I hate my Family.

[AnonymousPoster]

I hate my family...
I know it is wrong to hate your family and that paradise is at your mothers feet. But I still hate my family. I try to watch what I say and follow the Islamic rulings. By trying to make them happy but these people are outrageous. I Loathe my father and my sister the most. My other sisters don't live with me and my brothers either. So its just my parents, my sister, and I. I want to leave as soon as I am finished my school and start my career in another country far away. They are so called “religious people” but they don't really follow it properly. About marriage they rather me marry someone that can financially support me and is from the same place of origin as I am. Tell me where it says that in the Islamic ruling? --- NO WHERE! My sister puts me down when ever I wear a hijab or abaya'd I am starting to think that she is possessed. The only one I can truly talk to out of the whole family is my mother... but at the same time she jumps to conclusions and always assumes.

For example (just an example not real)
Me:
if I say “oh mother I meet a nice boy and he wants to marry me in a halal way.”
Mother:
“oh what is his background?”
why is that the first thing that comes out of her mouth the question should be...
Mother:
“Is he a good pious Muslim? or Is he religious?”

 

[noorseeker]

A lot of people do that, unfortuanately getting the elder generation to change their views is really hard

 

[AnonymousPoster]

I hate my family...
I know it is wrong to hate your family and that paradise is at your mothers feet. But I still hate my family. I try to watch what I say and follow the Islamic rulings. By trying to make them happy but these people are outrageous. I Loathe my father and my sister the most. My other sisters don't live with me and my brothers either. So its just my parents, my sister, and I. I want to leave as soon as I am finished my school and start my career in another country far away. They are so called “religious people” but they don't really follow it properly. About marriage they rather me marry someone that can financially support me and is from the same place of origin as I am. Tell me where it says that in the Islamic ruling? --- NO WHERE! My sister puts me down when ever I wear a hijab or abaya'd I am starting to think that she is possessed. The only one I can truly talk to out of the whole family is my mother... but at the same time she jumps to conclusions and always assumes.

For example (just an example not real)
Me:
if I say “oh mother I meet a nice boy and he wants to marry me in a halal way.”
Mother:
“oh what is his background?”
why is that the first thing that comes out of her mouth the question should be...
Mother:
“Is he a good pious Muslim? or Is he religious?”

u must be asian Lol. Soz if u int, me jus jumpin to conclusions, ul be ari, chillaxxx

 

[The Ruler]

For example (just an example not real)
Me:
if I say “oh mother I meet a nice boy and he wants to marry me in a halal way.”
Mother:
“oh what is his background?”
why is that the first thing that comes out of her mouth the question should be...
Mother:
“Is he a good pious Muslim? or Is he religious?”

I don't understand if the last bit is an attempt at humour or if it's typo.

Anyway, Islam says nothing about the husband and wife to be of the same ethnicity, but it does require you to listen to your parents so long as they're not ordering you to do anything against Islam. In this case, they want you to marry someone who's of the same culture and tradition, then you should marry someone of the same culture and tradition to make your parents happy.

About your sister... She appears to be a downright idiot. Try to guide her. If she doesn't listen, there's nothing you can do about it since only Allah can put Islam in one's heart.

 

[Hamayun]

As far as I know you have the right to refuse marriage if you are not happy with it.

Forcing girls into marriage is still part of the Asian culture but not representative of Islam.

May Allah forgive me if I am incorrect and Allah knows best.

 

[Periwinkle18]

If your sister doesn't listen to you abt wearing the hijab pray to Allah to give her Hidayah thts wht i do wen my cousins don't listen.

 

[Lamees]

Me:
if I say “oh mother I meet a nice boy and he wants to marry me in a halal way.”
Mother:
“oh what is his background?”
why is that the first thing that comes out of her mouth the question should be...
Mother:
“Is he a good pious Muslim? or Is he religious?

O sis. maybe your mum wants the best for u but she doesn't know that the TRUE religious man is the best..set with her and tell her your point of view abt everything..

dear sis. look at the children in the orphanages !!
they wish they had a "family"..

