I Hate Everything Even Me

[anonymous]

Their Killing me, their slowly killing me, making me hate my religion, making me hate islam, i hate all thats going on, i hate them i hate my self. Im hurting deep down but theirs no one to talk to, not even my friends online, because they have taken them away, taken them all away. I cant even talk to them, not even my own mother, because i will be cussed, cursed, insulted and called a prostitude. Yes, im a prostitude for wanting to compleate half of my deen, for wanting to be love, for following the sunnah, for wanting to get married.

I cry, I cry but there is not use in crying, they dont care, nor do they see, right now i am crying, and my mother is watching a movie here with me asking why the girl in the movie is crying, yet not blinking and eyelid because i am.

Right now i feel like dieing, oh its easy for me but im scared, i have loads of medication in the house that i can over dose my self with, i live on a four story apartment i can jump off, but no im scared.

I hate everything, I hate everyone, I even hate Me.

 

[muslim_girl24]

That is not a good thing to say about yourself. Killing yourself is a very horrible thing you can do in islam. Our life is a test. If you go to allah in times of trouble, allah will help you, believe me. I used to be just like you. I had so many problems in my life, I was always depressed and I didn't have no where to turn. This one day I started to pray namaaz because if no one could help me, I knew allah would. I tried to pray all 5 prayers. Most of the times I was in need, I made a sincere dua, and allah mostly helped me. Allah took my depression away and helped me see the brighter side of the world. Don't blame your problems on Islam. Become more religious and your life will change, inshallah. If we don't pray. we will suffer many calamities in life. Inshallah, everything will get better for you. I hope allah will guide you the right way and keep you from falling astray.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

this isnt meant to be harsh:
if people treat you like that, why should you react with hate... how is that going to solve anything?
to be honest, (and with all due respect) you seem to be feeling sorry for your self. you need to get out of this mental state, otherwise you'll be just digging a hole for yourself, which will only cause you not to get anything achieved.
if your family is making you feel like this and calling you degrading names, why have you turned around and hated Islam, etc for it....why do you let such people take something so great away from you...?why let them get the better of you...so you want get married and they disagree, so what? whats that got to do with you, why should that affect you and your dreams? let them think whatever they want, at the end of the day it's your life and you're the one living it, so why should it matter what people who treat you like dirt have to say?

if you want to get married, and there is no Islamic reason why they are stopping you, go see an imam/shiekh about your situation...

EDIT: and also about how they call you whatever they call you, i suggest to ignore it and dont show them your tears, etc...sometimes people come more cruel when they see that they're are hurting others...so yh just ignore it...

 

[Snowflake]

True sis Muslim_girl24. Allah helps those who help themselves.

if you want to get married, and there is no Islamic reason why they are stopping you, go see an imam/shiekh about your situation...

Good advice sis Umm ul-Shaheed.

To the O.P.

Sister, I really feel for you. But you are directing your anger at the wrong source - Islam. The Prophet (saw) recommended marrying early. So the blame lies with those ignoring the Prophet's teachings not with Islam.

Sis don't do anything crazy. Be patient and try and solve this matter in a way that will be good for you long term. InshaAllah, the imaan will be able to advise you better and you can disclose the problem to him in greater detail.

Please increase your salah and make dua to Allah. If you trust Him, He won't let you down. : )

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Their Killing me, their slowly killing me, making me hate my religion, making me hate islam, i hate all thats going on, i hate them i hate my self. Im hurting deep down but theirs no one to talk to, not even my friends online, because they have taken them away, taken them all away. I cant even talk to them, not even my own mother, because i will be cussed, cursed, insulted and called a prostitude. Yes, im a prostitude for wanting to compleate half of my deen, for wanting to be love, for following the sunnah, for wanting to get married.

I cry, I cry but there is not use in crying, they dont care, nor do they see, right now i am crying, and my mother is watching a movie here with me asking why the girl in the movie is crying, yet not blinking and eyelid because i am.

