Esselamu alejkum
I need some advice or something idk
I'll be short in detail
I'm, living in Europe
I grew up in poverty, slept in cold and on a empty stomach more times than I can count.
Oldest son, 3 younger siblings, I always had to provide and help out my parents
I gave up everything pretty much trough my life, social never had many friends or close ones for the matter, I was never really going out. My love life, I've never had a girlfriend, or anything related to that, myb this is normal I guess in arab or true Muslim communities, but I'm where I am. I only finished highschool, I couldn't go further, no time, no funds. No hobby stuff, really just work and home. Except a dog, I got that for myself.
I gave everything to the family, I don't complain.
Now, all that is catching up to me mentally, I was living for 2 years in west Europe( not to mention where), I hoped I could bring my family up as well as finally start building something for myself. Wrong ofc, cuz loophole of poverty, I guess. Horrible experience, had to get out, brought me closer to deen, allhamdulillah.( Now I'm back home with my parents)
I'm not dumb, well not the smartest guy, I'm not lazy. Worked my as* off for the past decade, broken back and all, jobs nobody wanted, that I needed. Ran a warehouse at 16, managing teams, can operate any machinery pretty much, I was rather good at it, I'm good with people too. Tried some stuff online, self-educating, I was always looking for extra ways to make money. And also, working crazy hours, for a few years worked every day pretty much.
Mentally I'm a little f-ed, memory all foggy, I can't really think. All dough it's always been like this but it never bothered me in work, always sharp, especially on a meeting or smth like that.
Now I'm home, stuck, almost hopeless, I'm praying for a change, I wish to get married, and live my own life. But my family needs me, until the kids grow up, so they can help out a little, take some burden off. I'm in between crappy jobs, bad salaries, and honestly I'm a little sick of working knowing it's nowhere near enough, to sustain them, I'm not even thinking of myself here.
Now what the hell should I do, there is no good opportunity for work, I could go into detail later on this as of why. I don't have a diploma, for a better paying, easier work, nobody would take me there. I can't really go for school now, or idk a course or something, I couldn't start something of my own, I have myb 3 eur, as I'm writing.
Among other issues, idk I'm just tired I guess, but I'm sick being in bed, ( no work at the moment). I'm praying, but I can't just wait, but there is nothing to do atm.
Ideas? Advice? It'
s all welcome
I need some advice or something idk
I'll be short in detail
I'm, living in Europe
I grew up in poverty, slept in cold and on a empty stomach more times than I can count.
Oldest son, 3 younger siblings, I always had to provide and help out my parents
I gave up everything pretty much trough my life, social never had many friends or close ones for the matter, I was never really going out. My love life, I've never had a girlfriend, or anything related to that, myb this is normal I guess in arab or true Muslim communities, but I'm where I am. I only finished highschool, I couldn't go further, no time, no funds. No hobby stuff, really just work and home. Except a dog, I got that for myself.
I gave everything to the family, I don't complain.
Now, all that is catching up to me mentally, I was living for 2 years in west Europe( not to mention where), I hoped I could bring my family up as well as finally start building something for myself. Wrong ofc, cuz loophole of poverty, I guess. Horrible experience, had to get out, brought me closer to deen, allhamdulillah.( Now I'm back home with my parents)
I'm not dumb, well not the smartest guy, I'm not lazy. Worked my as* off for the past decade, broken back and all, jobs nobody wanted, that I needed. Ran a warehouse at 16, managing teams, can operate any machinery pretty much, I was rather good at it, I'm good with people too. Tried some stuff online, self-educating, I was always looking for extra ways to make money. And also, working crazy hours, for a few years worked every day pretty much.
Mentally I'm a little f-ed, memory all foggy, I can't really think. All dough it's always been like this but it never bothered me in work, always sharp, especially on a meeting or smth like that.
Now I'm home, stuck, almost hopeless, I'm praying for a change, I wish to get married, and live my own life. But my family needs me, until the kids grow up, so they can help out a little, take some burden off. I'm in between crappy jobs, bad salaries, and honestly I'm a little sick of working knowing it's nowhere near enough, to sustain them, I'm not even thinking of myself here.
Now what the hell should I do, there is no good opportunity for work, I could go into detail later on this as of why. I don't have a diploma, for a better paying, easier work, nobody would take me there. I can't really go for school now, or idk a course or something, I couldn't start something of my own, I have myb 3 eur, as I'm writing.
Among other issues, idk I'm just tired I guess, but I'm sick being in bed, ( no work at the moment). I'm praying, but I can't just wait, but there is nothing to do atm.
Ideas? Advice? It'
s all welcome