 

[Zahida]

I don't know how old you are but you sound young. Can i offer you some advice please, please try to remain calm you sound an angry young woman, gussah is haraam. First congrats on your knowledge of religion, and darling HATE is a very strong word, it is ok to dislike something that someone does if it does not comply with your morals, but this is your family.

Instead try to show your family understanding and show them how firm you are with your beliefs and i am sure that soon they will come around. Please don't take me the wrong way but maybe you need to change your ways alittle bit to accomodate with your family. Every relationship is give or take, try talking with your family.........

Tell your sisters that you don't interfere with their beleifs and you would appreciate that they don't interfere with yours.
My las persuade them to your way of thinking. I am sure InshAllah that you can do it.t piece of advice to you would be to talk to your family, and gently, and slowly
I know it is wrong to hate your family and that paradise is at your mothers feet. But I still hate my family. I try to watch what I say and follow the Islamic rulings. By trying to make them happy but these people are outrageous. I Loathe my father and my sister the most. My other sisters don't live with me and my brothers either. So its just my parents, my sister, and I. I want to leave as soon as I am finished my school and start my career in another country far away. They are so called “religious people” but they don't really follow it properly. About marriage they rather me marry someone that can financially support me and is from the same place of origin as I am. Tell me where it says that in the Islamic ruling? --- NO WHERE! My sister puts me down when ever I wear a hijab or abaya'd I am starting to think that she is possessed. The only one I can truly talk to out of the whole family is my mother... but at the same time she jumps to conclusions and always assumes.

For example (just an example not real)
Me:
if I say “oh mother I meet a nice boy and he wants to marry me in a halal way.”
Mother:
“oh what is his background?”
why is that the first thing that comes out of her mouth the question should be...
Mother:
“Is he a good pious Muslim? or Is he religious?”[/QUOTE]

 

[Zahida]

Sorry bout tthe mistakes in that my son made me jump as i was submitting reply whooops!!!!!!:bump:

I don't know how old you are but you sound young. Can i offer you some advice please, please try to remain calm you sound an angry young woman, gussah is haraam. First congrats on your knowledge of religion, and darling HATE is a very strong word, it is ok to dislike something that someone does if it does not comply with your morals, but this is your family.

Instead try to show your family understanding and show them how firm you are with your beliefs and i am sure that soon they will come around. Please don't take me the wrong way but maybe you need to change your ways alittle bit to accomodate with your family. Every relationship is give or take, try talking with your family.........

Tell your sisters that you don't interfere with their beleifs and you would appreciate that they don't interfere with yours.
My las persuade them to your way of thinking. I am sure InshAllah that you can do it.t piece of advice to you would be to talk to your family, and gently, and slowly
I know it is wrong to hate your family and that paradise is at your mothers feet. But I still hate my family. I try to watch what I say and follow the Islamic rulings. By trying to make them happy but these people are outrageous. I Loathe my father and my sister the most. My other sisters don't live with me and my brothers either. So its just my parents, my sister, and I. I want to leave as soon as I am finished my school and start my career in another country far away. They are so called “religious people” but they don't really follow it properly. About marriage they rather me marry someone that can financially support me and is from the same place of origin as I am. Tell me where it says that in the Islamic ruling? --- NO WHERE! My sister puts me down when ever I wear a hijab or abaya'd I am starting to think that she is possessed. The only one I can truly talk to out of the whole family is my mother... but at the same time she jumps to conclusions and always assumes.

For example (just an example not real)
Me:
if I say “oh mother I meet a nice boy and he wants to marry me in a halal way.”
Mother:
“oh what is his background?”
why is that the first thing that comes out of her mouth the question should be...
Mother:
“Is he a good pious Muslim? or Is he religious?”

[/QUOTE]

 

[suffiyan007]

family feud are real common...even anyone also have family matters..just be patience....1

 

[youngsister]

About marriage they rather me marry someone that can financially support me and is from the same place of origin as I am. Tell me where it says that in the Islamic ruling?

Of course your mother has your best intrest at heart, she wants you to be looked after thats why she wants someone who can support you.
Marrying someone from your same origin has its advantages i mean culture wise there wont be any problems.

Your mother sounds like she cares about you sis.

