im very sensitive as a person and the littlest thing affect me. Im not making ecuses for my self but im really not like other guys and im not that strong im very emotional and person who easily gets depressed. My parents have already back of their mind decided who they wanted me to marry my dads niece but I told them I didn’t want to marry her my parents didn’t take it very well but I thought they accepted it. But soon as I got to abroad I could still hear people talking about it and trying to hint it out to me. so everyone started to pressure on to my mum to persuade me. The girl side family were really poor and they were on my mums case because my dad gave them their word when I was little. I was there for a quite long time for first few months I refused but as days passed I just found it really hard to see my mum go through the pain.
I text my friend to explain to her everything that was happening aborad I asked her whether she thinks we will get married and whether her parents would accept the rishta she told me she honestly doesn’t know if she could tell her parents and whether we will have a future. Before I told my friend exactly what was happening and the fact that Im may be going to get married but she wouldn’t response to the way I wanted or I ddnt get a definite answer from her. I wanted her to ask me to wait for her but she wasn’t angry or just didn’t say anything she just says I guess we always knew we wouldn’t end up together. That left me feeling more confused.
One thing after another kept happening no one would give it a rest. Plus the atmosphere was horrible no one would talk to me. Specially when someone says negative things towards my family and when I see people around me upset because of me. I know what you guys will think how a man can be pressured into things but it happens believe when your in the environment your mind is all over the place. I know I may be making excuses for my self. But I really don’t know what was happening to me I couldn’t make sense of any of it. Couldn’t even think straight I never had any time to my self or to get away from it all I never been abroad this was my first time so I didn’t even know my way round to get away. And the people there they all were with the same goal so I couldn’t even talk to anyone.
All our families live together and as I live in the same house as the girl my parents wanted me to marry eventhough I knew they wanted me to marry her but I didn’t have any grudges against her as it wasn’t her fault so we would speak now and than she was being ok with me I thought to my self maybe she not so bad she seems like a nice enough girl and that’s what everyone wants and I just some how agreed to it at the end but I told her how I feel and I also told her that I had feelings for somebody and they had strong feelings for me but I never told her we went out and I also told her that im not ready to get married but she didn’t take it too well however and one thing after another let to the marriage.
Soon as the marriage happen I said to myself I will live my past behind and give this my best go as it’s done now but we just didn’t click we were so different I just couldn’t find anything to talk to each other about our thinking’s and mentality were different but we couldn’t co operate with each other it doesn’t help the fact the she so young and I don’t mean to judge but somedays she used to prey and somedays she would just miss her preyers and just sit there watch tv. I know I need to be patient with her but I just didn’t know what to build on with her. More I time goes pass I started to regret the idea and couldn’t get my self to understand why I did it.
When I came back home things got worse I couldn’t believe the situation that I got my self into I phone her but it just silence we don’t have much to talk about it doest help the we speak different language (but that’s not excuse) Its like I have to try so hard to find something to talk about that puts me off calling her. She some what has the same mentality as her family they think coming to foreign country will resolve all their problems.
I made a great big mistake when I came back I called my friend to see if she is ok and explained everything I wanted her to be angry with me I wanted her to shout and me and I wanted her to hate me but she wasn’t angry or anything she was being more understanding saying the she knows me inside out she knows how im like and what affects me. The didn’t help me either I hate the fact that she so understanding. Yes I am ashamed I spoke to her and it brought back memories and it made me feel worse and I wish I never spoke to her. I spoke to her when I first came back back and made me forget everything I wanted to run away from my problem and wished everything was back to the way it was. I don’t speak to her anymore but I always knew my limits even though I spoke to her I never met her and I never intent to see her or let anything happen with her. But im not gonna deny that even when I don’t wanna think of her she always comes into my mind. Eerytime she comes into my mind I say (Astafirullah). But I hate what my life has become every moment every thing around me remind me of this girl I hate remembering her I keep my self occupied I want to forget everything soon as I think im moving forward I always see a dream or come cross an event that remind me of her. Yes I know im married but im still stuck at where I was I cant seem to move forward I still think the person was meant for me I know they not and I know they never will be. But when I look at my future it makes me feel more crap to think I gave up my hope of being happy to end up in this situation I just cant make sense of any of it its driving me mad.
Im trying to get on with things But its hard to get on with things when I just see my marriage as a compromise Its all about who gets the biggest share of the land. I don’t even care about that they could have all my land im not gonna resides here forever so what good are they to me. I want to concentrate on the marriage give it all my effort. But I just see it as all about money money money. No matter how much money we give abroad it doesn’t please them they still talk bad about my mother there is always competition like they did this and we did that. I know im not perfect but my uncle family still doesn’t appreciate all that my mum has done for them they still carry on lying and making up false tales. That really puts me off thinking I sacrificed everything for what there is no pleasing them people so what’s the point. All this is turning me into such a bitter person I hate everything and everyone around me I cant stop blaming my self and others for the situation im in its like I hate the world and yes I know for most of its my fault. Sometimes I just wanna get away from it all and start fresh where no body knows me but I know I cant run away from my problems it will hurt too many people.
Now you know whats happened I just wanted to ask you guys some question you can be harsh as you want maybe sometimes we need to hear the worst things about our selves.
I just wanted to know people always says whatever happens happens for best there is always a reason behind it. But have I caused all this to my self out of my own fault.
People always say good people always get tested but how can I be good person when I have done so many bad things hurt so many people.
Am I going through this test because im a bad person how can this be a test when I brought all this on my self.
Is allah punishing me for everything that I have done I heard that marriage don’t just happen without the will of Allah it happens cause its best for you but why do I see this marriage as an punishment for me. Am I being radicolous to see it as an punishment.
Some people say Allah makes you lose something to get you back in the right track and get you close to Allah but haven’t I just lost everything out of my own fault. Havent I just let it get to all this.
Am I being punished more because I spoke to a girl while I was married is that like really really major sin (like zina)
Is this all my fault I know I hurt so many people and I am continuing to hurt them and my self am I just being punished for the hurt I caused my friend and the girl im married to because of my one decision is hurting so many people is that why im in so much pain.
As you can tell my mind is all over the plae to think straight and I keep going in circle and I cant stop blaming my self.
Am I feeling depressed because that’s what I deserve after everything that has happened have I let my self in this mess am I the only one to blame.
What can I do to move forward I keep preying to Allah to make me forget about the past and relieve me from the pain but I just lost hopes in life I try to be positive but I don’t know how to be positive.
Please please any suggestion
Hmmmmmm bit of a mess you have got yourself into.