Right now i feel like dieing, oh its easy for me but im scared, i have loads of medication in the house that i can over dose my self with, i live on a four story apartment i can jump off, but no im scared.

I hate everything, I hate everyone, I even hate Me.

I know EXACTLY how you feel and I also hate everyone and everything, I've also come to a point in my life which has made me so angry at Allah swt (i don't want to be) but He has given me nothing but pain and heartache and He gives everything to eveyone else. I don't even know if I can beleive this..... Allsh is The Most Just? Are you sure??????? I don't believe so. :enough!:

 

[Snowflake]

I know EXACTLY how you feel and I also hate everyone and everything, I've also come to a point in my life which has made me so angry at Allah swt (i don't want to be) but He has given me nothing but pain and heartache and He gives everything to eveyone else. I don't even know if I can beleive this..... Allsh is The Most Just? Are you sure??????? I don't believe so. :enough!:

How dare you speak so low of Allah and call Him unjust (na udhu billah) you wretched humanbeing! Allah really has punished you hasn't He? He has given YOU hands to type out your grudges with him for the world to see, when there are people who are thankful but dont have hands to raise in duaa to Him. He gave YOU the faculties to think even though you don't understand Him when there are people who did but theirs have been taken away. He has given YOU without asking all you need to function like normal human being when those who are truly thankful to him are suffering real life-restricting disabilities. Poor you! Allah has given you the tools to enhance your life. But you do not use them appropriately. Allah gave you choices in life. If your life isn't how to want, it is your own doing. You are ungrateful and never satisfied with what you have, hence you blaming your Creator! There are beggers who are happier than you because they are grateful to Allah in all circumstances. If you think Allah is unjust, I promise you He isn't. Because you will get paid according to what you have earned, no more no less - you will see that on the Day. Then you will know how Just He is. :enough!:




Sorry to everyone else for the shock.

 

[ghengis]

lol

i think u guys (i have made this mistake tooo... everyone does)
are undergoing trial.. and seem to be failing......

remember religion first.... the rules of faith. if u start thinking about your so called desire and long for it more than u long for god then u are in spiritually dangerous territory.

the whole point (or one of them) in islam is

1. do not let your desires and whims control you.....
2. learn about your relationship with god by learning about character qualities u need to cultivate with respect to allahs attributes..

if u go against the natural way of islam u will hate yourself.... its a natural consequence.

u have wronged your own soul.

align yourself with the way again. familiarize yourself with quran. read it often. its a healing.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

How dare you speak so low of Allah and call Him unjust (na udhu billah) you wretched humanbeing! Allah really has punished you hasn't He? He has given YOU hands to type out your grudges with him for the world to see, when there are people who are thankful but dont have hands to raise in duaa to Him. He gave YOU the faculties to think even though you don't understand Him when there are people who did but theirs have been taken away. He has given YOU without asking all you need to function like normal human being when those who are truly thankful to him are suffering real life-restricting disabilities. Poor you! Allah has given you the tools to enhance your life. But you do not use them appropriately. Allah gave you choices in life. If your life isn't how to want, it is your own doing. You are ungrateful and never satisfied with what you have, hence you blaming your Creator! There are beggers who are happier than you because they are grateful to Allah in all circumstances. If you think Allah is unjust, I promise you He isn't. Because you will get paid according to what you have earned, no more no less - you will see that on the Day. Then you will know how Just He is. :enough!:




Sorry to everyone else for the shock.

You don't see it do you? Allah has been 'teh Just to you, maybe to others, but NO NOT TO ME!!! I am NOT a wretched human being, Allah has tunred me into what I am today because of all the ahrdships I have faced!!!! I have repented sincerely for whatever it is that I have done! What more does He want?????????? My repentence doesn't count, my good deeds don't count, I am NOTHING in Allah's eyes NOTHING!!!!!