 

[Ansariyah]

Shall I not inform you of something more excellent in degree than fasting, prayer and almsgiving?
It is mending discord between people.
Beware of hatred - it strips you (of your religion).
Abu Dawud, 4919​

 

[seeker-of-light]

my extended family is horrible. like my granny has a brother who has been in prison like a billion times, and my uncle is really meh too. i have alot of immorality in my family to say the least:xbut i am trying to cope with it

 

[Zahida]

:sl May Allah ease your troubles and pains........ Like i said above/before HATE is a very strong word.......... Please try not to feel this way. Write good/bad points about these people on a piece of paper.... be honest! After you have done this focus on the good points and the goodness that these people have as well............

HATE only leads to bitterness and bitterness eats away at you like a drug/cancer.

We are all Allahs' creation and should not hate one another we must try and seek the good points......... Please try this! Wishing you luck....:bump1:

 

[seeker-of-light]

:sl May Allah ease your troubles and pains........ Like i said above/before HATE is a very strong word.......... Please try not to feel this way. Write good/bad points about these people on a piece of paper.... be honest! After you have done this focus on the good points and the goodness that these people have as well............

HATE only leads to bitterness and bitterness eats away at you like a drug/cancer.

We are all Allahs' creation and should not hate one another we must try and seek the good points......... Please try this! Wishing you luck....:bump1:

hehe yes that is true. i have hated people before, only to find that it just makes me more and more miserable.

 

[Yanal]

Your mother is right. Just meeting someone isn't enought in Islam. Bring the matter slow, learn about him and his family and then convince your parents to go meet his parents. Patience is always rewarded. Pray also and allow your parents to do the talking and always remember Allah he can kill us in a milli-second. Hope this helps you.

 

[The Khan]

Every parent has a different view of things. For example, my father tells me that I should get a girlfriend and that he had his first when he was 13. -_-;;

Just follow your heart. Many, if not most people, have a problem with their family.

 

[Re.TiReD]

Wa'alaykum salam...

Sis...you're being tested through the ones you love and care about. The prophet (saw) said:

"Hardship continues to befall a believing man and woman in their body, family and property until they meet Allah (swt) burdened with no sins." (Tirmithee)

SubhanAllah sis, know that our families will be like foes on the last day (Surah Zukhruf)....we are but strangers in this dunya- Al Ghuraabah and sometimes we may feel like strangers amongst our loved ones but know also that this dunya is but two days...we will be gone in the blinking of an eye to the life that counts the most, Al Aakhirah.

Lonliness is without a doubt the way a traveller in any place would feel if he knew that he wasnt going to stay in that place for long, I'll be honest and say that I've felt it too. But one thing is for certain, when I've felt as though I've needed somebody and that I didnt have anybody to turn to....I always knew that I had Allah (saw)...I knew that talking to Him and turning to Him would bring me more peace and contentment than turning to anybody else.

I knew that I could trust Allah 100% to understand me and to remove the way I was feeling if it was best for me. Sis, I KNOW that you want to get on with your family...we all want to feel loved, I KNOW that....Try talking to them but one thing is for sure, you shouldnt 'loathe' them...talk to them with hikmah and gentleness...

There is NOTHING at all wrong with trying to be a perfect Mu'minah and Muhsinah, sis whenever you want a best friend know that you have one without knowing, you have one you dont need to talk to or explain your feelings to for He knows what goes on in the hidden depths of your heart. Sis I'm sorry I cant give you any good advice but you're in my du'aas.

Take care insha'Allah and may Allah (swt) make you the happiest of His slaves. Ameen

 

[Zahida]

That is good advice Jolieflower and sounds like you have had similar experiences.......... I think we all need to learn not to "expect" anything from anyone. When you expect from people they only let you down.......... and you are alone to pick up the pieces and deal with the pain and hurt....... I realised this and now don't expect from others...........only Allah can truely give us peace and contentment........On the Day of Judgement we are alone.......... In our graves we are alone to face our Creator.......We should remember this.

 

[Re.TiReD]

:wasalamex

JazakAllah khayr sis.

Its not a similar situation as such, its just that I think we all feel at loggerheads with our families at one point or another. Its a part of growing up. May Allah (swt) bless you sis. Ameen