I feel extremely regretful and depressed

[anonymous]

Salam

lately I've been feeling extremely regretful and depressed. I keep crying constantly and find it quite difficult to let go of the past. The reason I feel this way is because I've come to realise that my older sister is being physically abused by her husband. She's been abused several times, her husband once hit her on her face really hard and she got marks. I felt very angry about this and to myself I knew this is wrong and she should get divorced. But my parents are traditional and don't believe in divorce and think that's an extreme solution to get divorced over.

My sister would constantly plead for divorce but my parents would scream at her and tell her not to say that word and destroy her home over this. A while later, when my sister was heavily pregnant her husband beat her up so badly and pushed her down the stairs. When I heard this, I started crying so much and felt really depressed. I blamed my parents for being against divorce and felt that they were more worried about reputation than my sisters well being.

i can't stop getting upset and cant let go of what happened. Every time I remember what happened I burst into tears. I'm even starting to hate all men. It's because I find it unfair how a man can do whatever he wants and dosent get punished. I hate how I've been brought up to look down at divorcees and to dismiss abuse as something minor. I've been taught it's not a major issue if a man hits his wife, because she is the one who provoked him. I'm heartbroken and want to hear something to calm me down and soothe my heart because my emotional well being is really fragile right now

 

[greenhill]

That is really sad.

Don't hate men as a result. That is not what a husband should do to a wife. If I am not mistaken the Quran forbids striking a woman's face.

You can share with your mum? Both? That you worry for yourself that your husband could be a wife-beater and that you'd have no protection from them judging from what your sister had to go through.

If it is correct that the husband has truly gone against the teaching of the Book, then shouldn't it rank more important than reputation?

Don't want to give you too many ideas...


eace:

 

[*Yasmin*]

W3lekum assalam
I'm sorry to know that you and your family are experiencing such a matter, May Allah ease it for you and grant you peace of mind and soul.

first sister, you should not feel depressed over your sister's problem, you must be strong for her and you must have some sort of hope.
Allah says: "never give up hope of Allah’s Soothing Mercy"
sometimes the biggest ordeal in life, vanishes in a little sincere duaa or a sincere sajdah for the Almighty.
Turn to Him, and ask Him to do the best for your sister.

I can understand your parents worry of divorce, let's face it. divorce is not a piece of cake either, especially when kids are involved, because they need their father as well. even if he is the worst person in the world.
regardless, we cannot be judgmental and tell you ask your parents to agree on divorce or not. we don't know the full story and the details.
maybe her husband is facing psychological problems and a small pill can be a solution!
or maybe a private marriage counselor or a shiekh can be of any help out there.

may Allah shower his blessings over you and your family members. Amin.

 

['abd al-hakeem]

....

 

[piXie]

maybe her husband is facing psychological problems and a small pill can be a solution!
or maybe a private marriage counselor or a shiekh can be of any help out there.

Or maybe he needs a good punch in the face and his teeth knocked in by the woman's father or brother.


On the authority of Abu Dharr Al-Ghafari, of the Prophet (peace be upon him) is that among the sayings he relates from his Lord is that He said:

"O My servants! I have forbidden oppression for Myself and I have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another. O My servants, all of you are astray except those whom I have guided, so seek guidance from Me and I shall guide you. O My servants, all of you are hungry except those whom I have fed, so seek food from Me and I shall feed you. O My servants, all of you are naked except those whom I have clothed, so seek clothing from Me and I shall clothe you. O My servants, you sommit sins by day and by night, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness from Me and I shall forgive you. O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and you will not attain benefitting Me so as to benefit Me. O My servants, if the first of you and the last of you, and the humans of you and the jinn of you, were all as pious as the most pious heart of any individual amongst you, then this would not increase My Kingdom an iota. O My servants, if the first of you and the last of you, and the humans of you and the jinn of you, were all as wicked as the most wicked heart of any individual amongst you, then this would not decrease My Kingdom an iota. O My servants, if the first of you and the last of you, and the humans of you and the jinn of you, were all to stand together in one place and ask of Me, and I were to give everyone what he requested, then that would not decrease what I Possess, except what is decreased of the ocean when a needle is dipped into it. O My servants, it is but your deeds that I account for you, and then recompense you for. So he who finds good, let him praise Allah, and he who finds other than that, let him blame no one but himself."

My dear sister, part of guidance is protecting ourselves from abuse and maintaining our stability and sanity, and trusting in Allah that He will help us and provide for us when we carry out a step for His sake. These matters are an amanah/trust from Allah including our children (born or unborn) and we are responsible for upholding our trust. Allah does not require or expect a woman to be patient with such domestic voilence and even more so when it starts to negatively impact her deen. It is ignorance to think that one has to be patient upon matters such as these when Islam has allowed them a way out via divorce.

Allah has enough in his kingdom to provide for everyone, and grant a woman a better husband should she need to get divorce. A woman should not be made to live in domestic voilence, especially when she is pleading for a way out, her situation should be looked into and she should be supported and helped.

May Allah guide us and ease our affairs. Aameen.

 

[Arfa]

Walikumassalam sister,


I feel really bad on reading your sisters circumstances. What cruelty is this?? Your sister seems risking her life with this man who has such a beastly behaviour. Mind it but I'm surprised how your parents dis regard your sisters safety that too when she is pregnant!!! Good Lord a wife should never tolerate such beastly behaviour!

Dear sis as for you, it must be very challanging to witness un fair attitude leaving you resentful and bitter.Take a stand for your elder sister, convey this to your parents. May Allah ease your worries and give you peace. Aameen.

 

[Akhi_Umar]

:wa:

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, May Allah SWT grant you and your family ease.