Shatan has overtaken me, and He can't even help me!!! Hahaha what GREAT RAB!!!!!!

 

[ghengis]

anonymous gender....

your islam and iman have seem to left you.

allah is just. thats the way it is.
if hes not just to you then you must think you are a special one.... like shaitan, he didnt bow down to adam cos he thought he was better..

pride is a wrong trait also, you are trying to manipulate allahs attributes instead of your own thoughts and beliefs, you are challenging god. you think u know better than him.

this is shirk.

a crime. very bad.

u sound self obsessed.... this is ok. it occurs on the spiritual path, as do delusions of grandeur, and extreme feelings of unworthiness. its a process you are going through.

whether it improves your religion or not is i suppose dependant on your actions and thoughts.

r u committing any major sins???

u cant sin and not be punished... not feel an inner angst. an anguish. if u want other than islam then u will feel pain.

mould yourself to be islamic and not the environment or other people...

dont worry. god exists. islam as given to us in the quran is a miracle.

dont worry. thats 100%

the rest is your attitudes and beliefs and what u choose to do with your life and react to the situation u are in......

its ok to feel how u do.... its a process. sometimes a humiliating one

it is what it is,,... just read quran.

 

[The Ruler]

Shatan has overtaken me, and He can't even help me!!! Hahaha what GREAT RAB!!!!!!

Maybe because you need to help yourself before He helps you. What, you want a miracle? You want Him to suddenly make you pious and religious? And not put any work of your own in it? God doesn't wave magic wands, honey.

If your Imaan is strong enough to repent sincerely, why is it not strong enough to be patient? Or even to withstand times of trial?

Or is it that you believe that once you (pretend to) have a strong Imaan, life on earth is bliss?

 

[Ansariyah]

http://www.islamicboard.com/creative-writing-art/134273921-dont-curse-ur-hardships.html

Sister/bro, I will keep u in my duas..Stay strong, don't lose hope in Allah.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Maybe because you need to help yourself before He helps you. What, you want a miracle? You want Him to suddenly make you pious and religious? And not put any work of your own in it? God doesn't wave magic wands, honey.

If your Imaan is strong enough to repent sincerely, why is it not strong enough to be patient? Or even to withstand times of trial?

Or is it that you believe that once you (pretend to) have a strong Imaan, life on earth is bliss?

Myabe readin Qur'an, praying etc makes you feel peace or makes your YOUR problems disappear, but it doesn't happen with everyone, I have been tested and punishment all my life NON-STOP!!!!! No time to breathe no time to get some air and have a rest from trials.... and you want em to be patient??? haha :raging:

 

[AnonymousPoster]

anonymous gender....

your islam and iman have seem to left you.

allah is just. thats the way it is.
if hes not just to you then you must think you are a special one.... like shaitan, he didnt bow down to adam cos he thought he was better..

pride is a wrong trait also, you are trying to manipulate allahs attributes instead of your own thoughts and beliefs, you are challenging god. you think u know better than him.

this is shirk.

a crime. very bad.

u sound self obsessed.... this is ok. it occurs on the spiritual path, as do delusions of grandeur, and extreme feelings of unworthiness. its a process you are going through.

whether it improves your religion or not is i suppose dependant on your actions and thoughts.

r u committing any major sins???

u cant sin and not be punished... not feel an inner angst. an anguish. if u want other than islam then u will feel pain.

mould yourself to be islamic and not the environment or other people...

dont worry. god exists. islam as given to us in the quran is a miracle.

dont worry. thats 100%

the rest is your attitudes and beliefs and what u choose to do with your life and react to the situation u are in......

its ok to feel how u do.... its a process. sometimes a humiliating one

it is what it is,,... just read quran.