I completely understand why you'd be upset about this and I do genuinely pray that things get better for you and your sister. Know that Allah SWT tells us that we all go through trials and we are all tested, it's how we react to these that matter the most. Once again I can understand why you'd be sad about this, However keep the faith and do not despair. Have patience and put your trust in Allah SWT. He SWT tells us that:
"Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease." [Surah Ash-Sharh: Ayaah 5]

Make dua to Allah SWT to put you and your sister at ease once again. Keep your trust in Him and once again know that he's testing you and your sister. Surely you will both be rewarded for your patience in the hereafter :insha:

That being said, this is unacceptable behaviour from anyone of course. Try to explain to your parents in a calm manner that for the sake of her health and well being she has to leave her current Husband. This is domestic abuse and no women deserves to be going through this especially not when she's pregnant.

May Allah SWT make things easy for you, Ameen.

 

[*Yasmin*]

Or maybe he needs a good punch in the face and his teeth knocked in by the woman's father or brother.

maybe ... who knows....

I do agree with you that women should not live domestic violence. No question about that.

but if there is a way to stop the violence, and then make restoration and reparation to the marriage relationship if possible. why not?
that way, a Muslim family with Muslim kids will be saved from being destroyed.

 

[muslimah_B]

Or maybe he needs a good punch in the face and his teeth knocked in by the woman's father or brother.


On the authority of Abu Dharr Al-Ghafari, of the Prophet (peace be upon him) is that among the sayings he relates from his Lord is that He said:

"O My servants! I have forbidden oppression for Myself and I have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another. O My servants, all of you are astray except those whom I have guided, so seek guidance from Me and I shall guide you. O My servants, all of you are hungry except those whom I have fed, so seek food from Me and I shall feed you. O My servants, all of you are naked except those whom I have clothed, so seek clothing from Me and I shall clothe you. O My servants, you sommit sins by day and by night, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness from Me and I shall forgive you. O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and you will not attain benefitting Me so as to benefit Me. O My servants, if the first of you and the last of you, and the humans of you and the jinn of you, were all as pious as the most pious heart of any individual amongst you, then this would not increase My Kingdom an iota. O My servants, if the first of you and the last of you, and the humans of you and the jinn of you, were all as wicked as the most wicked heart of any individual amongst you, then this would not decrease My Kingdom an iota. O My servants, if the first of you and the last of you, and the humans of you and the jinn of you, were all to stand together in one place and ask of Me, and I were to give everyone what he requested, then that would not decrease what I Possess, except what is decreased of the ocean when a needle is dipped into it. O My servants, it is but your deeds that I account for you, and then recompense you for. So he who finds good, let him praise Allah, and he who finds other than that, let him blame no one but himself."

My dear sister, part of guidance is protecting ourselves from abuse and maintaining our stability and sanity, and trusting in Allah that He will help us and provide for us when we carry out a step for His sake. These matters are an amanah/trust from Allah including our children (born or unborn) and we are responsible for upholding our trust. Allah does not require or expect a woman to be patient with such domestic voilence and even more so when it starts to negatively impact her deen. It is ignorance to think that one has to be patient upon matters such as these when Islam has allowed them a way out via divorce.

Allah has enough in his kingdom to provide for everyone, and grant a woman a better husband should she need to get divorce. A woman should not be made to live in domestic voilence, especially when she is pleading for a way out, her situation should be looked into and she should be supported and helped.

May Allah guide us and ease our affairs. Aameen.

I agree 100% too many times due to "cultural" [emoji19] these issues are sweeped under the rug like it doesnt exist , it is not ok at all, it is not part of islam or the sunnah for a man to lay his hands on a woman at all in such a manner.
i dont understand if your parents know how your dad, brothers, uncles would stand idly by while he pummels your sister in such a disgusting way. What is wrong with the men these days subhanAllah, they would dare strike the women who gave them birth and the women who beared their children la illaha illah !!!!

She is a grown woman, to have gotten married and had kids, she is grown enough to make decisions by herself if she chooses divorce due to extreme circumstances and these are those circumstances which divorce is valid, then she can divorce him without her parents permission. I will say again SHE DOES NOT NEED HER PARENTS PERMISSION TO DIVORCE if that is what she chooses

Yes divorce should be the last resort but we are not talking about small things, like petty arguments, or the husband being a bit controlling, we are talking about domestic violence which when advice is given they are told to "bare with patience" "its nothing" and all these people have not experienced one day under those circumstances, a woman is not a punching bag or a means to release ones anger.

There should be more support available for women in these circumstances and the lack of support and softness towards men of this nature is astounding astagfirllah.

Dear sis be strong, i know it's hard, but if no-one else will, be strong for your sister and be there for her, she will need you

May Allah make it easy for her and find for her a way out of the ordeal she is going through... ameeen

 

[Umm Malik]

You start heating men because of one of them
But if you think of the best example of one men
You will know that the prophet muhammad advice us to see the morales of the man which you want to marry him
The men are not the same and the wemen also ..
In each gender there is good and bad
Your husband's sister is a test for her it doesn't mean that all the men are like him
Be happy and think of the moment .. let the future to Allah and forget the past .. it just an experience learn from it
Let your sister make doua and try to change he life into the best as she can and learn about family and the relationship between husband and wife and how to act children and how to manage the husband angry and how to be a good Muslim wife ...
And do know that the happiness or in other word the pleased life is from Allah so let her make a lot of douaa in the last third at night .. make a lot of istighfar and try to avoid sins for the sake of Allah and if she did this Allah will make easy for her to live with him or let your parent accept divorce
May Allah make her happy and put blessing on her life and guide her has bend and put mercy in his heart