How can you say that when I have seen with my own eyes that all Muslim DO NOT get punished for their sins Thats' I sais what I said about Allah being The Just. Don't say things that you don't knwo for sure. I certainly know for sure that peoepl that I have known, commit major sins and have still not been punished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:enough!:

 

[aadil77]

You don't see it do you? Allah has been 'teh Just to you, maybe to others, but NO NOT TO ME!!! I am NOT a wretched human being, Allah has tunred me into what I am today because of all the ahrdships I have faced!!!! I have repented sincerely for whatever it is that I have done! What more does He want?????????? My repentence doesn't count, my good deeds don't count, I am NOTHING in Allah's eyes NOTHING!!!!!

Shatan has overtaken me, and He can't even help me!!! Hahaha what GREAT RAB!!!!!!

Sis these are trials, how you react to them and whether you keep patience or not is what Allah is exactly looking for, because in these trials is great thawab and removal of sins. Once they're over you're gonna look back and wished you'd reacted in the best way to have made the most of them.

Don't look at others and think why have they got it all good when I'm here going through crap. Look at people less fortunate than you, because their will always be someone worse off than you, look at the crippled families in palestine who've had everything taken from them. Every muslim goes trials at some point in their lives. Allah tests those he loves, its an opportunity for you to make the most of. So You have to maintain patience and in the end you will come out a better person.

 

[Tony]

Bismillahir rahmanhir rahim, sister so sorry to hear these things, remember that Allah is with you at all times, be patient and make dua after each namaz so that Allah will guide and protect you. Do not really hate yourself, Almighty Allah created you and gave to you your path, stay on it sister and seek refuge with Him. May Allah strengthen your deen and make your way easy, Ameen

 

[The Ruler]

Myabe readin Qur'an, praying etc makes you feel peace or makes your YOUR problems disappear, but it doesn't happen with everyone, I have been tested and punishment all my life NON-STOP!!!!! No time to breathe no time to get some air and have a rest from trials.... and you want em to be patient??? haha :raging:

Easy there tiger. I don't just sit there and beg God to make life perfect for me. Because that simply isn't going to happen. I get up on my feet and work (and pray)... So that life perfects itself.

If you read most of my posts in the Advice and counselling section, you'll find that they're relatively different to the typical "pray and read the Qur'an" posts. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that, but nothing's going to be solved if you just pray and read the Qur'an. Not when the problem is not just spiritual. And even with Imaan problems, you sometimes need to turn to other sources. Because no Imaan = no real, solid belief in God. And without that, how passionate is your du'a?

 

[noorseeker]

Im sure in the cold light of day, sister you will realise what you have wrote down is wrong, You feel hurt and let down, and looking for someone to blame, and Allah swt is the easy target.

I do it from time to time, oh Allah i pray , why me , why is the non practising peopel getting everything.I know its hard sis, it is for al of us.

I know we all will say think about those people in the third world , they have nothing going for them at the minute. While we have everything

I make dua for you,

 

[The Ruler]

Don't say things that you don't knwo for sure.

Tu quoque. =_=

I certainly know for sure that peoepl that I have known, commit major sins and have still not been punished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:enough!:

No, you don't. Allah isn't always going to punish a sinner by physically hurting/mutilating them.

 

[Al-Zaara]

What are the possibilities of you moving out?

What are the possibilities of your family actually not being aware of the seriousness of your mentalhealth condition?
It is in some degree possible they do not know how much they actually are hurting you. This is your chance to tell them flat out.

Every minute is time to breath, time to think, to relax.

There are places you can go find help from. Please do not hesitate to call someone professional, you can find numbers and sites close to you online.

And if you do find someone professional to talk to, they can also try to advice you about your economical situation if you decide to move out.

How it is justified to call you a prostitute?

 

[aadil77]

And without that, how passionate is your du'a?

You should do Du'a, but you can't expect or rely on it to be answered. People have to be in the mind frame that they may be trialled throughout their life and they have to learn to accept it and be prepared for it. But they should also realise that they are better off than others who have it all easy, because they will be gaining immense thawab for their hardships and their souls will be purified in the process with expiation of sins.